


I don't want to be something you'll regret

by Islandida



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2020-09-29 19:36:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 151,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20441387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Islandida/pseuds/Islandida
Summary: Sandor Clegane owns a bar and lives an easy but lonely life. One day he meets the Stark sisters and his life is changed forever.It's set in modern times and in our modern world.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
This is must first ever attempt at Fanfiction and I am exited to share my efforts with you all.  
I appreciate all feedback.  
Also, english is not my first language so if there is any errors please let me know and I'll fix them.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Chapter One

Sandor was having a surprisingly good day. They were rare for him since his dark moods followed him everywhere.  
But he had hired a new bartender today, a girl who was barely old enough to frequent the bar but she had been great. Even made him laugh. He took a sip of his scotch and smiled at the memory. He had been sick of interviewing pretentious assholes, calling themselves mixologists, when this tiny young girl with dark hair in a short pixie haircut walked behind the bar.

“The fuck you doing?” he had barked out and she had smiled at him. It wasn’t a sweet smile, more like a grin, as if she was mocking him.

“I’m here for the bartender gig”, she said and before he had time to ask she slammed her drivers license down on the bar between them. “I’m 22. Now what do you want me to do?”  
He liked her spunk so he decided to give her a shot.

“Make me your favorite drink.”

“To make or to drink?” she asked and he shrugged.

“Do both.” He had been served the most ridiculous and pretentious shit all day so when she reached for one of the nicer whiskeys they had in stock and poured a glass his eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Neat?” he asked amused and reached for the glass. But before he could she grabbed it and downed the content.

“If you wanted a drink you should’ve asked me to make your favorite”, she said with and amused smirk.

“Then make me my favorite”, he challenged and she grinned then. She turned to take in their stocked shelves and to his surprise she reached for a really good scotch. It wasn’t the most expensive they had but one he enjoyed.

“Why not the top brand?” he questioned and she scoffed.

“Because you’re not a pretentious asshole. You wouldn’t drink several hundred dollars worth of scotch when you can have a good scotch for a decent price. Not out of your own pocket”, she stated deadpanned. “Unless you’re a complete twat.”

He couldn’t keep in a loud laugh then. It was a bark of a laugh, rough and loud. His employees all stopped what they were doing and stared at them. He knew that he wasn’t a lighthearted or joyful fuck but he felt his usual scowl deepen at their surprised expressions.

“I ain’t paying you to fucking stand around scratching your balls!” he barked out and everyone hurriedly returned to prepping the bar for opening. To his surprise the girl started prepping the bar, cutting limes and the other fruits they’d need.

“The fuck you doing?” he asked gruffly.

“Doing what you’re paying me for”, she answered confidently and he scoffed.

“Carry on then.”

He could see her from the booth in the back that he was occupying. The bar was packed since it was Saturday but she handled the demanding crowd really well.  
“Arya Stark”, he wrote down on the payroll document he had on the table in front of him.

“The new girl is doing well.” Sandor looked up at his right hand man and probably the only person who would call him a friend. Bronn was a tough fucker but honest and hardworking. They had been in the same company in the army and they were the only ones of their company who made it back home.

“Yeah, she will do fine,'' he agreed and Bronn smiled at something by the entrance. “I’ll be damned, that’s not the usual crowd.”

The Three headed Hound was the working man's bar, all dark wood and black leather. They focused on good local brews and scotch, they didn’t cater to the club going crowd.  
But the four women who had entered his bar definitely looked like they were made for the club scene. They were all dolled up and dressed in bright colored short dresses. He hoped they wouldn’t cause trouble. He would have no qualms about beating up any asshole that would bother them but it was still a pain in his ass.

The door opened again and a fifth woman joined the others. As his eyes took her in he felt all the air whoosh out of his lungs. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had long hair that reached just above her glorious ass. It was an amazing shade of auburn that contrasted beautifully with her alabaster skin. As he took in the shape of her face, all sharp cheekbones and proud nose he gasped for air. It made Bronn turn to him with raised eyebrows. Sandor ignored him, unwilling to take his eyes off the beautiful woman only a few feet away. She wore a cerulean blue dress a tad more modest than her companions but she outshone them all in his opinion. He was vaguely aware of Bronn saying something before walking away but he didn’t care enough to listen.

His plan of spending his night off at home with a good book and a nice bottle of scotch was suddenly abandoned. He felt a bit like a creeper sitting in his back booth discreetly watching the beautiful redhead as she was chatting with her friends and laughing a lot. He wasn’t surprised by the fact that she looked even more beautiful when she laughed.  
_She’s probably beautiful while taking a shit, _he mused to himself. Eventually his luck ran out and she looked up to meet his eyes.

“Fuck.” He had thought he had been discreet but apparently not. Now she would realize that a scarred ugly fuck was leering at her and he expected the usual looks of disgust as she took him in. But when her eyes traveled up his body, the parts she could see, and then returned to his face, she smiled. It was like a punch to the gut.  
Never had a woman smiled at him like that, with such apparent interest. She grinned and as his one good eyebrow rose she blushed prettily.  
He was sure she had to be stupid or drunk to show any interest in him. The thought made him scowl down at his drink.

  
He had had his fair share of drunk fucks; with a face like his you took what you could get. But he didn’t want that with her. The thought surprised him, he didn’t even know the woman, so what fucking difference did it make? As he looked up and saw her throw her head back laughing he knew it made all the difference. Because he wanted to know her, wanted to fuck her too of course, but he wanted to stay after, wanted to cook her fucking breakfast.

_You stupid cunt,_ he scolded himself and downed his drink. _Like that is ever going to happen._

He had to settle for watching her, pretending he was the one to make her smile. As if he had ever made a woman smile at his ugly mug. His thoughts were making his bitterness come out. He tried to focus on her and felt it subside again.  
He followed her with his eyes as she walked away from the table. To his astonishment she was heading straight towards him. Was this how a deer caught in headlights felt? As she came closer he just sat there, almost shaking, from excitement or fear, he couldn’t tell which. When she stopped at his booth he couldn’t do anything but stare. She was even more beautiful up close, damn near radiating.

“Hey,'' she said softly and brushed that gorgeous red hair over her shoulder. She bit her lower lip and he had to fight back a moan.  
_Shit!_ She was looking expectantly at him, was he supposed to say something?

“Hey…” he managed to ground out, silently pleased that he had managed an actual word. He felt nervous like a little boy. Why was she here? Was she going to tell him off for staring like a fucking perv?

“I… I was going to get another drink and I was wondering if I could get you one?” she asked and dammit if she didn’t blush.  
He simply tapped his knuckles against the half empty whiskey bottle on the table, unable to create a worded response when she blushed like that.

“Oh, right. You already have it…” Her eyes were on the bottle and it dawned on him then. She had come over hoping to flirt her way into a free drink. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed, mostly in himself for even hoping for something more. He wanted to scowl and tell her to fuck off, it was his go to defense after all, but feared she would do just that if he did.

“You want some?” he heard himself asking as he held up the bottle.

“Oh no thank you. I can’t stand whiskey,” she said to his surprise. Perhaps she wasn’t perfect after all. He couldn’t help but grin at the thought. But then she scrunched up her nose at the bottle and he changed his mind again. She was definitely perfect.

“I… I’ll go get myself a drink then,”she said and as he watched her walk away his mind screamed at him.  
_Stop her! Ask her to join you! Get her the fucking drink!_ But despite that he was an intimidatingly huge fucker he was fucking insecure. So he let the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen walk away and sat on his ass cursing himself out.

He watched as she smiled at Gendry and, not for the first time, he wanted to throttle his bartender for his good looks. But he knew that wasn’t rational. Gendry was hardworking and damn good at handling and calming people. A quality Sandor was sorely lacking.  
Sandor forced himself to look away and decided to focus on the paperwork in front of him.

A clearing of a throat made his head snap up. He had to look like a fucking fish with his mouth hanging open but he had lost the ability to make any coherent movements.

“Would it be alright if I joined you?”

Was he hallucinating? Had he been knocked over the head? There was no way the most beautiful woman ever stood there smiling so sweetly at him. But as he saw her smile fade and disappointment fill her blue eyes, he realized it was real. She apparently took his silent shock for rejection and he knew that he wouldn’t get another chance.

“Why?” he heard himself rasp out. Why the fuck was he questioning her? Why was he acting like a fucking idiot?!

“I wanted to get to know you,” she said softly and god dammit she blushed again. She could get him to agree to anything if she blushed like that.

“Oh”, he didn’t know what to say to that. It was definitely not what he had expected. With a small smile she slipped into the booth after he nodded his assent. She slid over until she was sitting right next to him and he had to remind himself to breathe.

“I’m Sansa”, she said and reached out her hand for a proper greeting.

“Sandor.” His hand completely engulfed hers and it was incredibly soft against the roughness of his.

“Sure your friends won’t miss you?” he asked when he caught them staring and she shrugged.

“They wanted me to come out and meet people,'' she replied and took a swig of her beer bottle.

“Is there a special occasion?” He was impressed with himself for being able to ask coherent questions when she was sitting so close that her thigh was brushing his.

“Not really. They just thought I should get out. Apparently I sit at home and read to much.” Her voice had a teasing tone making it clear that she did not agree with her friend’s assessment.

“What are you reading?” The smile his question summoned was almost blinding and he felt fucking pleased as punch to have made her smile like that.

“_To Kill a Mockingbird_”, she answered and his eyebrow rose at that. “What? It’s a classic.”

“Yeah, and a damn good one,'' he agreed. “Just figured you would have more of a _Pride and Prejudice_ preference.”

“You got me there, but I’m working my way through the classics. And I’ve already read _Pride and Prejudice_ to many times to count.”  
It was hard for Sandor to grasp that she was sitting with him and seemed to enjoy their conversations as much as he was if her smile was any inclination.

“Well if you like _To Kill a Mockingbird_ you should read _Go set a watchman_. It’s kind of the sequel and really good.”  
Now she was the one to look surprised and he scoffed, pretending to take offence.

“What? I can read,” he joked and she laughed. The sound made his fucking shriveled black heart soar and he could feel himself grinning like an idiot. For once he was too happy to care how it made him look.

“What’s your favorite then?” she asked and she actually seemed to be interested in his response.

“Well I love any book by Stephen King.” His smile widened when she shuddered. “But my all time favorite is _The count of Monte Cristo_.”

“I haven’t read that yet but Alexandre Dumas is on the list, I have _The three musketeers_ waiting in my bookshelf.”

He didn’t think he could have been more attracted to her but then she had shown that she shared his love of books. He wasn’t just attracted to her body but to her mind as well. He couldn’t even remember when that had happened last, if ever.

“That is a good one too,'' he agreed. “If you haven’t already you should read _Daniel Deronda_.”

Fuck, he was having a good time. No, a great time. They had been talking for hours about all manner of things and she had made him laugh more than once. He was probably grinning like a lovesick fool, which was a pretty accurate depiction of how he felt right now.

Sansa was giggling as she told him about how her younger sister had thrown spaghetti at her during some important dinner. He had no idea how they had gotten into the subject but he loved listening to her. She got animated as if she was reliving it and he stored everything in his mind, not wanting to forget a word.

“Before I knew what I was doing I took the whole pot and dumped it over her head.”

“How old were you?”

“I was sixteen,'' she blushed when he laughed. “Mom was furious but dad only laughed and ordered everybody pizza.” She smiled fondly at the memory and turned her body even more towards him. “My sister got me back by putting a mouse in my bed.”

Sandor tried to concentrate on what she was saying but she had moved so close now that he could feel her body heat and her scent. She smelled softly of flowers mingled with a little bit of sweat. Her raw scent made his cook twitch but he ordered it to submission. He focused his attention on her face and it was amazing how she kept his gaze. No looking away or staring at his scars, she was just seeing him. It felt almost overwhelming as he took in the blue of her eyes that seemed darker than before. She was holding his arm, caressing him with her long slender fingers on his forearm. There was a headedness to the way she was touching him and he decided to throw caution to the wind. _Be fucking brave._

“Could I… Would it be alright if…” he stuttered out and his face turned hot. He was blushing like a schoolgirl and ruining everything. So much for being brave, a fool more like.

“Yes Sandor.” The sound of his name from her lips made him look up from his lap and as she nodded something snapped.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against her softly. Never in a million years did he think that she would throw her arms around his neck and kiss him back eagerly. He couldn’t fight the urge to put his hands in her hair and the low humming noise she made when his fingers brushed her scalp was something he never wanted to forget.  
Her hands were on the back of his head keeping him close. As he felt her tongue lick along his lower lip he couldn’t keep in a gasp and she used the moment to deepen the kiss.  
She tasted like the Ipa she had been drinking and the taste of the alcohol had a surprisingly sobering effect and made him pull away.

“Is something wrong?” she asked when she saw his frowning face.

Fuck she looked even more gorgeous with her lips red and swollen from kissing. She looked a little flush and his couldn’t keep his mind from imagining how she would look in his bed. The thought made him sigh.

“How much have you had to drink?” Her eyebrows lifted at his question and he cursed himself inwardly.

_What the fuck does that matter? _ His mind was screaming at him. _Be fucking grateful for what she is giving you._

“That is my second beer. That’s all I’ve had to drink tonight,” she answered and his eyes widened in surprise. “Why do you ask?”

He thought about coming up with some excuse but as he hated dishonesty and he suspected she already knew why but wanted to hear him say it.

“Just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret in the morning,'' he said. _I don’t want to be something you'll regret_, he added in his head.

With an impossible amount of tenderness she put her hand on his cheek, the scarred one, and smiled softly. Sandor couldn’t help but lean into her hand. He could barely feel it, just a hint of pressure but it still felt incredible. When was the last time anyone touched his cheek intentionally, other than doctors? His sister perhaps? But that had been years ago.

“I won’t regret this,'' she stated confidently and now she was the one kissing him. Her kisses were demanding and brought him back from his dark thoughts. The feel of her tongue against his sent his head spiraling and all he could think was that he needed her closer. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her flush against him. She was practically in his lap but she didn’t seem to mind.

His hands were caressing every part of her that he could reach and he groaned when he felt the naked skin of her back underneath his fingers. His other hand slid down to rest just above her ass. Gods, how he wanted to feel it in his hands but he didn’t want to take things too far in a crowded place. So he settled for spanning his large hand at her lower back, having his fingers gently grazing it. Fuck she felt glorious.

He needed to taste more of her. She moaned as he started kissing his way down her neck and her hands tangled into his hair, keeping him there. He rubbed his bearded chin against the sensitive skin behind her ear and she threw her leg over his so she was straddling his thighs.

“Fuck Sansa…” he growled in an even deeper set voice than usual as his hands moved down to caress the naked skin just above her knees. Her hands were still in his hair and she pulled at it, demanding that he put his head back against the back of the booth. When her mouth started nibbling and kissing along his jaw and down his throat he thought he felt like he could cum from just that sensation alone. But fuck how he wanted more. He wanted to see and feel all of her. Have her tits in his hands and taste her. Fuck he would taste her right now if she told him to. And the way she was panting and grasping at him he couldn’t help but think she wanted him too. He could feel the heat of her even trough his jeans and fuck he wanted to see if that part of her was as beautiful as the rest of her.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” he managed to gasp out between fevered kisses. As soon as the words were out she froze in his arms and he knew he had made a mistake.  
_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

As she pulled away and got off his lap his whole body felt empty. She turned her back to him and started to pick through her purse, her rejection obvious even before the words were out of her mouth.

“I don’t think that is a good idea…” He should have expected it, a part of him had, but the rejection still stung. She was so different than anyone he had ever met so he had let himself believe, just for a moment, that things could be different with her.

_Serves you right you ugly ass dog. Who the fuck would want you?_ he thought angrily to himself.

“I’m having brunch with my family tomorrow. It’s a tradition.” She was rambling now, trying to fill the awkward silence her rejection had created.  
Sandor couldn’t bare looking at her, knowing that only a minute ago he had held her in his arms and now they were strangers again. He resented himself for letting her get so fucking far underneath his skin in just a matter of hours when he should know better.

The sound of laughter made him look up and he saw her friends looking over at them. Were they fucking laughing at him? Had this all been a game to her? The familiar anger inside him flared up and it was so easy to grasp it and let it push the hurt aside.

“So what did you win?” he growled out between clenched teeth and it made her turn to look at him.

“Sorry?”

“The bet. What was it for? Just a laugh? To see if you could get this ugly fucker to get his fucking hopes up?” he growled out. The way she flinched almost made him regret his words. “At least tell me you got some money out of it.”

He expected her to scurry away or look embarrassed. Instead she turned fully towards him and he saw her eyes darken.

“Excuse me?!” she spit out and held up a finger in warning. “No, you do not get to do that! I am allowed to say no, don’t you dare try to make me out to be some bitch because of it!”

Her voice was like ice, her anger like flint. But she was in complete control of it. The only real sign that she was pissed as hell was the red flush of her fair skin. It was both terrifying and a turn on to see her like this. Her rage was like a current flowing underneath her skin, making her hand tremble. It was as if it resonated with him, waking his own.  
Rage was something he could respond to, anger was his constant companion so before he could think it through he let it take over. It was easy to be angry.

“Don’t fucking try with me, princess. What? You wanted to dirty yourself with the likes of me? Well congratulations, you fucking got me!” He had to clench his hands into fists to keep them from trembling.

“You asshole! You are not going to make me feel bad for wanting to know someone before sleeping with them!” she jumped to her feet then and severed the final physical connection they had. The loss of her proximity caused an unfamiliar ache deep in his bones. He didn’t want to look at her face, couldn’t bare to see the disgust she must feel for him. He was also scared that the hurt he was feeling would show on his face or in his grey eyes. So he focused on her hand and saw that she was holding her phone. It was open to the “New contact” page and she had already written his name. His stomach dropped. Had he made a huge mistake?

“It’s clear we did not put the same meaning into this… whatever it could have become”, there was hurt in her voice now and it felt like a fucking knife to the gut. His eyes snapped up to hers and saw the welling of tears. Her vulnerability made him feel like a little boy being told off for doing something stupid. There were only a handful of people that had ever made Sandor feel small and he never expected this thin wisp of a woman to top that list.

He realized that she was still telling him off but he only caught the end of it.

“So fuck you.” There was a harsh finality to her voice and she turned to leave.  
Sandor just sat there watching her say something to her friends and then head out the door. He could feel her friends giving him dark looks and he couldn’t blame them for it. But he also couldn’t stomach it, being faced with the consequence of his mistake so he picked up the whiskey bottle and headed to his office in the back.

It was barely an office, the room was big enough to house his desk and chair and a filing cabinet. To someone of his size it was hardly more than a closet.  
As he leaned against the edge of the desk he took a deep swig out of the bottle. He could see his reflection in the window and forced himself to look at it. To take a good long look at the reason he always thought the worst of people. Even when someone, for once, didn’t deserve it.  
He could still see the hurt in her blue eyes, the disappointment she had felt. It was far worse and more scarring than her anger. She had wanted to get to know him, she had fucking enjoyed spending time with him, kissing him. And he had ruined it like he did everything.

“Fuck!” he roared as he threw the bottle and it shattered against the wall.

It did nothing to soothe the ache in his chest, he thought bitterly and buried his face in his hands as whiskey slowly trickled down the wall.

“Well she fucking regrets you now.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after. Sandor is taking his shitty mood out on everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone that took their time to read this story.  
You have no idea how much I appreciate every single one who took their time to comment. You make me even more excited to continue on with this story :)
> 
> A special thank you to janedra for your feedback on my writing :) I hope Sandors inner thoughts are more apparent now. :) They are at least really fun to write ;)

Sandor was having a shit day.

He tried to forget last night but it was impossible. He had held the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his arms and he had fucking blown it. It would take him forever to get past that.

He had sat on the floor of his office all night, going over everything in his head and he knew he had fucked up. He had never been treated with such kindness and instant openness before and his instincts had told him to be suspicious. It was his fucking default setting.

He wanted the blame the fucking world for all his troubles but he knew he was fucking damaged. His soul was scarred far worse than his fucking face. But instead of facing that he had fed it with all the anger and rejection he faced in his life and it had made him into an asshole. He hadn’t always been, but his experiences with people had taught him that it was better to expect the worst and push people away before they could do it to you.

The anger was his shield. It was what had kept him safe when he was deployed, he had used it to fight for his fucking life and he had gotten to come home when so many hadn’t.

His anger had given him a reputation in the security business of being ferocious and it that line of work his face had been an asset. He had fucking hated being a bouncer at clubs and venues, dealing with shit faced punks, but it had payed him enough to save up to get his bar.

This place was all his, he had fucking earned it with the sweat of his back.

"The fuck do I need a woman for?" he muttered to himself and ran his hand across his face as if to scrub the night off of him. He had managed just fine before she had showed up. _ Who am I fucking kidding? _

The sound of the front door opening made him jump to his feet. _What fucking time was it?_ He opened his desk drawer and pulled out the spare shirt he kept there. He took a sniff and decided that it would have to do, it was cleaner than the whiskey smelling one he was wearing.

“Oy! You already here?” Bronn called out. Sandor was in the middle of pulling the new shirt over his head when he heard the office door open.

“Don’t tell me you got that sexy redhead back here?” Bronn exclaimed and Sandor yanked the shirt down to glare at the man. It only made his smile even more smug than usual and Sandor shoved passed him to go to the bathroom. “She already left? Thought she would be classier than a quick fuck in the back. But the classy ones are often the freakiest aren’t they?”

Before the other man had a chance to react Sandor had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and thrown him up against the hallway wall. He loomed down at the shorter man and his voice was like the scraping of steel against steel.

“Don’t fucking talk about her like that.” Bronn’s eyes were blown wide. He had seen Sandor in action when on deployment but had never seemed to fear him. But it was a whole different thing having the raging anger of Sandor Clegane turned on you.

“Alright, alright. It’s was just a fucking joke man,” he rasped out and Sandor released him. Without realizing it he had lifted Bronn off the floor so the smaller man landed on his feet with a thud and almost lost his balance before Sandor reached out to steady him.

“Night turn out as shitty as you look?” Bronn asked, the confrontation from just moments ago forgotten. Sandor had always envied Bronn’s easy look on life. He took everything in stride and preferred to focus on the happier things in life. He was also a hard worker and he was the only one who wasn’t afraid to tell Sandor off when he needed to hear it. So Sandor hadn’t hestistated to offer Bronn a job.

“Don’t wanna fucking talk about it, you cunt,” Sandor growled out. The insult only made Bronn laugh as he moved into the small kitchen.

“Coffee?” The espresso machine was one of the few things Sandor had happily spent a ridiculous amount of money on. It had all the bells and whistles but fuck if he knew how to make anything other than a black cup of coffee, but it was fucking good coffee and that was a necessity when handling the long nights at the bar.

“Yeah.” Once the were both sitting at the bar with their coffee cups Sandor knew what was coming.

“So what did you do?” Bronn asked but Sandor only glared at him. “I mean, last I saw before I headed home she was all over you.”

“I said I didn’t want to fucking talk about it.” He growled out before he gulped down the whole cup in one go. It fucking burned his mouth and throat but somehow the pain made him feel a little better. “I’m going to get some actual fucking work done.”

He started looking over the bar to see what they needed to stock up on for tonight's service and as he worked his staff started dropping in.

People were fucking annoying with their bloody small talk and insistent pestering. More than once he had to tell his employees to shut the fuck up and do some actual work.

_ Maybe it’s not them you are really angry with _, the logical part of his mind argued but he told it to shut the fuck up too.

So he decided to sort out the storages room and prepare it for the deliveries coming in later. Sandor was in the back receiving one of those deliveries when he heard the front door open.

“Sorry, we haven’t opened yet. Come back at 3,” he heard Gendry call out.

“Oh.. I’m just here to drop something off for Arya,” a soft voice responded.

Flashes of soft laughter, urgent lips and warmth underneath his hands washed over him like a cold shower. No fucking way. It couldn’t be.

He slowly walked to the storage room door. He had a clear view of the front door and the bar. And there she was like a fucking mirage.

She had her gorgeous hair in a long fishtail braid down her back. His eyes widened as he took her in. She was wearing a white t-shirt and oversized light blue denim dungarees. _ How the fuck could she make dungarees look so fucking good? _

She was smiling at Gendry and Sandor wanted to rip his fucking face of.

No, he just wanted her to smile at him like that, like she had yesterday. Fuck, she had made him into a sap.

“Where’s my phone?” Arya demanded as she walked up to Sansa and Gendry,.

“What? No “Thank you Sansa for driving all the way back here and returning my phone for me?” Sansa snapped and Arya scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because your night ended shittily don’t take it out on me,” Arya said and stuck her tongue out when Sansa’s face scrunched up in anger. “Thank you my favorite sister.”

“I’m your only sister”, Sansa argued.

“Just take the win San.”

Sandor couldn’t keep in a low chuckle at the exchange. His laughter died in his throat when Sansa turned towards him. Their eyes met and he saw surprise and confusion flash across her face before a scowl of annoyance settled on it.

Gods, how he wished he could do something to turn her scowl into anything else.

Before he knew what he was doing he was walking towards her. He had to say something, apologise somehow.

“You… No,” the desperation in her voice made him freeze midstep.

_ Say something! _ his brain screamed at him but before he could think of something to say she turned and walked out the door.

“What the hell?” Arya’s voice broke through the silence that Sansa’s sudden departure had created.

Sandor gave her a dark look that made her eyes widen. Of course Sansa had told her.

“No! It was you?! Dick move,” she exclaimed, looking mighty fierce when she was angry. “I should throttle you. Boss or not.”

“I’d let you,” he said low.

“What did you say?”

“Fuck off and get back to work.”

He slammed the door to his office behind him and as the coward he was he locked it. He was fucking scared of a little girl, scared that she would follow him to tell him what an idiot he had been. How he had hurt Sansa, how she hated him. So he hid from her.

He was taking inventory in the back when she found him. He had avoided the bar since the incident with Sansa but he had run out of things to do in his office. He had never been this up to date with the fucking books before. He fucking hated doing them but he couldn’t bare facing the tiny girl who’s sister was occupying every fucking part of his mind. 

Arya didn’t say anything, just crossed her arms and leaned against a keg while watching him. Her grey eyes were sizing him up and it was fucking unerving how she seemed to look straight into his soul.

He pretended that he didn’t notice her and continued to work with his back turned to her. Hopefully she would get bored and leave him the fuck alone. But Sandor’s day was already going to shit so of course she didn’t.

“Bronn did that two hours ago,” she stated. There was a challenge in the tone of her voice but he didn’t understand what she wanted. Why wasn’t she yelling at him? Why was she just standing there with such fucking cold calm?

“And now I’m doing it,” His voice was clipped and angry, the voice he used to scare people off. Usually it had people running away in seconds. But as he looked over his shoulder she was still there, staring at him with her chin lifted definitely. “What?”

“Are you hiding out because you know I could take you?” He scoffed through his nose and it sounded like she growled. “You wouldn’t be the first asshole, who can’t take no for an answer, that I’ve beaten up.”

He turned towards her fully then. Anger flared up in his chest and he rose to his full height, his head almost hitting the ceiling. She wasn’t even half his size but her eyes were like daggers and she didn’t as much as flinch at his silent display.

“I didn’t fucking force myself on her.” His voice was dangerously low and his face dark. “When she stopped, I fucking stopped.”

“And how did you handle that, huh? Like a fucking grown ass man?” Arya challenged. They way she stared him down made him want to rage and throw something. But that would do nothing to lessen the guilt that was churning in his gut. “No! You fucking accused her of being part of some stupid bet? Why the fuck would you even think that? How could that be your first fucking thought?”

“Because it wouldn’t be the first fucking time!” He roared out at the top of his lungs. His throat felt raw afterwards but with his scream his anger dissipated into a humming irritation. Why the fuck had he told her that?

Arya was staring at him wide eyed and he waited for it. The fucking pity or lame ass sypmathy that didn’t mean shit to him. It was only to make themselves feel better.

“So people have been shit to you? Well boo-fucking-hoo!” she exclaimed and it was so unexpected that he almost jumped. “Most people are fucking turds, that does not give you an excuse to treat people like shit for no fucking reason!”

He felt as if the air had gone out of him as he sat down heavily on a keg. He held his head in his hand and sighed.

“I know.” Good he sounded as tired as he felt. He hadn’t slept a wink last night, his mind and body taunting him with the memories of her. Worst was the hurt in her blue eyes, it was as if they were scorched into his corneas. “I fucked up.”

“Don’t ask me why but she really liked you. And you hurt her.” The menacing tone was back but what really got him was the confirmation of Sansa being hurt because of him. “She thought you had a real connection.”

She had felt it too, the connection he thought he had imagined between them. It had been fucking real and he had ruined it. How could someone so amazing and joyful feel connected to a miserable old fuck like him?

But then his mind flashed to last night. He remembered himself smiling and even laughing. He hadn’t felt miserable at all the whole time they had been talking. He had been happy and then they had been kissing and he had been fucking elated. His chest clenched and he could feel a pounding headache coming on.

“Why the fuck are you telling me this? Do you want me to feel even more fucking miserable than I already am?”

“Yeah.” The fucking nerve of her made him want to rage and scream. “I also wanted to know if you wanted to make it right.”

His head snapped up and his grey eyes scanned her face for any kind of deception but he couldn’t find anything but a quiet challenge in her eyes. Did she really think he could? Did she think he had the slightest possibility of a second chance with her sister?

Who the fuck did he think he was kidding? She deserved someone far better than him, someone who could give her the fucking moon and stars. He would only bring her down to his own miserable level of unhappiness. It was better that she hated him now for an idiotic mistake than the possibility of having him hurting her far worse later.

He opened his mouth to say just that to Arya but somehow that wasn’t the words that came out of his mouth. Damn her, her words made a flicker of hope light in his chest. 

“Tell me what to do.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa is trying to avoid thinking about her encounter with Sandor. It doesn't really go that well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from Sansa's perspective. For some reason I find it easier to write Sandor's. So I am both excited and nervous to see what you guys think.  
Really hope you like it!

Mondays was Sansa’s favorite day of the week. She knew it wasn’t something that most people wouldn’t agree with. But she loved waking up knowing she had somewhere to be. A place were she was needed.

So she had an extra pep in her step when she jumped out of the shower and put on her favorite blue linen jumpsuit with thin braided shoulder straps. The weather was still chilly so she picked out a long white knitted cardigan to go with it. As she ran her fingers through her damp hair memories of much large hands doing the same made her shiver.

“Nope. Not going there,” she said to herself. It was a new week and she was going to leave the weekend behind her.

The day turned even better when she entered the kitchen and saw that Arya had made cinnamon buns when she had come home early this morning.

Arya always had trouble with winding down before bed and cinnamon buns was one of the few things she knew how to make. Sansa also suspected that her sister had made them to make her smile. And after the weekend she had she had definitely needed it.

_ No, today is going to be a good day. Don’t ruin it by thinking of him. _

When Sansa parked behind the flower shop where she worked she smiled. She loved The Little Flower Shop. She had always loved flowers and she loved interacting with the customers and trying to personalize every single bouquet she made.

It was always a little slow on mondays, fridays were the weeks busiest day by far, and Sansa worked alone. The owner Gilly always had mondays off, so in between Sansa’s regulars, her only company was the radio playing in the background as she replaced some bouquets that looked a little to drab.

Her mind kept wandering were she had sworn herself not to let it. She had never felt such instant attraction to a man like she had Sandor. As soon as their eyes had met she had felt a connection. He had seemed so different then the other men she had dated. Not like there had been many but still enough to know that Sandor was different.

Not only by his appearance but by the way he carried himself. There was strength in his posture and the way he held himself, like he wouldn’t bend down to anyone. But then she had approached him and he had been so nervous. She had made this giant of a man practically speechless and it had endeared her to him instantly. He had seemed so genuinely interested in everything she had said and it had made him so easy to talk to. And then he had kissed her. And then worried that she wasn’t sober enough to know what she had been doing. So she had kissed him so that he would know that she wanted him as much as he had wanted her.

Just the memory of their touches made Sansa’s face flush and she had to fan herself as the door to the shop opened. She felt a confusing mix of relief and disappointment to have had her dirty thoughts interrupted.

“Good morning mrs Tyrell”, Sansa called out with a smile as the small older woman entered the store. “How is the family?”

This was what Sansa loved most about her job, the getting to know the people who came into the shop. Who were they? Why were they buying flowers that day or to whom?

“Oh, good morning Sansa dear. They are all very well thank you.” Mrs Tyrell came from a family of old money and could be a little harsh in her opinions sometimes but Sansa had come to really like the old woman. She came in several times a week for fresh bouquets and whenever she had a party she always ordered her flowers through them.

“What are you in the mood for today? We have these lovely Carnations delivered this morning. Aren’t the purple wonderful?” Sansa said and held one out for the older woman to inspect.

“They are very lovely. Make an arrangement with some other purple flowers to go along with it. And I would also like two arrangements with different colored roses.” Sansa nodded and got to work.

She was just putting the finishing touches to mrs Tyrell’s arrangements when the doorbell chimed, indicating a new customer. Sansa lifted her head to greet them but the words died in her throat and she almost dropped the flowers when she saw who had entered the small flower shop.

“Do be a little more careful Sansa,” mrs Tyrell admonished her and Sansa stuttered out an apology. The older woman then turned around towards the newcomer and it was the first time Sansa had ever seen her rendered speechless.

But who wouldn’t be when they took in the massive man that was Sandor Clegane? He looked humorously out of place surrounded by delicate flowers and vases. The fact that he was dressed head to toe in black made him stand out even more against the bright colors of the shop. The massive black leather jacket he wore looked amazing on him, it would probably go down to her knees if she would to wear it.

His long dark hair was hanging over his face as he had his head tilted a little downcast, as if to hide his scars to the world. Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if he was aware of doing it or if it was something that now had become unintentional due to necessity.

He didn’t seem to be aware of the tiny woman in front of him. His steel grey eyes were locked on Sansa and it made it hard to breath. How was it possible to read so many emotions in them at once? She saw pain, remorse and a nervousness that sent a shiver of power into her.

“I’ll be with you in a moment sir,” she said, making sure that she sounded professional and detached. Had it not been for mrs Tyrell she would have told him to get out.  _ Would you really?  _ Her mind taunted her. If she was honest with herself she probably would have ran and not come back until she was sure he had left.  _ Or dragged him into the back room… _

His silent presence made her emotions into a confusing jumble that she couldn’t sort out so  instead she focused on finishing the arrangements in front of her. When it was time to pay mrs Tyrell had collected herself but she was still eyeing Sandor wearily.

Despite the fact that she had finished her business the older woman lingered close to the door and were throwing piercing glances towards Sandor. Sansa suspected she feared he would try to rob or harm her. Sansa could appreciate the older woman’s fierce protectiveness but the thought of Sandor harming her physically felt laughable.

How come everyone seemed to be so intimidated simply by his presence? Yes, he was large and imposing but she wasn’t the least afraid of him.

“How can I help you sir?” she asked him when there was nothing more she could do to stall. She could see the rise and fall of his chest as he took a deep breath. Why did his shirt have to be so tight that she could see the contours of his hard pecs? It was practically indecent, she thought.

“I...I…” he cleared his throat nervously and she felt a strange sense of satisfaction because of his discomfort. She was affecting him as well. “I want to buy some flowers..?”

It sounded like a question and her eyebrows rose as she blinked at him expectantly.

“What kind?” she asked when it didn’t seem like he would elaborate.

“I don’t really know…” He rubbed his neck nervously and she gave an annoyed sigh. Her rudeness seemed to surprise him because he startled and his voice darkened. “I’ve never bought anyone flowers before so I don’t know what to get.”

“Oh, just tell Sansa here what the occasion is and she will help you get the perfect bouquet.” Mrs Tyrell had edged closer and apparently felt she would be a welcome addition to their strained conversation.

Sandor looked at her like this was the first time he really noticed the older woman and nodded once in acceptance. He then turned his eyes back to Sansa and she felt her hand shake as she reached out to grasp at the edge of the counter. Why was she feeling so nervous suddenly? It was almost as if she was worried about what he needed the flowers for.

_ Gods, what if he is going on a date?  _ The thought made her stomach churn but her mind tried to convince her it didn’t matter to her.  _ You do not care about him, _ she reminded herself.

“Well I was hoping to…” his apparent apprehension soothed her own a little, but only a little. “I need to apologise to someone.”

Sansa flinched so hard she almost bumped into the flower chiller behind her. He couldn’t be serious? Was he here to buy her flowers? Suddenly the anger was back. Did he really think that flowers could excuse his awful behaviour towards her? If that was the case he had a whole other thing coming.

She wondered if her thoughts had shown on her face because he suddenly seemed even more nervous as his eyes darted around the shop. As if he was afraid to look at her.

“Would you say that it was a little mistake or something almost unforgivable?” she asked harshly and now he was the one who flinched.

“Don’t you worry, there is practically nothing that can’t be fixed with some beautiful flowers,” mrs Tyrell assured Sandor as she gave Sansa a pointed look. The older woman must have thought Sansa had lost her mind, not only was she rude but it seemed like she was trying to discourage him from spending his money there.

But the older woman’s comment had pulled Sansa into a dark part of her mind where the smell and colors of beautiful flowers were meant to make up for terrible behaviour.  _ Flowers don’t have the power to erase pain,  _ she thought darkly.

“I know I fucked up pretty bad.” Sandor’s deep set voice pulled her back into the present and he was watching her with a worried crease on his forehead. “I was just hoping to get a chance to apologise.”

A thought occurred to Sansa then and she wanted to laugh menacingly. She was then one holding all the power here, she was in control, she was the one who decided what happened next. It felt good to know that this giant of a man was under her thumb.

“Well then I would say the bigger the better,” she said decisively and started putting a bouquet together. She could feel Sandor watching her intently as she worked but she kept her head down. Once she was satisfied she held up a beautiful arrangement of soft blush pink flowers. One that she would have been delighted to receive under different circumstances.  _ Flowers are meant to represent happiness and love. Not remorse or deceit. _

“Oh that’s lovely,” mrs Tyrell said with a soft smile. “Well I should be off. Thank you again Sansa. And good luck to you sir.”

“What do I owe you?” Sandor asked softly once the door closed behind the older woman.

“72 dollars.” He spluttered and stared at her in shock.

“For fucking flowers?” His voice was full of disbelief but when she remained serious he handed her the money with a grumble.

“Receipt?”

“Keep it, and the flowers. We both know who they’re for.” He looked at her like he dared her to deny it. But she met his hard stare head one with one of her own.

“No thank you.” For a second she saw hurt flash over his face but he quickly hid it behind a cold mask.

“Just take the damn flowers Sansa.” She reared back as if he had slapped her and his face fell completely. He hadn’t meant it like that, there was no way he could have known how those words had been shoved down her throat so many times by someone else. “Shit, that’s not… I’m just trying to apologise. I’m not asking for anything.”

She laughed harshly at that and she noticed it made him clinch his hands into hard fists at his side. She got an odd satisfaction from knowing that she was making him upset. She usually wasn’t one for instigating conflict. All of her siblings would readily agree that she was the peacekeeper of the family. But not this time, for some unknown reason she needed Sandor to know how she felt. Conflict be damned.

“You want me to accept these flowers so you will feel better. It has nothing to do with me or what I want.” She dared him to try and argue. She had received so many apologetic bouquets that it had almost made her hate flowers. It had made the gesture lose its meaning. It was only with this job that she had been able to remember the sweetness and joy flowers were supposed to bring.

“Then throw them away. They aren’t what matters.” His words were said so harshly that she almost didn’t hear what he had said. She had to bite her tongue not to ask what it was that mattered. She had a sinking feeling that she wouldn’t know how to handle the answer. The intensitive of his grey eyes said enough to make her stomach flutter.

Sansa had to look away and her eyes came to rest on the flowers that laid on the counter between them and it felt like who ever picked them up would loose. What she wasn’t sure, but she sure as hell wasn’t losing.

“What made you think that it would be okay to bother me at my workplace?” she snapped and he growled out his response, the words low.

“Didn’t fucking know you worked here. It’s the flower shop closest to my place.” He showed his hands into his pockets and it felt like him making a stand. “Can’t believe I let her convince me to do this. She said it… It doesn’t matter. So fucking stupid.”

She didn’t need to ask whom he was referring to. Anger flashed in her chest.

“Arya don’t know half as much as she thinks she does. If you’re truly sorry you don’t put the other person in a position were they feel obligated or forced to accept the apology.” her voice was barely above a whisper but the firm movement of his head showed her he had heard her.

Without another word he walked out the shop and she was left staring at the bouquet he had meant her to have. She really didn’t want it, not like this, and she contemplated throwing it away but that felt like such a waste of something so beautiful. It wasn’t the flowers fault that she was angry with him.

So when she walked into her building that evening she gave the bouquet to her elderly neighbour who was beyond thrilled by the unexpected gift.

Unfortunately for her Arya was home when she entered their apartment. Her sister layed splayed over their floral couch and the sight made Sansa sigh. She felt so drained and miserable. Seeing Sandor had done nothing but jumble her emotions even more. She had no idea what she wanted. Her mind told her she would be better of forgetting all about him. But how could she when the physical response to him was so strong?

When Arya noticed her she quickly stood and held up her hands in a defensive stance.

“What could possibly have given you the idea that I would want you meddling in my business?” Gods, she sounded as tired as she felt. She sat down heavily on the couch and rubbed her temple.

“I know. I have already been yelled at by a fucking raging giant so I don’t need to hear it from you.” That made Sansa look up at her little sister. Sandor had yelled at her? That made Sansa feel a little better.

"Just seemed like you really liked the guy and I wanted to help you get out of your own way. I’m sorry, I guess I really didn’t think it through.” Despite her words Arya didn’t look in the least apologetic. She never did, even when she knew she was wrong and it had always rubbed Sansa the wrong way.

“Arya, flowers doesn’t fix anything. I don’t know why you won’t let me make my own choices.” Sansa really wanted to crawl under the blanket with a huge cup of tea and a good book and try to forget the hurt look in Sandor’s eyes.

“I agree with you.” Arya was being frustratingly calm and it was unnerving. Arya had always been a hot head, yet she was just looking at her with a soft smile. “You always seemed to get so fucking happy over flowers and that shit. Just thought you might give him a chance to explain if he gave you some. He has been through shit too but he’s not a bad guy. A stubborn ass, but seemed to me that you liked his ass.”

Surprised giggles burst out of Sansa’s throat and it stunned them both. 

Arya could always make her laugh at the most outrageous times, it was both endearing and terribly irritating. But after the day she had it felt good to laugh, so Sansa choose to focus on that feeling.

“Actually I mostly enjoyed his shoulders and those large hands… I never actually saw his ass, he was sitting down the whole time we… we…” she felt herself blush and Arya grinned.

“Dry humped?” she suggested and Sansa giggled again.

“Gods! How do you do that?” Sansa asked and Arya’s eyebrows rose in question. “How can you make light of everything? I envy it.”

“I try not to sweat the small stuff. If people are assholes I just punch them and move on.” Arya shrugged her shoulders like it was as simple as that. “But sometimes people make mistakes and still deserve a second chance.”

“He accused me of using him for some kind of bet. Like I would ever do something so vile and cruel,” Sansa reminded her sister.

“You and I know you would never do something like that,” Arya agreed but then sighed. “But he told me that people have done shit like that before. Made him the butt of jokes because of how he looks.”

Sansa was appalled. How could anyone do such a thing? Suddenly his anger was understandable, even though his behaviour wasn’t acceptable. She remember the uncertainty and vulnerability in his eyes when he had asked her why she would want to join him. He hadn’t truly believe it to be possible, and it was because of the horrible actions of other people. She knew what it was like to have other people’s words and actions affect how you saw yourself.

“How can people be so fucking cruel?” she asked Arya heatedly. The curse word made them both frown a little. Sansa rarely cursed, it made her feel like she was expressing herself poorly. But sometimes, like this instans, it was the only way to properly express her frustration.

“I don’t fucking know. They just are.”

Arya seemed like she saw the matter as finished then because she plopped down on the couch again and unpaused the movie she had been watching. After a beat she picked up a book that was laying on their coffee table and threw it at Sansa.

She was barely able to catch it and as Sansa turned it over in her hands she realised she was looking down at a copy of  _ The Count of Monte Cristo _ . She was about to ask what was going on when Arya held up a hand to silence her.

“First of all, I did not put him up to this. I don’t get why you would ever give someone a worn out old book. Also, he told me to tell you that this isn’t an apology. He just wanted to tell you he was sorry and now that it is done he won’t bother you again,” Arya said and her heart started pounding so hard that Sansa needed to sit down. “Oh, and the book is also because; it’s a fucking cardinal sin to not have read one of the best novels of all time, and you don’t deserve to go to hell with the rest of us.”

Arya got up and gave Sansa a soft smile as she passed her.

“I am not so sure I agree about the hell part but he doesn’t know you like I do so it’s just an honest mistake.”

Sansa felt too stunned to even respond to her sisters cheekiness. Her attention was on the book in her hands. It’s cover was worn and the binding stretched, it was obvious it had been read many times. She couldn’t resist the urge to lift it to her face and as she inhaled his scent filled her nostrils.

It was HIS copy of his favorite book she realised and it felt like she had been given a piece of him. Something precious that no one else would be allowed to see, a piece that belonged to her now.

“Oh and Sans?” The sound of Arya’s voice almost made her jump. She had been so focused on the book she hadn’t realised that Arya had returned to the living room. “He would never want to hurt you. You know that right?”

She could only manage to nod in response to Arya’s words, they both knew the significance of them. As her fingers caressed the book in her hands her heart started aching for him like it had done that first night.

_ What am I supposed to do now? _


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor is having trouble moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for reading this story.  
The support and encouragement of this community is amazing!
> 
> I appreciate every kudos and comment - thank you all.
> 
> An extra large thanks to MsTroz - whose honest opinion gave me a new perspective one my last chapter.  
For those of you who read the earlier version - I've changed some things in the end of the chapter. It's nothing mayor story wise but feel free to check it out if you feel like it.
> 
> Here's another chapter from Sandor's perspective because he is so much fun to write :)  
Hope you enjoy.

Sandor knew his bad mood was starting to turn into a constant state of mind. He had always had a bad temper but at this point even he was starting to get frustrated with himself.

It had been over a week since the fucking disaster at the flower shop but he still stewed over it whenever he had a slow moment.

A part of him wanted to blame Arya, and for a while he had, but he knew better than to put his mistakes on someone else. He was a grown ass man and she had tried to help.

Didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be a jerk to her, or whoever got on his nerves. Which seemed to be fucking everyone at this point.

He had never been this affected by a woman before and it pissed him off that he allowed her to have such power over him. Why did he have to want her so badly? It wasn’t even the physical part, like her gorgeous ass, that haunted him the most. That part he could understand and he had jerked off more in the last couple of weeks than he had in months to memories of blue eyes blown wide with lust and long slender fingers touching him demandingly. Still it did nothing to dampen the worst of it all.

The worst part was the idea of having someone to talk to like they had that night. To have someone who he could confide in, find comfort in and also be that for them. He had never fucking wanted that before. Hadn’t fucking cared about being alone before, he had always prefered it. Then that fucking woman had happened and now he wanted all that. But before he could truly even have a chance at maybe having that he had fucked himself out of the possibility.

Why the fuck couldn’t he just let it go? Instead it stewed inside of him and made him snap and cuss every time he opened his fucking mouth.

He needed an outlet for all this frustration. So when he noticed a confrontation brewing close to the bar his hand itched to throw a punch. He was good at reading people so usually he would be able to spot a fight brewing long before it broke out. All it would take to diffuse the situation was a stern look from him and the option to leave or get kicked out. But this time he waited, he didn’t want them to have a chance to choose the non violent option.

A dark smile split his face as he saw the drunkest of the two men shove the other in the chest. The other responded instantly with a poorly aimed punch and Sandor started making his way through the thick crowd.

Before he was even close enough to interfere the most surprising fucking shit he had ever seen happened. In the blink of an eye Arya had leapt over the bar and swept the legs of the larger one of the men. He fell to the ground with a loud thud and Sandor suspected he hit his head because he didn’t try to get up again. The other drunk was so pumped up by the fight that he went for Arya.

Sandor was shoving people out of the way to get to her when the drunk grabbed her from behind. Sandor yelled out in protest, wich made her look up and meet Sandor’s eyes with a smile on her face. It looked almost deranged and made Sandor stop in his track. _ What the fuck? _

She winked, fucking winked, at him and then she threw the much large man over her shoulder. He hit the floor with a loud groan and in an instant she had her knee to his throat, keeping him there.

“Are you gonna stand there and fucking gawk all night or are you gonna help me get these assholes out of here?” she called out and at first Sandor thought she had been talking to him. But then he followed her line of sight and couldn’t keep a smug grin from his face.

Gendry was standing stock still behind the bar with a completely awestruck expression on his face as his eyes took in the girl who had just taken out two men more than twice her size. He looked like cupid had fucking clogged him over the head, it was sickening how taken he looked.

“The fuck Gendry?” the sound of his names on her lips, albeit spitted out harshly, seemed to break him out of his state and he jumped into action.

Sandor hurried over to them and as Gendry grabbed one man, he took the other.

“We got this. You get yourself a drink, from the top shelves. You’ve earned it, She-Hulk.” Arya grinned at him and then showed off by leaping back over the bar again. He couldn’t help but scoff at her display but Gendry’s looked at her like she was his first taste of water in the fucking desert. Like she was a fucking wonder. It made Sandor give him a dark stare, he would not have Gendry anywhere near her. He was a good guy but she would fucking bite his balls off and spit them out in his face when he eventually fucked up. And Sandor wouldn’t not stand for any fucking drama in his bar. This was his space and he had enough problems without them adding to it. _ Keep it in your fucking pants, Waters. _

Sandor couldn’t help but be fucking put out that he didn’t get the chance to punch at least one of the idiots so he was probably a bit rougher than necessary when he shoved the men out the door.

“I don’t want to see any of you fucking cunts in here again,” he warned the men and their friends who had accompanied them out. “You got off fucking easy.”

He and Gendry stayed in the door, making sure that the men actually left before heading back inside.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Gendry sounded like he wasn’t aware that he had said it out loud. He looked like he was the one who had been fucking floored by the girl and not those drunk cunts.

_ Maybe he was. _The thought made Sandor scoff. Like he was the one to judge. Seemed that despite how different the Stark sisters were they both had the power to make grown ass men act like idiots around them.

“She is fuckin’ something alright…”

Sandor didn’t know if he should be impressed or disturbed by the fact that she was working as if nothing had even happened when they returned to the bar. Gendry seemed to be equally conflicted because he approached her gently.

“Are you okay?” he asked tentatively.

“Peachy,” she responded with a grin and Sandor shook his head in disbelief.

“Don’t be so fucking stupid next time,” he scolded and her face darkened.

“What? Just because I’m a girl you think I can’t fucking handle it? I think I just proved that I fucking can!”

Sandor wanted to scream out his frustration in her face but he forced himself to take a deep breath through his nose.

“I don’t give a shit what’s between your fucking legs. You never split up a fight on your own.” His voice was a dark growl and it seemed to quell her anger somewhat. “The other fucker could’ve had a knife or worse and you turned your fucking back to him.”

“I had it under control,” she persisted and he actually growled then.

“You are no good to me if you’re fucking dead.” His words made her flinch. “This is not some staged fight in a fucking dojo. This is the real world and if there is one thing you can be fucking sure of it’s that there are more sick cunts out there than you can fucking count. So don’t fucking give them a chance to get you.”

He expected her to argue or disagree but to his astonishment she simply nodded with a hard glint in her grey eyes. _ Well fuck me, maybe she wasn’t a complete idiot. _

“Got it boss.”

As the adrenaline wore off he felt fucking exhausted. He had barely slept at all lately. His dreams were all infected with red hair and blue eyes and it drove him mad. It was like torture to dream of her, knowing he would never have her. So he avoided sleep if he fucking could.

“I’m gonna head out early. Gendry, you’re in charge of closing.”

He went into his office to get his jacket and keys and when he came back out Arya met him outside the office door. _ What the fuck did she want now? I don’t have the energy for anymore shit. _

She didn’t say anything, only held out a book to him and his fucking heart clenched so hard he couldn’t breath. This was it then. Sansa had rejected him completely. She hated him so much she couldn’t even keep a book because it would remind her of him.

As the days had gone by he had hoped that she had at least kept the book and read it. So that her last memory of him at least could be connected with something positive. It was fucking selfish, he knew but he had needed to make it right somehow. He had convinced himself that it would make him able to move on from her.

He hadn’t had the guts to ask Arya for her sisters reaction, so he obviously hadn’t done a very fucking good job with moving on. And as he took the book in his hand he felt like he never fucking would.

“What the fuck is this?” he stared down at the hardcover in his hand that read _ Twilight _. Was this a fucking joke? He turned his angry eyes on Arya and she held up her hands in a defensive pose.

“I have no fucking idea. Sansa just said I was to give it to you. And ask you to read it.” Arya didn’t give him a chance to respond as she whirled around and returned to the bar.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at the book. It looked worn, so perhaps it was her copy?

A sudden memory of teasing her for admitting to have loved this book in High School hit him. She had punched him playfully on the arm when he had called it “utter shite” even though he had never read it. She had told him that he wasn’t allowed to judge something without reading it first. He had disagreed with her only because she had looked damn cute when she frowned. He unconsciously rubbed the spot on his arm as a hint of a smile pulled at his lips. _ Was this her idea of a punishment? I doesn't matter, I’ll fucking take it._

* * *

It took him days to finish it. Not only because he was busy with the bar but because he had been right. It was utter shite and most times he couldn’t manage more than a few pages at a time before he had to put it down. For his own sanity’s sake, he told himself. It wasn’t at all because when he finished it his last connection to Sansa would be gone. Not at all. Sandor wasn’t a fucking sentimental sap who romanticised shit like a book. _ Fuck no. _

Despite the horrible story he still fucking cherished the book. Because it had come from her. It was his constant companion. He had fucking bought a messenger bag for a good damn shite book so that he could bring it with him when he took his bike to the bar.

Bronn had walked in on him reading it once in the office and he hadn’t fucking let it go. He had come up with so many ways to tease and goad Sandor that he had started to wonder if the other man had read the book. Knowing Bronn it was probably the cliffnotes.

He was sitting at the desk when he no longer could put of finishing it. He only had a few pages left so he steeled himself and tipped the chair back. He was almost done when something at the bottom of the third-to-last page caught his eye and made him jump to his feet.

Frantically he started counting backwards the days since Arya had given him the book. Six fucking days, he’d had it for almost a fucking week! And he didn’t even know.

His fingers caressed the letters as if to make sure they were real.

There in a beautifully feminine penmanship was her name and what could only be a phone number.

“Holy fucking shit.”

He started to feel panic coming on it made him start pacing in the small space. What did this mean? What did she want him to do? _ I can’t fucking think straight. _

“Bronn! Bronn!” he roared at the top of his lungs.

The other man had probably picked up on the panic in his voice because he busted through the door with a frantic madness in his face and a baseball bat raised above his head. His eyes scanned the room for any possible threats before he slowly lowered the bat.

“The fuck is wrong with you?!” he exclaimed and Sandor held up the book in front of him as if that was explanation enough. “You better fucking be dying if you’re gonna shout my name like that!”

“You don’t get it… the book…” Sandor was pushing his hands through his hair roughly, trying to find the right words.

“What of it? You finally finished it?” The grin returned to the other mans face then as he took in Sandors frazzled state. “So what are ya? Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

“Oh fuck off!” Sandor spat and held up the page so he could see the writing.

“Well I’ll be damned…” Bronn actually looked somewhat stunned. Like he had been as convinced as Sandor that she was never going to give him another chance. Did it mean he had another chance?

“What should I do?” Sandor asked. The look Bronn gave him in response was fucking murderous.

“You’ve been fucking bitching and moaning over her for days. Before that you were fucking pining. We are all bloody sick off it.” Sandor wanted to protest, but he knew it was the truth and that there was no point in trying to deny it. “What the fuck do you think you are going to do? You’re gonna contact her or I will fucking cut you. And the rest of them will help me bury the body, don’t you doubt it. We’ve got it all planned out.”

Other people might have thought it alarming that his employees was plotting to kill him because of his shitty moods, and normally he probably would have told Bronn to fuck off. But he was too fucking happy to care. His ugly excuse of a heart was singing in his large chest. She wanted him to contact her, why else would she write her number in it for him to find?

“Okay, okay. I get it,” Sandor said and sat down heavily on his desk chair. “I’ll contact her. Just have to figure out how to go about it.”

Bronn nodded, silently pleased that he had been able to put some sense into the larger, impossibly stubborn man. As Sandor fished out his phone from his pocket a thought seemed to occur to Bronn and he sat down on the edge of the desk.

“She’s a bit younger than you right?” His question made Sandor look up from his phone.

“Yeah, mid twenties I think,” Sandor answered, confused as to how that was relevant.

“Well then, send her a snap.” Bronn said decisively and Sandor frowned. 

“The fuck is a snap?”

“Nevermind. I forgot who I was talking to.” For years Bronn had tried to get Sandor to get onto social media and become a part of the online world. He claimed it was how he met most of the women he hooked up with. But Sandor hated how impersonal it felt, better to have people judge him and dare to say something to his face then strangers on the fucking internet hiding behind a screen.

“Hey, I got one of those smartphones and we put up all those social media accounts and shit.” Sandor argued. He might hate most technology but he wasn’t completely hopeless. Not in his own opinion anyway.

“First of all, I got you the phone. And those accounts are for the bar, and me and Gendry are the ones who manage those.” Bronn said and sighed, knowing there was no point in going over that particular argument again. “Why don’t you text her?”

Sandor’s frowned deepend as he tried thinking of what he could possibly say that could be put down into a short message. He wanted to apologise again, explain himself and hopefully ask for a chance to see her. What if he wrote the wrong fucking thing? He had a fucking talent for saying and doing the wrong thing, so that was definitely a possibility. _ Fuck me, I’m a fucking nervous wreck. _

“Isn’t that a bit impersonal?” he asked Bronn who rolled his eyes. The cunt had the fucking nerve to mock him! This was fucking serious!

Bronn had always been carefree, not one for settling down. When faced with rejection he just moved on to the next prospect. Sandor had had his share of rejection but he had never feared it quite like this. Sandor didn’t even dare imagine what her rejection would do to him this time. 

“Then call her.” _ Fucking easy for you to say you fucking asshole. _

“What if she doesn’t pick up? Or worse, what if she does? What are we supposed to talk about?” He knew he sounded ridiculous. He fucking felt it. He wanted to talk to her, desperately. But he wanted to be able to see her at least one last time, he needed the chance to show her who she made him into. How he felt when he was around her. How could he do that on a fucking phone?

“Are you going to behave like a fucking school girl every time you're thinking about contacting her?” Bronn looked like he was one second away from hitting him over the head with the baseball bat he still held in his hand. “Because if that’s the case fucking count me out.”

“Fine, I get it. I’ll text her.” That didn’t feel as scary as calling. It was just a message on a screen. If she told him to fuck off then at least he wouldn’t have to hear her say the words.

“Good, you do that.” He nodded at Sandor and got up to head out. He had barely made it to the door before Sandor called out to him.

“Bronn?”

“Yeah?” He turned to look at him expectantly. Sandor felt fucking helpless as he sighed.

“What should I say?”

“Oh for fuck sake.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa has some girl time and then they finally interact again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your amazing support of this story! Every single comment and kudos makes my heart sore with happiness.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“You did not make out with him in the bathroom!” Jeyne looked so shocked it made Sansa and Miranda burst out in laughter while Ros simply shrugged. “You just met him like two days ago.”

“So? Sansa practically had sex in a bar booth after knowing the guy what… thirty minutes?” Ros teasingly shoved her with her shoulder and Sansa tried to hide the flush of her cheeks by taking a sip of her wine.

“I did not! It was after two-three hours, at least,” she protested and the other girls burst out with laughter.

“So you’re not denying the “almost had sex” part?” Miranda asked with a wiggle of her dark eyebrows. Memories of Sandor’s hands on her, his strong fingers almost caressing her ass or running through her hair, made her flush even redder.

“Does anyone want more wine?” Jeyne asked and got up from the pale blue loveseat she was sharing with Sansa. They all held up their glasses and soon Jeyne returned with another bottle of wine and a large carton of ice cream.

Sansa was really happy that Jeyne had suggested a girls night at her place. They always had so much fun. Usually Ros and Miranda would be the ones who had them giggling over the guys they had met. Despite how much she blushed Sansa really enjoyed bringing a story of her own to the conversation.

“What ever happened with that guy? You said he had been a jerk and you were so angry when you left.” Ros asked once they dug into the ice cream.

“Well actually… I was… but it turns out he’s Arya’s boss. So I ran into him at the bar the day after.”

“Awkward!” Miranda called out gleefully and Sansa gave her a playful push.

“Well it really was! And I ran out the door as soon as we saw each other.”

“You didn’t?!”

Sansa hid her face in her hands and heard Ros cackle teasingly. She loved these girls but they wouldn’t hesitate to give her a hard time about this.

“Oh it gets worse,” she admitted. “Arya convinced him that he should by me flowers to apologise. Guess what flower shop just happens to be closest to his place?” Jeyne gasped and it felt so good to get it all out. She needed to talk about this so badly. Maybe they could give her some advice and help her sort out her confusing feelings.

“What happened?”

“It was terrible and I was so rude… I made a bouquet and made him pay for it, then I refused to accept it.”

“Sansa! It is not like you to be so cruel,” Jeyne scolded. “Even if he seemed like a brute.” Jeyne had always been a bit more uptight than the rest of their group and Sansa often felt more on her level than the others when it came to how comfortable she was with talking about sex and men. But Jeyne could also be somewhat judgemental, and to hear her talk negatively about Sandor made her bristle.

“He is not a brute! He just have some sharp edges.” Sansa argued and felt a warmth spread through her chest. “He has been through some tough things so he can be a bit defensive. He only wanted to apologise and I was the one who treated him poorly for it.”

“Wait? So after you refused the flowers you guys talked?” Ros was looking at her expectantly.

“Well no… He left. But when I got home I talked to Arya and she explained to me that he had been mistreated before because of the way he looks and that’s why he lashed out.”

“And you’re really not bothered by the scars…?” Jeyne’s voice was full of disbelief and Sansa had to take a deep breath.

“No Jeyne, they don’t bother me. It’s not like I didn’t notice them but there is a lot more to a person than their appearance.” Her answer came out harsh and scolding. But in that moment she didn’t care, she just needed Jeyne to stop talking. “He gave me his favorite book. Well actually he had Arya give it to me since he figured I wouldn’t want to talk to him.”

The memory of the gesture made her smile blissfully. She had already read it twice but she wouldn’t tell them that or that she kept it on her nightstand so she could read a few pages every night before she fell asleep.

She had been given a lot of gifts by Joffrey but they had never been as meaningful as the one from Sandor. How was it possible that a man who had only spoken to her for a matter of hours could understand her better than one she had been with for five years?

“Okey. You didn’t want flowers but a book has gotten you all “heart eyed emoji” over him?” Sansa couldn’t blame Miranda for not understanding her reasoning. They couldn’t understand what that book had meant to him and she didn’t really want to explain it to them. That was between her and Sandor.

“I don’t know if I’m heart-eyed emoji over him…” she tried but Ros scoffed.

“Come on, you haven’t talked about any guy like this since Joffrey and it’s been three years since you broke up,” the other redhead gave her a soft smile. “You deserve to be happy. Don’t hold yourself back.”

“Why does everyone seem to think that I am holding myself back?” Sansa asked and now all three of them were looking at her with soft knowing looks. “Hey, I was the one who approached him remember? You were all there, you saw it.”

Sansa smiled triumphantly when they didn’t argue. But part of her knew that they were right. She had held herself back after Joffrey, she had thought he had been the one and she had been so terrible wrong. They hadn’t been there to see what they became and it had been a relief to move back to her hometown where no one really knew all the horrid details. Her friends knew some of it but they hadn’t seen it. She was grateful for that, because it allowed her to return to herself again with them. Someone she actually recognised when she looked in the mirror.

She had been so afraid of doing the same mistake again that she had kept herself at a distance from men. But not with Sandor, she hadn’t even hesitated before she approached him. And then he had made her feel so heard and appreciated that her walls had come down without her being aware of it happening.

Had she been putting them up again? Did she want to?

“So you are going to see him again?” Jeyne asked and brought Sansa back into the moment.

“Well I gave him a book too. Or Arya did for me.”

“I can’t imagine Arya being to happy about playing messenger.” Sansa giggled and shook her head.

“No, she told me to stop f-ing around and grow some balls.” The other girls laughed, more than familiar with Arya’s brand of brutal honesty.

“Did you give him your favorite too? That’s kind of sweet actually,” Jeyne said softly and Sansa blushed.

“No, I gave him my copy of Twilight and wrote my number in it.” The girls were squealing and jumping up and down and Sansa laughed at their antics.

“Why the fuck didn’t you start with telling us you gave him your number?” Ros asked and downed her wine in one go. “Have you heard from him?”

“Well no… I wrote it on one of the last pages.” _ So he had to read it to find it _, she thought with a soft smile. She knew it was a silly thing to do, like a test. But if he did read it and then contacted her, it had to mean that he really did care about having a real connection.

As she told her friends what she was thinking a heavy feeling grew in her chest. By the look on their faces she could tell that they didn’t seem to think her idea was as good as she had thought. Had it been too far fetched? Too much?

“And you really think a guy like that will read Twilight?” Miranda’s words made Sansa’s mood drop even more. It had been dumb, hadn’t it?

“Well you said he liked books right? That’s what you guys connected over?” Jeyne said with a soft smile. Her best friend always seemed to be able to read her so well and understand her insecurities. “So maybe he will read it?”

She really hoped he did, she realised. She wanted to see him again. The thought made her want to shake herself. If that was how she felt then why the hell hadn’t she made it happen? It wasn’t like she couldn’t get a hold of him if she wanted. She could just ask Arya to give her number to him. If she didn’t kick her ass for being a difficult pain.

“What if he has read it, found my number and decided that he doesn’t want to contact me?” she asked sounding small and Miranda put a hand on her knee. That was the real reason right? Why would he want to contact her after how she had acted. She hadn’t been very kind to him when he had tried to apologise. So maybe he had decided she wasn’t worth the trouble?

“Then he is a fool.” The other girls agreed heatedly and Sansa knew she had the most wonderful friends. “But he gave you the book, that’s gotta count for something, right?”

Sansa smiled gratefully at Ros and nodded. She just had to wait and see. If he didn’t contact her then she would have to deal with that. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Could we please talk about something else?” she asked and hated how small and sad she sounded.

“Did I tell you that Jake in accounting asked me out?” Jeyne broke the sad mood in the room and Sansa felt relieved for the distraction as she joined them in squealing and prodding Jeyne for details.

A few hours later Sansa was sipping on her fourth glass of wine. She was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch as Ros braided her hair in some intricate style. She had always loved when someone played with her hair. Miranda was telling them about some concert she wanted them all to go to this summer when she was interrupted by the chiming of Sansa’s phone where it layed on the other end table.

“Look who that is will you,” she asked Jeyne who picked up Sansa’s phone. It was probably just her mother checking in. But when Jeyne didn’t say anything, only stared at the phone with wide eyes Sansa’s stomach dropped.

“What is it?” Miranda asked sounding as worried as Sansa suddenly felt.

“It’s a message from an unknown number…” Ros flinched so suddenly that she pulled painfully on Sansa’s hair, making her cry out. Sansa’s eyes were wide and now her heart was beating frantically for a completely different reason then it had only seconds ago.

“Well what does it say?!” Jeyne ignored Ros and handed Sansa the phone. There it was, in front of her background picture of her family’s dogs. A text message from an unknown number. Before she had unlocked the screen her phone chimed again twice in quick succession, almost making her drop it.

**Unknown: I was right. The book is utter shite. Took me forever to finish it.**

**Unknown: It’s Sandor by the way.**

**Unknown: I probably should have started with that.**

Sansa couldn’t keep in a stupidly happy smile as she took in the words on her screen and saved his number.

When she showed the girls they all jumped to their feet.

“What are you going to write back?”

Sansa hadn’t thought that far, but now that she had this link between them she really wanted to tighten it. She took a deep swig of her wine to steele her nerves and started typing.

**Sansa: We just have to agree to disagree then. Surprised you managed to finish it if you found it so awful.**

A soon as she sent her message the little bubble that indicated that he was writing back appeared and she felt almost lightheaded. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the wine or because of him, but it felt good. Exciting even.

**Sandor: Surprised? Not disappointed that I did then?**

**Sansa: No. Definitely not disappointed.**

She remembered how his grey eyes had looked at her like he couldn’t believe she was sitting with him and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was like that with all women, or if she was the only one who affected him that much? Unexpectedly the thought woke a jealous part of her and she really wanted it to be just because of her.

**Sansa: I am happy you finished it. I was worried that you might have thrown it out. I wouldn’t have blamed you.**

**Sansa: I was very rude to you last time when you tried to do something nice. I’m sorry.**

This time his response took a while longer and she liked the thought that he was taking his time with her. That he was really thinking about his response meant that he cared, right?

**Sandor: I can’t blame you. I was an asshole. I actually would like to explain my behaviour. If you have the time?**

**Sansa: So would I. But I would rather do it face-to-face if you would be okay with that.**

Her heart was doing somersaults in her chest as she waited for his response. Thankfully he didn’t keep her waiting too long. She was smiling so wide that her cheeks hurt and she couldn’t keep in a happy squeal. Gods, she felt like a teenager again. _ It’s ridiculous how he’s affecting me. _It felt wonderful to be able to be happy over something like that again.

**Sandor: I’d really like that.**

* * *

Sansa heart was beating so hard in her chest it made her breathless as she walked inside the coffee shop. It was her favorite, a small and intimate place, with walls full of artwork made by local artists and large plush lounge chairs and even a few loveseats. They had kept the original red brick walls and the whole atmosphere was so welcoming.

Her eyes scanned the room for Sandor and he wasn’t hard to spot, even seated he was at least a head taller than everyone else. He had chosen a spot in the back of the room and was sitting with his back towards the door. Sansa probably would have chosen to sit by the window so she could have enjoyed the sunshine and her heart clenched when she understood why he never would.

It had to be hard to always feel like people were staring and judging you based on something you couldn’t help. Sansa forced herself to not focus on what she couldn’t change and instead focus on the man she was here to meet.

As she slowly walked over to where he was seated her eyes took in what she could see of him. His dark hair that shone as the light hit it and the broadness of his shoulders and back. His large black leather jacket was hanging on the back of his chair and he was wearing a black denim button up shirt which sleeves he had rolled up over his elbows. He was quite hairy and it sent a thrill through her to imagine how much of it covered the rest of him.

Beneath the hair she could see the black lines of tattoos disappearing up his sleeves and that intrigued her even more than the hair or the way the shirt was straining against his muscled arms. _ Now that is a man. _

When she came close enough she cleared her throat to make her presence known. He must have been lost in thought because he startled before he turned to look at her.

Her heart skipped a beat as his eyes met hers. Did he realise that it was like looking into his very soul? Because that was what if felt like, like she could read everything he was feeling in the depths and swirls of them. The mirrored hers almost completely. Nerves, apprehension and excitement all jumble into one big bubbly mess.

“Hi,” she said after she realised they had been staring at each other a little longer than probably was socially acceptable. Her voice sounded almost breathless and she couldn’t help but blush.

“Hi.” His voice was so deep and gravely yet it sounded impossible soft to her in that moment. 

His eyes looked her over and her skin grew even hotter. She had stressed for over an hour on what to wear and had practically driven Ros mad when she sent more than 10 pictures of different outfit choices. She had ended up choosing a pair of blue skinny jeans and a soft blue blouse that complemented her eyes. And the way he was looking at her now made her think she had made the right choice.

“Have you ordered?” she asked and looked over her shoulder towards the counter when he shook his head. “What can I get you?”

He stood then and she had to crane her neck to look up at him. He was so close that she could feel the heat radiating of him. And he smelled so nice. _ Like leather and something unidentifiable manly. _

“Let me. Please,” he said gently and she smiled at him. Her smile seemed to take him by surprise because he took a step back and rubbed his neck, looking almost nervous.

“I would love a Mocha Latte, and a lemon cupcake if it’s not to much trouble.” He seemed amused by her order as his mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. “What?”

“You got a sweet tooth then?” he asked and she beamed at him when he let himself smile back at her. His eyes crinkled when he smiled and it made her stomach flutter.

“Oh definitely, if you don’t want to risk me stealing your dessert you better get something with raisins. I hate those”, she joked and he shook his head as he headed to the counter to order.

She sat down at the chair opposite his and rested her hands on the table. She could feel him looking at her as he stood by the counter and her cheeks flushed even deeper. Damn her pale complexion that let her hide nothing.

When he returned she saw that he had gotten himself a black coffee and a dark chocolate mud cake that looked almost as good as her cupcake.

For a while they just sat there, enjoying their coffee and cakes, in a somewhat awkward silence. Sansa hated it, she wanted to explain her behaviour but she was having trouble with trying to find her words, where would she even start?

He seemed as unsure as she felt because he kept his eyes downcast to the table and she wished he would look up at her again. Somehow looking into his eyes seemed to make her braver.

“I…” he sighed and Sansa straightened in her seat as he lifted his eyes to look at her. “I need to apologise for how I acted that night. I need you to know that it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me being fucking stupid.”

He took a deep breath as if to steel himself and she could see the tension in his shoulders.

“I’ve had these scars since I was six and I’ve spent my life trying to figure out how to fucking be okay with them. It’s been 28 years and I’m still not. They fucking define me whether I want them to or not.”

Her chest clenched painfully as her mind pictured a small boy having to deal with such pain and horror those scars must have an inflicted. A part of her wanted to ask how it had happened but she stopped herself. That was his story to tell and he would do so if and when he wanted to.

She was struck with how strong he must be for coming so far despite such hardship that easily could have broken anyone. She wanted to tell him she was sorry but that didn’t seem like enough. Sansa dared not say anything, what could she possibly say to ease a pain like that? She worried that her silence would upset him but he seemed like he was to deep in thought to notice. Like he was preoccupied with choosing his words and what he wanted to say. So she only nodded encouragingly to show that she was listening.

“The bet thing was something that has happened a few times, girls daring each other to hit on me for a laugh. I’ve tried to not let it get to me but apparently it has,” he was talking down at his cup now and his hair fell like a curtain between them. It was like she could physically feel the distance he was putting between them. “I thought I was done with that shit, wasn’t interested in trying to met someone anyway. But then there you were.”

He looked up now and the look in his eyes was the same as the one that night. It was intoxicating having someone look at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world.

“So when I saw your friends looking at us and laughing my mind went there right away. I mean, look at you.” He held out a hand to emphasize his point and then pointed to his own face with a sad look. “And look at me. I just couldn’t grasp that someone like you would actually be interested.”

Sansa couldn’t take the distance he had put between them anymore so she reached out and put her hand on top of his that still rested on the table. His eyes darted between their hands and her faces, with wild surprise in them.

“I was looking Sandor. I still am,” she said softly. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch and she worried that she had crossed a line and made him uncomfortable. She started to pull her hand back and started offering an apology when his hand clasped her fingers. The grip was firm yet soft as he pulled her hand back into his.

“I’m no good at interacting with people, I keep people at a distance. Either with my fucking awful mood or with the way I look.” He kept his eyes on their clasped hands as he continued talking. “But it was different with you. And I’m sorry that I ruined it.”

_ Please look at me. _ Sansa squeezed his hand because she felt to vulnerable to actually say the words. But he only squeezed hers back and kept his eyes down.

“I keep people at a distance too. It’s easier than risk them hurting you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper but he must have heard her because his head snapped up. His eyes were wide and concerned. “I was with this guy for about five years. Looking back now I realise the psychological abuse started almost right away. But it was a whirlwind and he was so charming. So I followed him to his college of choice and we lived together in his apartment.”

It was strange how detached she sounded, even to herself. It was as if she was talking about someone else. It felt like it had happened to someone else.

“He always found things to complain about. I wasn’t wearing the right thing, or said the wrong thing. Sometimes I tried to just keep quiet to not trigger his anger but then my silence was the issue.” Sandor’s eyes had darkened and she saw his jaw clench. “I made a thousand excuses for him. And he always apologize by giving me flowers or gifts.”

“What happened? That made you finally leave him. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Sandor said carefully and she smiled bitterly. She wanted to be able to say that she had the courage to say enough and leave him the first time he had hit her but that would’ve been a lie. And she didn’t want to lie, not to him.

“When you hear everyday how worthless and disappointing you are, you start to believe it. I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to leave if it hadn't been for Arya.” She had never admitted that to anyone but her therapist before, she had been so afraid of being judged. But as she looked into his grey eyes she saw no judgement, only understanding and compassion. He must have gone through his life hearing people say and do terrible things to him, she thought. _ He really understands. _

“She showed up unexpectedly one weekend. She had a fight with mom and drove down to get away.”

Sansa hadn’t been truly awake as she had answered the door. Because if she had she would have made sure to cover up the bruises his fingers had made on her throat. She could still remember the frenzied look in Joffrey’s pale blue eyes as his fingers squeezed the air out of her. She had almost passed out before he stopped. She had collapsed to the floor and he had clutched at her, franticly keeping her to him while he apologised over and over again.

The sense of dread that she had felt then threatened to come back and she shook her head to get rid of the feeling.

_ No, that’s over. I’m not that person anymore. _

The grey of his eyes brought her back to the present and the feel of Sandor’s strong hand in hers grounded her to him. He looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to scream or punch something. He was angry for her, and it felt a lot better than having his pity.

“She saw… bruises and she wouldn’t stop asking me what happened until I finally told her everything,” Sansa couldn’t make herself actually tell Sandor all the details. Not here, not like this. But maybe one day. It didn’t seem like an impossibility as she felt the heat of his hand in hers.

“She helped me pack most of my things and I left that same day. She helped me file a restraining order and transfer colleges so I didn’t have to go back.”

“I… don’t know what to say,” he offered honestly and it made her smile softly.

“This is enough,” she assured him and caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

The silence that followed wasn’t as awkward as previously. The were simply taking in and processing what had been shared between them. The kept eye contact and she smiled shyly at him. She had been afraid that he would think differently of her when he knew but it was still that same look. As if he couldn’t believe that she was real and with him. It was damn near addictive to have that warmth directed at her.

It felt like they had passed some line and now they were no longer strangers. She wasn’t sure what they were, only that she wanted them to become something.

Her gaze dropped to his lips when he took a bite of his cake and she couldn’t help remembering how they had felt against hers. Or against the skin of her neck. _ What would they feel like against the rest of my body? _

“You can have it if you want.” Sansa jumped in her seat as Sandor spoke in that deep set voice that did something amazing to her core.

“What?!” she squealed and her whole face blazed red. Sandor seemed confused by her distress as he raised his eyebrow at her.

“The cake. I caught you eyeing it,” he teased and her face turned even redder. She had been eyeing something alright.

“Oh, thanks. But let’s share.” she offered with a soft smile. “I shouldn’t eat to much junk, it goes straight to the hips.”

“Knock it off, you’re fucking gorgeous,” he snapped good naturedly and it sent a thrill down her spine. Now he was the one who suddenly seemed flushed as if he just realised what he had said.

Sansa was pleased that he didn’t try to take the compliment back or change it. He just took a large bite of the cake and shoved it in his mouth. She matched his bite and as the deep rich chocolate melted on her tongue she couldn’t keep in a groan. She felt Sandor stiffen and looked up to him staring at her with eyes blown wide. 

There it was, that dark need that she had ignited their first night. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head? Was he thinking of what had happened between them or was he picturing things he wanted to do to her?

_ What has gotten into me? _

“I read the book,” she said in hopes of steering them into a safe topic that kept her from imagining him doing dirty things to her. He looked so utterly confused and bewildered that she couldn’t keep in a laugh.

“Huh?” his eyes darted up from her lips to her eyes and he rubbed his neck again.

“_ The count of Monte Cristo _,” she clarified and his whole face lit up in excitement. 

“What did you think?” he asked and leaned over the table. It was adorable how excited he was to hear her opinion. The way his eyes sparkled now made her heart skip another beat. He seemed so genuine and honest in his admiration of her that she dared her self to not hold back anymore. _ He won’t hurt me. _

“I loved it.” The shit eating grin her answer produced made her smile just as wide.

She lost track of time as they sat there discussing the different themes of the book and then moving on to talking about life. He told her about starting his own business and she talked about her family. It wasn’t until she looked around and realised that it was getting dark outside that she realised how much time must have past.

“Oh, what time is it?” She asked and he got his phone out of his pocket.

“Almost seven.”

“Don’t you need to get to the bar?” she asked suddenly worried that she had kept him from his job.

“Perks of being the boss, I get other people to cover for me,” he said with a small smile. “But yeah, I should probably get going.”

She hid her disappointment behind a smile as they both stood and put on their jackets. He offered to walk her to her car and she accepted, hoping he would say something about getting together again. But he remained quiet during their short walk and the great mood from before slowly withered the closer they came to her car.

“Well, thank you for this. It was really nice to get a chance to talk properly,” she said as she fished her car keys out of her purse.

“Yeah,” he agreed and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. She felt her heart sink as she opened her car door and he just watched her get in. She was about to turn the ignition when he knocked on the window. When she rolled it down he leaned down and smiled.

“You should come to the bar sometime. Drinks will be on the house of course,” he said and nodded firmly. “Drive safe.”

She watched him walk away and kept her eyes on his broad back until he turned around the corner.

“What the hell was that?” she exclaimed and punched her steering wheel in frustration.

Had she really misread him that much? Was she the only one who still felt this connection? Had he truly only wanted to explain and now he was ready to move on?

She felt annoyed for letting herself get carried away and start fantasizing about something more when he hadn’t actually said anything to indicate that he wanted anything of the sort.

Her frustration grew as she drove home and unlocked the front door. She had barely had a chance to hang up her jacket before her phone rang. She looked down at it with a confused frown before answering.

“Hello?”

“Sansa?” The deep set of his voice sent a thrill down her spine and made her warm down to her core. It was such an instant reaction that she could do anything to control. She had just seen him, yet her body responded as if they had been apart for weeks. 

“Hey Sandor.” She was grateful that her voice sounded almost unaffected. “What’s up?”

“I… I don’t want you to come down to the bar sometime.” The hurt was instant. Did he have to call her to tell her that just minutes after giving her the invitation?

“Okay… then I won’t…” Her voice sounded so small and she could do nothing to mask the hurt in her voice.

“No! That’s not… Fucking hell…” he sighed heavily and she heard him take a deep breath. “What I mean is that I want… I want to make plans. I want to see you again, soon. Really soon if that’s…”

There was a sudden scuffle and Sansa could her Sandor cursing in the background. Why did he sound so far away?

“No! Fuck you Bronn! Give me back the phone!” she heard Sandor shout and the man, who had to be Bronn, had apparently grabbed the phone because his voice was much clearer.

“I told you to fucking play it cool you idiot! And what do you do? You hide in your office to call her anyway like a needy cunt?” 

Sansa put a hand over her mouth to keep them from hearing her giddy laughter. Had they completely forgot that she could hear them?

“I don’t want to fucking play anything! I just want h… Is the call still fucking on?!” Sansa’s eyebrows were up to her hairline as she tried to process what she had just heard when Sandor’s voice came back close and deep.

“Hey… you still there?”

“Yes.” She heard him growl something at Bronn then and she couldn’t keep in her laughter.

“I’m sorry about that. Bronn is a right cunt.” She heard the man in question protest in the background and her smile grew even wider. “I should let you go.”

“I thought we were going to make plans?” she said softly and was met by utter silence on the other end of the line before he cleared his throat.

“You really want to?” he sounded breathless and she had to sit down. The mix of uncertainty and yearning in his voice made her knees week.

“Yes I really do.”

“Well that’s good. That’s great.” The happiness in his voice made her lean her head back against the couch and grin at the ceiling.

_ It really was._


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a date and Sandor get's in his own way again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so overwhelmed by all of your support and interest in my little story.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's reading, commenting and giving kudos.
> 
> You guys are my best motivation! :)

Sandor’s heart was beating so hard he wondered if he was having a fucking heart attack. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. His eyes kept moving to the clock on the dashboard. He both wanted to will it to turn eleven and at the same time he wanted to stop time.

He had been so fucking nervous that he had left his house well before he needed to, so he had spent the last thirty minutes sitting outside Sansa’s apartment building questioning the whole thing.

He wanted to turn the ignition and go back home and hide like the coward he was.

_ I should have settled for having seen her one last time. I will just make a fucking fool of myself. _

He saw the clock turn eleven and took a deep fortifying breath. He knew he could never do that to Sansa. She had wanted to make plans, she had said as much, and he couldn’t bare to hurt her. So while he road the elevator to her floor dark thoughts of unworth and ways he would likely fuck up was swirling in his head, making him scowl.

But then she opened the door just seconds after he had knocked, like she had been waiting by it and all negative thoughts died in his head. Instead she filled it with her presence and it was fucking glorious.

“Hi”, she said and smiled up at him shyly.  _ Holy fuck she is amazing. _

She was wearing one of those high-waisted black pants and a dark yellow knitted jumper. Her hair was up in a messy bun at the nape of her neck and Sandor was momentarily distracted by the exposed skin of it.  _ My lips have kissed her there. _

“Hello,” he said when he remembered he needed to respond and hated how gruff he sounded. “You look… great.”

That had apparently been the right thing to say because now she was beaming at him and he felt himself respond to her smile with one of his own.

“Thank you Sandor.” The way she said his name, like it was something precious, made his gut clenche and a warmth spread through his chest.

“You ready to go?” he asked, unable to hide his eagerness to spend time with her.

She nodded and grabbed her coat before following him out to his truck.

“So what are we doing?” she asked as he started the truck and now he was nervous again.

It had been fucking nerve wracking to try and come up with an activity to do at eleven on a saturday morning, but apparently the schedules of a bar owner and a florist wasn’t that easily compatible. He was just grateful that they had been able to get together within a week. Otherwise he would have tortured himself with thoughts of her.

“There’s this market hall I thought we could go to and buy some things for lunch and then we could have a picnic in a nearby park,” he dared glance at her quickly to gauge her reaction and she looked struck dumb.  _ Fucking fuck fuck.  _ “Or we could do something else, anything else really. It was just an idea…”

A soft hand on his arm stopped his panicked rambling and from the corner of his eye he could see that she was smiling now.

“That sounds wonderful.”

He had forgotten how crowded the market could be and he felt anxious as hell when they got out of the car. He could already feel the stares and his whole body bristled. Without thinking about it his face turned into an angry snarl to make them look away quickly and his hands clenched into fists.  _ This was a fucking shit choice. _

He had wanted to do something fun and simple together, what the hell had he been thinking? As if someone as ugly as him could ever do something simple? It always turned into a fucking shit show.

He briskly pulled out the large picnic basket he had bought fucking yesterday and once they reached the market he started walking down the stalls. Sansa seemed a little stunned by his brisk pace because it took her a second to catch up.  _ You’re already fucking it up. _

He slowed down to a more reasonable pace so that she didn’t have to jog next to him but kept some distance between them. He didn’t want her to feel clumped together with him by the people around them. Hopefully it would keep her from noticing most of the looks. 

“What are you in the mood for?” she asked as he followed her to a stall that sold cheeses.

“Whatever you want.” he answered in a flat tone and she looked up from the the offerings to met his gaze.

She studied him for a long time and he wanted to shuffle his feet to keep his nerves under check but forced himself to stay still. He couldn’t hold her eyes too long as he feared she could read his fucking mind with those large blue eyes prodding him. He didn’t want her to notice how uncomfortable he was.

“Oh, there’s a charcuterie! We have to get something to go with the bread,” she said and she looped her arm with his to pull him along. He followed without hesitation like an old dog and to his astonishment she kept her grip on him as they walked from stall to stall.

She was adorably excited by everything they picked out and he let her get anything she wanted. Every smile she bestowed on him made his head lighter and his scowl soften.

He caught himself when he realised that he hadn’t worried about people staring for a long time and it made him look down at the woman on his arm. She must have felt his eyes on her because she looked up and the smile she gave him was so sweet that he had to fight the urge to lean down and kiss it.

“What?” she asked when he only kept staring at her.  _ You make me feel normal. _

“Nothing… Just thinking we should get something for dessert. Since you’ve got such a sweet tooth.” His teasing made her beam and he laughed as she started pulling him towards a stall that sold more varieties of pastries than he could count.

“What can I get… you?” the vendor faltered only a minute as he took in the ruin of Sandor’s face but it was apparent enough and made Sandor stiffen. To his great surprise Sansa’s grip on him tightened and she slid her hand down to intertwine with his.

Did she realise that it made them look like a couple? Did she realise what it did to his fucking shriveled heart?

“We would like two of your chocolate and salted caramel tarts, please,” Sansa said and squeezed his hand to make him look at her. “What would you like?”

_ You. _

“Eh… those croissants look good,” he said after a moment's hesitation and Sansa asked for two with a smile.

“Think we’ve got everything we needed?” she asked and when he agreed they headed back to where he parked his truck. He pulled out a bundle of blankets and then he lead her to the park a few blocks down.

The put down their blanket on the ground near a pond and started to pull out what they had bought. Sandor also pulled out two thermoses that he had brought. Thankfully the sun was out and despite the early spring weather it was really pleasant. He gave her a spare blanket just in case and she happily accepted it.

“This is lovely,” she said as they ate their assortment of food.

“Do you want some coffee or hot chocolate?” he asked and her smile could have melted snow if there had been any left.

“You brought hot chocolate?” he poured her a generous amount and her first sip was followed by a happy little moan that sent shivers down his spine. Holy shit, how was it possible that she could be here with him right now? And looking at him like he was amazing for fucking giving her some hot chocolate?

“My sister hasn’t been giving you a hard time has she?” Sansa asked and Sandor shook his head.  _ Only threatened to kill me in my sleep if I hurt you. _

“No more than usual,” he settled for and she smiled softly.

“Do you have any siblings?” she asked and he stiffened. It was such an innocent question but it made him want to get up and run.

“No. It’s just me.” That was a simple enough answer and he hoped she wouldn’t prod. He was scared that if she asked he actually would want to tell her everything.  _ And then she’d be the one running. _

“Does your parents live here?” she asked and he wanted to yell at her to stop her fucking prodding. But he knew that it wasn’t her fault. These were all normal questions, he just didn’t have any fucking normal answers.

“No. They died when I was six,” he said and looked down at the sandwich he had made. Suddenly he didn’t feel hungry anymore.

“Oh Sandor. I am so sorry.” She meant it too, he could hear it in her voice and feel it in her touch as her hand reached out to rest on his arm.

“There was a fire, the whole house burned down with them in it.” He knew he sounded cold and detached, even to himself. Yet she didn’t flinch away, instead she moved closer. “It’s where I got these.”

He didn’t have to gesture to his face, she knew what he meant. He couldn’t make himself explain the reason for the fire, he hadn’t said the words out loud for 28 years and he probably never would be able to again.

Her hand grasped his chin softly and gently lifted it to make him look at her. Her blue eyes shone with unshed tears and it fucking blew his mind that those were for him. How could she look at the ugly mess that was his face like it was something precious?  _ I don’t fucking deserve you. _

“That must have been so awful.” It had been fucking hell. His home life had never been good, his parents acted like they fucking hated each other. But to be six years old and a fucking scarred mess in the foster system had been hell. Not like anyone wanted an ugly kid with a mountain of hospital bills that only kept growing.

“It’s a long time ago now.” He didn’t want to think about it anymore. Not when he had this wonder of a woman sitting so close he could feel the heat radiating of her.

“Are you gonna let me have one of those tarts?” he asked and she seemed to see the pleading in his eyes for the change of topic.

“Only if you make it worth my while,” she shot back flirtingly and his tongue felt stuck in his mouth. She couldn’t keep in a laugh at his shocked expression and it made him smile.

Fuck, she was good at making him smile. He couldn’t remember ever having smiled as much as he had since he met her.

“I’ll trade you for one of my croissants,” he offered and she pouted.

“That was not what I had in mind.” The heat in her gaze had him gasping for air and then she shrugged with a teasing smile. “But I guess it will have to do.”

Holy hell she was flirting with him! He had told her about his fucked up history and not only had she stayed but she was fucking flirting with him!  _ Do something! At least bloody speak! _

But all he could do was stare as she ate the croissant with a soft smile. She blushed when she saw him staring and like every time when she blushed his cock twitched. He forced himself to look away to fucking control himself and his eyes settled on the people walking past.

“Oh, is there an ice skating rink in this park?” Sansa asked as her eyes followed his. She nodded towards a couple of younger boys who were walking by, all of them carrying ice skates.

“Yeah, an indoor one on the other end of the park,” he answered and once he dared look at her again her eyes were gleaming.

“I don’t want to hijack your plans or anything, but could we go skating? I haven’t done that in such a long time,” she said and she seemed so excited by the idea he couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t think we have enough time to go skating,” he said and hated himself for dimming her excited smile.

“Oh, if it’s because you can’t skate I could teach you…”

“I can skate.” He didn’t know why it bothered him to have her think that he couldn’t but somehow it stung his pride. “I played hockey all through school.”

That seemed to intrigue her as she moved even closer on the blanket. He had brought an extra large one yet she was sitting so close that they were barely using half of it.  _ Not that I’m fucking complaining. _

“What position did you play?”

Sandor couldn’t seem to stop looking at her when she was this close. It felt like for everytime second he looked he discovered another new detail. Did she know that her hair turned into a deep shade of copper when the sun hit it like it did now? Or that the spring sun had made light freckles appear across the bridge of her nose?  _ Did she know that I think I’m… _

“Sandor?” The sound of his name made his mind snap back to the present and his eyes locked with hers.

“Hm… Yeah?”

“What position did you play?” she repeated and he frowned.

“I was a defenceman. You like hockey?” he asked and she nodded.

“Yeah. My older brother Robb played forward and my youngest brother Rickon plays now in his High School team, he is a defenceman too.” He had started to recognise the soft glint in her eyes whenever she spoke of her family and it made her look even sweeter. “My dad used to play too. He’s practically obsessed with the sport still.”

She shook her head as if she remember something particular and then she focused those soft eyes on him. A soft breeze made a strand fall out of her updo and before he could help himself he reached out and softly pushed it behind her ear. His fingers probably lingered a little longer on the soft skin behind her ear then they had to, but she didn’t seem to mind. Instead she just smiled up at him and reached up to put her hand on his.

“I guess we will save ice skating for next time.” His ears heard the words but it took his mind an embarrassing long time to register what she actually had said. It was as if her proximity made him lose focus on anything but her.  _ There’s going to be a next time. _

Her words made him fucking happy and the intensity of his feelings was a little bit crippeling. He realised he had taken to long to answer when he saw her face fall and she started to pull away.  _ No, please don’t. _

The hand that had been resting softly against the side of her face moved down her neck to her shoulder in order to keep her from moving away. He made sure that his touch was gentle enough for her to still pull away if she wanted to. To his relief she didn’t and he felt her shiver as his thumb brushed the soft skin of her neck.

“We can do anything you want next time,” he said in his deep set voice and she was looking up at him now with a teasing glint in her eyes.

“Anything?” one auburn eyebrow lifted in a challenge and he shrugged. “Are you really sure that’s wise? I could make you do something, like go antiquing or something equally tedious.”

“I don’t give a shit about what we do. I’ll fucking tolerate anything to be with you.” Her eyes widened at his words and as she gazed into his he had never felt anymore vulnerable in his life. As her hand came up to rest against his ruined cheek he felt a surge of need course through him and his grip on her shoulder instinctively tightened. 

His eyes darted down to her lips and then back to her eyes and he wanted to kiss her. Needed to kiss her.

Just as he slowly lowered his face towards hers the shrill ringing of a phone made them both jump apart.

“I’m sorry,” she said before answering the phone and as she listened to the person on the other end of the line, she moved away and put some distance between them.

It gave him an opportunity to try and steam the racing of his heart and swelling of his cock.  _ Holy hell.  _ If he reacted as strongly as this from almost kissing her again, how would it be if he actually got to do it?

“Mom, can’t this wait until tomorrow?” he suddenly heard Sansa snap a little harshly. “Well yes I am busy. I am on a date!”

_ Date. She called it a date. _ That was almost a big of a rush as almost kissing her.

He had to look away to hide the silly grin that probably did nothing but pull at his scars, making him look even more hideous.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He felt her eyes on him and turned his head to the side to met her gaze. She looked suddenly embarrassed and it made him feel even lighter.

“Sorry about that, it was my mom…” he nodded and watched her as she fiddled with a piece of bread.

“Everything okay?” he tried to sound unbothered but he fucking hated the distance between them right now. But he didn’t have the balls to move closer so he had to fucking deal with it.

“Yeah, she just wanted my opinion on a gift for my brother Brandon. He’s turning 20 on tuesday so we are gonna celebrate tomorrow when we get together for brunch,” she explained with a soft smile.

“Another brother? How many Starks are there?” he asked teasingly and she shrugged.

“Well we are five kids all and all,” she answered unfaced. “I am of course the best of the bunch.”

“I have no doubt about that,” he agreed and she laughed softly.

The mood became light again after that and the spoke of anything and everything. He fucking loved listening to her as she spoke about her friends and hobbies. She started talking a little faster when she got excited and he couldn’t keep from teasing her about it.

He told her about what he did during his free time and despite it sounding fucking pathetic to him she seemed to be really interested.

“Why kind of music do you listen to?” she asked when he told her about his extensive music collection.

“None of that bubblegum or autotune shit that’s on the radio. I prefer old school rock or jazz. I listen to most music that came out between 1950’s to 1980’s, ” he said and she smiled like he was missing something really funny. “What?”

“I was just picturing you singing along to some of those bubblegum pop songs that I like.”

“Never fucking gonna happen.” He scoffed good naturedly and her smile widened.

“Well you did say I get to choose what we do next time. I’m thinking karaoke,” she teased and he threw an olive at her.

“I’m gonna veto that,” he said and gulped when she put the olive in her mouth with a wry smile.

“You didn't ask for veto rights and you can’t add terms after the deal has been sealed,” she argued and he grumbled.

“Can too.” He knew his protesting sounded weak and they both knew that if she insisted he would definitely cave. He’d fucking do anything that made her happy.

“No karaoke then. I was actually thinking we could go to a game,” she said and he frowned.

“A game?”

“Yeah, my dad has season tickets to Winterfell Direwolves. I’m sure that if I asked we could borrow his tickets for one game.” Sandor felt like he had been struck by lightning. Who the hell was this woman and what did he do to deserve her?

“The fucking NHL?” he asked and she nodded.

“Not vetoing that are you?” she teased and he shook his head. “Good.”

Once she started to get a little cold they packed up and Sandor drove her back to her apartment. He spend the whole drive back dreading his destination. He heard her talking but it was like a background noise as his mind roared out the possibilities of what’s to come.

_ Do I kiss her goodbye? I should, shouldn’t I? We almost kissed at the park so it would be okay right? What if it’s not okay? _

By the time they had reached her door he had psyched himself out so much he hardly dared looking at her or she would see how frazzled she made him.  _ What the fuck do I do? _

“Want to come in for a bit?” she asked as she looked up at him with those large eyes and his stomach dropped.

“Wish I could but I’ve got a shipment coming in at the bar and I promised Frank I’d try some of the stuff he wants to put on our new menu,” he rambled out so quickly he almost stumble on the words and he really wished he could blow it off. But that was also one of the downsides of being his own boss, he had to work hard to keep his place running.

“You’re gonna serve food?” she asked and he nodded, grateful for the safe topic. Talking about his place was like a security blanket. This he could handle.  _ Just don’t stare at her lips. Stop staring for fuck sake! _

“We already serve nachos and burgers, because it’s required for the liquor license,” he explained, his voice sounding a bit raw even to himself. “But we’ve been talking about serving some proper stuff so I’m thinking about hiring Frank full time as a chef. Nothing fancy but more, you know?”

She looked up at him and if he didn’t know better he’d think she looked proud of him. Over bloody food. Why did it feel so good having her look at him like that?

“Well I won’t keep you then. Thank you for a lovely date Sandor.” There is was again, his name had never sounded as sweet as when she said it. His mind couldn’t keep from wondering how it would sound if she called it out during different circumstances and his cheeks flushed.  _ Fucking down you dog. _

“I had a good time too.” Shit, his voice sounded strained and she looked at him with a confused frown. “Well, I’ll talk to you later if that’s okay?”

When she nodded he quickly turned towards the elevator to avoid fucking embarrassing himself any further. He felt like a fucking horny ass teenager for getting half hard from having her say his name and he prayed to the gods, that he didn’t fucking believe in, that she didn’t notice.

As his hand reached out to press the button to call it her hand on his forearm stopped him. She grasped it and turned him around to look at her. She looked irritated he realised and he cursed himself.  _ I knew I’d fuck this up somehow. _

“That’s it? You’ll talk to me later?” her voice was like steel and the harshness of it made him flinch a little. “I heard you tell Bronn that you didn’t want to play anything. Well neither do I.”

He must have looked as confused as he felt because her face softened and she sighed. He hated how it made her shoulders sag and he wished he knew what to do or say to make her smile again. She was looking at him expectantly but he felt fucking lost.

_ What do you want from me? _ His inner voice pleaded but his mouth couldn’t form the words.  _ I’ll fucking do anything you want. _

His anxiety was making his heart race as he watched her take a step back and release her grip on his arm. There was distance there again, and he had put it there somehow. He could see the doubt in her eyes and he wanted to fucking punch himself.

“Do you like me?” she asked softly. His eyes widened and his throat clenched.  _ Like? What a fucking weak word. _

He wanted to tell her that he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone ever in his life. Not only physically but wanted her, her mind and her soul. Because she was like the first spring sun in the fucking eternal winter that had been his life. But that meant having to expose himself and risking her rejecting him. What if she didn’t feel the same and he made a fool of himself?

“What?” he finally croaked out.

“It’s a simple question Sandor. Do you like me?” she insisted and now there was steel determination in her eyes as she took a step closer. The hall wasn’t that wide so she was almost chest to chest with him now and had to crane her head to look up at him. Yet he was the one who felt cornered, caught in the challenge in her eyes.  _ Holy fuck, you are a wonder. _

“Yes I like you,” he heard himself admit and he barely recognised his own voice, it was so low and softer than he thought himself possible of sounding.

“Good.” She was smiling up at him now and he felt like a weight was lifted of his shoulders. It was that smile that made him feel like he would do anything to have it directed at him. And now it fucking was. “I like you too. And I think we shouldn’t waste anymore time wondering what the other person is thinking. Let’s just be open with each other.”

_ She fucking likes me too?  _ His stomach was doing fucking flips and he couldn’t seem to control his fucking heart from roaring out it’s joy. He felt like she probably could see the shock and awe in his eyes because he didn’t know how to hide it. He had always been good at hiding his feelings behind a scowl or a dark look but not with her.  _ I don’t fucking want to hide with you. _

He hadn’t realised he had said it out loud until he felt one of her hands grasp at his shirt and the other cupped his scarred cheek.

“Then don’t Sandor.” Her voice was soft but her pull strong as she pulled his face down to her level. Her lips were on his before his mind grasped what was fucking happening and it took him a second before he was able to respond.

When he finally did his hands cupped her face and she smiled into his lips when his thumb stroked her cheek gently. He had never been kissed so tenderly before and he felt instantly addicted.  _ Is this what they mean in the books when they call a kiss loving? _

When she pulled away he instinctively followed, unwilling to let the kiss end and she giggled softly before pressing a final soft kiss to the scarred side of his mouth.

“I’ll call you later.” She called over her shoulder with a smile as she closed the door behind her.

He had no idea how long he just stood there staring at her door before he was able to move again but when he pulled up behind the bar he was fucking late.

Frank was already in the kitchen cooking and he looked up when Sandor entered.

“Hey boss, how’s things?” the short stout man called out and as he looked up to face Sandor he froze. Sandor knew he probably looked deranged, his cheeks were aching from the wide pull of his smile. It was probably the first fucking time he had ever smiled at Frank.

  
“I’m fucking great.” By the shock on Franks face he knew he must look like an idiot but it didn’t matter.  _ I’m too fucking happy to care. _


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa spends sometime with her family. And family always brings out the best sides of you... right...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys! I can't believe how many of you that are liking this story.
> 
> It makes me so happy!
> 
> In this story I chose to go with Robb & Talisa pairing, simply because I really liked their story on the show. Minus the Red Wedding of course...
> 
> Also - I can't picture Sandor being that well versed in "text-lingo" so I opted for having him writing out everything and Sansa choosing to do the same.

When Sansa woke up she actually stayed in bed for a while. She felt blissfully happy as she stretched out in her bed. Yesterday had been one of the best days she’d had in a long time.

A smile pulled at her lips as she remembered the feel of Sandors lips against her own and how he had been so incredibly gentle. This large man had practically been putty in her hands and she couldn’t wait until she got to kiss him again.

As she layed in bed her eyes wandered to her phone on her nightstand. It was close to eight o'clock in the morning and she knew the bar closed late on saturdays so he was probably still asleep. Yet she wanted to call him and hear his voice. That voice that made her insides all warm and made her ache for him all over.

She grabbed her phone but talked herself out of calling him, instead she settled for trying to find him on social media. Maybe there was a picture of him? That could maybe help with the sudden longing in her chest?

“What was I thinking?” she scolded herself when she couldn’t find anything on Sandor Clegane on any social media. She knew how self conscious he was about his appearance so she hadn’t really been hoping for a selfie or anything, just something.

She however found the bar’s Facebook and Instagram and followed them. As she checked out their Facebook page her eyes froze on a picture someone had uploaded only hours before.

The actual picture was of a couple smiling into the camera but there in the background the unmistakable built of Sandor made her zoom in. He was caught in profile, his unscarred side facing the camera, as he was manning the bar and was serving some customer a drink. He wasn’t wearing his usual scowl, instead his face was relaxed with the corner of his mouth turned up.

She couldn’t help but save it and edit it so that she could add the zoomed in picture to his contact. She then decided that she had done enough cyberstalking and got up to make breakfast.

Her great mood followed her into the kitchen, so as she made herself some tea and an egg white omelette she turned on her bluetooth speaker. She couldn’t help but dance and sing along to Jessie J’s _ Domino _ while she cooked.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Arya shouted as she paused the music. “It’s fucking eight o’clock on a fucking sunday!”

Sansa turned around to face the angry and bleary eyed Arya. Her short hair was mussed and pointing every other direction and Sansa smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise I was being that loud.” Arya grumbled some more and gave Sansa another glare. “Do you want an omelette?”

“Fuck no, I want to fucking sleep.” Arya hissed yet she walked up to the pantry and pulled out a cookie that she stuffed in her mouth.

“We’re expected at Mom and Dad’s by eleven,” Sansa reminded her and Arya scoffed.

“I fucking know. Wake me up at 10:30. And don’t you dare make any more noise or I’ll send the video I just got of you to Sandor.” Sansa’s eyes widened and Arya gave her one of those freakishly meanicing glares that only she was capable of.

“You didn’t record me just now,” Sansa claimed but Arya only scoffed.

“Didn’t I?” as Arya walked back down the hall to her bedroom Sansa’s eyes widened as she heard her own voice singing Jessie J’s lyrics.

“Arya! Don’t you dare!” she screeched and chased her sister into her room and jumped on top of her on the bed just as Arya pulled her covers over herself. “Delete it! Right now!”

Arya was laughing maniacally as Sansa heard her tapping on her phone beneath the covers.

“It’s not funny! I’m in my goddamn pyjamas!” Sansa argued and tried to pull the covers off her sister. It wasn’t even one of the cute ones. It was a old pair of sleep shorts that were fringing at the edges and really too short and an old t-shirt that used to belong to Robb that had been washed so many times that the white of it was almost grey.

Suddenly Arya stopped struggling and her head popped out from beneath the covers.

“Wow, did I just get a “damn” of out you? You must really like him.” Sansa felt herself blush as she moved of her sister and sat down next to her on the bed.

“I really do.” She admitted and Arya smiled. “Why do you look so happy for?”

“Because that means that I was right.” Sansa scoffed, a sound that reminded her of Sandor, and couldn’t fight the smile that came on.

“Just delete the video, please.” When Arya nodded and showed Sansa that she had, Sansa got up to head back to her food.

As she sat down at the table her phone chimed and when she picked it up her jaw clenched. She had several notifications on the group chat she had with her siblings. The oldest was from Arya and it was the video of her dancing and singing.

**Arya: So the sister we have all been missing is back. All it took was for her to get some good dick in her.**

**Bran: For crying out loud Arya! I do not need to know this stuff!**

**Rickon: Good for you Sansa! Hope the dick is making you happy!**

**Robb: I don’t want to read about dicks and my sister in the same sentence.**

Sansa didn’t know if she was going to die from embarrassment or if she should kill her sister first when another message appeared on her screen.

**Robb: Is that MY fucking Direwolves shirt???!!!**

The whole drive over to their parents house Sansa made plans in her head for the best ways to end her sister and once they parked she tossed the keys to Arya.

“You are driving back home. I need a mimosa.”

When they opened the door Sansa’s bad mood fizzled out. She could hear her younger brothers arguing over something in the living room and her father calling out to them to settle down. Her mother’s voice carried out from the kitchen as she spoke to Robb’s wife Talisa. Sansa always loved coming home.

And as a little dark haired and blue eyed toddler wobbled out of the kitchen on his little chubby legs to greet them Sansa’s heart soared.

“San! San!” he called gleefully and giggled as she scooped him into her arms.

“Georgie!” He was in a laughing fit as she peppered his little face with kisses.

“Hey, what about Auntie Arya?” Arya complained and the toddler looked over Sansa’s shoulder at her.

“San.” He repeated and buried his face in her red hair. Sansa couldn’t help but stick her tongue out at Arya who huffed.

“The boy has good taste,” she said and Arya laughed as she pushed past her to head into the living room to join their brothers. Sansa carried Georgie into the kitchen where she was greeted with hugs by her mother and sister-in-law.

“Mimosa?” Talisa offered and Sansa beamed at her.

“You are a Godsend.” She really was. Robb had met the dark haired, dark eyed beauty when they both started their residences at the local hospital and it had been love at first sight for him. Sansa would never forget how her commitment phobe of a brother had called asking for her advice on how to make a girl love you. He had never had any trouble getting girls to like him but Talisa was different and put him through his paces.

Sansa hadn’t been able to picture him as a family man then but now all these years later he was married and had a baby that had turned one just a few months ago. And it was indisputable that he had turned into a family man.

The brother in question entered the kitchen and to Sansa’s amusement he seemed unable to meet her eyes.

“Do you guys need any help?” he asked as he ruffled his son’s hair and gave her wife a soft kiss. Georgie clung harder to Sansa making her smile as she stroked his back.

“You can help carry all the food to the table. And get your siblings to help.” Their mother ordered softly and smiled at her first born. Catelyn Stark had always been a firm believer in traditions and the monthly sunday brunch at her house was something she had started when Arya was still in diapers. Back then they had been joined by Sansa’s paternal grandparents, her uncle, aunts and cousins but once their grandparents had passed the others presence weren’t a certainty but their invitations a standing thing.

For Catelyn’s children however, attendance weren’t optional. It was her one chance to stay informed on what was going on in their lives and her favorite part of the month. Sansa loved it too since they all lived busy lives. It was one of the things she had missed the most when she had moved away to live in Kings Landing with Joffrey.

Sansa was excerpt from having to help due to the toddler clinging at her but she followed them into the dining room as they others joined them from the living room.

“Hey kitten.” Her father’s childhood nickname for her always spread a warmth through her chest and she hugged her father as hard as she was able with little George between them. 

“Hey dad.” Sansa had always found her father to be a tall, large man but now that her mind had another point of reference he didn’t seem as imposing. He was still a tall man and the seriousness of his long lean face and the glint in his dark grey eyes could make any man cower.

But as he looked at his first little girl and first grandchild his eyes were impossibly soft and he bent down to kiss the top of the toddlers head.

“Grandpa!” Georgie beamed and made grabby hands at the older man. Ned had been over the moon when the title had been Georgie’s first word. He had been wrapped around the toddlers little fingers ever since.

“Come to grandpa my boy,” he said as he lifted the boy from Sansa’s arms into his own. As he moved past her to sit down at the table Sansa realised that there was a man standing behind her father.

“Uncle Benjen!” she exclaimed happily as her father’s younger brothers wrapper her into one of his bear hugs. She hadn’t seen him since last thanksgiving, he lived a few hours away. But since he and his wife had recently separated Sansa suspected they would see more of him.

“How are Ashlyn and Rebecca doing?” His twin daughters were only six but adorable and kind. Sansa couldn’t imagine it being easy going through a divorce at such a young age.

“They’re good, thanks,” he responded and as everyone was gathered they sat down to eat.

Sansa hadn’t even been able to fill her plate before she felt her mother's blue eyes on her.

“So Sansa, do tell us about this boy you have been seeing.” Sansa had to hold back a sigh and bite her lip to keep from speaking out in protest. She knew that if she didn’t give her mother enough of an answer she would never let it go.

“He’s definitely not a boy…” Arya said teasingly and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Sansa. The piece of scone in Sansas mouth went down the wrong way and she started coughing terribly while glaring at her younger sister.

“What is that supposed to mean Arya? Have you met him?” Catelyn asked and Arya’s eyes widened when she realised her mistake. As she turned her grey eyes towards Sansa her eyes were pleading. They both knew Sansa suddenly had the upper hand.

Arya had not told their parents that she had taken a sabbatical from college and was currently working as a bartender downtown. And if their mother found out she would have a fit. For a split second Sansa considered outing Arya as revenge for this morning, but the thought was pushed aside as quickly as it came to her. She couldn’t do that to her sister.

“She met him when he picked me up for a date,” Sansa lied and Arya smiled gratefully.

“Well at least he has some manners then. Not like som douches who sit out in their cars and honk the horn,” Talisa jabbed at her husband who had the decency to blush.

“So what does he do?” Catelyn asked and Sansa sighed.

“Must we really spend the whole brunch asking about my love life?” Sansa wondered and her father gave her a soft compassionate smile.

“You might as well humour her. You know she won’t give it a rest until you do.” Catelyn glared at her husband who only gave her a teasing smile in return.

Sansa felt a little uncomfortable talking about Sandor with her whole family. They had technically been out on their first date yesterday, yet she felt they were a lot closer than you would be before a second date. But their start had been unconventional after all. _Not like I can tell them about that part though._

“Well, we have only just started seeing each other so try not to get a head of yourselves”, she warned them and they all nodded.

“He owns a bar that he has plans to expand into a grill or something of the like in the near future,” she said and she couldn’t keep the pride she felt from entering her voice. “He works really hard. He might come of as a bit harsh at first but he is really a sweetheart.”

In the corner of her eyes she could see Arya fake gagging and she wished she was sitting close enough to punch her. But she chose to focus on her mother who gave her a soft smile.

“It sounds like you are pretty close for having just started seeing each other,” Bran said and everyone turned to look at him. Bran mostly kept quiet during large family gatherings so to have him comment on a topic like this surprised them all. “What? I’m just happy she has found someone who appreciates her.”

She could feel her eyes welling up as she gave her little brother a grateful smile across the table. He seemed a little uncomfortable with her emotional expression because he only shrugged and focused his attention to his plate.

“Well so am I,” their mother agreed and smiled at Sansa. “I do hope you bring him over sometime.”

The idea of bringing Sandor home to meet her family made Sansa smile. She suspected he would hate the idea, not that she was contemplating it happening anytime soon. It was just that he was after all nine years older than her. So the idea of meeting her parents would probably seem juvenile to him.

Her heart suddenly ached when she realised that he had no family for her to ever meet, so could she really blame him if he didn’t want to meet hers? Sansa had to shake her head to clear it, why was she even thinking so far ahead? They weren’t even in a relationship yet.

She could feel Arya’s eyes on her and she realised that they all expected her to answer a question that she hadn’t heard.

“I’m sorry. I spaced out for a second.”

“I was just wondering what his place is called,” Uncle Benjen said innocently and Sansa’s eyes narrowed at him. “What?”

“If I tell you, will you go down there to spy on him?” she asked and Benjen at least had the good sense to look embarrassed to be found out.

“Maybe he just wanted to tell him that he better not hurt you or else,” Robb supplied with a stern look in his blue eyes. “Maybe we all should.”

A mix of both irritation and love filled Sansa at her brother’s words. She could understand their protectiveness considering her last relationship but she also needed them to let her live her life. She couldn’t stand it when they treated her like a victim. She just wanted to be treated how they used to before all that happened.

“Ha! As if you lot would intimidate him!” Arya exclaimed while bursting out in laughter and Sansa couldn’t help but imagine the scowl on Sandor’s face if her family tried to threaten him. _ Robb would probably shit his pants, _she thought and now she was laughing just as hard as Arya.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I can be fucking intimidating when I want to,” Robb insisted and Catelyn glared at him.

“Language!”

“He is like 6”7 and built like a fucking tank,” Arya burst out between laughs and Robb flinched back.

“Language!” Catelyn cried out again and slammed her palm down on the table. It cut off Sansa and Arya’s laughter and Robb’s protest and they all looked contrite when faced with their mother’s angry glare.

“Enough now! It’s time for Bran’s presents,” she decided and Bran groaned. “I will not hear anything from you! It’s your birthday on Tuesday. You will obliged us for wanting to celebrate it.”

As they watched Bran open his gifts Sansa felt lighter again. Bran looked up and smiled at her when he opened the gift of art supplies she had got him and she returned his smile.

After the climbing accident that had left him paralyzed from the waist down his art had been what helped him find his way back to them and gotten him to where he was today.

Sansa was so proud of the man her brother had become. He had overcome his hardship and had grown monumentally from it. She hoped she could be half as brave as he had been.

Sansa felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and since the others seemed occupied with watching Brann she dared to pick it out of her pocket. What she found made her stomach flutter and her face broke into a huge smile.

**Sandor: Hope you are having a good time with your family.**

**Sansa: I am, thank you.**

**Sandor: I know you said you’d call me but I couldn’t help myself.**

Sansa blushed as his words made her think of the amazing kiss they had shared and her asking him to be open with her.

**Sansa: I can’t blame you. I almost called you when I woke up this morning until I remembered that you were probably asleep.**

**Sandor: You can call me anytime. Can’t think of any better way to be woken up then to hear from you.**

Sansa’s heart was beating so hard in her chest she had to look up to see if they others could hear it. But they were all focused on Bran. She blushed furiously as she typed out her response.

**Sansa: I could think of a few better ways. They all include you though.**

_ Holy hell, when did I get this bold? _

As she waited for his response she sat smiling at the phone. He made her bold. It was so apparent that he wanted her and it made her brave enough to show him that she wanted him too.

**Sandor: Fucking hell woman.**

**Sandor: When can I see you again?**

**Sandor: I fucking miss you. It’s a first for me.**

Sansa jumped in her seat when she felt a hand land on her shoulder. As she looked up Talisa was smiling down at her.

“Is that him?” she whispered in Sansa’s ear and nodded to the phone were the picture of Sandor could be seen. Sansa’s blushing face was all the confirmation she needed as she looked closer. “Shit, he IS huge.”

Talisa looked suddenly concerned as she scanned Sansa’s face and it made her bristle.

“He would never hurt me.” Her voice was hard as flint and as she gave her sister in law a stern look that dared her to disagree. _ Don’t you dare judge him. You don’t know him like I do. _

“Good. I just want you to be happy.”

“He makes me happy,” she responded instantly, knowing it was the truth.

**Sansa: I miss you too. Are you working tonight?**

**Sandor: Yeah, I work every night.**

**Sansa: Well maybe you should try taking a night off.**

**Sandor: I’ll see if I can make that happen. Until then I have this lovely video to keep me company.**

**Sandor: You’ve got some nice moves. What’s the song called? It’s quite catchy.**

Sansa’s head snapped up and as her eyes met Arya’s, her younger sister started walking backwards towards the door. In an instance it was as if they were kids again when Arya turned and bolted.

“Arya!” Sansa shouted as she chased Arya down the hall towards their childhood bedroom, while her sister screeched in panic. “I’m gonna kill you!”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend shows up and makes shit happen ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for sticking with me and this little story of mine.
> 
> You guys are all amazing!
> 
> In regards to this chapter - I have taken some creative liberties in regards to Sandor's military service and I make a few references to it in this chapter and the one to follow. I admit to not being well versed in U.S military so there might be some mistakes on my part when it comes to terms and/or hierarchy. 
> 
> Know that I don't mean any disrespect, I just made some modifications so that it fits with my story.
> 
> Anyway - I hope you enjoy some sweet SanSan time :)

Sansa glared at Arya when her sister walked past her into the kitchen. It had been five days and Arya stilled lived. But Sansa was still pissed. Luckily for her sister Sandor had only teased her a little for it.

The last few days had been both wonderful and awful at the same time. They hadn’t seen each other since their date and Sansa was starting to get lovesick. She wanted so badly to see him, hold him and kiss him. But he had been crazy swamped with work since he had decided to try and turn the bar into a grill as well. And Sansa’s boss had been down with the flu so she had been working full days every day. So they had to settle for phone calls and texting. Every day she woke up to a good morning text from him, that he had sent just before going to bed. She thought it terrible sweet that she was one of the last things he thought about before going to sleep. But it still couldn’t substitute actually seeing him.

She could feel her sister watching her wearily as she was putting on her shoes and jacket.

“You could come down to the bar,” Arya said softly but that only made Sansa frown. “I’m sure he would be happy to see you.”

“If he wanted me to come by he would have asked me to.” Arya gave her a skeptical look and shook her head.

“How would you feel if he knocked on the door right now? Even if he only could stay for like 10 minutes?”

Sansa knew the answer instantly. She would be elated. But the bar was his work place and she didn’t want to risk feeling like a bother.

“Just think about it. I’m heading down there now. I’m closing up tonight so don’t wait up.” 

Sansa nodded but once her sister closed the door behind her she decided to spend her evening with take out and a glass of wine.  _ Maybe a comedy will make me think of something other than him for a bit. _

When the door rang she got up, expecting it to be her food, but as she opened the door she froze.

“Hello.” The whirlwind that was Ygritte stood outside her door with a red eyebrow tilted up and took her in with scepticism. “You’re not gonna wear that are you?”

Sansa looked down at her sweatpants and knitted sweater as Ygritte pushed past her into the apartment. 

“What’s wrong with it?”

Ygritte herself was dressed to the nines. She was wearing a black leather skirt and a short, flimsy red top beneath her black leather jacket and heels so high Sansa wondered how she was able to walk without wobbling.

“Nothing, if you’re sick. But you can’t wear that tonight.” Ygritte persisted and headed into Sansa’s bedroom. Without a moment of hesitation she started to rummaging through Sansa’s closet.

After knowing Ygritte for years, she had met her and Ros in High School, Sansa was no longer surprised by her friends behaviour.

“What do you think is happening tonight?” she asked and Ygritte looked over her shoulder at her.

“Our double date.” she stated and the shock Sansa felt must have been apparent because Ygritte’s eyes narrowed. “Did I not tell you about that?”

“No you didn’t! And I don’t want to go on a double date!” Sansa protested and blushed as her mind pictured the reason for that. “I’m dating someone.”

Ygritte stopped her search and tossed a short black dress at Sansa. It was a freaking shift. Sansa tossed it back with an irritated huff.

“Who? Scarface?” Ygritte said and Sansa flushed with anger. She knew Ygritte to be blunt but she still didn’t like how she referred to him. Ygritte had been there when she met Sandor but had since been away because of work so she didn’t know all the details. But it still didn’t give her the right to call him names, it was rude and hurtful and Sansa wouldn’t stand for it.

“His name is Sandor.”

“Whatever. Good for you,” Ygritte’s smile was genuinely happy and she clasped Sansa’s hand in her own. “I mean it.”

“Then you get why I can’t come right?” Sansa said and Ygritte sighed as she sat down on the bed.

“Edd’s on leave,” she said and sounded small. Edd was a guy Ygritte had been on and off with for years now. He was in the air force but everytime he was home on leave they got together. Sansa knew Ygritte cared for him a lot, but she didn’t want to be tied down to one guy. Specially not if she only saw him a few times a year at best. She had never admitted to being in love with him, claiming that that wasn’t what they had.

“Why do I have to come if it’s Edd?” Sansa asked and Ygritte groaned.

“He has this buddy that he wants to bring along. They were in the same pluton or whatever it’s called in the air force. And he didn’t want to ditch him or make him the third wheel.” Ygritte explained and her voice took on that needy whine she knew Sansa couldn’t stand. “Edd said he was really cute…”

“I don’t care, remember?” Sansa said and Ygritte wrapped her into a tight hug.

“Please? Pretty please?”

Sansa had known she would give in to Ygritte the moment she had entered the door. That was just Ygritte, she was a whirlwind and you better just hold on to her as she blew out. It was one of the reasons Sansa loved her, but it was also one of the reasons she sometimes drove her insane. Because there was no way she was able to match Ygritte’s intensity.

“Fine. But I’m gonna be clear with him that he and I are not on a date.” Ygritte nodded eagerly and released Sansa. “And I’m gonna choose what to wear myself.”

She had decided on a pair of black tight jeans and a blue halterneck top that complemented her eyes before throwing on a black knitted cardigan. She felt it was nice enough without being overly dressed up, she didn’t want to send the wrong message. She was already taken after all. That thought made Sansa paus, was she taken?

The thought of going on a date with someone other than Sandor made her terrible uncomfortable, not because she worried what Sandor would think. But because she really didn’t want to, she only wanted to see him.

Yet she still got into the taxi with Ygritte and then let her friend drag her down the street.

“There they are,” Ygritte said as the walked up to the restaurant the were meeting at. Sansa could make out Edd and the other men heading their way. As they came closer Sansa’s eyes widened in astonishment.

When they were close enough for the men to see them her eyes met his and they both started laughing. What were the odds?

“What the hell?” Ygritte said as Sansa flung herself around the other man’s neck and he crushed her to him.

“When did you get back in town?” she asked once he put her down again. “Robb’s gonna be furious if he finds out that you were here without seeing him.”

“I’m gonna meet up with him tomorrow.” The man answered as he dragged a hand through his black curly hair.

“Excuse me? Do you guys know each other?” Ygritte asked sounding annoyed that she was missing something.

“Ygritte, this is my cousin Jon,” Sansa introduced and he shook her hand with an amused smile.

“Jon? As in the cousin who lived with you when you were kids?” she asked and Sansa nodded.

Jon’s mother was her father’s younger sister and had only been 19 when she got pregnant. Sansa’s grandparents had been furious when she decided to keep her baby, so when she had nowhere to go she moved in with Sansa’s parents. Her mother had been pregnant with Robb at the time so he and Jon had practically been like brothers from birth.

Her aunt Lyanna and Jon had lived with them while Lyanna went to college and eventually she had reconciled with her parents but she never lived with them again. Once she graduated and started working she got Jon and herself their own place. It had only been a little further down the street but Sansa remembered how devastated the seven year old boys had been over being separated.

“How long is your leave this time?” she asked as they sat down to eat and Jon smiled at her with those serious dark brown eyes of his. He had joined the air force on his 18th birthday and he had become a First Lieutenant just the year before. Sansa smiled as she remembered how proud her aunt had been, despite being against him signing up in the first place.

“I have five more days.” Jon seemed happy as he took Sansa’s arm when they were lead to their table.

“Well, at least you don’t have to awkwardly tell him it’s not a date,” Ygritte teased and both Sansa and Jon pulled disgusted faces at her words.

“Have you told Arya you’re home?” Sansa asked and he shook his head.

“Oh, we should call her to join us then,” Edd suggested and Jon nodded eagerly. Arya and Jon had always been close, he had always been the one her sister had turned to when she needed advice. She probably still did, whenever she could.

“She’s working tonight,” Sansa said and Jon frowned. “She is bartending at a bar downtown. Don’t tell our parents. They don’t know.”

Jon’s eyebrows rose in surprise and it amused Sansa that her little sister apparently hadn’t told him about everything that was going on with her. Sometimes Sansa wondered if Arya even knew why she was doing what she was doing. But she really liked working at the bar and Sansa wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that for her.

“Well we should go there to have drinks after dinner then,” Edd said and Sansa wanted to protest. She had decided that she wouldn’t bother Sandor at work. She didn’t want him to think her clingy or needy. He had admitted to her that he was new with dating and the last thing she wanted to do was to overwhelm him.

But the look Ygritte gave her made it clear that she had no say in the matter so she decided to focus on Jon and talk about everything that happened since they last saw each other.

During dinner Sansa watched as Ygritte showed a lot of interest in what Jon had to say, and if Sansa didn’t know better she'd think that her friend used every chance she got to touch him. Jon didn’t seem to mind the attention at all and that meant that Sansa had to keep Edd company. How could Ygritte be flirting with another man when Edd was sitting right there?

He didn’t seem bothered by Ygritte’s interest in the other man and it made Sansa wonder if she perhaps put too much thought into it. Maybe Ygritte was just being friendly? She was after all a very intense person so she could sometimes seem a bit much by Sansa’s standards. She had seen her actively picking up guys many times and then she was way more flirty than she was being now.  _ Just ignore it. _

Once they finished their meals they shared a taxi and as they headed inside  _ The Three Headed Hound _ Sansa’s heart was beating franticly in her chest. Immediately her eyes started searching for the large hulk that was her man.  _ When did I start thinking of him as mine? _

Sansa pushed the thought aside and since she couldn’t see him anywhere she followed the others to a booth in the back. Sansa was relieved when Ygritte sat down in Edd’s lap and wrapped his arms around her waist. He seemed happy enough to comply and placed a soft kiss on her jawline. Jon opted to sit down next to Sansa on the other end of the booth and Sansa relaxed.

“Since your boyfriend owns the place, you are getting the drinks,” Ygritte stated and Jon’s eyebrow rose in surprise.

“Sandor and I haven’t really been dating that long. He’s the owner,” Sansa said and Jon smiled at her. It was one of those smiles that warmed her chest. Jon had always been sparse with his displays of affection but his eyes were never able to hide his feelings. She knew he was happy for her.

“I’ll help you with the drinks,” Jon offered and she led him towards the bar. A brown haired, bearded bartender with a nose that had obviously been broken several times and never properly set walked up to them with a swagger to his steps. He looked Sansa over from her toes up to her head and then he grinned cheekily.

“Well hello there, Red,” he said and Sansa frowned. “The big man will be happy to see you.”

As he spoke she suddenly recognised his voice and smiled at the memory.

“You must be Bronn,” she stated and he reached out his hand for her to shake.

“The one and only. Now what can I get ya?” he asked and then started fixing their order with a practiced flourish. As he sat their drinks down on the bar his smiled vanished and his brown eyes turned serious. “He was a downright miserable cunt when you guys fell out. Don’t do that to me again.”

Sansa could only gape at him as he threw her a wink over his shoulder as he walked over to serve another customer. She was about to call out that she hadn’t paid yet but the words died on her lips as a shiver ran down her back. There was this unmistakable heaviness and warmth moving down her body and it had her looking over her shoulder. She knew he was watching her long before she saw him.

His grey eyes were like molten silver as he stood leaning against the doorway to the back rooms, taking her in. She couldn’t, and didn’t want to, look away as he traced her body with his eyes. Instead a slow smile spread on her face from his open admiration of her.

“You ready to head back to the others?” Jon asked and placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. Sandor’s eyes zoned in on the hand on her and his whole face darkened. His eyes then returned to Sansa’s face and she shook her head at him.

Sandor suddenly seemed hesitant and when he crossed his large arms over his chest she could read the confusion on his face.

“I’ll be right back,” she said to Jon and started making her way over to Sandor.

He watched her approach as if he was trying to decide if he should run or stay and his stubborn streak made him stare her down as she walked towards him. It made Sansa’s stomach flutter uncomfortably.  _ He can’t be jealous, could he? _

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” he said when she was close enough to hear and the hardness in his voice made her stop her approach with greater distance between them than she had intended.

“I hadn’t planned to,” she answered honestly and he placed that damn scowl on his face.

_ He is putting his armour on. _

“Then why did you?” he asked and the hint of uncertainty in his voice made her dare take a step closer. When he didn’t try to move away or flinch she kept going until they were almost chest to chest. His nostrils were flaring and his arms were strung taught, as if he was trying to control the urge to touch her and it made her chest ache.  _ I keep forgetting how new all this is to him. _

“Well my friend lured me out and we got together with Jon…” she started and he growled, it was a low almost primal noise deep in his throat.

“That him?” he lifted his chin to indicate the man in question, whom she suspected were watching them from the bar. “Good for you, he looks like someone you should be dating.”

Sansa had to take a deep breath to quell the irritation that his comment had stirred in her and gave him a stern look. She lifted her hand to grip his chin and used it to pull his face down to her level.

“You big stupid man,” she scolded but the words had no real heat in them. Instead they were soft and full with affection. His eyes widened in surprise and she used his momentary confusion to her advantage. Her fingernails raked through his beard and settled on the back of his head. The touch made him groan and she smiled victoriously and as she looked deeply into his eyes she pressed her lips firmly against his.

The moment their lips touched his arms were around her and he pressed her so close to him she could feel every piece of hard muscle that was his chest. When he straightened to his full height her feet were of the floor and the only thing keeping her from falling was his strong arms.

She couldn’t keep in a giggle as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his answering chuckle made her pull at his hair. It had the desired effect as his lips released hers and he pulled his face back enough for her to look at him.

“You better take it back,” she said and he frowned at her in confusion.

“Take what back?” He tried to release her but she tightened her grip and leaned her forehead against his.

“Whatever awful thing you were thinking about yourself to make you think I’d rather be with someone else,” she said low and the sigh he released told her that she had been right in her assessment. “Because I don’t.”

“Sansa…” her name on his lip sounded as both a plea and a prayer.

“Sandor,” she answered and the kiss he gave was bruising in its intensity and his tongue delved deep into her mouth to taste her. The intrusion made her moan and one of his arms loosened its grip around her waist and as his now free hand found her ass he groaned.

When he squeezed she felt herself become a raging fire of need and she couldn’t touch enough of him as her hands roamed his hair, face and shoulders.  _ Gods, those shoulders are amazing. _

A sudden roar that cut over the noise of the crowd and music pulled them back to the present and Sandor put her down on the floor but didn’t release his grip around her waist as he turned to face the cause of the noise. In a protective gesture, that made Sansa’s core ache, he pushed her behind him.

As she looked out from behind Sandor’s large back the source of the noise could be seen barreling through the crowd and Sandor cursed as Arya practically tackled Jon to the floor.

“The fuck?” he said and looked over his shoulder at her. When his eyes met hers the softness in them made her reach out and intwine their hands.

“Come on, there is someone I’d like you to meet.” She pulled him over to where Arya was practically clinging to Jon with an angry scowl on her face.

“You cunt! Why didn’t you tell me you’d be in town?” she scolded and he raised his eyebrows at the profanity.

“What? And miss this warm welcome?” he jested and she scoffed but couldn’t fight her smile any longer. When they noticed Sansa and Sandors presence, Arya released Jon so that he could reach out a hand in greeting to the larger man.

“This is my cousin Jon,” Sansa introduced and to her delight Sandor couldn’t hide his embarrassment from misreading the situation. “Jon, this is my…. Sandor, this is Sandor.”

Sansa blushed furiously as she tried to cover up her mistake. They hadn’t gotten to the point where it was appropriate to discuss labels and she had been so close to label him as her boyfriend without his consent. She could feel his eyes on her but she didn't dare meet them. Instead she took her drink from Jon and took a big sip. The alcohol settled her nerves a little and she was able to return her focus to the conversation between the two men.

“On leave huh?” Sandor said and there was a hint of respect in his voice. “Army?”

“Air force,” Jon answered and Sandors eyebrow rose. “You an army man?”

“Army Special Forces, I was a Staff Sergeant before I got discharged,” Sandor said and Sansa looked up at him in surprise. He had never told her he had been in the army.

“You were fucking Green Beret?” Arya said and she couldn’t keep the admiration from showing on her face.

“Yeah, so was Bronn. But that was years ago now,” he said and Sansa could see that her large man had earned Jon’s respect.  _ There I go again, thinking of him as mine. _

As Sandor’s hand squeezed hers she knew she wanted him to be.

“Holy fuck you are huge!” Ygritte’s loud exclamation made Sansa jump and tighten her grip on Sandor’s hand.

“Ygritte!” Sansa scolded but the other redhead just laughed and snatched the drink from Sansa’s hand.

“What? He is,” she said as she took a deep swig. “We were starting to wonder what happened to you lot. I’m fucking thirsty.”

That reminded Sansa of her predicament and she turned to face Sandor. His grey eyes took in her face with such softness that she couldn’t help but reach out and place a hand on his large chest.

“I didn’t have a chance to pay for our drinks… How much do I owe for four gin and tonics?” she asked and he shook his head amused.

“Not a thing. You drink for free,” he said and smiled softly when she tried to protest. “My place, my rules.”

“I like this one, make sure you keep him Sansa,” Ygritte said with a wink before she dragged Edd back to their booth.

_ I intend to. _

Sansa had a happy buzz going as she stood with her back leaning against Sandor’s chest. He, in turn, were leaning against the bar and had wrapped his large arms around her waist and pulled her close. As he spoke with her cousin and friends he occasionally leaned his chin on her head or shoulder and his fingers would softly caress her arms. His touch was intoxicating and she loved the feeling of him so close.

She could feel the rumble of his chest as he spoke against her back and it made her want to rub herself all over him so that he would smell of her, so people would know he was hers. The boldness of her thoughts made her blush furiously.

“I should get back to work,” Sandor said softly into her ear and his lips were so close they brushed her lobe and it made her shiver. “But I really don’t want to.”

She couldn’t keep in a big happy smile at his words and turned her face up to look at him. She loved his beard she realised as she saw the thickness of it upclose. It made him look so manly and she followed the line of it with her eyes. It covered most of his throat but the hairs were more closely trimmed and shorter there. She couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if she dragged her tongue against it, and then she blushed even deeper. But it was a delicious heat, not an embarrassed one.

“Maybe you should,” she agreed low. “Or you should play hookey for the rest of the night.”

She punctuated her words by gently nibbling at his jaw and she could feel the shiver as it ran through him. There was a hitch in his throat as he took in her words and his grip on her tightened deliciously.

“I want to go dancing,” Ygritte suddenly said, pulling Sansa’s attention from Sandor and back to their group. Edd easily agreed but Jon shook his head.

“I’m gonna head out. I don’t want to be hungover when I meet up with Robb tomorrow,” Jon said and Sansa frowned when she saw the disappointment on Ygritte’s face.

“Well, what about you two?” she asked and looked at Sansa hopefully.

Sansa turned her face up again and as her eyes met Sandor’s she smiled happily.

“I think I am gonna head home,” she stated with a question in her eyes that he readily answered with an eager nod of his head. Their display made Ygritte huff but as she pulled Edd towards the door she threw a wink over her shoulder and Sansa could only laugh.

“Bronn, I’m…” Sandor started but was cut off by the other man holding up a hand.

“If that sentence doesn’t end in “I’m gonna take my girl home. You close up” I don’t want to fucking hear it.” The look he gave his friend made it clear that he was not playing this time and Sansa had to fight to hide a grin. To her surprise Sandor barked out a laugh and turned Sansa around so she was facing him.

“That’s up to her,” he said in a whisper that only she could hear and she felt like she could melt from the heat in his stare.

“Bronn, I’m taking him home. You close up,” Sansa threw over her shoulder as she started pulling Sandor towards the exit. Bronn’s only response was the loud laughter she heard ringing behind them.

His home turned out to be a two story house about twenty minutes out of town. He drove his truck down a dirt road into the woods before she saw it in the middle of a clearing. It was made of dark wood and had large windows that faced the morning sun. The house was surrounded by a large wooden deck where a large rocking chair was placed and as she took it in she smiled.

“It’s beautiful.” He smiled softly at her as he parked on the driveway and climbed out. She followed him down the stone path towards the front door and smiled as she pictured flowers framing the pathway.

“You should plant flowers,” she said and he frowned in confusion. “Just imagine Tulips along the pathway. And some hydrangea bushes by the deck.”

“I wouldn’t know how to manage them.” He simply answered as he unlocked the door.

The inside of the house was also all wood and open space. His large kitchen was just to the left and it was made of dark wooden cabinets and a large kitchen island with barstools in the center. He had a small kitchen table in the corner and the slight layer of dust on it showed that it was rarely used.

On their right was the living room which had a dark leather couch and a ridiculously large tv mounted on the wall. There was no paintings or pictures anywhere she realised. Instead he had a placebuilt shelf that took up a whole wall from floor to ceiling. The sections of it was filled to the brim what she realised was a mix of vinyl records and books. At the end of the hall she could see a staircase and passed it a door.

“Bathrooms back there if you need it,” he said and nodded at said door.

The sound of his voice reminded Sansa of where she really was and being here in his space suddenly made Sansa feel shy and unsure. Where had that confident woman at the bar disappeared to?

Perhaps he could sense her sudden tension or he felt the same because he walked past her into the kitchen without looking back at her.

“You hungry?” he called over his shoulder as he opened his large fridge. It was unexpectedly well stocked with everything, and more than, Sansa could ever picture one person eating in weeks.

“I’m good, thank you,” she said as she followed him and sat down on one of the barstools.

“I need to fucking eat,” he rasped out as he put down a bottle of water in front of her. “You should drink this.”

He turned his back to her again and she frowned at his large frame. She wasn’t drunk, a little buzzed yes, but it wasn’t like she didn’t know what she was doing. Was he worried that she didn’t know what she was doing?

He kept his back to her as he chopped vegetables and threw them into a hot skillet on the stove. He was acting as if she wasn’t even there and it frustrated her.

“Hey Sandor?” when his only response was a huff she decided that she wouldn’t accept his behaviour. He had been so openly affectionate and sweet only an hour ago so what the hell was this?

She moved to stand next to him and leaned her hip against the kitchen counter. She saw him glance at her and she met his eyes unflinching. It made him turn his attention back to the food he was making and she sighed. She jumped up to sit on the counter and used the decreased difference in height to look at him. He turned off the stove as he put his stir-fry on a large plate. Before he had a chance to turn away she grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him to her.

She knew that if he wanted to he could easily pull out of her grip but to her relief he followed obediently. When she had him in front of her she let her hands slide over his shoulders onto his back and then up to the back of his head.

“Won’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” she asked softly as if she was speaking to an easily spooked animal. He only grunted and kept his eyes downcast and his arms firmly against his sides. “Sandor, please.”

The use of his name made him look up and the vulnerability on his face made her eyes widen in surprise. He tried to pull away but she wrapped her legs around his hips, trapping him against her.

“Talk to me.” With a sigh he rested his forehead against hers and his hands came to rest softly on her hips. “I can’t understand if you won’t talk to me.”

“It just seemed like such a great idea at the bar but now that you’re here it’s suddenly so real and I…” his voice was barely a whisper but clear enough and Sansa had to fight the hurt she suddenly felt from taking charge of her. Instead she took a deep breath and schooled her expression.

“And now you regret it?” His grip tightened on her hips and he shook his head vehemently.

“No! No… I just… I’m not good at this. What if we are moving too fast and I fuck it up?” he let out in a gush of air and she instantly softened.

“It’s okay to feel nervous or unsure Sandor. The important part is that you tell me when you do,” she said and pressed a kiss to his forehead. The intimate gesture seemed to relax him and when he took a deep breath he lifted his head to look at her. “Maybe I should call a taxi?”

At her suggestion his head shook again and his hands moved to cup her face with such incredible gentleness for such a big man and she smiled softly at him.

“No, please stay,” he said and cleared his throat nervously. “But perhaps, just stay?”

She nodded to show that she understood and the kiss he gave her was so loving she would have swooned if she hadn’t already been sitting.

They moved to the large couch and he put on a channel at random. As he ate she leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. And when she stole his fork to take a few bites of his food he only grumbled and offered to make her some more with a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m not hungry, it just looked so good,” she answered and he huffed out a soft chuckle.

“Why do you sound so surprised? I can cook,” he said against her hair and she wrapped her arm around his broad chest, having her hand resting against his heart.

“Just so you know, you just raised my expectations on breakfast tomorrow,” she teased and squeezed him as tight as she could. He was so broad and compact she wondered if he was in the least affected by the pressure.

“Yeah? And what would the lady like to order?” he joked softly as she rested her head against his chest.

“Pancakes are my greatest weakness”, she admitted with a yawn and the low rumble of his chest as he laughed made her all warm inside.

“I think we should put you to bed.” Her eyes were so heavy she could only humm in response. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this relax around someone and it felt so good to be held.

When he lifted her bridal-style as if she weighed nothing she was suddenly wide awake again. It sent a current of desire through the parts of her that was pressed against his warm chest and it all gathered at her core. She watched his face as he carefully carried her upstairs and through one of the three doors there, into what had to be his bedroom.

It was as sparsely decorated like the rest of his home. In the center, facing large floor to ceiling windows was the largest bed she had ever seen. On one side of it there was a bedside table made of dark wood and against one wall stood a large dresser made out of the same material. But there were no pictures or paintings in here either. But as he put her down at the center of the room and she looked out the large windows she didn’t feel like it was missing something. The view, even in the darkness of night, was breathtaking. The black sky was full of stars, more than she could ever hope to see in the city and between the trees she could see the moon reflected in what looked to be a small lake.

When Sansa turned around towards the room again she saw that Sandor was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. It felt strange, because she had always found him so easy to read. But now there was something in his eyes as he took her in that made her frown in confusion.

“What?” she asked in a small voice and wrapper her arms around herself when he shook his head softly.

“Just trying to figure out how I could get so lucky to have you here.” His soft words made her heart scream with joy and without thinking she flung herself at him. He caught her instantly and as she wrapped her legs around his hips she had never felt safer. Before he had a chance to collect himself her lips were on his and her tongue demanded entrance immediately.

Her kiss was demanding and almost possessive in its intensity yet she still couldn’t get enough. She needed more, she needed to taste every part of him, feel all of him beneath her hands.

When she started pulling at his sweater one of his hands came up and at stopped her by grabbing both of hers in his so much larger one.  _ I need those hands on me. _

“Sansa please…” his voice was heavy with need that resonated with her core but it was the pleading in his eyes when he pulled his lips away that struck her hardest. “We need to stop.”

As his words sunk in she felt a sudden dread at the pit of her stomach.  _ What have I done? _

She released him and as her feet hit the floor she pushed away and turned her face away to hide her burning cheeks. She needed distance so she quickly walked over to the large windows, hoping the shame she felt didn’t reflect in the glass.

“Sandor… I’m so sorry,” she said and tried to calm herself when she heard how breathless her voice sounded. He had said that he wasn’t sure, that he needed to wait. He had asked her to stay but made it clear that he didn’t want anything to happen tonight. And what had she done? She had jumped him, forced herself on him the first chance she got.  _ How could I do that to him? _

“I think maybe I should just go…” Her voice was barely above a whisper but she sounded far surer than she felt.

In an instance his large arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her back to his chest. The hold was possessive and demanding, like her kisses had been, as he pressed her to him.

“I don’t want you to go.” His voice was a deep raspy whisper in her ear and as his breath tickled her neck she couldn’t help but lean her head back against his shoulder.

“It was wrong of me to act like that when you just told me you didn’t want to.” She tried to explain but then his hand was pushing her hair to the side, exposing the skin of her neck to his soft lips. He didn’t really kiss her, he just held his lips softly against her skin so that when he spoke they pressed against her and the warmth of his breath made her want to whimper with need.

“Don’t ever fucking think I don’t want you. You have no idea how fucking sexy it was when you jumped me like that.” His voice was deep and honest as he spoke. “No one's ever done that to me before.”

The vulnerability of his words made her caress his arms comfortingly. She could feel his desire for her, both in his touch and in his voice but he was also pressed tightly against her so she could feel the physical reaction he had to her and that was almost enough for her to forget herself again. Before she would she reluctantly pulled away from his embrace and turned to face him.

“It was still disrespectful and I’m sorry,” she persisted and he sighed.

“Sansa. There is nothing more that I would want then to have you but not when you have been drinking.” His grey eyes were pleading with her to understand his meaning and a strong sense of affection filled her chest were her shame had been.  _ He’s scared I’ll regret it _ .

She knew she wouldn’t but the fact that he cared enough to be worried made her cup his face in her hands. Her fingers gently traced the raised lines of his scars while her eyes held his.

“Let’s go to bed.” Her suggestion was met by one of those wonderful soft smiles that made his eyes crinkle and her heart skipped in her chest.

“There’s a bathroom at the end of the hall to the left if you want to change,” he suggested and she frowned down at her jeans and top. 

“I don’t have anything to sleep in,” she stated and blushed as the thought of sleeping in just her underwear in his bed struck her.  _ At least I’m wearing a matching set tonight. _

It wasn’t one of the few sexier sets she had but it was a soft blue cotton with lace trimmings that she thought looked nice on her.

The smirk Sandor gave her told her that the same thought had crossed his mind and when she raised her eyebrow at him in challenge he walked over to his dresser. With a sheepish smile he held out a large grey t-shirt and she smiled gratefully.

She hurried over to the bathroom to change and smiled as she looked at herself in the small bathroom mirror. The t-shirt was huge, the neckline so wide that it kept falling down one of her shoulders and it reached to just below her knees. But it smelled like him and that in itself felt wonderful.

As she entered the bedroom she did a double take. Sandor was already in bed, his head propped up against the headboard. He had the covers drawn up to his waist and his chest was naked. The sight made her blush furiously as well as reignited the ache in her core. His chest was the broadest she had ever seen and most of it was covered with thick black hair. Yet despite the dim light she could see that he was all large slabs of muscles. Her eyes were drawn to the right side of his upper chest, no hair grew there. Instead what looked like a tattooed birds wing was stretched and as she followed it she saw that the birds body covered most of his right shoulder and upper arm. She couldn't help but wonder what it meant and made a mental note to ask him about it some other time.

“Are you gonna come here or are you going to stare all night?” he asked teasingly and her blush spread down her throat. She couldn’t keep from glaring at him but as she did she realised that his eyes were on her legs. He looked positively sinful as his eyes followed them up to where his t-shirt started and she couldn’t help but smile.

Instead of walking over to the other side of the bed she demonstratively got in on his side and straddled him in order to move over to the other side. His hands struck out and grasped her thighs, keeping her hovering above him.

“You are really testing my control here.” He probably meant it as a complaint but the heat of his eyes as he stared at his own hands on her skin made her smile.

“Good,” she said smugly. With a growl he suddenly tossed her away so she fell of him and landed bouncing on the mattress. Her hair fell in her face and as she pushed it away she was met with his grinning face hovering above hers and the unexpected playfulness made her laugh happily.

She was rewarded with a soft kiss and then he pulled her firmly to him. It was strange how natural it felt to mold herself to his side and feel his arms around her. His hand was lazily caressing her side and the movement made her feel drowsy again.

“Good night Sandor,” she said as she pressed a soft kiss to his chest.

“Good night Sansa.” As she closed her eyes she fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat beneath her head and a single thought in her head.

_ This is how it’s supposed to feel. _


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback, it makes me beyond happy to hear all of your thoughts.
> 
> Here is some fluff, a little bit of angst and then a shit load of tooth-rotting fluff. Because that's how I roll ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Sandor was used to waking up with the sun. Despite the late hours he worked he never seemed to need more than three-four hours of sleep at the most. He never set an alarm, the sunlight from the windows on his face was usually enough to wake him. But this morning it wasn’t the sunlight that woke him.

It was the feeling of someone pressing into his neck and side that made his eyes slowly open and as they started focusing he realised he could only see red.

The memories of last night washed over him as he reached up to touch his face and was met by long silky strands of hair. He gently brushed it off and lifted his head to take in the woman next to him. She was practically wrapped around him, he realised with a smile. One arm was across his chest and her hand was in his hair. Her leg was thrown over his thighs, trapping him against her body. Her head was on his shoulder and he could feel her soft breaths against his neck. It was the most amazing sight he had ever seen in his life. _ When was the last time I started the day feeling this happy? _

She was the most wonderful person he had ever met and here she was in his bed, all tangled up with him, as if she was meant to be there.

A jolt went through his cock and made it twitch as he remembered the way she had kissed him last night. All raw and demanding need and he had been seconds from just pulling their clothes away enough to be able to take her right then and there. _ Thank the Gods I didn’t. _

He wanted their first time to be something that neither of them wanted to forget, not a quick fuck after a night out.

A very demanding part of him wanted to wake her with kisses and caresses and maybe see how she would respond. But then the thought of having her recoyling back and asking him what the fuck he was doing was enough to quell the other part of his brain.

The rumble of his stomach reminded him of his promise of breakfast and the thought of waking her up to breakfast in bed made him strangely excited. _ She’d probably love that shit. _

Wanting to give her a reason to want to stay over again won over the desire to just stay and stare at her like some fucking creep and he carefully untangled himself from her limbs, mindful to not let his hands linger to long despite how amazing she felt against them. He threw on a black t-shirt and a pair of workout shorts as he snuck downstairs.

It took him a while to whip up enough pancakes for the both of them but to his relief he couldn’t hear her stirring upstairs. As he loaded the tray with a large stack of pancakes, an assortment of toppings, two glasses of juice and two cups of coffee he felt fucking giddy like a fucking greenl boy and walked up the stairs with hurried steps. He backed in to his bedroom and when he turned around to face the bed he almost dropped the tray.

Sansa was sitting up against the headboard of his bed, still wearing his t-shirt as she was slowly running her fingers through that fucking amazing hair of hers, looking like she belonged there. _ With me. _

She had been looking out the large windows but when she saw him she turned her face towards him and it split in to the happiest grin Sandor had ever seen in his life. _ How is it that she can smile at my ugly face like that? _

“Oh Sandor!” she exclaimed wide eyed as she took in the tray he was clutching in his hands. “That looks amazing!”

In that instant he knew that if she let him he would make her breakfast in bed every fucking morning if it made her smile at him like that. When he carefully sat the tray down she patted the mattress next to her with a soft smile. When he sat down and she leaned her head on his shoulder he couldn’t keep in a happy smile of his own.

“I didn’t know what you’d like to drink in the morning so I got orange juice and coffee, I hope that’s alright,” he said softly and she nodded.

“I usually drink tea but coffee is good too,” she answered and Sandor cursed inwardly.

“I don’t have any tea but I could go buy some…” When he moved to get up a slender hand on his forearm stopped him.

“Don’t you dare go anywhere.” Her tone was firm even as her eyes twinkled playfully at him. Was he insane for hoping that she was referring to more than just this moment? _ Fuck it, it felt good. When was the last time I thought of anything further than tomorrow? _

“Oh my gods! Nutella!” she cried out and he couldn’t keep in a laugh at her giddy excitement over something so simple as food. The amount she spread on her pancake was obscene and when he teased her for it she paid him back by smearing some on his cheek.

“Very mature,” he mock scolded and she wrinkled her nose at him and somehow that little thing made his heart stop beating.

After that they enjoyed their breakfast in companionable silence and Sandor was shocked over how right it felt to have her here in his space. He had always been a loner and growing up in foster care where you shared your space with so many other kids had been fucking torture. The army had been pretty much the same.

When he had gotten the chance to buy this land and build his own house he had jumped at the chance. To have something in his fucking life that was his and his alone. Not something hand-me down or borrowed. His from the start. He could probably count the people he had over on one hand and none had ever gotten to stay over. _ Until her. _

“Hey Sandor,” she said softly and he leaned his head against hers with a humm. “You told Jon yesterday that you had been in the army…”

He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help but flinch and his hand unconsciously reached out to touch his left thigh.

“Yeah?” Fuck, his voice sounded strained and he cleared his throat to try and collect himself. “I mean, yes I was in the army.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said and damn her, she reached out her hand and placed it on top of his were it rested on his thigh. Her touch was like balm to his soul.

“No, it’s fine. What do you want to know?” He had always prided himself in being painfully honest and he knew that he wouldn’t stop now. She would get answers to the questions she asked. Even if she wouldn’t like the answers.

“How long were you in the army?”

“I enlisted when I was 16. Lied about my age, I was already a big fucker by then so they didn’t check to close.” He smiled sadly at the memory, he had been fucking elated to get out of the shit home he had been placed in then and the army had seemed like the only way out. “Turns out I was a fucking good soldier so I just kept reenlisting and before I knew it I was chosen for the Special Forces and I ended up leading a unit of my own after a few years.”

“You said you were discharged?” she asked and he closed his eyes as he nodded.

“An honorable discharge they fucking called it, but to me it was the end to life as I knew it.” The memory of it still stung despite it being seven years ago. The army had been his fucking life, all he had known and then that had been taken away in an instance.

“Would you mind telling me what happened?” her voice sounded small to him and he didn’t like the uncertainty in it at all. It made him open his eyes and look down at her. Her eyes were watching him carefully and he reached out to cup her face in his hand. She leaned into his touch and smiled softly, making the choice for him.

“My unit was part of a convoy and we hit an IED. I remember being thrown up in the air and when I came to again there was just this overwhelming amount of screaming and gunfire.” Her hand squeezed his and he pressed his lips to her forehead to ground himself to this moment and not let the memory swallow him. “I had a huge chunk of shrapnel in my leg and I couldn’t fucking move. Then Bronn was there and he pulled me behind the wreck of the humvee.”

If he let himself he could still hear the fucking pain and anguish of those dying around him. He felt his throat choke up and pulled her close to his chest. _ Sansa, I’m with Sansa. _

She let him hold her and started tracing soothing circles over his back, and it centred him.

“It was a fucking ambush and we lost so many people. Bronn had been able to pull me and three others into cover. I was in and out of it due to blood loss but every time I came to, there was Bronn. He kept watch, shot anyone who came near and kept us safe for six hours before we got evacuated.”

Sandor kept out the part were he had to wrestle the other man to get him to release his rifle and not shoot what he had realised was their rescue. He would never forget that frantic and wild eyes of Bronn as he looked up at Sandor and not even recognised him, and Sandor had felt there was no other choice then to knock him out. Bronn’s scars and trauma was on his mind and soul and not for Sandor to share with anyone without his consent.

“The shrapnel had cut down to the bone and severed tendons and muscles. I was fucking lucky they didn’t have to amputate. The rest of my company wasn’t as lucky. The others died of their injuries.” She gasped as he reached down to pull up the leg of his shorts. The scar was raised and jagged, crossing across the whole width of his thigh.

“It took me over a year to be able to walk again without a bloody crutch,” he spat bitterly as he let her take her fill of yet another ugly part of him. “The army decided I was no fucking good anymore and with one single fucking order the life I had for 12 years was over.”

He had been so fucking angry then. The only thing he had ever been fucking good at had been taken away from him and he had raged and screamed at the injustice of it. He had given them his fucking life, every single piece of him and they had chewed him up and spit him out. He had to bury men and women who had been far better people than he could ever be and yet he was left standing, a even bigger fucking mess than he had originally been.

Finally he felt she had seen enough and pulled his pant leg down. When he turned his face towards here he expected her to look disgusted or at least hesitant but she met his angry eyes head on and it was fucking unnerving. _ No one could be this fucking understanding, it’s not possible. _

“Looks to me like you’ve made a pretty good life for yourself after the army,” she said and her words were filled of what he wanted to believe to be heated pride. “That takes strength and resilience.”

It didn’t feel like it had been strength in his opinion. He would probably never be able to shake the feeling of utter uselessness he had felt then, not truly. He had thrown himself into physical work after that, working construction during the day and security at night until he had enough money for the downpayment of the bar. Then his life had become all about that place, his place. _ Maybe it can be more now. _

“Thank you for telling me Sandor,” her soft voice was only beaten by the softness of the kiss she gave him and he pulled her even closer.

“Thank you for listening.” 

He was more than happy to just hold her close for a long time and she seemed as reluctant as him to break their embrace. But eventually they both rose and got ready for the day. There was something oddly thrilling about her putting on yesterday's clothes while he changed into a pair of jeans. It reminded him of the night before and made him smile as they made their way into the kitchen.

It was strange to Sandor how much he liked her touch, and she was very affectionate. It felt like she took every opportunity to touch him, even if it was only putting a hand on his back as she passed him in the kitchen or grazing his hand with hers as he handed her the dishes, that she had insisted on drying. Every time it happened Sandor found himself wondering if her touch would always fill him with this warmth of feeling wanted.

“Do you have any plans for the day?” she asked and he shook his head.

“I have to be at the bar by seven at the latest, other than that my day is open.” He didn’t add that most of his days was. He was just happy that seemed to want to spend time with him. “What were you thinking?”

They way she smiled at him then made him suddenly dread what she was about to say. She seemed far too pleased and the glint in her eyes was almost mischievous.

“Ice skating,” she said and he relaxed and it made her laugh. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“Karaoke,” he joked and to his delight it drew another laugh out of her.

“We just have to swing by my place so that I can change,” she said and he readily agreed. Just as they reached his front door she froze and looked up at him.

“You never told me you have a dog.” The statement was simple but it still sent a jab into his heart. He looked down to the hook on the wall by the door were a dog collar and leash hung.

“Had.” The word was like scratching the scab of a healing wound. It didn’t bleed or hurt as much as it had but it still fucking stung. “Stranger died about a year ago.”

The words were hardly out of his mouth before she turned and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso. He hugged her back before taking her face in his hands and turning it up so that he could kiss her softly.

“I’m sorry,” she said once their lips parted. “Do you have any pictures of him?”

Sandor smiled and pulled the sleeve up of his t-shirt to expose his left shoulder. There, taking up most of the arm was a large portrait of a black Bullmastiff that had a happy expression on his face. The tattoo made her smile and he returned it with one of his own.

“I adopted him right after the army, he was about five or seix years old by then. He could be a grumpy fucker and mean as hell if he didn’t like you. But if he liked you, he was just a big fucking puppy.” His affection for his dog hadn’t dimmered even with the loss of him. The only happy thing he could remember from his childhood was when he played with his grandfather's dogs, before the man passed and his father sold them.

“Sounds like someone I know,” she teased as she pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. “We used to have dogs too, I grew up with them. But they are all gone now and my parents decided that they didn’t want anymore dogs now since only Rickon still lives at home.”

They headed out to his truck and he swung by the garage to pick up his skates. As he drove she asked him questions about Stranger and even made him laugh when he remembered some of the things that crazy ass dog had put him through.

She was laughing all the way up to her apartment and his chest warmed as he remember the last time he had been in her hallway. She gave him a look that told him she was thinking about that too. But when she opened the door to her apartment his good mood died.

Sansa shrieked and whirled around to hide her face in his chest long before he could grasp what was happening. As his arms wrapped around her protectively his eyes narrowed in on the scene in front of him.

A naked ass man was running down the hall to one of the bedrooms and when the door shut he could hear heated voices hissing at each other. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath to calm the irritation that was starting to burn inside of him.

“Gendry?” he called out and the voices turned silent. After a long moment of hesitation there was a response.

“Yeah boss?” It was followed by a painful hiss that made Sandor’s lips twitch.

“Get the fuck out here.” Sansa’s head snapped up and the panic on her face made him smile despite his irritation. “Put some fucking clothes on first!”

He winked teasingly at Sansa’s blushing face and laughed when she playfully swatted at his chest. It only took a few moments before Sandor’s employee came out to join them. The younger man’s black hair was still damp from the shower he apparently just enjoyed and his blue eyes were looking everywhere except at Sandor and Sansa.

Arya came following close behind him, she was wearing only an oversized t-shirt, thankfully large enough to cover her down to her knees. She looked fucking pissed as her eyes threw daggers at all three of them in turn.

“What the fuck are you doing back already?” Arya spit out and Gendry blushed. “I thought you at least would be able to keep her in bed a little longer than this.”

“Arya!” Gendry hissed but she just shoved past him to turn towards Sansa who finally had collected herself enough to face the room.

“Sansa, a word.” Without giving her sister a chance to respond Arya grasped her by the arm and pulled her into one of the bedrooms leaving the two men in the hallway.

Sandor kept his eyes stern as he stared down the other man who still couldn’t bare to look at him. It was a strange feeling standing there in the Stark sisters’ living room staring down a grown ass man. It was also strange how much he had come to care for the younger girl in the weeks since she had been working for him. He thought he was a good enough boss, if a bit detached but somehow she had gotten deep underneath his skin with her sarcasm, biting words and fucking meddling in his relationship with Sansa. Most of the time she was a pain in the ass, but she was his pain in the ass. And Sandor had always looked out for his own, it was engraved in him since his army days.

“You are a good man Gendry and a hard worker. But if you hurt her I’m gonna fucking kill you.” The words were said coldly, in a deadly calm but the fire in his eyes told the other man that he wasn’t fucking kidding. To his surprise Gendry didn’t flinch back, he only nodded solemnly and sighed.

“That’s fair. Although I have a feeling the odds are higher for the other way around.”

Sandor couldn’t help but pity the guy then. He had seen how he pined after the younger Stark sister and she had done nothing but belittle and mock him every chance she had. So the fact that she had obviously taken him to bed was a surprise to Sandor. But when it came to odd pairings, he wasn’t the one to judge.

Just then the bedroom door opened and Sansa returned to the room as if she somehow knew he was thinking of her. She had changed into a brown knitted polo sweater and a pair of jeans that only served to draw his eyes to her ass. _ Fuck, when did I become an ass man? _

He hadn’t been very discreet in his admiration of her and he could tell she had noticed by the way she raised her eyebrow and smirked at him. He could only smile back and when she came close enough he pulled her into his chest. Not giving a fuck that the other two people in the room could see.

And with the way she was gazing up at him through her eyelashes she didn’t seem to mind his sudden display of affection and as his hand on her back slowly slide lower she bit her lip in a way that had him fighting a groan.

“Hey! I don’t want to fucking watch you groping my sister you big oaf!” Arya cried annoyed but to Sandor she was just a fly on the wall. All his attention was on Sansa and as he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers she smiled happily. _ I hope I can always make you smile at me like that. _

“Then I suggest you look away,” Sansa said with a low tone in her voice that made Sandor clutch her tighter. The press of her lips against his were deliciously soft and he couldn’t keep himself from having his tongue reach out to taste them.

With a disgusted groan in protest Arya grabbed Gendry’s hand and started pulling him back towards her bedroom.

“Come on Gendry!” she ordered when the man hesitated.

“But…. I… They...” Gendry shot a helpless look at the other couple who were to engrossed in each other to even notice them.

Arya let go of hand and slid up close to him. The dark look in her eyes made him gulp nervously.

“Don’t you want to play some moore?” she whispered into his ear and punctuated her words with a sharp tug to his earlobe. He looked down at the woman in front of him and with a helpless groan he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

The slam of the bedroom door made Sandor and Sansa break away and she sighed breathlessly.

“I think we better head out before we hear things that will haunt us forever,” he teased and she readily agreed.

“Yeah, I’ve been traumatized enough today.” She shuddered visibly and that caused him to let out a roar of laughter as they entered the elevator.

Sandor felt like a fucking teenager as they skated hand in hand in the rink, dodging the kids and parents who skated around them. Or at least how he suspected teenagers felt, he had never been a normal teen so he had never actually skated with a girl before.

He didn’t even mind it that much when people stared or flinched when they noticed his face. He still felt that sudden burst of anger because of it but all he had to do was turn his head and look at the happiness on Sansa’s face for everything else to fade away.

She was good at skating, even pulled away to do some impressive twirls and spins that made her hair fan out around her. _ The fucking beauty of her is mind blowing. _

As she showed off her skill Sandor noticed some men watching her appreciatively and it pricked at him. His glare made some of them look away but one guy didn’t seem to notice or care about the anger on Sandor’s face. When the blonde cunt skated up to her and smiled a fucking perfect smile Sandor hands shook so hard he had to clench them into fists. Why did the asshole have to look so fucking perfect?

“Hey, I’m Harry. You’ve got some really good moves,” the blonde cunt said and Sansa smiled at him. But to Sandor’s dark delight it wasn’t the kind of smile she used to give him that was on her lips this time. This was a polite one that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said softly and then she turned her head to search for Sandor. When she saw him a real smile appeared on her face and the shaking of his hands stopped.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go have a coffee with me.” Sansa was no longer paying attention to the blonde cunt, her attention was on Sandor, which made the blonde cunt reach out and grab her arm to turn her towards him. The action made Sandor growl so loudly that it made a woman who was skating by jump and almost lose her balance.

In two long slides of his skates he was beside Sansa and glaring at the cunt with threat of bodily harm in his eyes.

“No thank you, I’m here with someone,” he heard her say just as he came up to them.

Sansa pulled out the blonde cunt’s grip and pressed her side into Sandor’s chest. Instinctively his arm wrapped around her and he held her hip possessively in his large hand. In turn Sansa’s arm stretched around his back and her hand snaked up inside his jacket, softly running circles on his back. She craned her neck to look up at him and the pull of her eyes made him finally look away from the blonde cunt. She smiled softly at him and it made the anger fizzle out like water on fire.

“Oh.” There was something darkly satisfying by the way the blonde cunt’s face fell as he took in their closeness. Sandor’s face pulled into a satisfied smirk as the blonde cunt’s face paled when he finally looked up at Sandor.

Suddenly there was a spluttering of words that Sandor couldn’t make out and the blonde cunt skated away as fast as his legs could make him. He felt Sansa squeeze him then and as Sandor looked down at her she cringed.

“What an asshole,” she said and it made Sandor chuckle darkly. Sandor wasn’t sure if she could see that the blonde cunt and his friends were staring at them or if she didn’t care but it made Sandor bristle. _ Yeah you bloody cunts. She is here with me. _

Sansa followed his eyes and frowned when she noticed them staring.

“Want to get out of here?” he asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, just gotta do something first.” She said determintly and he only had time to look down at her before her lips was on his in a heated kiss. Her hand twisted into his hair and tugged him down possessively and if she hadn’t been holding on to him he might have fallen over because of the intensity of it.

The kiss left him feeling smug as fuck and equally happy, so much so that he agreed to help her with her grocery shopping after they had lunch at a nearby diner. The shocking part was that he had fun. He was fucking buying milk and vegetables yet he was laughing and smiling like a fool.

When he saw her putting tea in her cart he reached out and put the same kind in his basket. It made her turn at look at him with wide eyes and he could only smile shyly.

“Just in case you’d want tea next time you’re over…” That rewarded him with a sweet kiss that soon turned way too heated than was probably appropriate for the supermarket aisle.

He then drove her home and when they carried the shopping up to their apartment he made sure to bang loudly at the door and loudly count to ten before entering. It caused Sansa to laugh so hard she would have dropped the bags she was carrying if Sandor hadn’t reached out and taken them from her.

As they stood in her kitchen he knew that there really wasn’t a reason for him to stay but at the same time he really didn’t want to go. So instead he helped her put away her groceries and then lingered like an idiot.

“Do you want coffee?” she asked and he happily accepted. She invited him to sit on the couch and when she returned with their mugs he was delighted when she sat down closely next to him. Her mug was filled to the brim with hot tea, and it was a ridiculously large sized mug, so he didn’t dare move more than to lift his mug to his lips, afraid of making her spill.

Her phone chimed and when she checked it her face flushed very red. But it didn’t seem to be out of embarrassment, she looked kind of pleased. When she caught him frowning down at her she blushed even deeper and it made his eyebrow rise to his hairline.

“Do you manage the bar’s Facebook account?” she asked and it made his frown deepen.

“No, I don’t have the patience for that. Bronn and Gendry handles that sh...stuff,” he said and she nodded with a shy smile. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh nothing really… I was just tagged in a picture that the bar’s account uploaded,” she said and he scratched his neck nervously.

“I… I can ask them to take it down if you want?” he asked but she shook her head.

“No, no that’s not necessary.” She smiled happily and pulled him down for a kiss.  


It wasn’t until he entered the bar that he realized he hadn’t asked her to see the picture.

Bronn was behind the bar prepping it for tonight when Sandor sat down on the stool opposite him.

“Did you upload a picture of Sansa on our Facebook page?” he asked roughly and Bronn looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Why thank you Bronn for covering for me so I could bring a beautiful woman home.” Bronn said deadpanned with a mocking gleam in his eyes. Knowing that his friend wouldn’t relent Sandor scoffed and rubbed his scarred cheek.

“Thank you Bronn.” He growled out and the other man’s answering grin made him want to punch him.

“Wow, you must have had a good night, and perhaps a good morning too?” Bronn teased and Sandor gave him a dark look.

“Just show me the fucking picture already,” he growled and Bronn scrolled on his phone before handing it over.

_ Oh… holy fucking hell. _

All the air in his lungs escaped out in a woosh as he took it in. It was a picture of Sansa and him. He had his forehead against the side of her head, so only his good side was visible, and it looked like he was speaking into her ear, a smile pulling the corner of his mouth up. She looked fucking amazing with a huge happy smile lighting up her face. And he was the one who had put it there. A wave of warmth washed over him and he was fucking grinning like an idiot, he knew it and he didn’t fucking care.

_ We look happy. _

“Could you send it to me?” he asked Bronn without looking away from the picture. He expected Bronn to tease and prod him but the man only nodded and without a word took back his phone.

  
Within seconds Sandors phone chimed and he opened the picture on his own phone. He couldn’t pull his eyes away, he was amazed at how they looked like they belonged together.

_ Maybe we do. _


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa prepares a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't seem to keep away. I just get to excited to be able to wait to upload another chapter ;)
> 
> This is just a little something to move it a little forward, time wise.
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will make up for the shortness of this one.

As Sansa parked in the front of the bar the same butterflies that had made a permanent home in her stomach started fluttering. Pushing the door open she waved at the staff members, they were all so used to her presence by now that they only looked up and smiled.

Bronn was behind the bar and he gave her one of those dashing smiles that had become his signature.

“Hi there Red,” he said and inclined his head towards the back. “He’s in his office, and in one of his moods. Something about “fucking stick up their arse bankers”.

“Hey. Would you mind doing me a favour?” she asked and he put his elbows on the bar and leaned towards her. He wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner that had her laughing despite herself.

“Anything for you my lovely,” he grinned and she shook her head at him.

“Could you make sure Sandor doesn’t leave here until seven?” she asked and he clicked his tongue at her.

“And here I thought I would be your sidepiece. Break my heart why don’t you.” He laughed at her frowning face and then nodded his assent. “I’ll keep him until then. You know, before you he never took a night off. You’re good for him.”

Sansa couldn’t keep the blush from turning her face red as she smiled at Bronn. His words pleased her terribly.

She and Sandor had been dating for several weeks now and it had been wonderful. Sandor was incredible loving and sweet to her. He treated her like a princess, which was both wonderful and irritating at the same time.

She had been waiting for him to decide that he was ready to take their relationship to their next level but he never made a move to. He had asked to take things slow and she wanted to move in a pace comfortable to him, but at this point she was getting terribly frustrated.

God, she desired the man more than she had ever desired anyone yet he always pulled back when things started heating up. It had gotten to the point where she was wondering if maybe he never would make the move. After all, she had always been the one who took the initiative in theirs relationship and he never asked for more than she was willing to give. So maybe she was the one who had to make this step happen for them as well.

Sometimes she just wished he would grab her and push her against a wall and have his wicked way with her. She wanted to unleash the passion and need that she could feel simmering beneath the surface and let it mingled with her own.

Her breathing started to become heavy and her face flushed as her imagination started to run wild. She shook her head to shake away the image of his large body pressing against hers and those big hands squeezing and caressing her all over.  _ Woah, down girl. _

“What?!” Sandor’s angry voice called out as she knocked on the office door. “I am not in the mood for stupid questions Bronn!”

“I’ll let him know,” she said softly as she opened the door. Sandor was sitting by his desk, looking rather pissed, but he looked up at the sound of her voice and his face softened as he registered her presence.

“Little Bird,” he breathed out and instantly he was on his feet pulling her to him. Her prior fantasies started flashing in her mind but the kiss he gave her was as soft as the nickname he had given her.

It had come about one night when she had lured him out to a karaoke bar and forced him to sing a duet with her. He had been so mad after, until she had kissed his bad mood away and he had admitted to enjoying her voice, which he likened to a songbird.

At first she hadn’t been sure what she thought of the moniker, but when he said it like he did now, with all the softness and warmth in the world, she loved it. Because it was him saying it.

“I thought we were meeting at my place later tonight,” he said when he pulled back enough for their lips to separate. He still held her close and she couldn’t help how her hands roamed down his back.

“Gilly let me get off early so I thought maybe I could head over and get dinner started,” she said schooling her voice to sound casual. Her heart beat raised as he looked at her with a slight crease between his eyes.  _ Don’t let him suspect anything. _

“It might still be about an hour before I can head out,” he said and she shrugged.

“I don’t mind waiting at your place, if that’s okay with you,” she said and the intensity in his eyes made her weak in the knees.

“You think I’m gonna turn down getting to come home to you and a hot meal? You know I like having you at my place.” He pulled back enough to pull out his keys out of his pocket and handed her one of the them.

“My alarm code is 6762,” she gave him a kiss in parting and she might have exaggerated the sway of her hips as she walked down the hall, only because she knew he’d be watching.

She was so giddy when she entered his house she almost didn’t remember his alarm code, it took a frantic few seconds before she managed to cut of the incessant beeping. She had to lean against the door for a minute to calm herself. But she knew she needed to use the time she had well.

She started by preparing the dinner. It was simple, steaks and oven roasted root vegetables. It was Sandor’s favorite so while she left the steaks to marinate she pulled out the cake from the cooler she had brought from home. It was a large dark chocolate cake with raspberry filling and covered in chocolate frosting. She had been up late last night making it perfect and now she just had to add the finishing touches to the decor.

Once she was satisfied with it she put it in the fridge and started with the decorations. She knew Sandor wasn’t one for over the top things so she had settled for brightly colored balloons that she tied around the living room and kitchen. She also set the table, that since her entry into his life, had been used more than ever before.

It looked really nice with the bright sunflowers she had gotten at the flower shop as a centrepiece. Her stomach fluttered in excitement when she pictured Sandor coming home to discover it.  _ I really hope he likes it. _

Even after she had touched up her makeup and changed into a blue wrap around dress with frills around the neckline and sleeves, there was still plenty of time before Sandor was expected home.

To settle her nerves she decided on a cup of tea. When she opened the cabinet her heart leapt like it always did when she saw the large blue tea mug with bright yellow sunflowers on it. It had just been in his cabinet one morning when she had gone to make herself a cup of tea. There was only one and it was so apparently for her that it had almost brought a tear to her eyes when she first had discovered it.

That was just like Sandor, she had come to know. He did these sweet thoughtful things without drawing attention to them. Like always making sure that he had her favorite flavour of tea in his pantry or bought a pair of warm slippers for her to keep here because her feet got cold. Or fixing her car before she could even ask him to look at it simply because “ _ he had been up and it had sounded like shit when she drove in yesterday _ .”

Sansa had never been with anyone who did things like that without expecting anything in return. Joffrey had only done things that would be beneficial for him or in order to be able to demand something in return. But never Sandor.

She tried to do her best to show how much she appreciated it and him but most of the time he just shrugged off her thanks and his actions as nothing big. When it was everything to her. 

But not this time. This time he would have to see how much she cared for him. And perhaps she would be able to convince him that he was everything she wanted, and let her show him how much she did want him. In her life and in her bed.

The mere thought of it made her rub her thighs together to relieve some of the ache that was suddenly there.  _ Gods, I need him. _

She had just put away the tea mug when her phone chimed.

**Sandor: Sorry, Bronn made me run late. Fucking idiot suddenly forgot how to fucking register new inventory. I’ll be home in twenty.**

Sansa hurried to make sure she had dinner ready by the time he walked into the door and when she heard his truck pull up she was practically bouncing on her feet from excitement.

She moved so she stood in the opening to the kitchen, having a clear view of the front door and Sandor’s reaction. She knew she was already grinning like an idiot as he pushed opened the door.

She held her breath as he took in the balloons and his eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

“What in the actual hell…?”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor gets his surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys!
> 
> I am so freaking nervous to share this - but in a butterflies fluttering in my stomach kind of way ;)
> 
> This is my first attempt at anything smutty so I just hope it isn't terrible :O
> 
> It is still really fluffy, because apparently fluffy Sandor has become my thing ;)
> 
> I hope you like it!

Sandor wasn’t really sure what the fuck he was seeing. His living room and hallway was littered with balloons in more colors than he had ever seen together at once. And there stood Sansa, his little bird, looking fucking pleased as punch.

His eyes took in all of her, as they alway did when they saw her, and she looked even more mouthwatering then usual. The blue dress had just enough cleavage for him to see a hint of lace that had his cock twitching and goading him to see the rest of it. Her long legs were bare and so was her feet. How could such a thing as her naked feet make him even hornier? He had never been a foot guy, but the longer he denied himself having her he had learned that everything about her was sexy as hell to him.

But nothing was sexier than that fucking grin of childish glee that was gracing her face.

“Happy Nameday!” she called out and he was taken back.

“What?” he croaked out.

“I know it was last week but since I didn’t find out about it until two days after, today will have to substitute,” she said with a happy smile and he was too shocked to respond.

He was so stunned that he was unable to move or speak, but she solved that by pulling him into the kitchen and pushing him onto a chair by the dinner table. He could do nothing but sit and stare at her as she bustled around his kitchen, knowing it like the back of her hand already. 

He was hit by a mouthwatering aroma as she put a plate down in front of him as well as a bottle of his favourite beer, all of it completed with a kiss to his cheek before she sat down opposite him. He wasn’t sure what was happening and it made him frown in confusion. _ She made me my fucking favorite. _

“So why didn’t you tell me about your nameday?” her question made him look up from the plate he had been staring at in wonder and he didn’t know what to say.

How could you tell someone, that obviously found namedays to be a special occasion, that you had forgotten your own nameday because you hadn’t celebrated it since you were six?

The first foster families had bought cake but the rest of them didn’t remember or he didn’t tell them. The last proper nameday he had, had been two months before the fire that changed his life forever. And it hadn’t really been anything special.

After that namedays had just been another reminder that he was all alone in the world and that no one fucking cared so he decided to not care himself. Over time it had just become any other day to him, most years it passed without him even noticing.

_ Until now, until her. _

“I just… forgot…” he croaked out and cursed inwardly when his voice wavered. “How did you find out?”

“Last week you asked me to get some money out of your wallet for the pizza and I saw it on your driver's license,” she explained and he nodded.

“You didn’t really have to go through all this trouble because of me.” That made her frown at him and he wished he could take it back as soon as he saw her reaction. Why was he always shite at dealing with this emotional stuff? He fucking always managed to say the wrong thing.

“It’s no trouble when it’s something you want to do,” she responded with a strong nod of her head. “I want to celebrate it Sandor, because I am so happy you were born.”

_ Oh. _

He felt his eyes fill up with tears and had to press the palms of his hands to his eyes to keep them from falling. Had anyone ever said that to him before? That they were happy to have him in their lives? That his measly fucking existence made their own better?

He heard her get up and soon he felt her soft hands on his back and face. The careful touch doing nothing to slow the galop of his heart or the stinging in his eyes.

“Sandor?” her voice sounded so worried that the need to comfort her took over his own need for fighting against his emotions. He forced a smile on his face as he looked up at her but he could see in her eyes that he hadn’t made a convincing job of it.

“I’m okay, little bird,” he assured her and pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. “No one’s ever done anything this nice for me before, I just got a little overwhelmed.”

Her eyes softened instantly then and she leaned down to press a loving kiss on his lips that almost threatened to make his eyes water again.

“Let’s eat before this delicious meal gets cold, yeah?” he said and with a happy smile she sat down to eat.

“Just make sure to leave room for dessert,” she said softly with a wink and his mind reeled when she bit her lower lip.

The chocolate cake she placed in front of him once he cleared his plate had not been the kind of dessert that his mind had conjured up. Unless he could wipe the chocolate all over her and then lick it off. _ No! Control yourself you old dog. _

“Make a wish!” she exclaimed happily as she lit one single candle. Sandor was grateful that she hadn’t opted to fill the cake with candles, he still hated naked flames even after all these years.

“There is nothing I could wish for, I have everything I need,” he protested and she huffed.

“You’re supposed to wish for something that you want, not something you need,” she said with one of those mind blowing smiles that he often found himself the lucky recipient of lately.

“Fine,” he said to humour her and from a careful distance he blew out the candle. _ I wish that I will always make you happy. _

He took a large serving and it was like fucking heaven in his mouth. He had never been much for desserts or cakes but this was probably the best thing he had ever tasted. When he told her as much she blushed in that way that made him want to discover how far it reached.

“I am so glad you like it! The frosting was a new recipe I found online so I was a bit nervous. But I think it turned out great.” Yet again she blew his mind with how amazing and thoughtful she was.

“You made it?” When she nodded he wanted to savour the cake even more. Never before had anyone made something like this for him. The few birthdays with his parents that he could remember he had always been given a store bought cupcake with a candle in it, never homemade cake.

He was just about to tell her how grateful he was when she shot up from the table and darted out to the hallway.

“I almost forgot your present!” she called out before hurrying back with a package wrapped in really nice wrapping paper. It looked so delicate in his large rough hands he felt nervous to be even touching it.

“Come on, open it!” she pleaded and he did as asked. The package revealed to hold a very old looking book with leather bindings and intricate gold details. His fingers gently traced the letters on the back of it. _ The Count of Monte Cristo. _

“It’s not a first edition or anything, but it’s the oldest I could find,” she explained and he looked up at her with a face of utter wonder. “I thought since you gave your copy to me you should have a new one. But one that had some history.”

Those damn tears were threatening to fall again as he looked at the woman standing in front of him. The woman who wanted to celebrate his existence by giving him everything he could ever have imagined wanting and more. She knew him better than almost anyone and she still wanted to be with him. She wanted to make him happy and as he took in the way she was looking at him with those big blue eyes his heart swelled. _ I can’t remember ever feeling as loved as I do right now. _

With a huge amount of care he place the book on the table and pulled her down on his lap. Her face was lit up with a happy smile as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands moved up to cup her face.

He tried putting all the emotions that were swerling inside of him into his kiss and something must have registered because her response was instant. Their lips and tongues clashed in a wonderful haze of soft and hard kisses that had his mind reeling. His hands needed to touch her everywhere and when he let them wander down her sides she moaned and twisted her hands into his hair. He fucking loved when she did that. 

His hand carefully brushed her hip while his lips moved along her jaw and down the side of her neck, headed slowly towards the swell of her breasts.

He felt himself losing control when she shifted so she was straddled across his lap and he instantly went to take her ass in his hands. He couldn’t keep in a growl when she ground down against his straining cock. It made her pull away enough to look at him. She looked fucking delicious with lips swollen from his kisses and her cheeks flushed by need.

“Take me to bed. Please Sandor.”

For weeks now he had tried to be the kind of man she deserved, a man who took his time and made sure that she knew that this, them, was so much more than sex.

It had been fucking torture to alway pull back when he just really wanted to push her against the nearest surface and fuck her senseless. But she deserved so much more than that so he had controlled himself and jerked off in the shower more times than he could count.

He wouldn’t have been able to bare it if they did sleep together only for her to realise he wasn’t what she wanted. He was fucking terrified that she’d change her mind about him. But then she had done all this for him, she had shown him that she cared as much as he did for her.

As he took in the heavy need in her eyes and the hard demanding press of her body against his every part of him that had told him he had to wait for the right moment relented control and in an instant he stood, with her still in his arms and with determined steps he carried her up to the bedroom. He knew that there was no way he could deny her what they both wanted.

He slowly placed her feet back on the floor and she took a step back. His breath hitched as he took her in. The moonlight coming in through the windows illuminated her from behind and she was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen.

With a soft smile she reached down to the knot at her side and pulled. The soft fabric of her dress parted and fell to the floor. He had never ever seen anything as mind blowing as her in that moment.

Sansa wore a pale blue bralette made completely out of thin lace, making it almost see through, and a matching pair of lace underwear and the sight almost brought him to his knees.

His eyes moved over all of her, desperately trying to imprint every single piece of her into his memory. How freckles dotted her shoulders and chest. The softness of the swell of her breasts that were moving with her breaths. The dip at her waist and the slight flare of her hips. Those long legs. _ She is fucking perfect. _

His eyes flashed up to her face and found her watching him with the same heat despite him still being completely dressed. Her face was the most addictive part of her. How her hair shown in the moonlight. How her eyes seemed to see into his soul. How her cheeks flushed and her full lips parted with heavy breaths as he watched her.

His hand reached out and with light fingers he traced the freckles on her shoulders and chest, like he was drawing lines between the dots and it made her gasp. Her reaction made his lips twitch in fighting a smile and it dared him to be bolder. His fingers slowly traced the soft line of freckles down between her breasts and down her stomach. He felt it shiver beneath his touch and his other hand moved to stroke her back in the same manner.

His touch was gentle, reverent and he couldn’t tare his eyes away from his hand on her body. He let his hand softly grasp her hip before moving up her side and his fingers lingered a moment at the softness of her breast before continuing up to cup the back of her head.

“You are so beautiful,” he told her and watched with awe when her tongue darted out to lick her lower lip. His thumb copied the movement of her tongue and she made the most delicious sound against his finger. Holy fuck the things you do to me.

He let his hands stroke their way down her shoulders and back until they reached her bra clasp.

“Can I?” he asked and she nodded eagerly. In a swift movement he unclasped it and softly pulled it off her. Both his hands and eyes focused on the heaviness of her breast and he groaned as he watched the dusty pink of her nipples harden into peaks.

His hands were trembling as he grasped them gently and she whimpered at the touch. He went to his knees then and placed the whisper of a kiss in between them and slowly his hands moved down to her hips again. His lips pressed gently against the soft skin of her abdomen as his hands moved to caress down one leg and then up the other.

When his fingers reached the edge of her underwear her hand grasped his. It made him look up at her and she pushed the hair away from his face with such tenderness it made his heart jump.

“I want to see you too,” she said in a heated whisper and his chest ached even harder than his cock. He was a mess of scars, so ugly compared to the beauty of her. What if seeing all of him would make the desire in her eyes turn into disgust?

But despite that dark thought, he still stood and let her grasp his t-shirt and pull it over his head. He watched her face as she took in his torso silently. He knew she had seen him without his shirt before but this felt so different. Much more intimate and exposed.

Her eyes were almost burning in their intensity as she placed her hands on his broad chest. The feel of her fingers running through the hair on his chest made him close his eyes for a minute just to slow the frantic pulsing in his pants. But her hands kept moving, stroking his chest and moving to caress his shoulders and arms. Holy hell, he felt like her touch made him burn from the inside out. _ But it was a delicious burn. _

“A phoenix,” she said softly as her fingers stroked the lines of the tattoo that spanned from his chest, to his shoulder and onto his back. She smiled up at him in understanding and leaned forward to press her lips to the franticly beating part of his chest that held his heart. The feel of her lips made a trembling sigh escape his lips.

She held his eyes as her hands moved down his chest, following the trail of hair that crossed his abdomen down to the waistband of his jeans. He couldn’t keep in a groan as her thumb hooked into it and dragged along it in a tantalizingly slow pace that had his cock threatening to burst already.

“Can I take these off?” she asked huskily and his mouth went so dry he could only nod his head eagerly. That drew a chuckle from her and now his cock was leaking. When her hands unbuckled his belt and then unzipped his jeans her fingers grazed him and he couldn’t keep in a moan and a buck of his hips against her hand.

His moan was suddenly cut off by shock when she not only pulled his jeans down but also his boxers. _ Oh my fucking gods. _

The way her eyes were staring at the most intimate part of him made said part twitch and she bit her lip. _ That fucking lip. _

He couldn’t take it anymore. He threw his arms out and pulled her tightly against him. The feel of her naked skin against his had him groaning and to his delight her noises matched his in their fever. 

Her hands wound up in his hair again and pulled his face down to hers. His hands spread across the expanse of her back, completely covering it until they slowly moved down to cup her still lace covered ass in his hands.

She rewarded his attention with a soft kiss before she bit his lip. That pulled a gasp out of him and her tongue darted out to mingle with his. Soon they were exploring each others mouths and bodies with fervent hands and mouths. It shocked Sandor that he would be fucking happy even if she only let him kiss her like that all night. 

Not until the back of his legs hit the bed did he realise that she had been moving them towards it. With a soft but demanding press to his shoulders she had him sitting on the edge of the bed. It gave him the perfect angle to take a nipple into his mouth and suck it gently.

“Oh,” she gasped out and her burning eyes held his as he moved to the other nipple and nipped at it with his teeth. That made her cry out and he grasped her hips to steady her.

It drew his attention to the fact that she was still wearing her underwear and he gently tugged at them to show her what he wanted.

“Yes,” she agreed and the desire in her voice almost blew his mind. _ She want me just as much as I want her. _

With as much tenderness as he could muster in that moment, he slowly slid the underwear down her legs until she could step out of them and now his eyes were glued to the part of her he desired most in that moment. Her mound was covered in short trimmed red curls a slight shade darker than the hair on her head and she was standing wide enough for him to see her swollen lower lips.

His hands moved up her thighs and stopped just as his thumb almost grazed her there and she whimpered needely. It was one of the most amazing sounds Sandor had ever heard and he needed to hear more of it.

He wanted to ask her if she was sure, if she truly wanted this before they went further, but before he could she gave him his answer. Her hands that was still in his hair pulled and made him look up. When he did she leaned down and the kiss she gave him then erased every inch of doubt from his mind.

“Touch me Sandor,” she told him and his whole body felt like it was meant to please her and only her. His thumb moved slowly and when he felt the wetness of her slit he moaned just as loud as her. _ Gods, she is soaking wet. _

He traced his thumb up and down along her slit until he finally touched her where she wanted him most. She arched her back and her hips ground down on his finger, the friction causing her to moan loudly.

“Sansa.” His said her name as if it was the answer to every question that had ever been asked and in that moment she was. She was all he ever wanted or could ever need.

He continued moving his thumb against her clit in tandem with her hips until she suddenly reached down to grasp his wrist and pull his hand away. With a soft smile she sat down on his lap, her heat pressing against his straining cock and making his hip buck up against the heat of her.

He started pressing open mouthed kisses across her neck, moving his way up across her jawline until their mouth clashed together eagerly. Sansa’s hands were caressing every part of his skin that she could reach and it was intoxicating having her nails scratch along his back and arms while she rubbed her hard nipples against his chest. The slight wiggeling of her hips made her rub her clit against his cock and they swallowed each others moans of pleasure.

“Sandor.” Her voice was pleading, begging for something and he wanted to give her everything. Sandor wrapped his arms tightly around her and stood up. The sudden movement made her gasp in surprise and instinctively her legs wrapped around his hips.

“I need you,” he whispered against her lips and when she nodded he turned them around and gently laid her down on the bed. He straightened and looked down to mentally try and etch this moment into memory. _ I must be dreaming. _

But he knew he wasn’t, because there was no way he could ever have dreamed up anything half as amazing as the sight of a naked Sansa laying on her back in his bed. She was looking at him like he was the sexiest thing she had ever seen and as his eyes roamed her naked body she spread her legs wider, as if she was making room for him. It gave him a clear view of her glistening folds, and never before had he seen anything more enticing.

When she smiled up at him happily he went to lay on top of her. He rested his weight on his arms on either side of her face and her hand reached up to cup his cheek as their bodies pressed together deliciously. He leaned into the touch and gave her a soft smile. _ Do you know how much you mean to me? _

His heart clenched in his chest with the onslaught of emotions that suddenly washed over him and he needed to show her all of it. His mouth moved down her throat as his hands caressed every part of her tenderly. His lips slowly kissed it’s way down her chest and as he sucked in a nipple into his mouth his hand found its way into her folds. He leaned on his side to be able to see what his fingers were doing to her and what he saw took his breath away.

She was so slick that he didn’t have to use any pressure when he pushed a finger inside of her. He quickly added a second and started pumping them in a steady pace. Every movement caused her to moan or gasp loudly and it was such an addictive sound it had his head spinning.

“Gods Sandor,” her hands were clutching at every part of him that she could reach and her hips were thrusting against his hand frantically. His hand was soaked in her pleasure and he needed more. Needed everything that she could give him.

She made a needy sound in protest when he pulled his fingers away but then she cried out as his mouth replaced them. It was the most amazing sound he had ever heard and he moved his tongue and lips against her folds, hoping to draw it out of her again. When his mouth found the hard nub and sucked it he got his wish. Her back arched from the bed and her hands grabbed the back of his head pushing it against her center.

“Sandor, Sandor, Sandor,” she panted and the pleasure his name on her mouth gave him made him thrust his pelvis into the mattress.

Suddenly the hands in his hair were gone and he looked up at her as he continued to lap and kiss her core. Her eyes were blazing and her mouth open in pleasure. She seemed to enjoy it more than he had expected so he was surprised when she told him to stop, but he obeyed without question.

She took a moment to collect herself and then her hands moved to his shoulders and pulled him upwards. Her mouth met his in a hard kiss and she didn’t seem to mind the taste of her on his lips and tongue. If anything it made her tongue even more demanding and without meaning to his hips thrust up into hers. The sensation of their sexes pressing together made them gasp the others name and Sandor lifted his head to look down at her. To his amazement the desire in her eyes was as strong as the one in his.

“Are you sure?” he asked and when she nodded he reached over to his bedside table to retrieve a condom. He hurriedly put it on and she smiled as their eyes met again. He held her gaze as he slowly entered her and he tried to put everything he felt into his eyes. _ I need her to know. She is everything. _

It was an overwhelming sensation as her heat enveloped him completely and he had to still and rest his forehead against hers when he was fully sheeted inside of her, otherwise he was afraid that it would be over before it really started. After a short moment he felt her cup his scarred cheek and the touch made him slowly pull his hip back. As he gently thrust into her again she kissed him and he knew in that moment that he had never felt happier.

With her urging he started to move faster and she met him thrust for thrust. Their voice rang out into the room in a passionate flurry of gasp and moans. Her arms held him close to her and her eyes held his as he felt her start to tremble around him. The intensity in her eyes and voice picked up as well as the movement of her hips and he knew she was close.

“Sandor.” His name was barely above a whisper before she cried out and arched her back off the bed. She gripped him so tightly it only took one more thrust until he joined her over the edge with her name on his lips.

When he was coherent again he realised he had to be crushing her so he rolled to his side and pulled her with him. She was a glorious heap of sated limbs and snuggled her face into his chest. He kissed the top of her head tenderly and felt her smile against his skin.

“I never thought…” he started but that didn’t feel like the right words. “I didn’t know…”

What really was the right fucking words to say that the few one night stands you’ve had in your life was fucking nothing compared to this? That this night had been a whole night full of new things for him? _ Just fucking spit out something at least! _

_ “ _I never knew it could be like that,” he finally managed to say and his words made her lift her head to look at him.

“Neither did I,” she smiled and kissed him with such tenderness he felt his heart could burst.

“I can’t remember if I said thank you,” he suddenly realised and her eyebrows rose teasingly. It made him scoff to cover up a laugh.

“Not for that. Well not just that,” he said and she giggled. “For this whole evening.” 

Her smile turned pleased then and she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“You are very welcome.”

She put her head back against his chest and he pulled her as close as he could. He stared up the ceiling as he listened to her breath even out and her body become completely relaxed in his arms. _ How the hell did I get lucky enough to be the one to love her? _


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a new day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we are at chapter 12 already! This is just so much fun to write and your comments and feedback have me writing with a happy smile on my face!
> 
> Here is some more smut, because it's Saturday and it's surprisingly fun to write!
> 
> Hope you like it!

Sandor woke up to Sansa’s naked skin against his and as the memories of the night before flashed in his mind he greeted the morning sun with a smile as bright as its rays.

Sansa was wrapped around him like she was every morning after she stayed the night. Yet everything felt different. He felt closer to her, not only because of their lack of clothing but emotionally closer. Like he finally could believe that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He had seen the strength of her desire for him last night, but also how she cared for him. 

He still couldn’t believe how she had surprised him, celebrate him like he was something precious to her.  _ Fuck, it had felt so fucking good. _

As he took in the wonder of a woman sleeping so soundly, comfortable in his arms, the need to do something to show his appreciation of her moved him to untangle himself from her and rise of the bed. He put on a t-shirt and shorts and kissed her head softly before heading down the stairs.

The memory of the first night she spent in his house came to him and with a smile he started whipping up pancake batter.

There was still no sound coming from upstairs as he made his way up with the tray of pancakes. The difference this time was that he knew her topping of preference and instead of two coffee cups her tea mug took center stage. It made a warm feeling spread in his chest to think how far they had come since that first night.

As he pushed the bedroom door open his face split in a huge happy grin when he saw her.

Sansa was awake and she was sitting up leaning against the headboard of the bed with a soft smile on her face. As his eyes took in the scene before him he reminded himself that he had to breath. Her beautiful slender shoulders and pale chest were on display and the covers drawn up only to just cover her nipples. He could see the swell of her breast as she breathed and his fucking mouth was watering.

“Good morning,” she said softly as she pulled her fiery mane over one shoulder.  _ That minx. She has to know what that does to me. _

The exposed side of her neck was just begging to be kissed, nipped and sucked and...  _ Gods, how I want her. _

“Sandor!” she exclaimed happily as she suddenly noticed the tray he was clutching so hard in his hands and the pleased look in her eyes were almost as mind blowing as her exposed skin.

The sound of his name on her lips had his mind reeling as he started picturing ways to make her gasp it, moan it, scream it.

With very little care he put the tray on top of the dresser and walked over to the bed. As he walked her eyes darted down and he knew that the loose material of his shorts did nothing to hide how hard she made him.

With a soft smirk he grabbed the edge of the covers and raised his eyebrow in challenge.

“May I?” he had hoped to sound suave or smooth but his voice was dangerously low and almost pleading. He watched with fascination as the skin of her neck turned a soft pink before she nodded eagerly.

Slowly he pulled the covers down the bed and as he did he exposed more and more of her.

“Gods, Sansa.” She was still the most perfect fucking thing he had ever seen in his life. Her chest was spotted with freckles and her nipples that dusty pink that was slowly becoming his favorite color. Under his gaze he saw them harden into peaks and he desperately wanted to taste them. His eyes continued down the intake at her waist and then to the flare of her hips. His eyes moved lower and as his eyes settled on the apex at her thigh he groaned. Her mound was only covered by thin blue cotton, that she must have put on only moments ago, and he had to breath through his nose when he saw that the cotton between her legs had turned a deeper shade of blue as he looked at her.  _ Holy hell, she is already wet. _

He forced himself to keep his eyes moving, he wasn’t willing to miss one single thing now that he could really look at her in the light of day. He smiled softly when he noticed that the polish on her toenails almost matched the colour of her underwear.

“Sandor…” her voice was a low moan as she reached her hand out to him. “Won’t you touch me?”

_ Don’t have to fucking tell me twice. _

As he leaned down to press his lips against hers she raised her head and met him halfway. He had intended for the kiss to be soft, to give her a chance to slow things down. But she wasn’t having any of it. Her hands fisted roughly in his hair and pulled him closer as her tongue dove into his mouth in an addictive display of need.

His hands went to caress her sides and when his thumb brushed the underside of her breast they both gasped. He still couldn’t believe how it was possible for her to react so strongly to his touch. He repeated the movement just to see if he could elicit the same reaction again and now she was arching her back into his chest, pressing herself as close as she could.

Her hands released his hair and moved down to his shoulders and back and started clutching at the dark fabric covering it.

“Off, please,” she begged against his mouth and when she moved to remove the t-shirt he froze. It made her pull her head back to look at him with those large knowing eyes.

Sandor was suddenly very aware of the sunlight shining in from the large windows and how close they were. How close she was to his face. She didn’t seem to mind it, she never had, but it still felt exposing, having her look upon all of his scarred body in the daylight.

All of his previous thryst had been done in the cover of night, the worst of his appearance dampened by the dark. No one had ever wanted to have him for more than one night so he had never had to worry about anyone seeing everything at once before.

“It’s okay Sandor,” her soft voice pulled him back from his dark musings and when she reached up to touch his burned cheek he leaned into the touch. “Only if your comfortable.” 

Never before had a woman looked at him in the light of day the way she was now. Her eyes was a tantalizing mix of desire and softness.  _ Will she still look at me the same? _

He drew back to sit on his knees and with a deep breath he pulled the t-shirt over his head. She sat up to lean on her elbows as she took in his bare chest. He realised he was holding his breath as her eyes moved over his form. Her gaze was like a heavy caress and her lips parted in a shaky breath as she reached out to him.

Her fingers were barely a whisper against his skin as she traced the lines of his muscled chest. Her hand then moved to run through his chest hair and when she gently pulled at it he couldn’t keep his hips from thrusting forward and the smile she gave him was almost devilish.  _ I’ve never felt desired like this before.  _ It was fucking addictive.

“Come here,” she purred at him as she leaned down against the mattress and opened her arms for him. He practically dove at her, causing her to laugh breathlessly before her hands started exploring him in earnest. He kept his weight of her but she still arched her back in order to rub herself against his chest.

The sensation of her pebbled nipples against his chest hair and her hands clutching and grabbing at his back and shoulders made him jump into action and he couldn’t keep his mouth off of the delicious skin of her neck. His mouth nipped, sucked and kissed her and every single movement made her moan and arch up at him even harder.

Her hips thrusted up into his straining cock when his lips found her earlobe and it made them both cry out. Her nails raked deliciously down his back as she repeated the motion and his mouth moved hurriedly down to her chest.

He looked up at her as his mouth hovered over a nipple and what he saw made him groan. Her face and neck was flushed a delicious pink from his lips and beard and her eyes were almost black with how blown her pupils were.  _ Fuck, that’s a sexy look on her. _

“Sandor…” The way she said his name in a gasping plea made him wrap his lips around her nipple and suck hard. “Yes.”

He feared he would come because of her noises alone and he was still half dressed. That was how amazing she was. Her other breast fit perfectly in his hand and as he squeezed it her hands moved down to his shorts.

“Take these off,” she ordered and he released her nipple with a loud “pop”.

“Demanding aren’t you?” he teased and she grinned down at him.

“Do you mind it?”

“Fuck no.” Something shifted in her eyes when she heard his heated response and before he had a chance to process what was happening she flipped him over to his back. He was so stunned and so fucking turned on that he could only lay there and stare as she made quick work of his shorts and underwear. When his cock sprung free he gasped as the coolness of the air hit him but it was soon replaced by the heat of her when she straddled him.

“Holy hell Sansa,” he gasped out and her smile was pleased. There was only the soft cotton of her underwear separating him from the heat of her now and Gods, he could feel how wet she was. From this angle he could see the heaviness of her breast and his hands wandered to the wonder that was her ass. He couldn’t help himself and slid his hands inside her underwear to grab her cheeks forcefully.

His touch made her grind down on him and to his own surprise he cried out her name. In response her hands pushed through his chest hair and grasped it hard.

“Sandor,” she keened as she kept moving against him and he saw fucking stars. “I need you inside me. Please let me have you.”

His eyes widened at her words and he bit his lip so hard he could taste blood.  _ Let you have me? I’m already yours. _

Fuck, never in his wildest dreams could he even have imagined that he would get to see the sight of Sansa throwing her head back as she was on top of him taking her pleasure from him.

“Yes!” he rasped out and his hand frantically tried to find his bedside table. He couldn’t bare to look away from her for even a second. Once his hand found the drawer and he pulled out a condom he was panting with need. She took the condom from his hand and moved back to be able to grasp his cock in her hand. Her delicate long fingers around him was fucking bliss.

“Fuck,” he croaked out as she pumped him and as she slid the condom on tantalizingly slow his fucking blood boiled with need.  _ I need to touch her. _

The cry she made when he ripped her underwear off her was one of raw pleasure and she forcefully grabbed his hand and pushed it between her legs. She didn’t release his hand until his fingers was by her entrance and one long finger was slowly slipping inside of her.

“Yes,” she hissed as her hands moved up to pump him in time with the grinding of her hips against his hand.

“I need you…” He couldn’t fucking care less that his voice was pleading. He would fucking beg and plead if it would mean his cock would be able to feel the wet heat of her that his finger was experiencing.

To his surprise she moved his hands away from her and leaned down to kiss him. The press of her lips against his was impossibly soft and the pleasure it gave him so unexpected that he gasped against her mouth.

When she kissed him again he felt her press his tip against her entrance and with a steady downward press of her hips she sheethed him inside her. Gods, he had never felt anything more amazing as the tight hold of her walls around him and when she sat up he was suddenly even deeper.

“Oh!” she cried out and threw her head back as her hips started moving against him.

To have her moving on top of him with the sunlight hitting her from behind made her look fucking ethereal and he knew the memory of this moment would never leave him.

Never before had anyone been with him like this, facing him, taking all of him with such apparent desire for everything he could give her.

“Sandor…” her voice was pleading and her hands in his chest hair tugged him harshly.

“Tell me what you want,” he gasped out. “I’ll do anything.”

“I. Want. You. To. Touch. Me,” she begged, every word punctuated with a thrust of her hips.

His hands that had been holding her hips instantly flew up to her breast and when he pinched a nipple between his fingers she cried out. The sound made him sit up against her and take the other nipple in his mouth. His other hand wound into her hair and for a second he wondered if his grip was too rough but the thought died when she scraped his scalp with her fingernails.

“Yes,” he hissed and experimentally he thrust up when she ground down and it made her cry out loudly. “Fuck.”

He continued the motion and it made her grip on him even tighter and he couldn’t keep in his own sounds of pleasure. It fucking thrilled him that she wasn’t shy about voicing her pleasure.  _ I’m the one that’s making her feel this fucking good. _

“Sandor… Sandor…” her movements were becoming frantic now and he could tell by the way her insides were clutching him that she was close. The way she was moaning out his name had him close too and he had never experience anything like the thrill of hearing her cry out his name in pleasure.

“Yes Sansa. Say my name. Tell me who’s making you come,” he ordered and the deep set of his voice vibrated through his chest into hers.

“Sandor!” she screamed and when her whole body seized in pleasure his own pleasure hit him like a shock wave that had him roaring. They clung to each other as they kept moving frantically before they slowly stilled as their pleasure subsided.

He rested his head against her shoulder and took a shaky breath. His whole body was trembling from both the physical exhaustion and the emotional one.  _ Who fucking knew it could be this good? _

Her body was like putty and the only thing holding her up was his arms so he slowly laid them down on their sides, facing each other. Unwilling to let her go from his arms he still held her tight and she threw a leg over his hip, keeping him inside of her.

Her face was flushed and her eyes closed as he took her in. He tenderly pushed her tousled hair out of her face and the beauty of her took his breath away.  _ Please look at me. _

He needed to see those large eyes in order to be able to tell what she was feeling and thinking. But she seemed happy enough to just hold him and put her face against his shoulder.

“Sansa…” his voice was only a whisper but enough to make her lift her head and finally open her eyes. The intensity of happiness he found in them stole his breath away and he pressed his lips against her in a tender kiss.

“That was amazing,” she sighed as she pulled back to look at him. When he eagerly nodded his agreement she smiled softly and her hand reached out to trace his burned cheek in a gentle gesture.

He didn’t know how long they just laid there, a tangle of limbs, but it was probably the happiest moment of his life.  _ I could lay like this forever. _

The thought should scare him, he had never truly thought about committing to anyone before and yet here he was staring into the eyes of this wonder of a woman contemplating fucking forever.

“Would it be rude of me to demand those pancakes now?” she asked and a smile pulled at his lips.

“No, but I’m not too eager to let go of you right now,” he admitted and she blushed. They had just had amazing fucking sex and yet she was blushing.  _ You are fucking incredible. _

“I promise it will be worth your while,” she said with a soft peck on his lips and it made his fucking cock twitch were it still was nestled inside her. The feel of it made her gasp and bite her lip. “I did tell you they are my greatest weakness.”

It took another kiss, a deeper one this time, before he reluctantly pulled of her and fetched the tray. When he sat down against the headboard he was fucking delighted when Sansa curled up between his legs, resting her back against his chest.

Despite the fact that the pancakes and coffee was cold by now it was the best fucking meal of his life. Probably the best fucking night and day as well. And it just kept getting better and better with every minute.

  
The spilling of a drop of syrup on her chest initiated another round of love-making. Because that was what if was, if wasn’t just fucking.  _ Not with her _ .


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa reflects over her relationship with Sandor and comes to a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Yet again I must thank every single one of you who've read, kudosed, commented and reviewed. Thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> Here is another chapter filled with smut and fluff for everyone! And some literal puppy love <3
> 
> There is a slight time jump, just fyi.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

Sansa found it impossible to fight the smile that was splitting her face in two. She lifted her face towards the spray of water in Sandor’s large shower and let the heat of the water wash over her as she heard the shower doors open.

When his large arms wrapped around her, she leaned her head back against him with a happy sigh. Just the way he held her close made her feel so incredible happy and sated. It was amazing to her how safe he made her feel. Like she could handle anything as long as he was beside her, it was terribly addictive since her prior experience with relationships had made her feel inferior and unworthy. But not him, never him. _ His strength makes me feel stronger. _

“I thought you said you were gonna work out and shower after,” she said softly as she reached up behind her to put her hand in his hair. She could feel him shiver at the sensation of her fingers raking through it and it made her smile to know that he was as affected as her by their proximity.

“I realised it was fucking stupid to miss a chance to see you naked again,” he huffed out and when she giggled he started trailing soft open mouthed kisses down her neck. It was something intoxingly intimate to Sansa about being naked in front of each other like this. It wasn’t just sexy but an exposure, and she knew how difficult things like this used to be for Sandor. So to have him so comfortable with her like this made her indescribably happy.

She turned around to face him and the warmth in his eyes made butterflies take flight in her stomach. _ I hope you’ll always look at me like that. _She held up his soap and smiled.

“Can I?” she asked and when he nodded she started softly washing his body. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her, enraptured by what she was doing. When she was about to wash his left thigh she hesitated over the scar, that even after all these years looked like it had healed poorly. He saw where her eyes and hands had stopped and a frown appeared on his face.

She rose to her full height in order to give him a soft kiss and he leaned his forehead against hers, in such an intimate way it made Sansa’s heart flutter.

“Does it still hurt?” she asked hesitantly, weary of his reaction to her talking about it. She knew from the time he had told her about it that it was something that was painful to talk about. So she was a bit worried about drawing attention to it.

“Only when I overexert myself,” he answered and now his hands were moving over her body. It might have been an attempt to make her forget about the scar or his pain but it didn’t matter to Sansa. The care he took as he washed every inch of her body made her skin tingle. His hands slow caresses made her heartbeat frantic in her chest and it was intoxicating.

She soon found herself with her back pressed against the cold tiled walls and Sandor’s large hands lifting her of the floor with a firm grip on her ass. His display of raw strength shot a wave of pleasure down between her legs and she couldn’t help but moan.

As she wrapped her arms and legs around him he rubbed his bearded chin against the skin of her neck, like he knew drove her mad with need. She rewarded him with a tug of her teeth on his ear and in a achingly slow press of his hips he entered her.

She gasped as he moved slowly, gently driving her to a delicious height. His breath came out in heavy puffs against her neck and when he growled her name in that deep set rasp of his she saw stars.

She loved that he could be gentle with her but she also loved the fact that she could drive this giant of a man crazy with lust. It was amazing how she could affect him only with her touch or a simple word.

“Sandor….” she purred against the ruin of his ear and he moaned loudly as she moved her lips down his neck in heavy open mouthed kisses and then licked her way back up to his mouth. “Harder.”

His breath hitched and he hissed against her mouth when she raked her nails down his back.

“Gods, woman,” he growled before picking up the pace.

He started pounding her into the wall and it was amazing how the strength and pressure of him inside of her drove her to a new height every time. It was as if he was made for her and her alone.

Her loud moans and gasps of pleasure seemed to drive him even more crazed with lust as he set a bruising pace that had her crying out as her orgasm overwhelmed her.

She felt him shiver underneath her hands and with a few more deep thrusts he release inside of her with a deep rumbled groan.

He held her up against the wall and his breaths were heavy and panting against her chest. She gently raked her hands through his wet hair and he responded with soft kisses across her chest.

“If you keep doing that we’ll never get out of this shower,” she teased. It was followed by a gasp when he pulled a nipple into his mouth and sucked it hard. “Sandor…”

His deep chuckle against her breast made her moan again and in retaliation she clenched her walls around him where he still was buried deep inside of her.

“Fuck…” he moaned out as he moved his mouth up to nibble at her collarbone. “I just can’t seem to get enough of you.”

The deep set of his voice as he spoke almost moved her as much as the actual words. He sounded so amazed, as if he couldn’t believe what he was feeling.

“You better not,” she teased and his head lifted to look at her intently. His eyes searched her face and when she smiled at him, he pressed a soft yet intense kiss against her lips.

“Not fucking likely,” he said against her lips and she felt him smile.

He gently put her back down and pressed another warm kiss on her lips. _ I don’t think I can ever get enough of this either. _

They washed each other again and once they were both clean he wrapped her in a ridiculously large towel and dried her off with the same tenderness. He kissed the top of her head when he was done and pulled her into his chest. He had become so wonderfully affectionate in the months they had been together now.

“What are your plans for today?” the low rumble of his voice asked and she shrugged.

“I don’t have any plans,” she answered and looked up at him. “Unless they are with you.”

He practically beamed down at her before he cleared his throat nervously and pulled back a little.

“You know I have been talking about getting another dog,” his voice was soft and low as he spoke and it did wonderful things to her insides. “I’m thinking it might be time. So I was wondering if you’d want to come visit a shelter with me?”

Sansa’s heart practically burst in her chest. He wanted her to come and help him pick out a dog, he was including her in something that would affect his life for years to come. She couldn’t keep in the grin that split her face and she didn’t really try to.

“I would love that!” she answered and he smile was relieved.

“Only to look, mind you. We might not find a dog today,” he told her and she frowned. “I just don’t want you to get overly excited and then disappointed if it doesn’t happen today.”

As they walked back into the bedroom Sansa tried to tame her excitement, it wasn’t going so well. When she opened the dresser drawer he had made hers, she knew that the smile on her face was practically beaming.

She loved how comfortable they were with each other, how domestic it felt to pull out her clothes from the same dresser as him and get ready for the day together. In these last four months she had felt happier than ever before and she couldn’t remember ever feeling as comfortable with someone as she did with Sandor.

They spent almost all their freetime together and the quiet nights in were they just made dinner and watched a movie or read where Sansa’s absolute favorites. Not even after a year of living with Joffrey had she even felt half as at ease as she did with Sandor now. He never pretended to be indifferent, if he wanted to spend time together he would say it. He was just as comfortable with doing his own thing, like going for a run in the morning, letting her sleep in. Or even let her stay after he headed off to work.

Those evenings when he wasn’t there she would sit on the porch, in his big rocking chair and read one of the many books in his collection, enjoying the mild summer nights. And despite not liking going to bed alone she always woke when he slipped into bed hours later. The lazy slow kisses he would give her when she was still half asleep and how he would pull her close to him so she could fall back asleep in his arms were one of her favorite things. Thankfully he seemed to enjoy those simply moments as well, he had even told her it made him happy to know that he had her to come home to.

And that meant a lot, didn’t it? Enough that she didn’t feel she needed to ask him where they were heading, or trying to put a label on them. Or at least, that was what she told herself. Honestly she was a bit scared that if she tried to ask for commitment he would be spooked. Not that she worried that he was seeing someone else, he had never given her reason to believe there was anyone but her in his life. He had after all never dated before so it was more that she was scared of asking for too much too soon.

She glanced at Sandor as he was getting dressed, his naked back turned to her and had to fight the urge to ask him where he saw them going. Instead she decided on focusing what they were going to do today. He was going to pick out a dog and had asked her to join him, he was including her in this life altering decision. And if she had learnt anything about Sandor, it was that he was a man of action, not words. So him bringing her along for this must mean she was as important to him as he was to her, right?

He must have felt her eyes on him because he looked over his shoulder at her and winked when he caught her staring. _ You make me happier than you can imagine. _

That thought made that happy smile light up her face again.

The smile didn’t fade until they actually entered the shelter and she wished they could take every single animal there. The cages were barren and the floor a hard concrete. No animal should have to live like that. Sandor noticed the change in her mood and reached out and grasped her hand in his. He could always read her so well.

He softly explained he had chosen this shelter because for most of the dogs here it was a last resort, if they didn’t get adopted chances were that they would be put down. The mere thought of it made Sansa squeezes his hand harder and hope that they could at least save one dog today.

“Hi! I’m Brenda,” the shelter employee said and to her credit she barely even blinked at Sandor’s scarred face. “Were you the one who called in earlier about looking at dogs?”

“Yeah.” He answered in a gruff tone and Sansa squeezed his hand. She knew he was still very uncomfortable meeting new people but she was proud of the fact that he had been trying and challenging himself. “We’d like to look at the adult dogs, no puppies.”

Sansa frowned at him in confusion as they followed Brenda towards where the dogs were held and he leaned down to whisper.

“The older the dog the less likely they will get adopted.” His words made her chest go all warm and she turned her head to press a quick kiss to his lips. _ He is such a softy. _

As they walked down a long row of cages Brenda told them about every single one of the animals and they stopped to greet them all. Sandor would hunch down and look intently at each dog, as if he was searching for something particular. But despite them seeing so many dogs he always stood up and shook his head. And Sansa couldn’t help but wonder what it was that he was looking for. Sansa felt she was no help at all, she could barely manage to fight back her tears as Brenda told them some of the dogs horrible backstories and she wished she could take them all home with her. She hated it every time they walked away from a cage and without a word Sandor wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her his silent comfort.

“This guy we call Buster, he is about four years old. He was found on the street, wounded and very weak,” she said as they stopped by a cage that held a large brindle colored dog. He had been barking frantically since they entered the pound but as Sandor kneeled down by the bars the large dog grew silent and watched the man with big brown intelligent eyes.

“What breed is he?” Sansa asked and the sound of her voice made the dog look away from Sandor to her and his tail started wagging excitedly.

“We can’t be completely sure but we think he might be a German Shepherd and Pitbull mix.” Brenda answered and gave Sansa a soft smile. “He has been here a few months now, he can seem a bit aggressive in his behaviour but it’s just a defense mechanism. Once he is comfortable with you he is just a big teddy bear.”

Sansa couldn’t help but turn her head to Sandor then with a smile and he squinted at her.

“Are you trying to draw comparisons there, little bird?” he mock scolded and she beamed at him happily.

“He looks like a complete sweetheart to me.” Her voice soft and her eyes warm as she spoke directly to Sandor. “But I guess I am partial, since apparently I have a type.”

Sandor shook his head with a laugh, she loved the way he laughed. It was so sudden and intense, and he always looked like he surprised even himself with it.

In that moment Buster barked a short bark, as if in agreement and Sansa kneeled next to Sandor. She turned to face the dog and put her hand against the bars.

“How would you feel about coming home with this big man here?” she asked the dog who waggled his tail so hard his whole behind swayed from side to side. “He can seem a bit aggressive too, but just like you he is a big old softy.”

Sandor scoffed at her but she could see the side of his mouth twitch, like it did when he was fighting a smile.

“Maybe we should meet him properly first?” Sandor suggested and Brenda led them to a separate room that was completely bare except for two chairs in one corner. 

A moment later she came back with the dog and the next few moments made Sansa’s heart bleed with affection.

The dog looked at them nervously but to Sansa’s amazement Sandor simply sat down on the floor without a word and sat completely still, completely ignoring the dog. It took several minutes but eventually the dog started to slowly make his way over to Sandor. He stopped just inches away from him and Sandor paid no attention to him. When the dog seemed to decide that Sandor wasn’t a threat he took a few step closer and started carefully smelling the large man all over.

Sansa’s eyes filled up with tears when Sandor slowly lifted his large hand and the dog eagerly pushed his head against it. The smile that pulled out of Sandor was completely unguarded and it made Sansa almost able to imagine what he must have looked like as a little boy. Before he had lost his family and had been scarred terribly both inside and out. Before his whole world had been taken from him. Before he had to fight his way through life. The happiness in his face was so pure in that moment Sansa could have cried.

Soon the dog was in Sandor’s lap, pressing and wiggling happily and Sandor eagerly gave him all the affection he was asking for. He looked over his shoulder and as his grey eyes met Sansa’s she knew she had fallen hopelessly.

“We’ll take him,” Sandor stated firmly without realising Sansa’s gaze.

“Wonderful. If I could just borrow your ID I’ll get started on the forms,” Brenda said with a smile. “Have you guys thought of a name?”

The warmth in Sansa’s chest only grew in intensity as Sandor looked at her expectantly.

“How about Dantés?” she suggested and Sandor’s eyes were as soft as the smile he gave her.

“Dantés,” he agreed with a nod and when Brenda left them he turned his attention back to the dog in his lap.

“He’s the one,” Sandor said happily and Sansa could only manage a nod as she stared at his back, her heart beating franticly in her chest.

_Yes he is. _


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa wants more from Sandor. But when she asks for it her own emotional scars gets in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support of this super fluffy story!
> 
> Here is something a little different - I hope you'll like it.
> 
> I've been struggling a little with making this chapter come out exactly how I want it but I hope I've been able to convey what I was aiming for...

Sansa was so happy with how well Dantés had settled into Sandor’s life. He even went with Sandor to the bar and spent most of his time there relaxing in Sandor’s office. Sansa could also see the difference in Sandor, he seemed lighter and not as easily bothered by looks or whispers when he had Dantés with him.

The man and animal’s instant bond did nothing but make Sansa’s heart grow larger and she was beyond thrilled that the dog seemed to like her as much as he liked Sandor. He would always snuggle with her on the coach, resting his large head in her lap. And he loved snuggling with her in bed so much Sandor had bought a huge dog bed for the bedroom, because the dog was stealing all the attention. It still went unused to his chagrin and Sansa’s delight.

She had barely walked through Sandor’s front door before the said dog came running to greet her and her behind hit the floor with a hard thud when the dog jumped on her.

“Dantés!” she scolded but couldn’t keep in a laugh as the dog happily started licking her face.

“Dantés, off for fuck sake!” Sandor barked out and instantly the dog ran over to his master. The dog looked perfectly well behaved as he sat down by Sandor’s feet. Sandor had been working hard with training him every spare moment that he had and the dog had improved extremely well with Sandor’s soft hand. He looked almost a little angel, but Sansa knew better.

“You alright, little bird?” Sandor asked as he lifted her to her feet as if she weighed nothing. His strength always sent a thrill through her. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just hope the eggs are okay,” she said and he bent down to pick up the bag of groceries she had dropped. “He is a complete rascal, that one.”

“It’s only you who brings out that side of him,” Sandor defended his companion and Sansa scoffed as Sandor swept her up in his large arms. “Not that I can blame him. I get almost as excited as he does when I see you.”

“Almost?” she asked with her eyebrows raised in challenge. It drew a laugh from deep within his chest and he pressed a heated kiss to her lips.

“More,” he relented and she smiled victoriously.

Once they had put the groceries away, they started cooking dinner. Sansa loved this part. Moving around the kitchen, working together so effortlessly. Stealing kisses or caresses as they passed each other things. She loved the easiness of it.

So the fact that she was about to break the companionable atmosphere had her heart racing, and not in the exhilarating way that Sandor’s presence usually caused, but in a way that had her stomach drop.

“Hey Sandor,” she said just as he open the oven to check on their baked potatoes.

“Yeah?” Sandor looked up over his shoulder and she couldn’t keep from chewing on her bottom lip. It was a sign of her nerves, they both knew it, and he turned to her fully then. “What is it, little bird?”

“Well… my parents have their 30th wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks. They’ve decided to throw a party. Just a few friends and family. They were thinking of a 1920’s theme because my dad has become obsessed with Peaky Blinders, you know the tv-show? It’s about this gang in L...”

Sandor’s hand reached out and grasped her shoulder softly. It made her stop her rappid rambling and she blushed furiously at the amused look on Sandor’s face.

“My mom she asked… I was wondering….” she stopped again to take a deep breath and then looked right into Sandor’s warm eyes. “I would really like you to go with me.”Instantly there was a change in Sandor. He pulled his hand away as if she had burned him and turned his back to her. He was pulling away, putting distance between them and this had been the reaction she had been dreading.

She had asked him before to join them at her families brunches but he had always had a reason not to go. She had always known them to be excuses not to meet her family, and it had hurt. But with time she thought he would change his mind.

If they were serious about each other he should meet her family. She knew that to be true, yet he kept avoiding it. It made her worried that maybe he wasn’t so sure about their future as she was. It had been six months now and even though they had never had the talk, in her mind they were committed to each other. He had never given her any inclination to think otherwise. If anything his actions had made her believe he felt the same way. He had made space for her in his home and his life, after all. So why wouldn’t he want to be a part of hers?

“I don’t think that is a good idea.” Sandor said in a small voice and the frustration of hearing the same thing yet again hit her hard and her temper boiled over.

“Why not, Sandor?” the sharpness of her raised voice made him flinch. With a sigh he turned around to face her and ran his hand through his hair. “Tell me what is so terrible about me wanting you to meet my family?”

“Look at me Sansa. I don’t exactly look like the kind of man anyone want their daughter to be with,” he said and she clenched her jaw and fists at his self deprecation.

“Yeah? Well I am with you. Because I want to be,” she said and had to look out the kitchen window to calm her anger. Why couldn’t he understand what this meant to her? That every time he said no to being a part of her whole life, it felt like he was keeping her at a distance.

She could understand that meeting new people was hard for him and she had tried being patient. But he wasn’t making any effort, or even trying to meet her halfway. And it hurt, gods dammit!

“My parents are very aware of whom I’ve chosen to be with and all they care about is that you make me happy,” she continued but he still shook his head.

“Sure, they say that. But they’ll take one look at me and that’ll be that.”

Why was he hiding behind the idea that her family would care about how he looked? She knew him well enough now, that she knew how he used his appearance to keep people at a distance. But she wasn’t just anyone? So why was he suddenly doing this to her? It felt as if it was an excuse to not have to put himself out there. An excuse not to let her hope for more, for a future together. But why would he do that?

“If you cared enough to meet them you would know for yourself that they’re not like that!” she yelled and angry tears filled her eyes. How dare he tell her that other people’s opinions, even her families, would make her regret him? She didn’t know what was worst, him saying that her family was shallow enough to disapprove of him because of his scars or that he believe her feelings for him to be weak enough to let such disapprovement affect her?

“I am not asking for the impossible here. I just want the people that mean the most to me to know each other!” Thank the gods she didn’t say love, if this reaction was any inclination, that declaration would have him running for the hills.

“The answer is no Sansa,” he said firmly and the finality in his voice made her breath hitch. “I am not going to some fancy ass party only to have strangers fucking stare and judge all night.”

“Then will you at least come to our next brunch? It will just be family,” she tried, not able to give up on her hopes, but his eyes turned dark.

“What the fuck is so hard to understand?! I don’t want to go to some stupid brunches or parties!” he exclaimed. He looked frightening when angry but his anger didn’t scare her, it only fueled her own. “I’m a grown ass man and I get to fucking decide who I want to meet or not!”

He wasn’t going to change his mind, he wasn’t even willing to compromise.

The dread hit her like a fist to the gut, old wounds suddenly opening again. This is how it had been with Joffrey. He had only given what he had wanted and taken everything, without giving anything in return. If she had asked for something just for her he too would yell and tell her she was being stupid. _ No, not again. Not Sandor. _

The logical part of her brain screamed at her that Sandor was nothing like Joffrey but those thoughts were drowned out by the hurt and pain that was holding her heart in a cold grip.

She pushed the dread down roughly, using the anger her thoughts had awakened in her to face his head on. She wasn’t going to diminish herself for anyone, she had a right to ask for what she wanted and if he wasn’t willing to give it to her, that wasn’t on her. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She was stronger than that now, she had to be.

“What about what I want?! Why won’t you do this for me?” the loud volume of her voice and the anger in it made Dantés pull back but she was too far gone to stop herself now. 

“Why does everything have to be on your terms Sandor?! What even is this then?!”

He looked taken back by her anger and he hunched as her voice rose. Like he didn’t know how to face it. So instead he just stood there and took it and it made her even madder. What were they to him? Was she a fool to have thought he would have wanted the same future she had started imagining for them? The mere thought made her heart ache painfully. _ Had I been wrong? _

He didn’t show any signs of planning to answer her, he just kept staring down at his feet and that hurt even worse. At least he could look her in the face as he hurt her, he should know how he made her feel. But no matter how long she stared, he didn’t move or speak.

“Fine,” her voice was shaking and angry tears was falling down her cheeks but she didn’t bother with trying to wipe them away. _ Let him see that he hurt me. _

“I won’t force you to do anything.” He looked up then and as he took in her tear stained cheeks he startled and his face turned pained.

“Sansa…” his voice and eyes were pleading as he reached out for her. She instinctively flinched back and he looked completely crestfallen. “I just…”

“Don’t. Nothing you say right now will change anything,” she said and suddenly his presence felt crowding, the closeness to him only made her chest ache harder. She needed to move, to get away from him then. She needed her heart to stop hurting and it wouldn’t as long as she looked at him. In a swift flurry of movements she collected her things and headed towards the door. “I’m gonna go home. I need some space.”

“Sansa,” her name was a soft surprised sound from his mouth. Like he couldn’t believe what she had just said. “I thought we were going to the park with Dantés in the morning.”

Sansa looked down at the dog who whimpered sadly by Sandor’s side and she shook her head.

“You’ll just have to go without me.” She couldn’t help but slam the door behind her. As she walked down the pathway she could hear him calling her name. She had to ignore it, even though she wanted nothing more than turn around and run back into his arms. It would be so easy to convince herself that her feelings didn’t matter and that all she needed was to be with him, any way he wanted her. That her feelings and wants didn’t matter as long as he was happy. But she knew she couldn’t, she couldn’t do that to herself. She wanted more, from him and for herself and she deserved it, she realised.

She could hear his footsteps now and it made her quicken her step and she sped away as soon as she jumped into the car. In the rearview mirror she could see him standing on the driveway staring after her and it felt like her heart was threatening to break.

Sansa ran straight into the bedroom she so rarely slept in anymore, and ignored Arya’s voice calling after her.

“What happened?” Arya asked as she sat down on the bed next to Sansa. She placed a gently hand on Sansa’s back and it made Sansa realize that she was shaking. She knew Arya wouldn’t understand her reaction, but she had kept her feelings to herself for too long. She needed to talk about it.

“He refuses to meet our family,” Sansa answered without lifting her face off the pillow she had it pressed against.

“Well I wouldn’t want to meet us either. We are pretty intense,” Arya joked and Sansa growled against the pillow.

“Arya!”

“Sorry, and that sucks because…?” Sansa huffed annoyed and Arya started moving her hand across Sansa’s back in soothing circles. “I’m just trying to understand.”

“I don’t think what we have means the same to him.” Sansa hated how small she sounded. She didn’t want to be this affected with what he did to her but her heart didn’t care about the logical part. It just really hurt.

“I’m pretty sure you are the best thing that ever happened to him. But go on.” Sansa wanted desperately to believe it, and had he not blown up at her the way he had she might have. But now she wasn’t so sure.

“This relationship is completely controlled around what he is willing to give. I tried asking for something I want, a step I want to take and he pulled away,” she tried to explain. The look on Arya's face told her that her sister didn't understand what she meant at all. To Sansa's surprise it felt good to talk about it, it soothed her raw emotions to put them into words. So she did just that. “He is so good to me, kind and loving. But he only gives what he wants to give. I give everything, I’d do anything if it made him happy. But he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Did he say that?” Arya asked and her voice turned angry. “I will cut him.”

“He hasn’t said anything. It’s just how he makes me feel. And that’s how Joffrey made me feel. And that scares me more than anything,” Sansa whispered against the pillow. “I know he isn’t Joffrey, far from it. But it still scares me that I already care so much, I’m scared that I will end up hurting even worse this time. It will break my heart if he doesn't want this the way I do.”

“Have you told him how you feel?” Arya asked and Sansa’s irritation flared as she knew where her sister was going with this. “For all I know this is Sandor’s first relationship. So maybe you need to tell him exactly how you feel and what you want?”

Maybe her sister was right, but Sansa felt entitled to her anger. She was allowed to feel hurt. Arya only sighed when Sansa didn’t respond and left her alone with her emotions.

Sansa burrowed under the covers and her phone rang with the sound of Led Zeppelin’s_ Black Dog _, the ringtone she had assigned to Sandor. She ignored it and as soon as it stopped ringing it chimed, letting her know she had a message.

_ Ignore it. _She told herself but then it chimed again and she couldn’t keep from reaching for it.

**Sandor: Sansa, answer the phone.**

**Sandor: Gods dammit, woman! At least let me know you got home safe!**

His concern, albeit angry, did warm her a bit but she was not willing to give him the satisfaction of responding. She could still hear his raised angry voice in her head and used the memory to fuel her anger as her phone chimed again.

**Sandor: Can’t we just talk about this?**

A part of her really wanted to. Wanted to call him, just to hear his voice and let the deepness and raspiness sooth out the hurt. Only the fact that he was the one that had hurt her stopped her from making the call. The hurt part of her wanted him to hurt too.

**Sandor: I’ll go with you to the party if that’s what you want.**

His sudden relenting only fueled her anger further. Why did he only agree after he had made her angry? He was obviously only trying to placate her, and she hated that she had needed to get angry to get the response she wanted. She had wanted him to do it for her, because he wanted to make her happy. Not because of her anger or her tears.

**Sansa: Don’t bother. I’ll be fine on my own.**

She knew the message was harsh and had she not been so angry with him she probably never would have sent it. But she was hurting because of him and it felt terrible. He had become her safe point, the person that represented happiness for her but now that was taken away. Now she the thought of him made her chest ache and her eyes swell with tears, and she hated it.

**Sandor: Come on Sansa.**

**Sansa: Leave me alone Sandor.**

**Sandor: No.**

That simple one worded response made her anger flare up again and she flung the phone across the room. It hit the wall with a loud thud and for a moment she worried that she had broken it. But then it started ringing again and again in an endless succession.

“If you’re not gonna answer at least turn the fucking sound off!” Arya yelled from the living room but as Sansa retrieved the phone it stopped ringing and another message came in.

**Sandor: Talk to me.**

With a frustrated sigh Sansa turned the phone completely off and joined Arya on the couch. She needed to get out of her own head and a stupid comedy seemed like the right thing to fade out the sound of her weary mind and aching heart.

“Not a word Arya.” Her sister only shrugged and offered her the box of chocolates she had been munching on.

“These are really good,” Sansa commented and took another piece as her eyes were glued to the tv, despite not really seeing what was on it.

“Yeah. Mentioned to Gendry that I liked them once so when I got sick he got me some. The idiot.” Arya said and Sansa couldn’t help but frown down at the box.

“Why is he an idiot for being kind?” she asked and Arya rolled her eyes.

“Because it’s something a boyfriend would do. And I’ve told him I don’t want a boyfriend,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It made Sansa’s frown even deeper. Was it really that simple? Just stating what you wanted and that’s that? But what about what the other person wanted? What if they wanted more?

“Then what is he? Haven’t you guys been together for several months now?

“We are not together. He is a fun guy who is also a good fuck, that’s it.” The crudeness of her words made Sansa blush.

“Am I the stupid one for wanting Sandor to be more than that?” Sansa suddenly heard herself asking. Arya gave her a long intense look before shrugging.

“You want him to be your boyfriend?” Arya’s eyebrows rose as she asked it and Sansa blushed even harder. “I thought he kind of already where.”

“So did I. We just got serious so fast I didn’t think we needed to actually talk about it. But saying that he doesn’t want to meet my family is kind of like saying he doesn’t want that, right? Or am I being stupid?”

“You’re only stupid if you don’t tell him what you want. And if he doesn’t want that with you then he is definitely an idiot.”

“I should probably talk to him about it then?” Sansa sighed and Arya nodded. She couldn’t do it tonight though. She needed to make sense of her jumbled emotions and calm down, otherwise it would just lead to more yelling. And she didn’t want that, not from him or herself.

“Yeah, but let him stew a bit. It’s more fun that way,” her sister said with a sly grin.

“More fun for whom?” Sansa asked confused.

“For me obviously.”

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later, when Sansa had gone to bed for the night that she restarted her phone and allowed herself to read the new messages that came in. 

**Sandor: I have to head out to the bar now. Call me.**

**Sandor: Come one, let’s talk about this.**

**Sandor: This is fucking stupid. Just talk to me.**

**Sandor: Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?**

He thought HER stubborn? The frustration that hit her made her growl down at the phone. How dare he put this on her? He was the one who acted like they were in a committed relationship but then acted out when she did the same. He had asked her to go with him when he adopted a dog not that long ago but then he didn’t want to meet her family? And acted as if she was crazy for wanting that? When it had been a completely valid request? Now he had the nerve to call her stubborn? _ I’ll show him stubborn. _

Just as she was about to put the phone down another message came in. One that had her crying angry tears until she fell into a restless sleep.

**Sandor: Please, little bird.**


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor deals with the aftermath of their fight. And he's failing at it completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!
> 
> I am so happy that the last chapter had such a positive response! I know I've been guilty of writing crazy fluffy chapters so it was a lot of fun making myself write something different.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this new instalment!

Sandor wasn’t sure how long he stood there in the driveway, staring down the road as if it would somehow magically make her return to him. It was the feeling of a cold wet nose against his palm that brought him back to himself and a heavy feeling of dread settled over him then.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked looking down at Dantés by his side. The dog only scoffed and glared at him as if he was thinking: _ You know what the fuck you did. _

And he knew. He knew he had fucked up as soon as he had seen the tears on her cheeks. Anger he could take, anger was something he was used to. But tears? Fuck, knowing that he had made her cry, that wrecked him.

He knew he had overreacted, that he should have explained better why the idea of meeting her family filled him with dread. But how do you tell someone who’s only ever known love from those closest to her, that family had only ever meant pain for you? And that you were scared shitless that they would hate you and have it put a wedge between them? _ You fucking did that on your own though, didn’t you? _

“What the fuck do I do?” he spoke the words out loud, knowing perfectly well there was no one to answer him but still hoping that something would come to him. Dantés huffed out a bark and went back inside the house.

He should go after her, settles this right away, he decided but as he hurried inside the house for his keys he lost his nerve. What if she wouldn’t open the door? What if she did open the door only to tell him that it was over? That she was done?

“I’m a fucking coward,” he grunted to himself as he pulled out his phone. As he looked as his screensaver his heart clenched painfully. It was his favorite picture of Sansa, she had her arms wrapped around Dantés who was sitting happily in her lap. He remembered saying something that had her turn her head to look at him with a beaming smile and somehow he had managed to capture that moment perfectly.

He didn’t know how many times he called her or how many messages he sent but by the time he had to head to the bar his patience were wearing thin. Why did she have to be so fucking stubborn? If she’d only talk to him, let him explain, then everything would be fine. Wouldn’t it?

It was easier to cling to that anger than letting the fear that was gnawing in the back of his head take hold. She would let him explain and then everything would be alright, everything would be back to how it had been. They would be happy. _ If I really made her happy then she wouldn’t have been crying. _

“Hey boss!” Gendry called out from behind the bar as Sandor slammed the front door behind him. Dantés eagerly walked straight to the office, knowing perfectly well were he would be most comfortable. Sandor wanted to join him, close the fucking door to the world and be left alone.

But tonight he had to manage the fucking bar, because both Arya and Bronn had this weekend off. Usually he wouldn’t have minded but now he just wanted to say fuck it all and try calling Sansa again. 

His bad mood must have shown on his face because Gendry didn’t say another word and during the night he only spoke to Sandor when he needed to.

Sandor was a fucking angry mess, he knew it. He was so busy checking his phone every two minutes, hoping for a response that never came, that he was fucking up more than he had ever done in his life. He had always prided himself in being able to do his job really well but he had already broken more glass than all of his whole bartending years together and had even dropped a brand new fucking bottle of tequila on the floor. _ Fucking wasteful _.

“What is that?” the bratty kid, who looked barely old enough to drink, asked with a disgusted face as Sandor put the drinks down in front of him.

“What the fuck do you think? It’s your fucking order,” Sandor growled out but the idiot had the nerve to shake his head.

“I ordered two Gin and Tonics, that’s not it,” he persisted.

“Fuck no you didn’t!” He was losing his temper now, wanting nothing more than reach over the bar and slam that idiots shitty face into the wood. Hard enough to break his nose, that would ruin that pretty face of his permanently, Sandor thought with a dark smirk.

“Here you go,” Gendry said and quickly placed two Gin and Tonics in front of the customer. “On the house.”

“The fuck they are!” Sandor growled out in protest but Gendry only gave him a glare as he smiled at the customer.

“I think you should take a break,” Gendry said once the idiot had taken his order and left. Sandor looked down at the other man with wild eyes. Did he just have the balls to tell him to take a fucking break? Had he fucking forgotten who the fuck he was talking to? Or who signed his fucking paychecks?

“Boss, you’re completely off. Just take a breather,” Gendry persisted and shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve got this, you do what you gotta do to get in the right headspace.”

Fuck, he knew the man was right but it still felt shitty to be called out on it. Usually he was the one calling out bullshit and having the table turned on him only made him even angrier.

If that woman only would fucking respond he wouldn’t be this fucking much of a mess!

“I’ll be in the back if you need me,” he finally agreed and Gendry nodded. As he walked out from behind the bar he could have sworn he heard the other man say: “I doubt you’d be any bloody help for the rest of the night.” But when Sandor turned his head Gendry was already at the other end of the bar serving another customer.  


He must have fallen asleep in his chair because he woke up with a start when there was a soft knock on the office door.

“Sansa?” he called out and it was ridiculous how hopeful he sounded.

“No, sorry boss. It’s only me,” Gendry said as he stuck his head through the door and Sandor felt himself deflate.

“You need help?” Sandor asked but as he was about to rise from his chair Gendry shook his head.

“Nah. Just letting you know that we have closed up for the night,” he said and Sandor frowned. Had he fucking slept for hours? Had he been so emotionally exhausted that he had slept through a saturday night? How the fuck had that happened?

“Sorry if you had any trouble,” Sandor said as he rubbed his hands over his face. Instinctively he picked up the phone where it lay on his desk but of fucking course she hadn’t sent a single response since telling him to leave her alone. And that was hours ago. She was probably asleep by now anyway. He hated the thought of her alone in her bed, so far from him. When he knew that she was sleeping in his bed the anticipation of getting to join her was what made someone nights fucking bearable. Knowing that his bed would be empty and cold when he came home made his throat constrict. With a groan he leaned his head in his hands, this fucking sucked.

“Hey boss?” Sandor hadn’t realised that Gendry was still there so his words made him jump. “Sorry, I just… Just tell me to fuck off if I’m overstepping. But are you alright?”

Sandor lifted his head to look at the other man. His instincts told him to cuss and hiss at the man until he ran but there was genuine concern in his deep blue eyes. And that made Sandor hesitate. He obviously couldn’t make sense of all this alone, if he had said the right thing Sansa would have answered him by now, right? So what could it hurt to get a fucking second opinion.

“You got any experience with dealing with women?” Sandor asked him and Gendry seemed to take this as an invitation as he stepped inside the room and sat down at the chair on the other side of the desk.

“Some, but I wouldn’t call myself an expert,” Gendry responded and Sandor sighed again. It was fucking more than he had so who was he to judge?

“Sansa and I… we had a fight,” Sandor admitted and he felt fucking ridiculous. He was 35 fucking years old and he sounded like a teenager having a lovers spat with his first girlfriend. Well she was his first fucking girlfriend, although Sandor felt that word wasn’t enough to describe their relationship. She was so much more than just a girlfriend.

“Figured as much. What about if you don’t mind me asking?” Gendry said and Sandor found himself telling him everything. Gendry only listened in silence, sometimes nodding but he never interrupted. After Sandor finished speaking the other man sat there quiet for what felt like a fucking long time before speaking.

“Just go to the party,” he finally said and Sandor had to clench his fists to not give in to the temptation of strangeling the other man. Like he hadn’t fucking thought of that himself?

“I’ve already told her I would go with her. She basically told me to fuck off,” he growled and Gendry frowned.

“Sounds like she wants a commitment,” he said with a shrug and Sandor bristled. That was all he had to fucking say after all that?!

“We are committed, she practically lives with me. How fucking more committed can you be?!” Sandor growled angrily and Gendry held his hands up in a defensive gesture. 

“I’m just saying that acting like you are committed doesn’t always mean that you are. Sometimes you need to actually say it,” Gendry said softly and for a moment Sandor could have sworn Gendry’s face darkened but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

“That’s just fucking stupid! I made room for her in every fucking aspect of my life and I’ve tried damn hard for her to know that I want her in it. Why would I have to fucking sit down and tell her to be my girlfriend? We aren’t in fucking High school!” That was just ridiculous. Sandor shouldn’t have to say that he wanted them to be together when the already fucking were! 

“You don’t think that maybe she was trying to ask about commitment when she asked you to meet her family?” Gendry suggested and that made Sandor scowl. “I know that for people like us the importance of family is somewhat muddled. I don’t get it either. But I know that both Sansa and Arya are really close to their family.”

Sandor could only nod at that. He knew Gendry had a similar history as himself, growing up in the system. That was one of the reasons he had hired him all those years ago despite him having zero fucking experience in bartending. Sandor had given him a shot and Gendry had proved himself every single night since. And along the way he had even become somewhat of a friend, if this moment was any inclination.

“And for most people, asking someone to meet the parents is a huge step. Commitment wise. And you told her no and threw it back in her face. Maybe that made her question what you wanted,” Gendry stated so matter of fact, his face completely void of emotions.

Anger flooded through Sandor so violently then that he had to grip the edge of his desk to stop himself from doing something stupid. He wasn't angry at Gendry, he knew that. He was fucking angry at himself. Had he really made Sansa doubt if he wanted her? How could she fucking not think he wanted to be with her?

He had wanted everything she would give him but then he had been terrified when she asked for this. He knew that he would lose her if he fucked up meeting her family. But that fear had made him push her away instead. He had made it happen all on his fucking own.

“The fuck do I do?” Sandor asked and his hands shook as he raked them through his hair. “She won’t answer my calls or my messages.”

The face Gendry pulled at that made Sandor’s heart clench painfully. What did that mean? He had to be able to fix it? He had to right?

“I don’t know man. I guess you need to tell her how you feel? Girls usually like that.” Sandor frowned down at the other man. Why was he sounding so unsure? He was supposed to help, to tell him what to do, how to fix it! Not just sit there with a frown and a shrug as Sandor felt the life he had built with Sansa being pulled away from his grasp. 

There was no fucking way Sandor was letting the best fucking thing that had ever happened to him be pulled away. She was just going to have to talk to him and listen. _ I’ll make her if I have to. _

* * *

Sandor felt like a fucking idiot as he parked his truck by the sidewalk.

He had spent all of yesterday fucking staring at his phone, willing it to ring or beep or whatever. But there had been nothing. He knew that she was spending that Sunday with her family and part of him worried that she had told them what had happened. Or worse, telling them that there was no way he was going to meet them now.

And of course she had kept ignoring his messages and calls and it drove him fucking crazy. He had lost track of how many messages he had sent but each one had been more pathetic than the last, by the end he had begged her to just let him know what she was thinking. Even though he had dreaded it, even her telling him she hated him would have been better than the complete silence he was faced with.

It had been almost two fucking days and he was fucking desperate. It felt like a sick sense of karma as he stepped into the flower shop he hadn’t been inside of since the first time when he had fucked up royally. He had avoided it since, waiting outside for Sansa the times they would get together for lunch or if he was picking her up. He hadn’t want to remember the way she had looked at him then, not when she had been looking at him with such tenderness and warmth since. Until the other night, that was.

His eyes instantly zoned in on the counter but to his horror the woman behind it wasn’t his little bird. This was a shorter, rounder woman with mousy brown hair and small brown eyes. But her smile was friendly despite Sandor’s appearance and he knew he looked even more of a mess than usual. He hadn’t fucking slept since those few hours in his office on Saturday, he hadn’t even been able to make himself walk into the bedroom knowing he would feel her absence the worst there.

“Welcome! How can I help you?” the woman asked happily and Sandor forced himself to walk closer.

“Is… is Sansa here?” he asked and hated how pathetically unsure his voice sounded. The woman frowned at him for a moment before schooling her face into a polite mask.

“She is busy at the moment, we have a large order due tomorrow,” she explained softly. “I’m sure I can help you with whatever you need.”

Sandor wanted to growl at the woman to go get his little bird but he took a deep breath to calm himself. Your anger was what got you into this mess to begin with. _ Control yourself for fuck sake. _

“Could… could you please check if she can spare a moment?” he asked and hoped that he sounded as calm and polite as he had intended. She was frowning again so maybe he had failed at that too.

“Give me a second,” she finally relented and disappear through a door behind the counter. Sandor wasn’t sure how long he was left waiting but it felt like a fucking eternity. What was that woman telling Sansa? That there was a scarred rude fucker asking for her by name and that she should run out the back door? What the fuck was he going to do if she came back and told him Sansa didn’t want to see him?

But then there was a flash of red and his heart was racing like mad in his chest as he took her in. The other woman must not have described him because she looked genuinely surprised to see him standing there, looking like a fucking bull in a fucking china shop.

“What are you doing here Sandor?” she asked harshly and her beautiful face scrunched up in a scowl. Her behaviour fed the constricting in his chest and he tried to fight the frustration but he was fucking losing that battle.

“I need to talk to you,” he rasped out and she looked so fucking deflated he wanted to take her in his arms. He wanted, no needed, to hold her close and promise her that everything was going to be alright. That he was never going to hurt her again, that he would do anything she asked of him. But she was still scowling and it felt like there might as well be a fucking wall between them and not a counter.

“Oh, so this is the boyfriend?” the other woman asked as she joined them and his eyebrow raised at the title. Had Sansa talked about him with her then? Called him her boyfriend? That made him surprisingly happy and he looked at her expectantly. Hoping that she would say yes and put him out of his misery. But of course it wouldn’t be that simple. Instead she raised her chin definitely and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I don’t know, are you?” It was a fucking challenge, and it made him growl out loud. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? That there was others who could equally fit the title? Or was she daring him to take the easy way out? No, there was no fucking way that was happening.

“You fucking bet I am!” he barked out as the anger made him lose his control. The other woman startled and Sansa was blushing furiously now. She wasn’t looking at him anymore, in fact she was looking at everything but him and it pissed him of even more. _ Fucking look at me! _

“M-Maybe you should take this outside?” the other woman suggested and Sandor could see in her eyes that he had scared her. Normally he wouldn’t give a shit what someone thought of him but this was Sansa’s boss and he didn’t want to fuck her job up. “It’s time for your lunch break anyway.”

“Yes of course. I am so sorry Gilly,” Sansa agreed and threw him a dark look as she passed him. Gods, even her anger made him feel relieved. He’d rather have her be pissed than indifferent. Without hesitation he followed her outside but to his surprise she kept walking down the street. She was walking so fast he wondered if she ever planned on stopping until she suddenly did and whirled on him.

“Go away Sandor,” her voice was a warning, sharp and low, but he stood firm and stared her down. “I said I wanted space.”

“Fuck space,” he growled out and moved closer until his chest was pressed against hers. She had to crane her neck to glare at him but at least she wasn’t pulling away. He wanted her to face him head on, he wanted her to tell him that he had fucked up. He needed her to tell him how to fix this.

“How dare you come into my workplace and act like that, Sandor?” she hissed. It felt almost so ridiculously similar to what she had said the first time he had been to the shop, it almost made him want to laugh. But in a hard, angry way at how ironic it was. Her blue eyes were blazing with anger as she stared him down.

“What the fuck was I supposed to do? You won’t answer any of my fucking calls or texts!” he bellowed loudly but she didn’t even fucking flinch. “And your fucking sister refuses to tell me anything other than that I fucked up, like I didn’t already know that!”

He had been desperate enough yesterday to send a message to Arya but that hadn’t given him fucking anything. She had only fueled his anxiety and pissed him off, like she always did.

He felt that anxiety well up again and it felt almost wild as he raked his hands through his hair and looked down at her. She showed him nothing but her anger and what if that was all there was left? What if she only felt anger and hurt in regards to him now? Maybe that was why she was ignoring him, she didn’t want anything more to do with him.

He tried searching her eyes, hoping to find a hint of the affection she used to show in them but there was nothing of it there and fuck, his heart was fucking breaking. This can’t be happening. This can’t be… But it was. And he had no one but himself to fucking blame.

_ Just get it fucking over with. _

“If you’re gonna break up with me then at least do it to my face,” he said in a painfully sad voice and his shoulders fell as he stared down on the ground. He was too fucking craven to look at her when it happened. “Just please…”

He felt the softest of touched then as her hand rested carefully on his arm. That made him lift his head and look at her. He didn’t care if the pain was showing in his eyes, he couldn’t help himself from staring at her. He had never been able to.

“No Sandor,” she said heatedly and he flinched back as if she had struck him. It made her grip on his arm tighten, keeping him from pulling away. His chest was constricting so painfully he couldn’t fucking breath. He wanted to rage and scream at the unfairness of the fucking world but then she squeezed his arm again.

“Just because we had a fight it doesn’t mean we’re breaking up.” Her voice was so soft and gentle that at first he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it but then she lifted her hand from his arm and put it on his cheek. He instinctively leaned into her touch and the action made her smile softly. Fuck, he had missed her smile.

“No?” He hated how vulnerable he sounded as his voice wavered on that simple little word.

“Unless that’s what you want…” the words had barely left her lips before he wrapped her in his strong arms and pulled her tightly against his chest.

“Fuck no!” he growled out against the top of her head. “I don’t want that at all.”

He let out a shuddering breath as she put her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. It felt like a fucking wave of bliss was rushing from their contact into him and he never wanted to lose that feeling.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” Sandor said with a press of soft lips against the top of her head. He really was and he wanted to say something to prove that he meant it. 

But he was just so relieved that she wasn’t breaking up with him that he couldn’t seem to find the words. And as he struggled it apparently took too long because then she placed her hands on his chest and pushed herself away.

“What is this to you, Sandor?” she asked, looking up at him with her brows knit in question.

“This?” he asked with a confused frown and she motioned to the both of them. “Oh… We’re together right?”

“Yeah… but what does that mean?” she persisted and his frown deepen. With a sigh she took a step back and he instantly hated the distance. He wanted to pull her back into his arms again, where she belonged. But before he had a chance to she continued speaking. “I need to eat something, there’s a sandwich shop down the street.”

“Can… Can I come with you?” Sandor asked and Sansa huffed her assent.

“Yeah, we’re not done with this conversation.”

Once they’d gotten their sandwiches, Sansa’s a turkey on rye and Sandor the biggest piece of meat lovers sandwich he had ever seen, they sat at a small table in the back. Their knees were sandwiches together in the cramp space and the close proximity of his knee to her groin did nothing to help with the nervous flutters in his stomach. Sandor just kept staring at her, not really touching his sandwich which was unusual for him, usually he would have inhaled it by now. That, if anything, was a sign of his raw nerves. _ I need to fucking say something. _

“Sansa, you told me once that we should just tell the other what we’re thinking,” he suddenly found himself saying as he scratched his neck nervously. He knew he needed to be upfront and honest if he was going to fix this. “I haven’t had a lot of people in my life, until recently the only person who really knew me was Bronn. Then you showed up out of fucking nowhere and that was it.”

The heat in his words and eyes as he spoke seemed to draw a flush to her cheeks and then she bit her lower lip. _ Does she know what that does to me? _

With a low growl he reached out his hand and grasped her chin with his thumb and index finger, tilting her chin up to look at him, his thumb resting against the bottom of her lip.

“These past two days have been complete hell. Knowing that I hurt you and you not wanting to even talk to me… Fuck…” he let go of her chin only to grasp her hand in his. He needed the contact to assure himself that she truly was here with him now. That he wasn’t imagining it. “This is everything to me. And if being with you means going to a thousand parties I fucking will.”

“It was never about going to a party,” Sansa said with a squeeze of his hand. “I want you to meet my family. I want to bring together the people who mean the most to me. I want you to be a part of every piece of my life.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” he said sadly and pulled his hand back to rest in his lap. How could he make her understand that he was fucking out of his depth here? “I’m no good with families.”

“All I ask is that you try,” she said and he hesitated. Was it really that simple? Was that really all she wanted from him? He watched as his lack of response made her face fall and he cursed himself inwardly. _ I want to be the man she deserves. Someone brave. _

“That I can do,” his voice suddenly rasped out low but certain. “I can try, for you.”

The grin that split her face was brighter than the fucking sun and it felt like his heart was released from the vise like grip it had been in since she had ran out his door. With a happy squeal she jumped out of her seat and threw herself around his neck. A surprised chuckle escaped his mouth and when his hands grasped her hips she sank down onto his lap and rested her forehead against his. Her hair fell like a curtain around them, shielding them from any onlookers and her lips came to rest just a breath away from his.

“Do you mean it?” she asked hopefully and he nodded, his eyes holding hers trying desperately to show her his devotion. 

“Yes. I’d do anything to make you happy,” he said and now there was fucking tears in her eyes. His hand reached up to cup her cheek and as his large thumb caressed it he let out a shaky breath. “I might not be any good at it and I can’t promise that I won’t fuck it up or embarrass you.”

“That doesn’t matter. I just want you there… with me,” her voice was low and trembling and he hated that he had made her feel this unsure. He remembered Gendry’s words about her needing to hear him say that he was committed. He needed to tell her, because let’s face it. He had been hers the moment she had smiled at him for the first time.

“I want us to be together every way that there is. Because there is only you for me Sansa.” Her lips pressed against his in the softest of kisses then, he could see her shoulders relaxing and it felt like she was melting into him then. “In case you didn’t already know, I am yours for as long as you want me.”

“Mine,” she agreed and the possessiveness in her voice delighted him and his grip on her hip tightened as he brought her closer to kiss her hard and intently. “And I am yours.”

Those last words were said between kisses and he groaned in a deep rumble against her mouth, feeling her shiver beneath his hands. He moved his hand on her cheek down her throat in a soft caress and came to rest against her chest, above her heart.

“My little bird. Mine.” he growled and as his thumb stroked her skin in time with her heartbeat he felt overwhelmed with happiness. And he knew no matter what happened there was no going back to how it had been before her. Not for him. _ I will always be yours. _


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The making up is the best part of a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an embarrassingly low amount of plot in this chapter and it's really heavy on the smut, fyi.
> 
> So I'm just gonna leave it here and... yeah... enjoy? ;)

Fuck. Sandor didn’t know who was the most eager, him or the dog, when they heard her car pull up the drive. He and Dantés were both pacing by the door and Sandor had to fight the urge to fling it open and run out to her.

Finally, finally the doorknob turned and even before the door was fully open he was pulling her into his arms. His eagerness made her giggle as she wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to stand straight and lift her feet of the ground.

“Missed me?” she teased and if she only knew. But instead of saying anything he decided to show her. The press of his lips against hers were firm and instantly his tongue pressed inside when she gasped.

He felt like a man starved and he it felt like he could never have enough of her, never feel enough of her. His hands started caressing down her sides and back moving down to that ass he could worship and when he squeezed it roughly she moaned against his mouth.

“Sandor.” Hells, for a moment he had thought he would never hear her say his name with such warmth again. Yet here she was, holding onto him just as tightly as he held onto her.

“Yes, I fucking missed you,” he groaned out as her long legs wrapped around his hips and her hands moved up to his hair, her hands scratching deliciously against his scalp. She was kissing along his jaw and it made him grip her ass harder and pull her closer when she took her earlobe between her teeth.

“You just saw me a few hours ago,” she whispered against his ear and the huskiness of her voice made him gasp.

“Feels like a fucking lifetime ago,” he argued as he dragged his lips against the delicate skin of her collarbone. He didn’t want to think about how he had felt only hours ago. That was in the past and she was his present and future. And the present was fucking glorious. All red hair falling around them and lips swollen with kisses. But the best part was the headiness of her blue eyes as they met his grey.

“Show me how much you’ve missed me,” she pulled on his earlobe hard enough to make him hiss but the sting was quickly soothed by the warmth of her tongue.  _ Holy mother of…. _

For an instant he thought about running up to the bedroom and show her all the ways he had missed her but the baser part of him won out.  _ It’s too fucking far. _

Instead he carried her over to the kitchen where he put her on the kitchen island abruptly enough to make her gasp. He had barely put her down before his hands started tugging and pulling at her clothes. In a heated blaze he kissed every inch of her skin as it was exposed to him and soon she was gloriously, beautifully naked before him.

Once he had her bare he took a step back to truly take her in and the flush of her skin where his beard had scratched her sent a jolt straight to his groin. Her face was flushed red but the way she met his stare head on showed him it wasn’t from embarrassment. She was enjoying the attention, even lade completely exposed for him, she was gasping and moaning. He had never seen anything as sexy as her in that moment and he couldn’t make himself look away. He watched in fascination how the anticipation and arousal she was experiencing made her start caressing herself.

He felt like he was about to make a mess of himself as he watched her hands move down to tweak her nipples and as they pebble he licked his lips. That pulled another moan out of her, a louder one that had him unable to stop his hand from pressing down against his still jeans clad cock. She bit her lip then and he growled. She fucking knew what that did to him.

“Sansa…,” he rasped out and now her hands moved down to her center, that was already glistening with her arousal. He could smell it, it was so strong. With a growl he stepped forward and snatched her hands in his before they had reached their destination.

“Mine,” he growled when she whimpered in protest. And then he leaned down and pressed his lips against her to show her how much he meant it. With a strangled cry her back arched of the counter top as his mouth, tongue and beard pressed, liked and scratched every inch of the most intimate part of her.

“Mine,” he growled again against her clit and she mewled in pleasure as he sucked firmly.

“Yes... yes... Oh Sandor,” she cried out franticly and her rewarded her by slowly running a finger along her folds before slowly pressing it inside her.  _ Fuck she feels amazing. _

“Gods, Sandor! More!” she demanded heatedly as her hands clung to his hair. She started pumping her hips wildly and he pressed her down with a firm hand. She was keening now and when he added another finger she made a guttural cry of pleasure that had him almost going wild with desire.

“Sansa, you’re driving me fucking insane,” he groaned out against her and the vibration of his voice against her made her cry out and as she arched almost all the way off the counter she clenched so hard around his fingers it almost hurt. He kept them moving slowly and his kisses leisurely as she came down from her high. It took a moment but eventually she lifted her head and smiled at him. He gave her another slow lick and an open mouthed kiss against her sensitive clit for that and she gasped with a soft chuckle.

“Oh,” was all she managed and the wonder in her eyes made him grin proudly. He stood straight again and her eyes wandered down his still clothed body and stopped at the large straining in his pants. He groaned as she lifted her foot and gently rubbed at him.

“Sansa, you don’t have…” he tried to protest but she was already sitting up and pulling his shirt over his head. Her hands then moved to his belt buckle and she snaked her hand down his jeans and grasped him while her other hand went to his neck, pulling his face down to hers.

“Shut up and fuck me,” she ordered with a sharp tug of teeth on his lips and he had to reach out and grasp the counter as his knees almost buckled.

In a matter of seconds he had discarded the remainder of his clothes and now she was the one taking him in. He had always been fit, a defense mechanism in his mind telling him to always be bigger and stronger, so he knew his physique was impressive. But she was looking at him like she wanted to lick every inch of him before devouring him whole. And that had him grow even harder and she smirked as she took in his cock.

Her hands reached around him to cup his ass and with a slight slide down the counter his tip was just at her entrance. He looked down at the point of contact just as she placed her feet on the counter, spreading herself even wider for him.

“Little bird,” he gasped out in wonder as she let go of his ass and leaned back down on the counter. Her eyes were a swirling mix of desire and warmth, need and tenderness as she looked up at him with a soft smile.

“I’m yours Sandor,” she confirmed and he couldn’t keep himself back anymore. With a sharp thrust of his hips he entered her and the pace he set was frantic and demanding but she met him thrust for thrust. At some point he grasped her knees and was able to thrust deeper then. It made her back arch as she threw her head back with a shocked moan. He knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer.

“Touch yourself Sansa,” he ordered between grunts. “Touch your clit. I need to feel you come on my cock.”

Him voicing his base desires seemed to spurr her pleasure on because he felt her clutch harder around him as he spoke and it thrilled him even more than her obeying his command.  _ My little bird likes it when I talk dirty. _

He kept his pace as she frantically rubbed at her clit in time with his thrusts and thankfully she came within seconds because he didn’t manage to stave of his own orgasm that much longer after hers. It hit him so hard that he roared out her name and wave of wave followed until he collapsed his torso on top her. His head rested on her chest and his breath came out in heavy puffs, the air of it making her nipple harden.

“You made dinner,” she said after a long time, when the spots in his eyes had stopped blinking and his breathing had even out some. He followed her eyes to the set table.

“It’s only lasagna,” he grunted but it was a pleased grunt because her hands was in his hair then. “We could put it in the fridge or reheat it if you want.”

“I’m starving,” she said and his chuckle pulled one out of her as well.

He was beyond pleased when she jumped down the counter and had to grasp his arm to steady herself. When she saw his grin she swatted him playfully and snatched his t-shirt out of his hands. It sent a jolt of equal pleasure to his groin and heart as she walked over to the table in only his t-shirt and nothing else.

Sandor didn’t bother with clothing other then his underwear and quickly put the lasagna in the oven. When he turned back to Sansa he found her smiling down at the flowers he had even managed to put in a vase.

“They are not apology flowers,” he said and she looked up at him with surprise. “I told the woman I absolutely didn’t want apology flowers.”

“What kind of flowers are they then?” she asked teasingly but he reached out and twinned his fingers with hers, keeping his face serious.

“I asked for something that would make my girlfriend smile,” he answered and she did just that. And it was fucking glorious. “Worth every penny.”

Soon the food was ready and he was beyond delighted when he sat down that Sansa was quick to sit down in his lap. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. He would never be able to comprehend how she could enjoy this kind of closeness to him but he wasn’t going to complain.

“I was thinking…” he started as she hummed around a large forkful of the lasagna. “Maybe… If it is alright we could start out small? Maybe have dinner or whatever with one or two of your family members?”

He felt her stiffen and cursed inwardly. Why couldn’t he have left it alone? He could have just let them have this night without drawing her memory back to their fight. But no, he had to be a dumb fuck and ruin this for himself.  _ Fucking idiot. _

After a long moment she slowly turned around to face him, her legs straddling him on the chair now. This position had their faces almost level with each other and her blue eyes searched his face gently.

“Really?” It was such a simple word but he could hear all the hope in them and it made him feel a little more relaxed.

“Yeah, really,” he assured her with a soft smile. “I don’t mean tomorrow, but maybe in a week or so?”

Her lips were on his then and after a long kiss she started peppering his face with sweet presses of her lips. It felt amazing to be showered with so much affection.  _ I don’t think anyone ever has before. _

He was so distracted by her kisses that he hadn’t felt her hand wandering until it was suddenly wrapped around him. She freed his cock from his underwear and with barely two pumps he was painfully hard again. His mouth captured hers and her tongue traced his lips sensually.

“Is this what happens when I do what you want?” he said teasingly against her lips. “In that case I will never ever tell you no.”

“No Sandor,” she answered softly. “This is what happens when you make me happy.”

His head rolled back when she suddenly placed him at her entrance and swiftly sat down, sheeting him completely inside her. His hands grasped her hips as she started to ride him torturously slow. He moved his hands up her sides, bringing his t-shirt with him in the process, exposing her skin slowly. When the fabric was pulled up enough to expose her breast he leaned down to take a nipple into his mouth. As he gently teased it with his teeth she rocked harder against him.  _ I fucking love how sensitive she is. _

He kissed his way over to the other breast and as he sucked that nipple hard into his mouth he pulled the t-shirt over her head. As her movement became more hurried their mouths met in deliciously slow and deep kisses and he wrapped his arms around her to press her as close to him as he could.

“You make me so happy” she almost cooed as her third orgasm of the night hit her. He followed not long after and rested his forehead against her shoulder as he caught his breath.

“You make me happy too, little bird.”

_ And I will try my fucking hardest to always make you happy. _


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor meets some people who are important to Sansa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here is some really super fluffy fluff for you all :D
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Sansa had to try real hard not to laugh as she watched Sandor wipe down the stove for the nineteenth time in two minutes. When he opened the oven to check on the roast yet again she had to bite her lip to keep the laughter from spilling out.

“You’re fretting, sweetheart,” she teased and he glared at her over his shoulder.

“Am fucking not,” he growled but there was no bite in his words. Sansa walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. When she squeezed him softly he sighed. “I am just bloody nervous is all.”

His words made her run her thumb in slow soothing caresses across his abdomen and she smiled against his back. He was wearing his black denim button up, the only button up he owned as far as she knew, and he had even gone to a barberer to have his beard trimmed. And he had spent over two hours in the kitchen preparing this evening dinner. The care he had put into this night made her heart sing with affection for her big man.

“I know. But it’s going to go just fine,” she assured him and stood on her tippy toes to press a soft kiss against his shoulder. She wanted to tell him that they would love him, but she knew he wouldn’t have believed her. And that was dangerously close to her saying that she loved him. By now she was sure she did but she wasn’t sure how he would have reacted to such a revelation. Especially when he was as nervous as this. So she settled for pressing her cheek to his back and holding him a little tighter.

“Thanks, little bird,” he said as he moved out of her embrace. Despite her assurance he still checked on the roast again and this time she couldn’t keep in a laugh.

“Find my misery funny do ya?” he grunted as he turned around to frown at her.

“No… no… You’re just so cute, is all,” she giggled out and his face turned amused.

“Don’t think I’ve ever been called cute before in my life.” As he pulled her to him the look he gave her was mischievous and it thrilled her beyond words when he acted like this. His playful side was rare to see and it thrilled her beyond belief that she was one of the few people who got to see it.

“Well you are, you’re really cute,” she affirmed and he shook his head with a chuckle.

“You’re probably the only one who thinks so,” he said with a soft press of his lips against her brow.

“That’s good. That way I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to steal you away from me,” she joked and he leaned down to rest his head in the crock of her neck.

“Never going to fucking happen, little bird. You’re it for me,” he said low as his mouth started to press soft kisses against her bare shoulder. The feeling of his lips and beard sent a shiver through her but her heart was screaming at her to ask him what he meant. She was it for him? 

That was as close as declaration of love that he had ever gotten and she desperately wanted to continue on that topic. But of course there was a knock at the door at that moment and Sandor stiffened against her.

“Come on,” she said softly as she took his hand and lead him to the door. Dantés was already waiting by it, his tail wagging excitedly. She could hear Sandor take a deep breath before he reached out his free hand and opened the door.

To her mother’s credit her polite smile only faltered for a split second before it returned. Her father’s face was in that same stoic mask he always wore when he was a bit uncomfortable but it softened as he looked at Sansa.

“Welcome mrs Stark, mr Stark,” Sandor said as he reached out his hand to them. She squeezed the hand she was still holding in support and she couldn’t keep in a beaming smile as the man she loved shook hands with her father.  _ He’s doing this for me _ .

“Thank you for inviting us to your home,” Catelyn said as she handed over a bottle of red wine to Sansa. Sansa recognised is at one of her mothers favorites and that warmed her heart.

“Sansa told me you’re a scotch man so I brought a bottle of my favorite,” Ned said and handed Sandor the bottle. Sandor stared at the bottle in awe and Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if it was one of those ridiculously expensive kinds. Sandor would know all about that, of course. “It was partially for selfish reasons, I wouldn’t mind a glass after dinner.”

Sansa recognised the teasing tone in her father’s voice but Sandor mustn’t have because he gave her father a serious nod.

“Of course, sir,” he said and stepped to the side to allow them to enter the house. Her father, the avid dog lover, immediately hunched down to pet Dantés who accepted the attention happily.

“This must be Dantés,” her father said and Sansa nodded happily.

“Yep, that’s our good boy,” she said but when she felt Sandor stiffen next to her she wondered if she had overstepped in calling him theirs. Of course he technically was Sandor’s dog but emotionally Sansa was as invested in the dog as he was.

“I should check on the roast,” Sandor rasped out and pulled his hand away before quickly walking into the kitchen. Sansa looked after him and the tension in his shoulders made her frown. But she reminded herself that this whole situation was new and scary for him.  _ I have to be patient. _

“Oh, you made a roast Sansa?” her mother asked and Sansa shook her head with a smile.

“Sandor did,” she knew her voice sounded ridiculously proud over such a simple fact but it felt good to brag about the man she had found for herself. She’d like to see Robb trying to cook a roast. “I made dessert though.”

“Is there time for a little tour?” Sansa asked and Sandor looked over his shoulder at her. He hesitated only for a moment before nodding and walking back to them.

“We can start upstairs,” he suggested and as he showed them his home her father asked a few questions on the house in it self.

“The builder obviously knew what they were doing when they chose this as the master bedroom,” Catelyn said as they took in the view from the large windows. Sansa desperately hoped that her flushing cheeks didn’t give away how her mind had wandered over to the things they had been doing in this room only hours ago.

“Yes, I first planned to have the master bedroom on the bottom floor but I turned it into the office when I realised that I could get a view of the lake from here,” Sandor said and that made Ned raise his eyebrows.

“You had the house built yourself?” he asked and Sandor nodded.

“Yeah, about three years ago I bought the land. I did most of the construction myself, with a few of my old coworkers on our spare time so it took almost a year to finish,” he explained and she could tell that her father was impressed.

“Sandor worked in construction before he started the bar. And now he’s just expanded it into a Grill as well,” Sansa told them and Sandor’s eyes softened as he looked at her. She might be bragging, but come on, look at him! Who wouldn’t brag about this strong independent man who had worked hard for everything he had in his life?

“Yes, so you told us,” Catelyn said and Sansa blushed as she realised she must have been gushing over him with her family more than she had thought.

“Oh, the woodwork on this headboard is wonderful,” Catelyn suddenly said and ran her fingers along the carved swirls in the dark wood. Sansa’s mind flashed to how she had grasped that very same headboard only last night to keep her balance while Sandor face had been… _Oh no no no!_ _Calm down! Your parents are standing right there!_

“Isn’t it lovely Ned? Something like this would look wonderful in the guest bedroom,” Catelyn said and turned to Sandor who was scratching at his neck. Was there a slight pink tint to his cheeks? “Where did you get it from?”

“Um… well I got the wood from a lumberyard a few miles out of town. The woodwork I did myself,” Sandor admitted hesitantly and Sansa couldn’t keep in a gasp.

“You made it yourself?” she asked surprised and he shrugged as if it was nothing special.

“It’s was something I do to pass the time,” he said with a soft smile at Sansa. “Haven’t really needed to do that lately.”

His words made her want to pull him into a deep kiss but luckily she remembered her parents presence in time and settled for taking his hand. The roughness of his palm against hers made her picture Sandor working away on the wood. Maybe sanding the wood smooth, and maybe he was shirtless and maybe there would be a bead of sweat running down his neck to his chest hair…  _ Sansa Lyarra Stark, get a grip on yourself! _

Thankfully the oven timer started beeping then and they all headed down to the kitchen. As Sandor put the food on the table Sansa opened the bottle of wine her mother had brought and soon they were seated, in a somewhat awkward silence.

Sandor was seated next to her and she could tell by the stiffness in his shoulders and the tight line of his jaw that he was uncomfortable. She reached her hand out and put it over his on the table. Indistinctly he turned his palm up to entwine their fingers, making her smile down at her plate.

“So Sandor… Sansa tells me you served in the army,” her father said to break the silence and Sandor’s grip on her hand tightened.

“Yes sir,” he answered before taking a swig of his wine. They all looked expectantly at him but instead of continuing he took a large forkful of food and chewed slowly.

“My younger brother served for most of his life before retiring a few years ago. And my father served in Vietnam. Are you from a military family?” Ned asked and both Sansa and Catelyn gave him a stern glare. She had told them about Sandor’s history, but it seemed to have slipped her fathers mind then. Their stares made him realise his mistake but as he opened his mouth to apologise Sandor spoke.

“No, sir. My father was a dock worker. His father bred hunting hounds. I don’t know what my mother’s family did,” he answered with a completely emotionless voice.

There was a deafening silence then and Sansa glanced at Sandor. His jaw was clenched but as if he felt her eyes on him he relaxed somewhat even if he didn’t say anything else.

“So dad, how’s the company doing?” Sansa knew it was a desperate attempt at breaking the heavy silence but thankfully her father didn’t call her out on it. Instead he smiled kindly as he answered her.

“Really well thank you. We just finished the merger with Royce Inc and they have brought a lot of valuable clients to the table,” he told them. “Rodrick has done a fine job in the Vale and will be staying on until we have everything settled there. So I am looking for a replacement for him at our local office. I’m meeting with potential candidates this coming week.”

Sansa was proud of how successful her father had become but as she saw her mother light up her smile faded. She knew what was coming even before her mother opened her mouth.

“Oh you would be perfect for that position sweetheart!” she exclaimed happily. Sansa could see, in the corner of her eye, how Sandor was looking at her. Concern etching his face due to the hard squeeze of her hand on his.

“Mom, I’ve told you I don’t want to work at the company. I’m very happy with my job,” she said softly, silently praying that her mother would drop the subject. But of course, no such luck. Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if her mother took the opportunity to talk about it tonight because she thought Sansa would control herself with them meeting Sandor for the first time.

“I know, dear. You are happy with selling flowers in someone else’s business. With your degree you could at least start your own business,” Catelyn said as Ned gave Sansa an apologetic smile.

“You have a business degree?” Sandor’s voice was laced with surprise and Sansa violently shook her head as she turned it towards him.

“I majored in Marketing but I have a minor in business management,” she explained and that made him raise his eyebrow. He looked confused and she could see the questions and doubts he was thinking on his face. As if he wondered why she had never told him this piece of information.

“You could get a job at the marketing department,” Catelyn suggested and just as Sansa was about to snap at her mother to leave her alone her father cut in.

“Now Cat, what’s important is that Sansa is happy. She can decide for herself what she wants to do with her life,” he said calmly as he took his wife’s hand. Sansa turned her head to smile gratefully at him but found that her father’s eyes were on Sandor. The other man held his gaze and Sansa felt as if she was witnessing some sort of silent exchange that she couldn’t make sense of.

“I am very happy,” Sansa said confidently and that made both her father and Sandor turn their heads to her and that unbelievable softness returned to Sandor’s face as he looked at her. He leaned down towards her face and heat flushed her cheeks as his lips neared hers. Suddenly his eyes widened and she had to keep in a snicker as he quickly averted his mouth to press it softly against her cheek instead.

“Yes, well I am happy to hear that,” Catelyn said and as she cleared her throat Sansa could have sworn that Sandor was blushing! Why else would his cheeks grow a slight pink and have him pull his head away from hers as quickly as possible?

Sansa wouldn’t have minded if he kissed her in front of her parents, she loved every moment of Sandor’s affections, public or otherwise. But it was somehow extra thrilling to have him show her family how much he cared for her. Even though it probably would make her father a bit uncomfortable.

“What is it that your company does mr Stark?” Sandor asked after a moment of silence and Sansa wanted to kiss him for just that simple question. Not because he broke the silence but because he was making a real effort. As her father started talking of mergers and acquisitions Sansa asked her mother about how the party planning was going. And from then the conversation flowed a little more freely.

After they finished the food Sansa stood to clear the table but as she reached out to grab the plates Sandor stood and took them from her.

“Let me do that, little bird,” he said softly and her mother smiled softly at the large man.

“Thank you. I’ll get the desserts then. Do you want some coffee?” she asked and both her parents happily accepted.

As Sandor put the dishes in the sink Sansa couldn’t keep herself from sliding up next to him and take his chin in her hand, turning his face to her. He quirked his eyebrow at her and with a soft smile she pressed her lips against him. It was a chaste kiss but it held all the affection and tenderness he had awakened in her and when she pulled away he looked over his shoulder to check if her parents were watching. When he saw that they weren’t his arm snaked out around her waist and pulled her to him.

“Are you having a good time, little bird?” he whispered against her mouth and she nodded breathlessly. With a smug grin he pressed his lips against hers again. The kiss was brief but it still had her mind swirling and her legs were a bit unsteady as she hurried to put on the coffee maker and brought out the white chocolate and lemon mousses she had layered in martini glasses. 

Once the coffee was done Sandor served them and she could see her father’s eyes crinkle in happiness as he took a first taste.

“This is wonderful, kitten,” he said happily and Sansa beamed at the praise. The evening continued on a light note and her father’s anecdotes from her wilder teen years even had Sandor laughing. She wanted to protest that she hadn’t been half as wild as Arya but she wasn’t sure how much her parents truly knew of her sister’s adventures and wasn’t about to out her younger sister.

“How about we open that lovely bottle and have a glass on the porch?” her father suggested to Sandor who nodded. When Catelyn kept Sansa with her in the kitchen she couldn’t help but wonder what her father was going to talk to Sandor about.

“Don’t worry. Your father won’t be too though on him,” her mother assured her but that only made Sansa’s frown deeper.

“Do you think he likes him?” she asked and Catelyn smiled softly at her. It was one of those loving smiles that still made Sansa feel like she was her mother’s little girl.

“As long as he makes you happy there is no reason for him not to.” That made Sansa take a deep swig of her wine and move across the floor to the couch. Her mother followed her and topped of both their wine glasses.

“He never liked any of the others I dated,” Sansa remembered and she couldn’t keep herself from looking out the window. From the couch she could make out the men’s backs as they stood looking out at the forest. Dantés was sitting by their feet, happily enjoying pats from both men.

There had only been one boy before Joffrey, and that had been one date so that didn’t count. After Joffrey there had been one horrible date with a guy Ros had set her up with. It wasn’t until she met Sandor that she had even wanted to be with someone again.

“Well honey, none of them made you as happy as he does,” Catelyn started matter of factly and that made Sansa’s cheeks flush. “We have all seen the change in you since you met. It’s like that light in you that dimmed when you were with Joffrey has been turned back up to full force.”

“He does really make me happy mom,” Sansa looked out the window again and smiled when she saw that Sandor was rubbing his neck.  _ I wonder what has gotten him nervous. _

“Just remember one thing sweetling,” Catelyn said and took Sansa’s hand in hers. Her mother’s blue eyes, a shade deeper than her own, were serious and Sansa nodded. “That light is all you Sansa. It’s existence and yours have nothing to do with the affections of one man. Love is supposed to make it brighter so don’t let anyone ever dim that light again.”

Sansa pulled her mother in to a tight hug and promised she would remember that.

“And I must say, he is quite the catch, inside and out. The scars aren't so bad once you've gotten used to them. And he is so tall!” her mother said and giggled when Sansa gasped. "He is a hardworking, capable man and he can cook. Do you know that your father still manages to burn his every single attempt at cooking? When we dated he almost burned down his apartment!”

They were both still giggling as the men returned inside and when Ned asked what was so funny they broke into another fit. Sansa was wiping her eyes when the laughter finally calmed and Sandor gave her an amused smiled.

“I think it’s time for us to head out,” her father said as he stood and pulled Sansa into his signature tight hug. When he released her Sansa snaked her arm around Sandor and pulled him to his side as he shook her father’s hand.

“Thank you for a lovely evening and dinner,” her father said and Sandor nodded.

“Thank you both for coming,” Sandor rasped and Catelyn shook his offered hand with both of her hands around his.

When the door closed behind her parents Sansa turned to Sandor and wrapped both her arms around him, keeping him tightly against her. She looked up at him with a happy smile as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear with such tenderness she couldn’t help but sigh.

“Thank you Sandor,” she said and he frowned confused.

“What for?” he asked as she tilted her head even further back, hoping it would make him pull his face down to hers.

“For this evening, for trying and for being you.” He did kiss her then. It was soft and sweet and it made her heart flutter in her chest. It felt as if her heart was about to fly out of her chest and in to his, where it belonged.

“Better clean up,” he said against her lips and she nodded.

“I’ll put on some music,” she said when he released her. As she looked through his collection he started washing dishes. She joined him in the kitchen just as  _ Bob Seger’s Rosalie s _ tarted playing. He looked at her over his shoulder as she danced her way through the kitchen, clearing of the table as she moved her hips and feet to the music.

“What?” she asked when she heard him chuckle and he only shook his head with an amused smile.

“If you think that I’m cute, then what the hell are you?” he asked and she beamed at him. She swayed her hips and bumped hers with him as she started drying and he barked out a laugh. “Like I was saying, you are in a complete different league.”

“You’d be more than welcome to join my league. All you have to do is dance with me,” she said and he shook his head.

“Nope. Not fucking happening. I don’t dance,” he stated determinedly but she could see his lip twitch as he fought a smile.

“Come on,” she pleaded and put her hands on his hips as she pressed her hips against his butt. She used the motion of her hips and hands to guide him and she beamed as he moved his hips with hers.

As the song changed he turned around and before she had a chance to react he grabbed her hand and spun her out from him. When he twirled her several times she threw her head back with a gleeful laugh and his laugh joined hers as he spun her into his chest again.

He hadn’t technical moved his feet but she had never enjoyed a dance more than that one.

“See, you do dance!” she teased and he scoffed, but it was a happy sound.

“Only with you, lo-little bird,” he said and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Only with you.”

Her heart definitely flew out of her chest and in to his then. And she knew that there was no way it was ever going to return.  _ It’s his to keep. _


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time, how will Sandor handle himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Here comes another chapter - a little longer this time so I hope you guys don't mind the length.
> 
> Thank you again to every single one of you for reading, commenting or leaving kudos! You guys make every single word happen, your support has made this story truly come alive! 
> 
> Thank you for the inspiration and I hope you enjoy!

Sandor was nervous as hell as he walked up to Sansa’s door. He had agonised over this night for weeks now and he knew he just made it worse for himself by obsessing over it but he couldn’t seem to help himself.  _ I’m doing this for her. _

When the door opened he felt his heart jump out if his chest to lay at her feet.  _ Fucking gods help me, I’m done for. _

Sansa was a vision. Her red hair was styled in soft curls, her long hair pinned up somehow to make it look shoulder length. Her lips were painted a tantalizing red that had Sandor dying to kiss her until it was equally smudged on them both. What made him lose both his heart and his mind was that dress.

That dress of emerald green satin, that had quite a modest square neckline yet fell beautifully down to just below her knees, had his head spinning. With a happy smile she turned and when the low cut of the back revealed most of the naked skin of it he growled and pulled her back to his chest.

“Fuck woman, do you even know how beautiful you are?” he rasped against her ear and he grinned when he saw the goosebumps on her skin. He couldn’t resist placing open mouthed kisses across her neck and shoulder, loving how it always made her gasp and shiver against him.

“For fuck sake,” Arya spat as she came into the hallway. “Better not let mom and dad see you act like some horny teenagers, not a great impression on the in-laws.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll behave then. Because I actually care about their opinion,” Sandor shot back and just for the hell of it he moved his hand down Sansa’s back, drawing slow circles until he softly caressed the curve of her ass making Sansa tremble against him and Arya moved into the kitchen with a disgusted sound. Sansa’s breath hitched and just when he was tempted to move his hand lower she reached out her own and pulled his away.

“Sandor,” she scolded but he could tell by the breathlessness of her voice and the flush in her cheeks that she didn’t really mind. When she pulled out of his embrace she turned around and the look she gave him as she took in his outfit had him saying silent thanks to Bronn.

The man had convinced Sandor to go see a tailor about having a suit made for the occasion. Never having had own a suit before Sandor had let himself been persuaded and keeping the theme of the party in his mind he had bought himself a three piece black suit. The coat was double breasted and the pants high waisted. The tailor had insisted that Sandor should have a few dress shirts so he had relented and bought a few all black ones, like the one he was wearing right now. He had even gone for the whole look, wearing suspenders and a black fedora, with his hair pulled back in a ponytail at the nape.

It had been fucking expensive and a pain in his ass to have it made but the look on Sansa’s face made it all worth it. She looked like she wanted to push him against the door and kiss him senseless and holy hell he would let her, happily.

“Wow Sandor,” she finally managed to say and stepped closer to him again.

“You look like you stepped right out of a mobster movie,” Arya said approvingly as she returned from the kitchen. She had cleaned up nice too, even put on a black fringed dress and let her sister curl her hair. She did however still were flats instead of heals and it made him smile to know that she would always be herself, no matter the setting.

“Thank you for this Sandor,” Sansa said and drew his attention back to his little bird who was watching him with a happy smile on her face now.

“Yeah, figured it wouldn’t hurt to go all out,” he said and with a smile he opened the jacket and vest to reveal grey suspenders. He had expected her to smile or tease him. He had not expected the look of feral lust that flashed on her face. He had definitely not expected her to grab the suspenders forcefully and press all of her against him with such force he had to lean back against the door unless he’d lose his balance. Her eyes were almost black as she let her hands run down the length of the suspenders while staring up at him with that fucking sexy bottom lip between her teeth.

“If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve spent hours on my hair and makeup I’d take you to bed right now,” she purred and instantly his cock hardened. “I want to see you in nothing but these pants and suspenders as soon as we get back from the party.”

_ Bronn deserves a fucking raise. _

“For fuck sake, I’m standing right here!” Arya cried out indignantly and Sansa reluctantly pulled away from him to grab her coat and purse. Sandor had to stay leaning against the door for a moment longer before he managed to calm himself enough to be able to move.

As they headed out the door Sandor’s anxiety started kicking in again, but as if she could tell what he was feeling, Sansa reached out and took his hand. It settled his nerves somewhat and she seemed more than happy letting him hold her hand close to his chest on the whole ride over to her parents house.

When they got out of the cab and he took in the large house Sandor wanted to fucking turn and run. He had known that Sansa came from a wealthy family but to actually see it for himself just made him feel fucking inadequate. How the hell could he give her anything if she already had everything?

But then the woman in question was tugging at his hand and pulling him into the house and she was so fucking beautiful when she turned her head to smile at him he forgot everything but her.

He could hear the soft jazz that was coming from the backyard and the buzz of a pretty large crowd of people as they entered the house.

“I thought mom said only close friends and family?” Sansa said to Arya as she threw a worried glance at him but her sister only shrugged.

“You know how mom gets. Every party always becomes bigger than she intended,” Arya said and now the anxiety was back. Sandor’s grip on Sansa’s hand tightened and she wrapped his arm around her waist instead. The comfort of having her against him calmed his pulse marginally and he took a deep breath as they stepped out on the back patio.

_ This is definitely not a small party. _

Everywhere he looked he saw people, all dressed in similar fashion as them. There was a fucking stage set up where a four person band was playing and a fucking dancefloor. There was a long table full of fancy looking finger food and a bar at one side of the garden, because this wasn’t a fucking backyard in Sandor’s opinion.

It was easy to spot her parents, the red hair mother and daughter shared always stood out in a crowd. When they spotted their children they quickly made their way through the crowd towards them and Sandor felt his pulse start to race again. The fact that he had already met them once did nothing to calm his nerves. If anything the fact that the first time had gone pretty smoothly made him worry that he was definitely going to fuck it up this time.

“There you are girls,” the woman said and her smile was wide and loving as she looked at her daughters. “We were starting to worry.”

Arya scoffed and rolled her eyes but she hugged the couple and mumbled a congratulations before she was off.

“Mom, dad. This is amazing, you guys really went all out! Didn’t they Sandor?” Sansa said and the pure affection in her voice as she looked at him and the light caress of her hand on his back gave him courage enough to try a small smile as he shook her parents hands. 

“Mr Stark, Mrs Stark. Congratulations on your anniversary,” he rasped out and Mr Stark nodded solemnly while his wife gave him a polite smile.

“Thank you. We are very happy you could make it. Sansa hasn’t stopped telling us how excited she was for you to come.” At her mother’s words Sandor looked to Sansa who blushed softly. He couldn’t help but wonder what else she might have said but before he had the chance to ask Sansa was pulling him by the arm.

“Talk to you guys later, we’re gonna go find the boys,” she called to her parents and lead him through the thick crowd. Once in a while she would smile at someone or wave, a few times she even stopped to introduce him to someone and by the time they found her brother’s Sandor’s head was fucking spinning.

The boys, she had called them but they weren’t children. The oldest, Robb, he remembered, looked intently at him. Sandor could tell he was measuring him up and met the other man’s stare head on. Sandor was all too familiar with the intimidation game from his years in the army, so the younger man was definitely not intimidating in that sense. But this was not the army and Sandor reminded himself that he wanted her family to like him. So he made himself soften his glare but kept the man’s eyes.

“This is him then?” Robb finally said and the dark haired woman on his arm swatted him on the chest. “What?”

“Don’t mind him. He just takes his older brother duties to a ridiculous level,” the dark woman said with a genuine smile. “I’m Talisa, wife of that knumbskull.”

Sandor couldn’t hold in a small chuckle at that and he could see the merth in Robb’s eyes then.  _ I can’t blame him for being protective of his sister. I would’ve been of mine. _

He shook his head of the darkness that thought threatened to pull him into and shook hands with the two younger Stark brothers, who both seemed unbothered by his looks. Sandor couldn’t help but wonder if Sansa had showed them a picture of him. He felt a strange mix of gratefulness and irritation flare up at the idea. Because he knew she would have done it to be kind and spare him but he fucking hated that it was a necessity in order for him to be greeted like a regular fucking human being.  _ No, don’t fucking go down that dark hole. Not now. _

He chose to focus on the feel of Sansa’s hand in his and tried to remember that he was there for her sake. And he knew these were the most important people in the world to her and the very notion that she found him important enough to be a part of that exclusive group tore his mind away from the anger and filled it with fucking joy.

“So this is the dick?” Rickon said and Sandor flinched as the casualness of his comment brought his mind down to the ground with a crash.  _ What the actual fuck? _

“Rickon!” Sansa scolded and when she flushed Sandor’s interest was peaked. What had she been telling them?

“Am I the dick?” he asked her and now she was almost beat red.

“You’re the dick alright,” Arya said teasingly as she joined them and Sansa glared ate her while their brothers laughed at his perplexed look.

“And you’re all happy about that?” he asked confused and Talisa was the one who took mercy on him.

“Yes, because they are all children. And apparently your dick makes our Sansa very happy,” she said pointedly and he sputtered. “Take it from me, being teased by this bunch is the warmest welcome you could ever receive.”   


He looked at Sansa, still close to his side, and she was still blushing but her smile was radiant as she met his eyes. Her hand grasped the back of his neck and pulled him down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“It’s true,” she whispered against his lips and he couldn’t hold back a chuckle. He was just so fucking grateful that she had forgiven him for hurting her. He never wanted to give her reasons to take back the words she had just spoken.

“Okay, that’s enough of the grossness! They’ve been at it all evening,” Arya complained and Sandor couldn’t fight the urge to flip her off. It made Arya huff angrily but her brother’s laughed.

“Are we gonna do this or what?” Rickon suddenly asked and Sansa nodded.

“I can’t believe you idiots talked me into this,” Arya complained as Bran handed each sibling a microphone. Sandor’s eyebrow raised as Sansa accepted one and she smiled softly.

“We’ll be right back,” she promised with another kiss and he and Talisa stepped back to watch them all head onto the stage.

“Excuse me!” Robb called out to the crowd and the band stopped playing as he got their attention. “On behalf of me and my siblings we would like to welcome you and thank you for coming to celebrate our parents 30 years of marriage.”

At that a polite round of applause came from the crowd and Sandor’s eyes locked on Sansa’s a she stepped forward.

“Most of you here have known our parents for years but for those who don’t know - our dad was, and still is, a huge Bon Jovi fan. So when he met our mother at a Bon Jovi concert he knew she was the one for him,” she told the crowd with a smile. “And despite the terrible, terrible permed hair he sported then, she felt the same.”

The crowd laughed and Sandor could see the couple in question smile lovingly at each other.

“Their joined love of Bon Jovi’s music lead to a whirlwind romance and after only a year they married,” Robb continued. “They chose a somewhat unconventional song for their first dance. As a celebration of their love and relationship my siblings and I would like to break from tonight's theme and share a rendition of that song.”

Sandor’s eyebrow raised in surprise as the band started playing Bon Jovi’s  _ Born to be my baby.  _ Robb sang the first verse, with the others as back up vocals and then they all sang out the chorus together. Robb had a clear voice that sounded impressively good but when Sansa stepped up to sing the second chorus Sandor knew he was going to be outshined.

Her voice was lighter but it still worked well with the rock song, and Sandor knew he had a stupidly proud smile on his face as she sang the higher notes of the song perfectly.  _ My songbird. _

As all of the siblings were belting out the last chorus they had the whole crowd clapping and singing along to the “na na nas”. Fuck, even Sandor couldn’t help but sing along under his breath and he probably clapped the loudest once the song was over.

Their parents joined their children on stage and hugged them, but to the thrill of Sandor Sansa’s eyes held his and when she beckoned him over he instantly obeyed.

“You were wonderful, little bird,” he said proudly as he stood below the edge of the stage, looking up at her with a soft smile. She met his smile with one of her own and yet again he was struck by how this wonder of a woman could look at him with such affection.

“Thank you.” With a happy laugh she leaned down and he lifted her down from the stage and into his arms without any real effort. Her eyes widened as she gently pressed against him and there was such warmth in them it made his breath hitch. “Sandor.”

As he held her close to his chest he knew he would never get tired of hearing her say his name with such tenderness. He was fucking addicted, consumed by her already. There was no way he was ever giving her up. He wanted to tell her then, tell her everything that filled his heart when she was near. How she had made his heart beat again when he thought it broken beyond repair. But he was a fucking coward, scared it was too much too soon so instead he released her and took a step back to give himself space enough to control himself.

“Let’s get something to drink,” he suggested and she happily let him lead her by the hand to the bar. He could tell that people were staring and he bet they were wondering what the fuck a beauty like Sansa was doing with his ugly ass. But either Sansa didn’t notice the stares or she didn’t care.

As they waited for the bartender to take their order she happily wrapped herself around him, her arms snaking around his back and holding herself pressed tightly to his chest. As he looked down at her the smile she gave him told him that she definitely noticed the stares, and that she didn’t care.

“Let them stare,” she whispered as she brushed a whisper of a kiss against his lips. “Let them all see that you’re mine.”

There was that flash of possessiveness in her voice again, the way she said “mine” like it thrilled her, just as much as it blew his mind in wonder every time she stated it so confidently. His mind, body and soul growled out it’s agreement and he held her face as he tilted it up towards his.  _ Mine. _

There was nothing soft about the kiss he gave her then and despite the crowd she didn’t seemed to mind it one bit. Instead her tongue came out and licked the corner of his mouth until he opened it enough for her to delve in. He groaned as their kiss deepend and she moved one of her hands to his neck, pulling him even closer.

A throat clearing behind them had them pulling their mouths away from each other enough for Sansa to be able to turn her head towards the disruption.

“I’m sorry to disturb you Sansa my sweet, I just wanted to offer my compliments on your lovely performance.” The sleekness of the voice made the hair at the back of Sandor’s neck stand up and when he felt Sansa stiffen he knew his instincts were right.

He turned his head enough so that he could take in the man. His short dark hair was slick with product and he had a well trimmed goatee that did nothing but add to his sliminess in Sandor’s opinion. But what made Sandor want to growl was the way the man’s eyes traveled over Sansa. Like he was fucking picturing her naked. He didn’t even bother with trying to fucking hide his leering.

“Thank you mr Baelish,” Sansa answered politely and then turned her head back to Sandor.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” the man asked and this time Sandor actually growled. He was about to tell the man to fuck off when a gentle hand on his chest stopped him.

“Of course,” Sansa said softly and pulled away from Sandor’s embrace enough to turn towards Baelish, but kept her side pressed against Sandor’s chest. “This is my boyfriend Sandor Clegane. Sandor, this is Petyr Baelish, an old friend of my mothers.”

The happiness to hear her call him by the title gave him almost just as much pleasure as the way the other man’s face fell when he took in Sandor. He was much shorter than Sandor and so Sandor made a point of standing as straight as he could as he stared down the shorter man. He also made a point of turn his head enough so that the other man was forced to look upon his scarring.  _ Yeah, you fucking stare all you like you prick. She chose this, she chose me over you. _

“Nice to meet you,” Baelish offered weakly as he snapped himself out of his shock. Sandor only offered a snarl of a smile in return and the man quickly scampered off.

“Fucking cunt,” Sandor snapped and Sansa slapped his chest in abolishment.

“Sandor,” she scolded but as he turned his eyes to her he could tell she was fighting a smile. “He truly is… one of those.”

The fact that she chose not to repeat the profanity only made him throw his head back and laugh just as much as the raw contempt she obviously felt for the other man did.

Later Sandor found himself standing at the edge of the crowd, his eyes focused on Sansa as she glided across the dance floor in her father's arms. They were dancing, what he suspected was the Charleston due to the party’s theme, and Sandor was glad he had told her he didn’t dance as he saw how gracefully she moved. He would have looked like a trampling giant ass fool compared to her.

He had always hated dancing, not being particularly graceful himself, and it had only made people stare even more so he avoided it. But he did enjoy watching Sansa as she was asked by several older men to dance, she looked so happy it had him fighting a smile. He had thought he would’ve been jealous of the other men’s attention but to his own surprise he didn't mind it. Partially because the men was her father’s age and the fact that between each dance she would look to him and smile, and he knew for sure that she wanted no one there like she wanted him. So he was content to listen to the band play contemporary songs that they had turned jazzy to fit the nights theme and munching on ridiculously small h'dourves that waiters walked past with.

“Ladies and gentleman, we are going to play a special song requested by Ned as he wishes to dance with his wife in celebration of their years of love,” the singer suddenly said and all eyes turned to Ned as he took his wife’s hand. “The dance floor is of course open to everyone else, so grab a loved one and join in.”

Sandor saw how Robb lead his wife out on the dancefloor with a happy smile and behind them he suddenly saw the slimy cunt cutting through the crowd. He was staring intently at someone and when Sandor followed his eyes he cursed.

“Hell no.” The slimy cunt was heading right for Sansa as she stood to the side of the dance floor watching her parents with a soft smile. Without hesitation Sandor quickly strode towards her and reached her just a step before the slimy cunt did.

“Dance with me,” he said as his hand grasped hers and spun her towards him. The smile she gave him was bright enough to light up the whole garden and it made his heart jump in his chest.

“For someone who keeps insisting they don’t dance you don’t seem to be able to stop yourself,” she teased softly but followed him when he walked out onto the dance floor.

“I stick by my original response. Only with you,” Sandor answered as he felt the slimy cunt glare daggers into his back. But as Sansa placed her arms around his neck and his hands held her hips he forgot about everything except the woman in his arms.

The song was soft and slow, letting him get away with swaying from side to side and as the song progressed Sansa rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as he let the music and the night wash over them in a warm haze. The lyrics were of love and Sandor, never being one for love songs, found himself struck with how well the song could express the emotions swirling in his chest.

“Sansa…” he whispered against the top of her head and she held him tighter in response. “I…”

His cursed himself as his voice wavered and when he didn’t continue she looked up at him with a frown between those wondrously blue eyes.

“Yes…?”

He didn’t trust himself with talking so instead he pressed his lips softly against hers, trying to use the kiss to convey how he felt. When he lifted his head the frown was gone and her eyes shined with happiness. With a soft sigh she put her head against his shoulder again and he was more than happy with moving slowly across the dance floor, not even the least concerned if anyone was watching. He felt as if he could do anything as long as he had her in his arms.

The night had been fucking perfect, he would never have been able to imagine it going this smoothly. Her family seemed to accept him, some of them even seemed to like him. Rickon had been glued to his side for the last twenty minutes as Sansa was off with her mother, helping with some surprise for their father.

The kid was alright, and once Sandor had shared his history as a hockey player the kid had been chatting non stop about his own team. Sandor soon learned that he only needed to grumble or humm in response every so often, the kid mostly just wanted someone to listen. Which suited Sandor well, not being to keen on chit-chat.

The growl of Sandor’s stomach made the kid shut up and smirk at him.

“What?” Sandor grumbled. “You really think that these small ass canapées can fill someone my size?”

“Why haven’t you had some burgers and fries then?” Rickon asked and Sandor’s eyes widened.

“There are fucking burgers?” With a laugh Rickon lead him further into the garden and Sandor was fucking salivating as he took in the large spread of hamburgers and fries. He was just about to rush over when the conversation between two men, with their backs turned to him, caught his attention.

“Did you see the monstrosity Sansa brought with her?” one man, who Sandor recognised as the slimy cunt Baelish, said with a voice full of disgust. Sandor clenched his fists and tried to turn a deaf ear to them. He had known there would be talk such as this. He wasn’t going to let it ruin the evening.

“Yeah, can you believe that my father wanted me to pursue her? Good for business he said,” a brown haired younger man responded.

“Who would want to follow that creature?” the slimy cunt said with a cruel laugh.

“Hey, she might not be fit for dating after being fucked by that thing. But if she can fuck him she must be into some kinky shit,” the other man said and Sandor’s hands were twitching. “I’d be more than happy to do some shit to her, I mean, a hole’s a hole right? I bet she’d like to be slapped around, she looks like she’d be able to take a good beating.”

The night had been going too well, he should have known it wouldn’t last. He shook of the hand Rickon had placed on his arm as instinct took over. The dark red rage controlled him and even if he had wanted to he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself.

With an angry roar he grabbed the brown haired man by the throat and dragged him, with his feet kicking in the air, over to the closest wall and shoved him against it so hard the man’s head hit it with a hard thud.

“I should fucking kill you right here right now,” Sandor growled as he squeezed the man’s throat tighter. He held his face close enough to the other’s man that his ragged breaths hit the man’s face. “Don’t you fucking dare talk about her, or any woman, like that again or I will fucking end you.”

He felt a sick sense of pleasure as the man, whose feet were dangling in the air, clawed at his hand as his pale face started to turn purple. Maybe Sandor should just squeeze a little harder, crushing his windpipe, or maybe he should just snap his neck right then and there?

He wanted to, wanted to punish the man for daring to speak about Sansa in such a horrid way.

“Sandor!” the sound of Sansa’s shocked voice snapped him out of his rage as if he had been doused in cold water. “Sandor, stop!”

Instantly he obeyed and the man fell to the ground with a thud and a strangled wheezing gasp for air followed. But Sandor didn’t care about that man anymore. He turned to look at the little bird and was shocked to see the crowd that had gathered around him without him noticing.

Sansa stood at the center of it, facing him and the way she was looking at him threatened to bring him to his knees faster than any punch ever could. She looked stricken and worse, her eyes were blown wide with fear. Was she afraid of him? The thought sickened him and as the adrenaline left his body he felt his hands start to shake.

“What the hell is going on?!” Ned Stark was standing next to Sansa and his face was red with anger as he took in the scene before him.

“He just attacked Ramsay!” the slimy cunt cried out and Ned’s grey eyes turned black as he stared down Sandor.

“You need to leave,” he commanded. His voice left no room for argument but Sandor wasn’t paying attention to him. His eyes were on Sansa, his beautiful little bird who was looking at him like she didn’t know who he was.

“But dad, that’s not…” Rickon tried to protest but his father silenced him with a glare.

“Sansa…” Sandor said softly and was horrified when she flinched and looked away at her name on his lips. He tried taking a step towards her but Ned Stark moved forward, blocking his path.

“Leave. Now.” The older man stared him down, and despite Sandor knowing the shorter man was not a match for him physically he would not shame Sansa any more than he had already had by arguing with her father.

“I am sorry for the disturbance mr Stark,” he said and glanced at Sansa one last time. Trying to will her to look at him again. But she was staring at her father and the hurt on her face had Sandor wanting to run away.

So he did. He fucking ran like the coward he was. Ran out the house, down the street and he kept running until his lungs and legs were burning.

The night had been going so well and he had just had to fuck it all up. Why couldn’t he have controlled himself? Why did he always have to fuck it up? Why couldn’t he let himself be happy?

_ You don’t deserve to be happy you fucked up monster. _


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit has gone down. What will Sansa do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I have to be honest and say that I was worried that the last chapter wasn't going to get a positive reception. Mostly just my self-doubt doing a number on myself. So the fact that you guys really liked it just makes my heart swell to twice it's size!
> 
> Now let's get back to the drama. What will Sansa do?
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It almost felt like she was under water. She could faintly hear the sound of voices, angry and shocked, but her eyes were on her father. He looked outraged and he rarely lost his temper. 

What had happened? Why had Sandor been strangeling Ramsay Bolton? The feral anger and darkness in Sandor’s face and eyes as he had held the other man up against the wall with just one hand had shocked her. A part of her had shuddered as she remembered the way Joffrey’s hands around her throat had felt. But then she had truly looked again and it was Sandor, her Sandor. He would never do anything like that to her. So she had called out for him to stop and he had snapped out of his anger in an instant. But before she had been able to go to him, to ask what had happened her father had been there. He had roughly pushed her behind him and started yelling.

Sansa had been too shocked to say or do anything then and as she watched Sandor hurry into the house shame filled her. She should have said something, done something! Why had she only stood there? He would have fought tooth and nail for her, hell he already had!

As her eyes returned to her father the anger she felt at herself flooded every part of her.

“How could you do that?!” she practically screamed at her father who startled and her mother gasped. “How could you?!”

Angry tears flooded her eyes and she hated how she never seemed to be able to keep them from falling. She was angry, dammit! Not sad, yet she saw her father’s face soften as he took in her tears.

“Kitten, I was just protecting you,” he said softly and took a step closer. He kept his voice low and it reminded Sansa that they had quite the audience. “He was hurting someone, I can’t have him around you or the rest of the family if he can’t control himself.”

“You should have let him explain. He would never do something like that without reason,” she rushed out but that only made her father’s eyes fill with pity.

“Honey, there is never an excuse for violence. You of all people should know that,” he said and when he put a soft hand on her shoulder her eyes were burning. Not with tears, no the anger that filled her now dried them up in an instance.

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare compare him with Joffrey! He is nothing like that, he would never hurt me!” With a strong pull she stepped away from her father. He looked shocked, his eyes wide in surprise as he took in her angered state.

“Sansa, that’s enough,” her mother scolded firmly but Sansa wasn’t having any of it.

“No! Sandor is a good man, he is kind and supportive and he makes me feel like I am the most important thing in the world. He didn’t even want to come here but he did it for me. And this is what he gets for it?” she looked at all of her family members gathered, ignoring the rest of the crowd. Robb had looked livid and she could tell by his scowl that he did not agree with her. Arya and Rickon looked as angry as she felt while Brann and Benjen looked confused, having arrived after Sandor had stopped.

“Sansa, a good man doesn’t raise his hands in anger. You can’t blame us for being worried for you,” Catelyn said softly and that felt like the ultimate betrayal right there. Her mother, her pillar and greatest supporter, had judged Sandor and their relationship as doomed due to this one incident.

“A good man defends the people he care about,” she countered and looked at the man still catching his breath on the ground. His dark beady eyes were on Sansa and the cruelty in them made her shudder. “And I should have defended him right away.”

She could tell by her parents faces that they were not convinced but she didn’t care anymore. All she cared about was apologising to Sandor.

She ignored her families shouts as she rushed into the house, looking for Sandor. She found that the front door was blown open and as she rushed through it she wondered how far he could have gotten. How long had it taken her to react?

As she ran down the driveway she saw no sign of him and despite how hard she hoped, she couldn’t see him further down the street either. He was gone. And she couldn’t blame him, but it still made her chest painfully.

“Fuck!” she screamed out into the dark street and bit down hard on her lip to keep herself from crying again.

“Sansa,” the soft tone of her mother’s voice made Sansa’s lip quiver even harder and she didn’t bother with trying to hide it as she turned around to face her. “Come back inside, please.”

“No mom. I have to go, I have to find Sandor and tell him…” she choked out as her throat thickened with unshed tears.

“Sweetheart. Are you sure that’s wise?” her mother asked and Sansa took a deep breath as she lifted her chin.

“Yes. I know you’re doing what you think it best for me. But I know what is best for me. And that is Sandor,” she responded and she was proud of how certain she sounded. It brokered no disagreement. “I love him mom.”

“I figured as much, sweetheart,” Cat answered and reached out to take her hand. “But don’t you think it’s better to let both of you have a chance to calm down before seeing each other?”

How could she explain to her mother that she couldn’t wait? That she worried that if she let the hurt of her actions set in him, he would never forgive her? Or wouldn’t believe her when she told him she loved him? He already seemed to not be able to understand how she could want him, what if this was what made him sure of it?

As Sansa struggled to find the right words, her jumbled thoughts came to a halt with the sound of a blood curling roar coming from the backyard. Without a single word they both ran back through the house and out the backdoor.

Sansa didn’t know if she should laugh or cry as she took in the scene before her. Rickon and Talisa was struggling with containing Arya who was hissing and glaring at Ramsay as she struggled in their hold. Her father and Benjen was pulling Robb of Ramsay whose white shirt was now splattered with blood. Ramsay was holding in his hand to his nose as blood ran between his fingers as his father rushed to his side.

“What is going on here?!” her mother’s voice rang out over the chaos and the buzzing snuffed instantly.

“Rickon told us what that disgusting asshole said,” Talisa growled out and there was a ferocity to the slender woman that Sansa had never seen before. She was looking at Ramsay as if she wanted to burn a hole through his head.

“Robb punched him in the face,” Bran said calmly and Sansa and her mother gasped in unison as her father looked at Sansa. His grey eyes had been hard as flint but they instantly softened.

“Let me go! I’ll fucking end him!” Robb cried out angrily and Sansa felt as if she was in a twilight zone.

“Where is Petyr? He said he witnessed everything, I’m sure he can clear it up,” Catelyn said but Baelish was nowhere to be seen.

“That lying cunt ran off the first chance he got!” Arya shouted, their mother giving her an angry scowl over her crude language. Sansa couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Ramsay could have said that would create such a reaction in her family? And in Sandor?

“I don’t want to know,” she stated as Arya opened her mouth as if she read her mind and Sansa sighed. “I don’t care, because he isn’t important.”

Ramsay growled something out but was quickly hissed at by his father to shut up. Sansa had never really liked the Bolton’s. She had only met Ramsay once before but his father, Roose, had his own smaller company who did a lot of business with her fathers so this was not the first time she met him. She had never liked the man, had always found him to intrigued with her and the rest of her family, as if familiarity would give him an upper hand. Sansa had always found his pale eyes to be calculating and too intense. As Roose stood and faced her father Sansa got the same feeling of unease as she always did with the man.

“This is just a little misunderstanding. We can all say things we don’t mean when we had too much to drink,” Roose said with a soft smile towards her father. “And it’s not like he acted on his words.”

“No, Sandor made sure of that!” Rickon called out and the outrage in her little brother’s voice made Sansa’s heart ache even further. Sandor had been defending her, and if it was enough to make her brother completely lose his control, what Ramsay had said must have been horrendous.

“This is beyond saying something inappropriate Roose,” Ned said with ice in his voice. “And the fact that you are defending him despite knowing what he said tells me everything I need to know. You and your family are no longer welcome at my home or my business.”

“Now Ned, there is no reason to be hasty. Let’s just forget this ever happened. We won’t press any charges for assault and we will continue on as before,” Roose said and her father’s nose flared at the thinly veiled threat.

“You can press whatever chargers you wish. My decision stands. Get out of my house. And if any member of your family or employee comes anywhere near my family, what Sandor did to your son will be nothing compared to what I will do.” The threat was spoken in his low, cold, scolding voice that Sansa had dreaded as a child. But it was the glint of something ferocious in his eyes that got to Roose. They all knew her father wasn’t one to hand out empty threats.

As Roose dragged his son out by his arm her father finally dared release Robb and they all gathered around Sansa. Her father gave her a tentative look before he ducked his head.

“I am sorry Sansa. I acted without hearing both sides and I apologise,” he said but the hurt was still to fresh for Sansa. She gave her father a stern look, her best imitation of one of his.

“I’m not the one you owe an apology,” she stated firmly and he sighed.

“I still do not approve of his actions, nor yours Robbert,” her father said and the stern look he gave Robb made her brother hang his head in defeat. “But I must admit that I was hasty in my judgement. I will talk to Sandor, did he leave?”

“You told him too,” Arya scoffed and Catelyn gave her a disapproving look. “What? He did.”

“I’m gonna head out and find him,” Sansa told them and this time there was no protest from anyone. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Once she was in a cab she tried calling Sandor but it went straight to voicemail. _ I can’t blame him for not wanting to talk to me. _

She asked the driver to take her to Sandor’s but as they neared the house and saw the black windows she worried that he hadn’t made it home. She asked the cab driver to wait for her as she knocked on the door. There was no response and Sansa remembered that Bronn was watching Dantés. Surely Bronn had seen him. Before she could think twice she hurried back to the cab and dialed Bronn’s number.

“Hello lovely,” Bronn answered cheerfully and Sansa had to take a deep breath to stop tears from welling up again.

“Hey…. Has Sandor been by to pick up Dantés?” she asked, trying to keep her voice causal. She should have known Bronn would not be fooled.

“Nope, he told me the pooch was to spend the night. Is the big man not with you?” he asked with concern in his voice. Sansa could hear Dantés bark low in the background and her stomach clenched in worry.

“No, short version is that there was an incident and Sandor left and now I can’t find him. I’m really worried.” The tears were falling freely now and she hiccuped as she tried to keep herself from sobbing as the stress of the night washed over her finally.

“Hey... hey Red. I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a big boy. But I’ll call the bar and see if he’s been there. I’ll call a few of the other watering holes just to be sure,” Bronn said surprisingly softly and it calmed Sansa to listen to him talk. He took charge but his voice was smooth as silk as he brought her back from her frantic state. “You go home and rest and I’ll let you know as soon as I find something.”

“Thank you Bronn,” she managed to say as she wiped her cheeks. Gods, her make up was ruined because of all the crying. She must look like a racoon.

“No worries, lovely. Get some sleep, okay?”

She didn’t bother with promising that because she wasn’t sure if her worry would let her do just that. But as she got into her elevator and got a message from Bronn the last of her energy left her. She felt as if she was dead on her feet.

**Bronn: No news. He hasn’t been around the bar scene. Will keep you posted.”**

She leaned her head against the elevator wall and she could have fallen asleep right then and there. She was so emotionally and physically drained from the night and her heart felt like it was going to break when she thought of Sandor being out there somewhere thinking that she hadn’t stood up for him, when that was what he had done for her.

When she stepped out of the elevator she froze midstep. Sandor was sitting on the floor, his back against her apartment door, his head resting on his knees that were drawn up to his chest. He had discarded his suit jacket, unbuttoned his vest and pulled his hair out of it’s ponytail. The dark tresses were hanging in a wild mess around his head, as if he had been raking his hands through it harshly.

He looked up at the sound of her footsteps and the pained look on his face as he took her in made her gasp. In an instant he was on his feet, holding his hands palm up in surrender as he took a tentative step closer.

“Please, don’t go. I… I just want a chance to explain,” he pleaded with eyes wide. With fear, she realised.

She didn’t even bother with answering him. She was so relieved to see him, to know that he had waited for her, that she walked straight into his chest and clutched at the back of his shirt. She hated how he hesitated and just stood there while she hugged him. But she knew she had herself to blame for that. She was the one that had created the distance between them.

When she finally felt felt his arms wrap around her tenderly she put her face against his chest and the smell and feel of him made her press herself closer. _ Thank the gods. _

“I know there’s no excuse for what I did but if you’d just hear me out…” he started but she lifted her head and that stopped him. She was so tired and she was scared that if they started this conversation right now things were going to be ruined beyond repair.

“Sandor, I was so worried.” Her voice sounded as weak as she felt but she pushed through to exhaustion. “And I am so tired. I just want to take these stupid shoes of and sleep for hours.”

She pushed away from him to unlock the door and stepped inside. She took a deep fortifying breath and turned around to look at him. Her heart were aching as she met his eyes. The grey wells to his soul were burning with pain and she wanted to soothe the ache with all of her soul. Another part of her wanted to scream and rage at him for acting the way he did, but if she was honest she was mostly angry at herself for making him feel that he had to run away. That he was alone in the world, when that was the last thing she wanted him to feel.

She wanted to tell him all that but she was fairly certain she wouldn’t be able to do or say the right thing when she was as tired as this. So she settled for the easy path, the one that would soothe her in that moment.

“Are you coming?” she asked and he jumped with a jolt and stared at her wide eyed.

“What? You want me to…?” he looked so hesitant and wounded. With a tired sigh she motioned for him to step inside the door.

“Come to bed Sandor.” Without waiting for him she walked into her bedroom and with a relieved groan she kicked her shoes off. She peeled the dress of her and left it lying on the floor, too tired to bother with it tonight.

“Are we really not going to talk about this?” his voice was full of disbelief and a flash of anger, she realised. That made her turn around and found him leaning against the doorframe to her bedroom, watching her with a frown on his face. The frown was etched away as his eyes wandered down her body and despite how tired she was the heat in his eyes sent a shiver of pleasure through her.

The low back of the dress had made it impractical to wear a bra so now she stood in front of him in only a pair of black lace panties and black stay-ups that reached her mid thigh. She expected to feel the need to cover up due to the situation but standing half naked in front of him only gave her a sense of power that had her straightening her back.

“Please Sandor, come here,” she said but as his eyes lifted from where they had been staring at her breasts, the frown returned.

“Why aren’t you angry?” he questioned and he looked so confused Sansa didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. _ I just want to go to sleep with your arms around me. _

“You think I should be angry?” she countered feeling as confused as he looked and his eyes darkened. She had expected him to be angry or hurt over the fact that she hadn’t stood up for him. She hadn’t thought for a minute that he expected her to be angry with him.

“It would be fucking better than this indifference,” he spit out between clenched teeth and Sansa had to take a deep breath to keep herself level headed. “Or did I scare you so bad you’re afraid to speak your mind now?”

He was goading her, she realised. He wanted her anger because it was easier to face than hurt or rejection. In his eyes she saw raw fear, was he really afraid that he had in fact scared her away?

She had been scared, she admitted to herself. Not of him but for him. He had exploded so violently on Ramsay and then he had ran. She didn’t know what bothered her more, the violence or the way he had disappeared. _ Can you really blame him? _

The logical part of her brain knew that she was as much to blame for this rift between them now but it wasn’t the logical part that took control. She had been so worried, so guilty and angry at everyone for treating him that way. Yet she had done the same, when she thought about it. All of the emotions of the night was just to much to take then.

“You want ME to be angry? Why aren’t you angry?” she asked harshly and he took a step back when she moved closer. With a frustrated growl she reached out and grabbed one of the suspenders roughly, keeping him from moving back.

She was standing so close she had to crane her head to look up at him and despite her much smaller size she knew she was intimidating. His eyes were blown wide and she couldn’t help but wonder if he regretted his taunting now.

This was not how she had wanted this conversation to go. She had wanted to apologise, to assure him that she understood that he must be hurt by her lack of action. Instead he had somehow made her lose her temper, when he was the one who should be angry. _ I need to calm this down. _

“You said you wanted to explain yourself, go ahead.” She made her voice softer, hoping that it would make him want to talk instead of continuing to press for conflict.

She just wanted to feel his arms around her. She needed to know that she hadn’t lost him. Just to torture herself further she took another step closer, pressing her naked chest against his shirt clad one. She needed the contact to calm the wild racing of her heart.

“I… I… lost control,” he struggled out in a ragged breath. “The awful things he was saying about you… it just made me see red.”

A shiver ran through Sansa as his voice rumbled deep in his chest as he spoke and his mind must have gone back to that moment with the other man because his eyes turned almost black in anger.

“I just couldn’t let him get away with it,” he said and growled deep in his throat. “It was sickening.”

“I know. I know,” she said softly, trying to sooth his bubbling rage with her voice and a soft hand to his chest.

“No, you don’t,” he cut in harshly. His eyes were staring above her, as if he couldn’t bare to look at her when he was remembering something so awful. “And I’m not going to repeat it. Just, please believe me when I tell you I would never do anything like that if it wasn’t for what he said.”

“Rickon told everyone what Ramsay said,” Sansa shivered as she thought of that horrible man. “Robb punched him and Arya would have done worse had they not been holding her back. But it worries me that you’d let your anger take over like that.”

He turned his face down towards hers now and his eyes were pleading as they searched her face. The almost seemed to shine with the threat of tears.

“I would never hurt you. I would rather die than ever hurt you. You have to believe me.” His voice and eyes were panicked as his hands hovered above her arms, hesitating to touch her. 

Sansa released him then and took a step back to give him space to calm down but that only seemed to fuel his panic. With a frantic growl of protest he grabbed her and pressed her so hard against him that for a second Sansa wondered if he was trying to meld her into him.

“Please little bird, believe me. Please. Please,” he was pleading franticly as his large hands held onto her like she was his lifeline.

“Sandor,” she mumbled out against his chest but he was so caught up in his pleading that he didn't hear her. “Sandor stop!”

Her cry of protest had him release her like he had been struck and with a shuddering breath he sank down on the edge of her bed. He hid his face in his hands and she slowly reached out her hand to stroke his hair, worried that any sudden movements would send him back into that frantic state.

“I fucked it all up. I…” he was shaking now and she hurriedly got onto the bed on her knees to hug him from behind. She pressed herself against his back and rested her cheek against his scarred one.

“Just breath Sandor. I’m right here. I know you’d never hurt me,” she reassured him and he leaned into her chest with a heavy sigh. “I only meant that I worry for you, that the anger would hurt you. Not that I am scared of you, not at all.”

Her hands shook as she softly caressed his chest, her own emotions bubbling back to the surface and it made him grasp them in his.

“Sansa…?” the soft worry in his voice made her crack and tears fell down her cheeks as she pressed herself closer.

“I am so sorry Sandor. I should have reacted. I should have defended you… I should have…” she struggled to get the right words out but he only shook his head.

“Don’t apologise. I get it. I don’t blame you,” he said and she pulled away from him only to move of the bed so that she could face him. As she stood in front of him his eyes looked pained as he took in her tears and he reached out to take her hand in his. Why wasn’t he angry with her? Or at least hurt? Instead he only showed concern for her feelings, not his own.

“You should though. I don’t want you to ever think that I wouldn't defend you as fiercely as you do me. I should and if you forgive me I’ll never give you reason to doubt me again,” she said and his eyes were wide in wonder as he took in the seriousness of her face. “I was so worried when I couldn’t find you. I was scared that I’d never see you again.”

“And here I was worried that you’d never want to see me again. That you hated me,” he said with a dark chuckle. She leaned down to rest her forehead against his and took a shaky breath as she grasped his face so that he couldn’t look away from her. She needed him to look at her, needed him to see the truth of her words in her eyes.

“Never Sandor,” she answered heatedly and that made him look up at her.

“Well your father definitely does now,” he said sounding so defeated it threatened to break her heart. “And everyone else there must think me some fucked up monster.”

“No he doesn’t. He was just being protective. And I don’t give a shit what everyone else thinks. I only care what you think,” she said and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I think you deserve to be with someone you can be proud to be with. Someone who lifts you up, not drag you down to their level,” he said and she felt her eyes fill with tears again. How could he not see that he was all those things and more? Who or what had broken his heart so badly that he could thinks so little of himself?

“I am glad you feel that way,” she said and his chest rose and fell in a deep exhale as he closed his eyes. As if he was preparing for a killing blow and it made her tilt his head up so that he would look at her. His grey eyes searched her face and she felt a tear fall down her cheek. “You are all those things to me Sandor.”

“Sansa, I’m not…” he started but she shook her head to silence him.

“You are. And that's why I love you,” she said softly and smiled at him with all the love and tenderness she held in her heart visible on her face.

He was staring at her with eyes blown wide in wonder and disbelief. But she wouldn’t allow the disbelief to taint this moment. So she grasped his hand in hers and lifted it to her chest.

“I’ve been yours for sometime now. And so has this,” she pressed his palm where her heart rested and wondered if he could feel the frantic beating of it. “I love you Sandor Clegane, with all my heart.”

It was fascinating to watch they change that crept up his face in a slow wave. How his eyes lit up and a smile tugged at his lips as he raised his eyes to look at her. With a sharp tug to their hands he pulled her down onto his lap and pressed his forehead against hers again. For what felt like minutes, but probably only was seconds, he didn’t say anything and she worried that maybe he didn’t feel the same. Maybe he wasn’t there yet? _ It won’t change what I feel. _

She knew that but it still felt like torture until he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“I love you Sansa. I’ve probably loved you since the first time you called me out on my bullshit,” he admitted and it made her chuckle. “I don’t know what I did to deserve to love you. Shit, to be loved by you.”

Sansa wanted to argue with him, that he had done plenty but feeling that words weren’t enough she pressed her lips against his. She tried to pour all the love she had into the kiss and he must have felt some of it because he gasped and pulled her even closer to his chest.

“I am really sorry about tonight,” he said low against her lips and she caressed his cheek with her thumb.

”So am I. We are just going to have to make it up to each other,” she replied and pressed a gentle kiss to his nose. “Starting tomorrow, because I’m exhausted.”

With a firm nod he lifted her and then laid her down onto the bed. With extreme care and tenderness he rolled down her stay-ups and then discarded his own clothes.

Her breath hitched when he pulled the suspenders of his shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt. Had she not been so tired she would have wanted to make good on her request from earlier. Instead she settled for watching him remove the rest of his clothes and once he was done she opened up her arms to him.

The look he gave her could have melted ice, but it wasn’t the heat of lust, it was the burning fires of love that she could make out in that deep grey of his eyes. When he looked at her like this she couldn’t help but wonder how she ever could have doubted that he loved her as much as she loved him.

“I love you,” she said softly, just because she could, as he pulled her into his chest. He grasped her chin and lifted it so that she was looking up at him.

“I love you,” he punctuated his words with the gentlest of kisses and then he smiled at her again. “I don’t get how someone like you could love me but I’m a selfish bastard so I’m done questioning it.”

She hated when he was self deprecating and she wished that there was something she could say or do to make him stop with his self loathing. But she knew that it was ingrained deep inside of him, it had years to fester. She just hoped with time that her love could make him see what she saw.

“Well you are good, kind, sweet, honest, caring, selfless,” she started counting off and glared at him when he huffed in protest. “You are. It also doesn’t hurt that you are crazy sexy with that body and those hands.”

“My hands?” he said surprised and held up the extremities in question with a confused frown.

“Yes, they are big and strong” she stated simply, the warmth and comfort of him making her relaxed and drowsy. “Good night, Sandor.”

“Good night, my love,” he whispered against her forehead and as her eyes fluttered close he pressed his lips to them. Despite the awful part of the evening she fell asleep with a smile on her lips in the arms of the man she loved.

_My love. Mine._


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a new dawn and Sandor experiences the extent of Sansa's love.
> 
> (Holy shit, that was terrible)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I am a little overwhelmed at the moment. I can't really believe that we are up to 20 chapters already. 20! XO  
And I still have so much more story to tell...!
> 
> I had no idea how fun it would be to "publish" my work here for you guys to see - it has been and continue to be amazing. This community and the support is beyond anything I could ever had expected or hoped for! <3
> 
> So to celebrate chapter 20, here is some extremely fluffy fluff and some lemons.
> 
> P.S I honestly totally forgot about for Bronn! He must have been worried sick. OOOPS ;P

Sandor woke slowly. There was a weight pressing him down to the mattress and he could feel the deep and steady breaths of Sansa’s chest against his own. He couldn’t keep his hands from slowly caressing along her spine, making sure that he wasn’t imagining the woman that was splayed on top of him.

Just last night he had been terrified that he had lost her forever, but she had proved that it was quite the opposite. _ Fuck, she said she loves me. _

He slowly opened his eyes to look down at the woman who was splayed across his chest. He was used to waking up with her in his arms but this was a whole new level of entangled limbs and closeness that had his heart soaring.

Her face was burrowed into the crook of his neck and her arms were wrapped around his shoulders, it wasn’t a comfortable position for his neck but he was too happy to care. 

He loved the feel of her naked skin against his fingertips and he loved how she even in sleep pressed herself closer to him when his fingers moved down to the top of her ass. He knew that if he kept listing the things he loved about her in his head he would end up spending the whole day in her bed. _ Nothing wrong with that at all. _

“Hmm…” she hummed against his neck and one her hands made its way across his chest to rest against his heart. Her finger tangled in the thick hair there, making him half hard in an instant.

She seemed reluctant to wake because she didn’t say or do anything else in a long time while he kept caressing up and down her back, letting his fingers run lower and lower. He watched his rough calloused hands move against her pale soft skin and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have a woman like her. Not only had she let him into her life and bed, but into her heart. _ What the hell is it that she sees in me that no one else ever have? _

As one of his hands moved down to cup her ass, another part of her that he loved, she shifted slightly and he smiled as she pressed a soft kiss to his neck.

“Is it morning already?” she asked against his skin and her warm breath against it made him shiver.

“Not if you don’t want it to be, love,” he said softly and the smile that split her face as she lifted her head to look at him made his fucking heart sing. _ Gods, how I love you. _

“It can be if we can spend it in bed, my love,” she answered and he couldn’t not kiss her then. The hand that wasn’t on his chest tangled into his hair and she shifted until she could straddle him. Fuck she was a sight. Her hair was still half up and her make-up was smeared around her eyes but to him she had never looked more beautiful. The way her blue eyes shined as she looked down on him told him that her words from last night might have been the truth.

“I love you.” His voice rang out in the quiet room and she beamed at him again. He wondered if there was ever going to be a time that she would become sick of hearing it. Because he planned to tell her every day for the rest of his life. Probably more then once a day if it made her smile like that. Like his love was something wonderful.

He sat up so that he could wrap his arms around her and traced open mouthed kisses along her collarbone and then up her neck until he reached her pulse point. She gasped as he nipped at the skin with his teeth and she responded by running her nails across his shoulders.

“I love…” she said softly and cupped his face and tilted it up to meet her eyes. “I love your eyes, do you know that it feels like I can see into your soul through them?”

His breath hitched as she pressed a soft kiss on each eyelid and then her mouth moved to press a soft kiss against his forehead.

“I love your mind, how intelligent and funny you are despite not thinking yourself that.” He held his breath as she kissed his scarred cheek wondering what the hell she could have to say about that part of him. “I love your scars, not the pain they caused but the fact that they had a part in making you into the man you are today. The man I love.”

Fuck, his eyes were watering now and he tried his hardest to blink them away as he took in the wonder of a woman who was looking down at him with such love it was fucking blinding. How can she touch them, kiss them, love him not despite of them but as a part of him just as much as the rest of him? _ You will never stop amazing me. _

She pressed her hands against his chest and understanding her intent Sandor laid down on the bed again. She leaned down over him but remained hovering above him as she pressed open mouthed kisses along his jaw.

“I love your beard, the way it rasps against my skin when you kiss me… everywhere,” she blushed a little then and a small smile tugged at his lips. “I love your shoulders. How wide they are and how strong they feel under my hands.”

His breath was coming out in heavy puffs of air now, trying to keep himself from just reaching out and pulling her flush against him. He wanted her, needed her so badly it almost hurt but he didn’t want to break this moment. He had never been loved liked this before and it was quickly addictive. So he let his hands rest against the mattress, waiting for her next kiss, hanging on to every word with his eyes blown wide.

“I love your chest, the broadness and strength there. And your chest hair,” her hand tugged at some of it, the action pulling a low moan out of him. “I love the feel of it under my hands, against my skin, against my nipples.”

The baser part of him desperately wanted her to move her mouth and hands lower so he almost whined when she instead moved to kiss her way down one of his arms.

“I love your arms, how you can just pick me up like I weigh nothing. That strength is amazing,” she purred and fucking hell, if she kept this up he would probably use those arms to do just that. But then she took one of his hands and pressed a flutter of a kiss against his palms and his heart constricted at the intimacy of the gesture.

“I love your hands. The size of them, how the hold me. How just the feeling of them against me makes me weak in the knees. And the things they can do to me,” she grinned down wickedly at him as she nipped at one of his fingers. When her tongue stuck out to lick the soft sting his cock and hips twitched. She must have felt it because her smile grew even more as she returned her attention to his chest again.

“Most of all I love this,” she said and leaned down to press her lips against the place where his heart rested in his chest. “The kindness, warmth and love it shows me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.”

She looked up at him with such softness he couldn’t stop himself from cupping her cheek. As he breathed out her name she leaned into his touch and he saw tears come to her eyes.

“Little bird.” He was suddenly worried but she shook her head with a soft laugh when his thumb wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I am just happy,” she assured him and with the way she was looking at him, like he was the most wondrous thing in the world, had him believing her.

Her tears soon dried as she left open mouthed kisses down his chest and abdomen, making every part of him tremble with the trail she was leaving.

“I love this,” she said in a huff of breath as she pulled down his underwear enough to kiss along the sharp v of his hip. He had to bite his lip hard to keep himself from thrusting his hips up at her, but she must have felt some of his reaction because she licked her way down the opposite side of his hips having him hiss as he tasted blood. “It’s so sexy.”

She kept hold of the band of his boxers and he wanted to plead and beg for her to move, to do something to his straining cock but he kept the words locked inside his mouth. Wanting, needing, this exchange to remain in her control.

“I love your butt,” she said as her hands moved towards it and he couldn’t help but lift his hips slightly so she could have access to that part of him. “I love how well you fill out your jeans, how firm it is.”

As her hands grasped his ass firmly he couldn’t stop himself from moaning loudly. _ Holy shit, have I ever been this turned on before? _

“I love your thighs,” she said and he wanted to protest when she let go of his ass but then her mouth was against the top of his thigh and he fucking whined loudly when she sucked hard on the inside of it. Her teeth followed and she nipped her way up towards the fabric of his boxers. “How strong and wide they are, how good it feels to have them between my legs.”

She was pulling down his underwear now and he was fucking panting like a dog. As soon as his cock was free it sprung straight out, already leaking precum without her even touching it. He was painfully hard and as she looked at it he thrust his hips forward, seeking any kind of relief for the need boiling inside of him.

“I love…” he held his breath as her hand reached out to circle him and he groaned when she pumped him once slowly. “Your cock.”

His eyes widened as he lifted his head to look down at her. He had felt the breath of her mouth against him and when she pressed a kiss to the head of his cock he released a sound that was almost animalistic in it’s rawness.

“I love how good it feels inside of me, how it fills all of me like it was made for me.” He shuddered almost painfully as he felt her lips close around him, pushing him into her mouth with her tongue pressed against the underside of his cock.

“Holy fucking…. Oh… Shit,” he gasped out as she sucked him and he frantically wrapped his hands around her hair, pulling it back so that he could have an unobscured view of what she was doing to him. The movement of her mouth and tongue was torturously slow but as she took more of him into her mouth the hand she had wrapped around him started pumping in time with the bob of her head and he thought he might die.

There was no way that he could be allowed to feel this good, this loved and wanted unless it was his last moment on earth. If this was the way he went he needed it to be while he was buried deep inside of her.

“Sansa,” he gasped as he tried to pull her off him. She groaned in protest and the vibration of it around him had him bring out how good it felt. But he still made himself cup her face and when she met his eyes she pulled her mouth of him. A part inside him cried out in protest but then his hands were moving down her sides, settling on her hips and pulling her up against his body.

“Hey,” she said shyly and he was amazed at how she could blush at him even after just having his cock in her mouth. He hummed in response as his hands grasped her underwear and pulled them down hurriedly. As his hands came back up to cup her ass his fingers grazed lower and he almost growled when he felt how wet she was.

“My turn,” he whispered against her lips. Before she had a chance to protest he pushed her up his body until she was were he wanted her. She gasped as his heavy breaths hit her sensitive folds and her hands shot out to steady herself against the wall.

_ Fuck. _It was all he could think as he looked right up into her cunt and saw the sleekness that threatened to drop down on his face. He blew out his breath against the wet lips and when she whined he pressed his whole tongue against her. She cried out and one of her hands grasped his hair firmly. He fucking loved this position, giving her complete control of her pleasure. As she pressed herself down on his face he moved his tongue to lick from her entrance all the way up to her clit where he left a heated kiss.

“Sandor,” she gasped as she rocked her hips against his tongue. “I love your mouth and your tongue. How good it feels against mine when we kiss. And how amazing you can make me feel when you lick and kiss me like this.”

_ Holy hell I am definitely dying. Maybe I’m already dead and this is heaven? _

He hummed against her clit, reveling in how it caused her to throw her head back with a moan and he did it again as he sucked her clit into his mouth. Suddenly she lifted herself up and away from his mouth. He couldn’t keep himself from chasing after her folds but the grip she had on his hair kept him firmly in place.

He was about to protest but then she slid down his body until they were flush against each other and he could feel the heat and wetness of her against his cock. Sansa’s mouth pressed firmly against his and he groaned into her mouth when her tongue pressed inside his.

“I love you Sandor,” she whispered against his lips and her words were punctuated by her pressing him inside of her. “I…. love… you…”

It felt so fucking good as she took all of him that he saw white when their pelvises pressed against each other. _ Made for me. _

He grasped her hips but let her stear their movements, moving his fingers against her skin and twirling his tongue with hers in heated yet soft kisses. She moved slowly, keeping her body flush with his and he wondered if this was what it truly meant to feel completely in love and loved. There was no doubt in his mind as they moved together that she was the one for him and the thought that he was that to her too didn’t seem that improbable in this moment.

“You love me,” he gasped out as she rocked against him. It felt like he had to tell her that he felt it, that the love she felt for him was as strong as a physical caress, wrapping around all of his body and heart. He needed to tell her that he believed her. “You love me.”

“Yes Sandor,” she moaned and with a firm press down onto him she came with a shuddering breath. Her back arched of him and the new angle made him hit her deeper and he thrust up to meet the movement of her hips. They both cried out the others name as their pleasure reached its crescendo.

She slumped against him and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. It wasn’t until she wiped it away with her thumb that he realised that a tear was falling down his cheeks. _ Shit. _

He wondered what she would think of him, a grown ass man crying over the fact that a woman loved him. She lifted her head and with a soft press of her lips to his cheekbones she stopped anymore tears from falling.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly and he pressed his lips against her forehead as he pulled her closer to his chest.

“I am just happy.” He spoke her earlier words with a soft smile that she happily returned before she snuggled against him.

He felt her start to doze of as his hand slowly caressed her back and he pressed his lips to the top of her fiery hair.

“I love you more than I can say but if you’ll let me I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you,” he whispered into the quiet room. He had thought she had fallen asleep so he startled a little when she hummed against him.

“Sounds good.” The smile that split his face then was that of a fool in love and he sighed happily.

_ Yeah it fucking did. _

He must have dozed of because he was suddenly jolted awake by the shrill sound of a ringtone. He growled in protest as Sansa pulled out of his grip to find the offending thing. She giggled and swatted his greedy hands away as he tried to pull her back to him and he smiled as watched her pick out her phone from the small purse.

“Shit!” His eyebrow rose in surprise when she hissed out the profanity before answering. “Hi Bronn. He’s with me. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot to let you know last night.”

She blushed as she lifted her gaze to look at Sandor. He followed the blush as it spread down her throat until it reached the top of her breasts. He couldn’t help but lick his lips as he watched her nipples harden under his stare. His eyes continued their exploration of her down the flat plane of her stomach and the dip of her navel until they reached the red curls that covered the apex of her thigh. _ Fucking gorgeous. _

“Okay, I’ll tell him. Thank you again Bronn,” she said before ending the call and he could feel her eyes on him but he was unwilling to take his eyes of her cunt. _ Mine. _Fuck she made him so fucking hard, it was almost painful.

“Bronn wanted me to tell you that you are a f-ing c-word and that you should pick up your phone when someone calls,” she said and a wicked smile split his face as he met her eyes.

“For someone who has a glorious cunt herself you seem to struggle with using the word for it,” he teased and just as he hoped his crudeness made her blush deepen.

“Sandor,” she scolded but her eyes had turned a darker shade of blue that had his cock starting to leak.

“And you seem to enjoy fucking so why not say the word?” he asked as he moved so that his feet were on the floor facing her. “Fucking you is the sweetest thing there is.”

Her skin had turned a deep red now but to his immense pleasure she kept his heated gaze despite his teasing. His grin was quickly wiped of his face by shock as she stepped up to him and grasped his wrist and pulled his hand between her legs. He hissed out a breath between clenched teeth when he felt her naked folds against his fingers.

“I prefer to call this a pussy,” she said with a wink and his cock stood rock hard against his stomach. He was gobsmacked as he sat on her bed while she walked out the bedroom and into the bathroom across the hall. _ Move you idiot. _

In a few long strides he pushed the bathroom door open and a loud moan left his mouth. Sansa was leaning over the edge of the tub as she poured something that smelled flowery into the rising water. Her glorious ass was on full display as well as her long legs and smooth back.

Before she even had the chance to react to his presence he stepped up to her and put an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him. He groaned as her ass pressed against his cock and her breath hitched.

“What are you doing?” he growled against her ear and he could feel the shiver as it ran through her.

“Drawing a bath,” she answered innocently. But he could see the teasing glint in her eyes as she looked over her shoulder at him. “You are more than welcome to join me.”

He scoffed amused as he shook his head. The tub wasn’t even large enough for him on his own, maybe if he bent his legs, but it would definitely not fit the both of them. They also had a shower head but it was so low that he had to crouch in order to rinse his hair, he much preferred his own custom built shower where the shower head was built into the ceiling.

“Ain’t no way we’ll both fit in there,” he said but her smile only widened.

“What a shame. I guess I’ll just have to enjoy it on my own then,” she said and he growled out his frustration.

“Fuck that.” With a irritated huff he stepped into the tub and sat down. _ This is fucking ridiculous. _ He pulled his knees up so that he could make room for her but to his surprise she didn’t sit down across from him. Instead she pushed her way between his legs and sat down in his lap, her back against his chest. _ Oh, this isn’t that bad. _

She leaned her head against his shoulder and when he turned his head to look at her she smiled at him. He couldn’t move anything except his arms, it was such a tight fit, but he liked the feeling of her against him and the soothing scent that flowed from the water. _ If Bronn could see me now I’d never hear the end of it. _

“This is nice,” she said softly and pressed a gentle kiss against his bearded jaw. He couldn’t help himself from running his hands through her hair now that he had it so close and she moaned when he used the detachable nozzle to soak her hair.

There was a new kind of intimacy having her this close as he washed her hair. He had done it several times before, because they both enjoyed it, but it had always been in his shower. The close constant pressure of their bodies against each other made his heart skip a beat. _ I might have to get a tub installed. _

He had walked into the bathroom with every intention of having her again but as he had her close like this the need to just be close and hold her won over his lust. So instead he took his time as he washed her hair and then her back. When he had rinsed her hair out she suddenly got out of the tub and looked at him expectantly.

“Scoot over,” she said with a soft laugh and he frowned as she pushed him further down, he had his knees to his chest before she climbed in behind him and pulled him against her chest. When her hands started threading through his hair he leaned his head back with a groan.

“I’m definitely getting a tub installed,” he groaned out as she washed his hair and she chuckled against his ear. He loved it when she ran her fingers through his hair and as always he was amazed over the fact that she didn’t seem the least bothered by having his scars so close.

“Make it a big one,” she joked and he groaned again as she dragged her nails against his scalp.

They stayed in the tub, him with his head against her chest and her fingers in his hair until the water started to turn cold. He reluctantly got out and pulled her up with him. With an all too pleased smile she handed him a pink floral towel. Once he had dried of he tied it around hips, it barely covered him enough to be considered decent while her towel, the same size as his, covered her from chest to mid thigh.

“You need bigger towels,” he frowned when his comment only made her laugh.

“I like this look on you,” she teased as she splayed her hand against his abdomen. “Pink is definitely your colour.”

They only response he dignified that comment with was a scoff as he followed her back into her bedroom. While she dug out a pair of tights and a t-shirt for herself he picked his pants up off the floor and dug his phone out of the pocket and sighed when it remained lifeless. It must have died without him noticing yesterday, his mind had been occupied after all.

“Can I borrow your charger?” he asked and she inclined with a nod of her head towards her nightstand. Now connected to a power source it only took a few moments for it to flicker to life and immediately it started chiming furiously.

**Bronn: The fuck are you?**

**Bronn: Pick up the phone you cunt!**

**Bronn: I don’t give a shit what’s up with you, answer the fucking phone!**

**Bronn: Seriously man, at least let Sansa know you’re alright. She is worried sick!**

**Bronn: You’ve got her crying you fucking cunt!**

**Bronn: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????!!!**

**Bronn: If you are off drunk somewhere I will fucking end you!**

**Bronn: You better fucking be dead or you’re gonna wish you were!**

Sandor winced as he read Bronn’s messages and lifted his head to look at Sansa. He hadn’t meant to worry her or his friend. She must have been worried sick if she had gone as far as to call Bronn. He had made his way here as soon as his mind had stopped reeling and he had just sat outside her door for what had felt like hours, just trying to figure out what he was going to say when she showed up. If she even would. He couldn’t help but smile as she lifted her head to meet his eyes. _ Thank the Gods she did. _

There were even more chiming from his phone and it pulled his eyes back to it.

**Gendry: Hey boss, U OK? Bronn’s wonderin where U R.**

**Arya: Don’t be too hard on her. She chewed our dad a new one after you left, FYI.**

That simple line of words had his heart jump in his chest and he dropped his phone with a thud to the nightstand as he strode over to Sansa and pulled her into his chest. He held her there, as close as he could get her and she huffed out a surprised laugh against his chest before wrapping her arms around his back. He pressed his face into her still damp hair and took a deep breath to steady his racing heart. He found a surprising sense of comfort in the fact that they smelled the same right now. Even if it meant he smelled like a flower garden.

“Sandor?” her voice was soft yet questioning and he exhaled against the crown of her head.

“I didn’t mean to cause a rift between you and your family,” he whispered, worried that his words would ruin the happy glow of love that had simmered over them all morning. He didn’t want to pull them back into the dark chaos of yesterday but he needed it to be said.

She pushed back enough to be able to lift her head to look up at him. Her eyes searched his face and he wondered how the hell she could seem to read him like a fucking book.

“You haven’t.” But that response only made him frown, because he knew that wasn’t the truth. “I mean, yes we had a disagreement and I am upset with them. But we will work it out.”

“How can you be so sure?” He couldn’t understand how there was any way to come back from what happened yesterday. Her father had looked at him as if he wanted him to disappear off the face of the earth, how was that ever going to change into him being okay about her and Sandor being together?

“We’re family. That’s how family works. You fight, you argue but then you forgive each other.” 

She said it with such conviction, and that was probably what stung the most. The notion that it was a sure thing, a fact. It was how families worked or should work. Well what the fuck did he know? She had lived a sheltered life with a family that loved her and cared for her. He had been on his own for years, moving between stranger’s houses, being a burden until he could get the fuck out. The only memories he had of his actual family was filled with pain and fear, first for his father and then Gregor.

“I wouldn’t know.” It came out harsher than he intended due to the dark turn his mind had taken and she scowled up at him. He had expected pity or something worse but she seemed almost irritated with him.

“You mean to say that you and Bronn never argue?” she said and now he was the one scowling. What the fuck did Bronn have to do with anything?

“That’s all we ever fucking do.” His response made her scowl soften and she cupped his cheek. He never seemed to be able to resist her touch because instinctively he leaned into it.

“Yeah, pretty much. And that doesn’t mean that you stop caring about each other. And you don’t cut each other out of your lives for it,” she said and he sighed, knowing what she was trying to say.

“Yeah well Bronn’s my mate, he ain’t my family,” Sandor persisted but as the words left his mouth he felt how wrong they were. If anyone was his family it was Bronn. He had stood by Sandor for over fifteen years and Sandor had done the same for him. “Fine, he is. But don’t tell the cunt I said so.”

A bubbly laugh left Sansa’s mouth and Sandor couldn’t resist turning his head so that he could press a kiss to the palm of her hand. Her eyes turned tender then and the sigh that followed sounded so content that Sandor felt like his heart was singing in tune with it.

“I understand that for you and me family have a different meaning. But family doesn’t only have to mean blood. You can choose your own family.” A blush suddenly flashed on her cheeks and he desperately wanted to ask her what she had been thinking just then. Could she be thinking the same thing as he was?

_ You are my family. _

He knew it to be true, knew that he irrevocably belonged to her and would remain hers even long after she had tired off him. When she looked up at him like this he couldn’t help but feel that maybe, possibly, she wanted forever with him too.

He opened his mouth to try and tell her something, anything, so that she would know how serious he was about her but before he had the chance he was interrupted by the sound of the front door to the apartment slamming open.

“You better not be naked!” Arya shouted out and Sansa giggled as she looked down at his still towel clad hips.

“I’ll keep her occupied while you get dressed,” she said with a soft kiss to his lips. He watched her walk away but then she stopped at her bedroom door and looked over her shoulder at him. “I love you.”

He felt the grin split his face and he didn’t even bother with trying to stop it.

“I love you too, little bird.” With a soft smile she walked out of the bedroom and Sandor opened a drawer to pull out a pair of clean boxers as he heard their voices carry from the living room.

“Oh, hii Robb. I didn’t expect to see you,” he heard Sansa say. _ Fuck. _ _ The older brother. _

Sandor winced and wondered what he would have to say. What did you say your sisters boyfriend that you obviously didn’t approve of? If Sandor had been the one in Robb’s shoes he probably would have roughed the guy up. But it was that kind of reactions that had gotten him into trouble in the first place. And Sandor had no intention of getting into a fist fight, or any fight, with Sansa’s family. He had to be the kind of man she deserved. One that could be part of family as well.

“I am here to talk to Sandor,” he heard Robb answer and he felt his pulse jump.

_ This won’t be pretty. _


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor has a heart to heart with someone important to Sansa and we learn a little more about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Here is another chapter. I struggled a bit with getting this chapter to where I wanted it. But I feel like sometimes you just have to let the chips fall were they may so that the rest of the story can continue.
> 
> Also - the boxing/technique stuff I got from a friend of mine who does boxing. I am not sure if I've translated it correctly or if I missed something in the translation. So just roll with me there ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Sandor took a deep breath as he pulled up the pants he had worn yesterday. He let the suspenders hang down his hips, thinking that he had to start keeping a pair of pants here and not just underwear and t-shirts. He felt a bit mismatched as he pulled a white t-shirt over his head but there was nothing to do about that. There was no way he was going to wear the same shirt as last night.

The siblings were sitting at the kitchen table chatting in soft voices and Sandor stiffened when they suddenly went silent and three pair of eyes focused in on him. Sandor chose to focus on Sansa and the smile on her face as she reached out her hand to him. He gratefully stepped closer to grasp it in his and moved to stand behind her chair with their joined hands resting against her chest.

“So you guys are good then?” Arya asked, breaking the silence. Sansa tilted her head back to look at him with a soft smile that had his face produce one in return.

“More than good,” she responded and he pressed a soft kiss to her head.

He would lying if he didn’t admit that the fact that Robb squirmed was almost as good as the kiss itself.

“So you are quite the talk of the town, at least where our parents friends are concerned,” Arya continued and Sansa scowled at her but Sandor tried to hide his unease with a light shrug of his shoulders.  _ Fuck this is awkward. _

He had no idea what Robb wanted with him but he sure as hell wasn’t going to start that conversation. Because he had no fucking idea what he was supposed to say or what Robb wanted to talk about. He might still think that Sandor was the biggest asshole alive and be here just to tell Sandor to leave his sister the fuck alone. But to his surprise Robb seemed as unsure or reluctant to actually start talking as Sandor.

He didn’t even seem to want to look at him. His eyes kept going to Sandor’s face and then look away just as quickly. Probably couldn’t stand the sight of it.

“Anyone want breakfast?” he asked as he walked over to the fridge. He needed to keep busy or he was going to start fretting, and he didn’t want Robb to see how his presence unnerved him.

“It’s noon,” Robb said with eyebrows up to his hairline.

“Oh,” Sansa blushed furiously and Sandor had to bite his lip to keep in a chuckle at Robb’s uncomfortable face.

“Aren’t you glad that I convinced you to wait a few hours before rushing over here? Can you imagine what we might have walked in on?” Arya teased and nudged her brother with her elbow.

“I don’t want to imagine!” Robb hissed and Sansa swatted at his arm. “What? You are my little sister, it’s just gross!”

“It is not!” Sansa protested and Arya made a gagging sound in response.

“Yes it is, you guys are all over each other all the time. And not only sweet and lovey-dovey, no it’s full on groping and making out. Seriously, it’s sickening,” Arya continued and Sandor saw how Robb’s face grew more and more red.

“I'm gonna cook something, anyone want some frittata?” Sandor suggested, trying to change the subject and Robb looked at him with surprised relief.

”That sounds really good actually. Thanks,” he said and Sandor nodded solemnly.

“Make me some too,” Arya ordered and Sandor felt very tempted to flip her off due to her demanding tone but decided against it. Instead he picked out the ingredients he needed and got to work. Sansa quickly got up to help him and he put her on chopping vegetables.

From the corner of his eye he saw Robb rubbing his wrist and his remembered how Sansa had told him that Robb had punched the asshole.

“You should have held your fist and arm level, that way the impact wouldn’t have hurt your wrist,” Sandor said without thinking and Robb stared at him in surprise.

“How do you know I didn’t?” he asked with an amused tone and Sandor scoffed.

“You’re rubbing your wrist. My guess is you went for the big hook and most of the impact ended up on your outer knuckles, twisting your wrist at impact. You’re lucky you didn’t break anything,” Sandor explained and Robb seemed suddenly interested.

“What would you have done then?” he asked.

”I would have jabbed. You punch with your arm straight, and follow through. It would be harder to block and the impact more powerful,” Sansa’s eyebrow rose when Sandor punched the air to show Robb what he meant and Sandor rubbed his neck nervously. ”I mean, you shouldn’t hit anyone at all of course. Unless it’s self defense?”

”Oh my gods, you are so whipped!” Arya cried out and started laughing so hard she was crying. Sandor started to protest but stopped himself when he saw the happy grin on Sansa’s face.

”There are worse things,” he said with a shrug and Sansa wrapped her arms around him from behind. Fuck how he loved her. 

“How do you know so much about punching people?” Arya asked intrigued and Sandor shrugged.

“I boxed all through my years in the army and once I was discharged I fought in some matches, amature level.” Sandor told them. “It’s still a good workout.”

“Well I managed to break his nose despite my poor technique,” Robb stated proudly and Sandor grinned at him.

“You did? Good,” Sandor said darkly and the tension snapped as all four of them started laughing.

Once the laughter died down another awkward silence settled over them and Sandor stared at the oven until it was time to pull the frittata out of it. When they sat down to eat Robb cleared his throat nervously.

”So Sandor... I feel I owe you an apology,” he started and that made Sandor frown in surprise. That was the last thing he had expected.

”You don’t owe me shit,” he said and Robb frowned. ”You didn’t say or do nothing.”

”Yeah and that’s what I want to apologise for. I should have spoken up, given you a chance to explain. Cause I totally get why you did what you did now that I have the full story,” Robb persisted and his eyes seemed sincere as he looked Sandor straight in the eyes. “You were defending my sister and I appreciate that. So I’m sorry.” 

Sandor didn’t know what to say to that. It wasn’t the first time someone jumped to conclusion or judged him. But it was one of the few times anyone had ever apologised for doing so. What the fuck was he expected to do with that? How do you respond?

He felt Sansa put her hand on top of his where it rested on his thigh and sighed.

”Apology accepted. Let’s just move on and eat.” he suggested. He hated being the focus of attention like this and what was worse, he felt unusually touched by Robb’s words. After last night he had been sure that he had burned all bridges with her family. He had never expected one of them to go out of their way to apologise as soon as possible.

The Starks were definitely a special kind of people.

”Sounds good to me.” Arya said as she dug into her food as if she was starving.

”Maybe you could teach me to box properly?” Robb asked after a moment of silence and Sandor flinched.

“Hey! How come you’ve never asked me to teach you to fight?” Arya exclaimed and glared at her brother. “I have been doing jiu jitsu for years.”

“Yeah, and you’d be a shitty teacher. You have zero patience,” Robb said but that only made Arya glare harder.

”I probably shouldn’t, don’t think your parents would like that,” Sandor chimed in and Robb scoffed.

”What am I, twelve? I can do whatever I want,” he said fiercely, making Sandor’s lip twitch as he fought a smile. Why the fuck not? I wouldn’t hurt to get to spend some time with Robb, he seemed nice enough.

”Then yeah, sure. We can work out sometime and I’ll teach you. Just let me know when it would work for you.” Sansa was positively beaming at him, just for talking about spending time with her brother.

”Great! Oh... I just have to check with Talisa...” Robb said with a pink tint to his cheeks as Arya started laughing again.

”You are just as whipped as he is!” she cried in between fits of laughter.

“You are just jealous because you can’t seem to get anyone whipped!” Robb shot back and Sandor’s eyebrow rose at that. Had she not told her family about Gendry? Because in Sandor opinion he was the dictionary’s definition of whipped when it came to Arya.

“Shut up you asshole,” Arya growled and Sandor wasn’t sure if it was intended for her brother, him or perhaps both but he kept his mouth shut just in case. He had no interest in turning her fury on himself.

“Gods, can’t you at least try to act normal for a few minutes?” Sansa scolded with a roll of her eyes. “Sandor’s gonna think we are all crazy and run off screaming.”

Sandor turned his head to Sansa with a frown, did she really think that he would ever leave her? But his worry was pushed away as soon as he saw the teasing glint in her smile.

“Nah, I think his crazy is gonna fit right in with our crazy,” Robb said and Sandor barked out a laugh so loud it surprised all them, including himself.

This was a whole new world to Sandor. He was sitting there with people he just had started to get to know and he was laughing his ass off. And damn if it didn’t feel good to know that it happening was making Sansa happy. 

A few days later Sandor was sitting in his office when Bronn threw open the door and strode in.

”Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” Sandor growled but Bronn only raised a cocky eyebrow at him.

”Why would I? If you were doing something you didn’t want me to see I fucking hope you’d lock the door. For both our sakes,” he teased and Sandor snarled at him.

”What the fuck do you want?”

”There’s a man in a suit asking for you out front. He is insisting that he needs to speak to you.”

”Who is it?” Sandor suddenly felt uneasy. No one ever asked for him like that. Was it a fucking banker? Or the IRS? Sandor had always made sure to do all his business by the book but he didn't like it, all the same. He didn’t want anyone forcing their way into his place, trying to find wrongdoing where there was none.

”I don’t know. Middle-aged, tall.” Bronn said with a shrug.

”Really? That’s all you got? You used to be special forces for fuck sake!” Sandor barked but his anger didn’t affect Bronn in the slightest.

”Key words: used to be. Nowadays if he’s not wearing a skirt I’m not paying attention.” 

”Fucking cunt,” Sandor rasped out as he pushed past Bronn to go out front. He froze like a deer in headlights as he took in the tall, stoic man standing by the bar.

Ned fucking Stark. Sandor’s heart started beating franticly in his chest. What was Sansa’s father doing here asking for him? He hadn’t seen the man since the disaster at the party and he had dreaded the moment they would meet again.

He had hoped to have time to mentally prepare for that meeting but as Ned Stark turned his head to look at him Sandor felt extremely caught of guard. What the fuck was this?

”Hello. I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Ned said with an eerily calm voice. 

”No, sir,” Sandor managed to say and Ned nodded.

”Good, I was hoping you had a moment to speak with me. Perhaps over lunch?” Ned asked and all Sandor wanted to do was turn around and hide away in his office. He didn’t want to hear Ned Stark tell him to stay the fuck away from his daughter. Didn’t want to hear how he wasn’t good enough or that she deserved better, because all of it was true and Sandor didn’t know how he would be able to fight for Sansa without it hurting their relationship.

”Yeah sure,” he heard himself respond instead.  _ What the fuck? _

”Sansa has been raving about how good the food is here, your kitchen doesn’t happen to be open?” Ned asked and a surge of pride made Sandor stand a little taller. He was always amazed at how much proud Sansa was of him. No one ever had been before.

”We just started serving lunch of the day. It’s nothing fancy, burgers or a ribs or whatever,” he said and was shocked when a small smile grazed the older mans face.

”Sounds perfect. I’ll have whatever you’re having.” With his nerves completely on edge he asked Frank for two bowls of chilli and brought them out himself. Ned had sat down at the booth furthest in the back, obviously hoping for some privacy.

_ Well fuck. Let’s get this over with. _

Sandor kept his face emotionless as he sat down and pushed one of the bowls over to Ned who nodded appreciatively. Sandor watched the other man start eating as if nothing was wrong in the world and them having lunch was just an usual occurrence. Meanwhile Sandor’s stomach clutched uncomfortably, keeping him from eating what he knew was damn good chilli.

“I would prefer if we could speak frankly,” Ned said with that freaking cold calmness in his voice again and Sandor could only manage a nod in response. “I firstly would like to acknowledge that my reaction to your actions that night was not fair. I should have heard your side.”

It wasn’t a real apology but Sandor hadn’t expected one, wasn’t sure he even deserved one. Ned looked at him as if he was trying to study him but Sandor gave nothing away, keeping his face unreadable as he waited for the man to continue. He undoubtedly had more to say.

“I’m not sure how much Sansa has told you about her previous relationship,” Ned said hesitantly and Sandor had to clench his hands into fists to control the anger that started rolling over him. He hated the asshole for what he had done to Sansa and he didn’t care about hiding that fact.

“She’s told me enough, sir,” he growled out. His anger didn’t seem to bother Ned this time, who only nodded solemnly.

“Then perhaps you can understand why I reacted the way I did. My first priority is to keep my children safe and Sansa… She’s my first little girl and I failed her once. I am not going to do the same mistake again.” Sandor was surprised to see the stoic mask fall away as anger and pain made the other man’s voice trembled.

“Sansa doesn’t seem to see it like that,” Sandor stated and it made Ned look at him with a frown. He wasn’t sure what had made him say it, other than the fact that it was the truth. Sansa had never once spoken about blaming her parents or other family members for what had happened to her.

“I appreciate you saying that Sandor, but it doesn’t change the facts,” Ned stated, his grey eyes darkening. “I had no idea what she was going through. I was so sure that she was happy so I never questioned anything. I swallowed every single excuse she made for the distance she put between us, every single excuse she made for him.

His eyes bore into Sandor’s then and he couldn’t be angry with the man across from him for questioning him. Not only because of Sansa’s history, Sandor’s reaction that night must have made him worry even more. This was what a father should be. He should protect his children with his life. Not make them fear for theirs.

“Sansa swears by how happy you make her and I have no choice but to take her word for it. But I need you tell me what you are thinking in regards to your relationship. So I would appreciate it if you would be honest and open with me,” Ned said and Sandor took a deep breath to steady his raging nerves.

“Mr Stark. I don’t know how much Sansa has told you about my past,” Sandor started and took another deep breath as the other man watched him intently. “I only spent six years with my family before they died. But those six years I spent in fear. My father was not a good man and an even meaner drunk.”

He saw Ned’s eyes widen in understanding but Sandor knew he couldn’t stop there. He needed to be honest with the man in front of him. For Sansa’s sake.

“Every day he found a reason to beat my his wife and kids. I will never raise my hand against any woman or child. That I can swear to you. I have been at the receiving end of that abuse and I just stood by and watched it break my mother. I did nothing to help her.” Sandor’s voice had started wavering with the onslaught of emotion but he swallowed thickly trying to make his voice steady again.

Ned’s face had paled and Sandor knew the other man would never look at him the same again. Hopefully his shame was enough to convince the other man that he would never harm Sansa. He had thought that if he didn’t let himself talk or even think about the shit his father had put them through, the hurt and guilt would lessen over time. Fuck had he been wrong. It was just as raw and painful as it had always been. But he knew it had needed to be said.

Yet he couldn’t make himself speak of the abuse he had suffered from his brother. Gregor was the wraith that haunted his soul and everytime he thought of him it felt as if the parts of his soul that he had tried to rebuild was stolen from him. So to actually speak his name after all these years? To admit the things he had done to him and their family? He feared that it would destroy the last piece of humanity in him. And he was to craven to face that fear.

“I know that you will always be weary of me, and I cannot blame you. But I swear that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe and happy,” Sandor vowed and Ned’s shoulders slumped as he sighed.

“You love her?” he asked and Sandor didn’t hesitate even for a second.

“Yes. More than anything.”

“Well good,” the other man said and straightened again. The cool collected man from earlier returned before Sandor and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had made some ground with him. Ned Stark was a very hard man to read.

“Do you remember what I said to you when we stood on your porch?” Ned said and Sandor nodded.

_ He remembered how nervous he had been and how he had to remind himself that he had to take small sips of the scotch in his glas and not down it in one go as he had wanted to.  _ _ Ned had been going on about the importance of family and loyalty and Sandor had to bite his lips tightly to keep from barking out something rude about knowing nothing about family but everything about loyalty. But that wouldn’t help him in the long run. Then Ned had turned to him and their grey eyes had been locked in a strange stalemate. _

_ “I trust my children. I want them to be happy and you seem to make Sansa happy. But if you hurt her there is no going back. You don’t get a second chance with me,” he had stated so calmly but there had been menacing intent in his eyes. _

Ned watched Sandor intently while he tried to think of what he possibly could say to change the man’s mind now. Coming up with nothing Sandor accepted the inevitable. Ned had to have brought up that conversation because his sentence had been finalized.

“I remember, sir,” Sandor stated calmly despite the fact that his heart was aching in his chest. This was what he had been afraid of. That Sansa’s father would hate him. She was so close to her family and if they didn’t like him it was only a matter of time before he would lose her over it. But Sandor wasn’t going to give her up without a fight. Even though he had no idea how he was supposed to win, he probably wouldn’t, but he had to try.

“Sir… I… I know I don’t deserve someone as good and kind as your daughter. I have no idea what she sees in me but she did chose ME. And I will do anything I can to be the best man I can be, for her, not for you,” Sandor said with a voice like iron, showing how serious he was with the firmness in his eyes. “I am sorry if you don’t approve but the only opinion that truly matters to me is Sansa’s. And I will love her every day that she lets me.” 

“I agree, no one will ever be good enough for my daughter. But I think that’s how every father should feel about their children. But you’re right. It’s not up to me. You are Sansa’s choice and I have to respect that,” Ned said and Sandor stared at the other man in shock. “So let’s start over. I am willing to put this behind us if you are, Sandor.”

Sandor must have been gaping at him like a fucking fish because he kept opening his mouth but no sound came out. What in the seven hells was this? Was this real? How could the man who said that you only got one chance with him suddenly be giving him a second chance? Just like that?

“Why?” he heard himself asking and he cursed himself. Why the fuck had he asked that? Why couldn’t he just take what he had been offered?

“I got my little girl back when she left Joffrey and I don’t want to lose her again. She loves you and us being in disagreement would only hurt her,” Ned answered honestly and it struck Sandor again how much Ned Stark cared about his children. How he loved them.

“It’s in the past now,” Sandor stated and gave a firm nod. “On my part there is no hard feelings, sir.”

“Thank you Sandor,” Ned said as he stood. Sandor expected the man to leave then but to his shock he rested a large heavy hand on Sandor’s shoulders. His grey eyes bore into Sandor’s with an intense sense of purpose.

“There is great shame in a father hurting his children. But that shame is the father’s, never the child’s,” Ned stated calmly and Sandor’s heart clenched. “You have become a good man. Do not let your father’s shame taint that for you.”

Sandor didn’t know how to respond to that but Ned didn’t seem to expect him to. He only squeezed his shoulder before leaving Sandor sitting there in the booth staring down at his bowl of untouched chilli.

He knew he should feel elated, happy even, that this obstacle had been overcome. But instead he just felt stunned. Had he somehow managed to make it alright with her father? How the hell had that happened? In an instance Sansa’s words came back to him.

_ That’s what family is. We argue but then we forgive each other. _

He knew this was not about him. This was about Sansa. She inspired the strongest of love and devotion in the people she cared about and Sandor knew that he and Ned were both bound by the need to see her happy. It was what had caused this meeting today and what had led to them talking things out. It was all for her.

He dug out his phone and took a moment to look at the picture of Sansa, that was his screensaver, before writing out a message.

**Sandor: I just had a talk with your father.**

To his surprise she called him only minutes later. He was still sitting at the booth but he didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Is everything okay, honey?” she asked and the softness of her voice was like a balm to his frazzled nerves. It instantly calmed him and pulled a small smile to his face.

“Yeah. Don’t worry love,” he assured her and he heard her take a deep breath. She must have been worried if she made time to call him despite being at work.

“What happened?” she asked and he had no idea what to say or even where to begin.

“He showed up at the bar and we had lunch?” He had no idea why he had made it sound like a question so he tried to sound more firm as he continued. “And we talked.”

“About?” her voice sounded unsure and worried. He hated it and desperately wanted to sooth her but he wasn’t sure how. Usually he would just hold her close, that always seemed to calm her for some inexplicable reason. But he couldn’t do that over the fucking phone.

“Well… You mostly. And he said that he wanted to put what happened at the party behind us,” he hurried to say. Hoping that knowing that would calm her. He heard her breath hitch and his heart jumped in his chest, hoping that she wasn’t hurting.

“That’s good. What did you say?” she asked and he breathed out a sigh of relief when he heard how happy she sounded.

“I said that it’s in the past now, no hard feelings,” he answered and was rewarded with a pearly laughter that spread warmth through his chest. “Are you happy?”

Gods, he really hoped she was. That was all that mattered. He would take any abuse or judgement as long as she had to suffer none of it.

“Yes Sandor. I am very happy right now,” she answered and he couldn’t keep from smiling.

“Good. That’s all I want, that’s all that matters love,” he told her and she hummed happily in his ear.

“You told tell my father that?”

“Yeah,” he answered shyly, unsure as to why she wondered about that.

“Thank you for doing that Sandor. Thank you for talking to my dad and thank you for putting it all behind us,” she said and the emotions in her voice made his own voice waver as he answered.

“Anything for you, little bird.”

_ Anything. _


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to some old friends of Sandor's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a bit of a whopper of a chapter, sizes wise. Couldn't find a natural way to cut it off and I liked it too much to cut it into two chapters. So yeah ;)
> 
> I hope you guys like it too! :)

“Well I am glad your father and Sandor got a chance to talk things out,” Catelyn said as Sansa sat down on Sandor’s large leather couch. Trying to balance her phone against her shoulder as she held her tea cup became a bit of a challenge when Dantés jumped up next to her and insistently pushed his nose against her arm. With a soft chuckle she relented and petted him on his large head.

“Yeah me too. Though I still don’t appreciate dad cornering Sandor at work,” Sansa told her mother. She heard her sigh into the phone and it made Sansa tense up. Dantés must have sensed it because he put his head in her lap and she continued to stroke him, the repetitive motion calming her.

“Your father has his reasons for acting the way he did. And he and Sandor seem to be on good terms.” Catelyn sounded tired of the topic and Sansa knew she should let it go. It had been a few days since but she still felt the sting of her parents actions. It had hurt Sandor even if he seemed to have moved on from it.

She was just about to say so when a firm knock at the door stopped her.

“Mom, there is someone at the door. I’ll talk to you later,” she said as she got up from the couch.

“All right, take care sweetheart.”

Just as she reached the door another loud round of knocking was heard. Since Sandor was still at work and hadn’t told her that he was expecting anyone she couldn’t help but be a little curious as she opened the door.

On the other side of it stood a large broad shouldered man with a wild unkempt beard a shade darker than the red hair on his head. His light eyes were blown wide as he gaped at her with his mouth open like a fish.

“Fuck me sideways six ways from sunday!” he exclaimed and his booming voice made Sansa flinch.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re a ginger!” he seemed shocked yet very pleased, if his almost feral grin was anything to go by.

“So are you,” she responded with a raised eyebrow.

“And the fucker said he hated gingers!” the man said with a chuckle. “Jävla lögnare.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” she asked and that seemed to snap the man out of his amazed state.

“Tormund Giantsbane,” he said and offered his hand for her to shake. “I’m here to help Sandor with the bathroom.”

“He isn’t home,” she answered. The polite hostess part that her mother had ingrained in her wanted to offer him to come inside to wait over a cup of coffee or something but at the same time she had no idea who this man was. Other then that he knew Sandor somehow.

The man’s energy level suddenly went down to a more manageable level and he looked a little tired. He ran his hand through that thick head of hair, making it look even more wild by doing so. The deflation didn’t sit right with her and she tried to think of something to do or say.

“How about I give Sandor a call to tell him you’re here?” she suggested and he nodded with a happy grin. She walked over to the couch to fetch her phone and Dantés saw this as a perfect opportunity to bound over to the open door and the large man who occupied it.

“Is this pup yours or did Sandor finally feel ready for a new dog?” Tormund asked as he happily scratched Dantés belly. The large red haired man had an intimidating presence but knowing that he knew Sandor well enough to know about Stranger calmed her. And any man who Dantés was practically wiggling all over the floor for was probably a good man. She trusted the dog’s opinion, more than that of most people’s.

“This is Dantés. Sandor and I got him a few months ago,” she said and his head shot up to her then.  _ Shit, now that feral look was back. _

“You guys got a dog together?” he asked and she shook her head.

“No, he’s Sandors. I was just there when he adopted him,” she hurriedly explained and put her phone to her ear. Somehow she had a feeling that her presence there was a huge surprise to Tormund and it pleased him in a very intense strange way.

“Hi little bird. I was just about to call you. I might be running a little late, we are waiting on a shipment and the idiot who’s driving is on the other fucking side of the city. With this traffic it’s gonna be awhile,” Sandor said as soon as he answered the phone not even giving her a chance to return his greeting.

“Oh… okay. Well there is this man here and…” she started hesitantly but was interrupted by Sandor’s angry bark.

“What?! Are you alright?!” his voice boomed so loudly she had to pull the phone away from her ear. She heard him pull on his jacket and shouting something to one of the bartenders before she had a chance to calm him.

“Sandor, I’m fine! His name is Tormund and he says he’s here to help with the bathroom?” she said and strangely she felt assured when he cursed a long string of bad words under his breath.

“That fucker there now?” he asked and he sounded much calmer.

“Yeah.”

“Tell him I’ll be there in 20 minutes. And don’t believe a single word he says. He’s an asshole.” Sandor said with a dark chuckle. There was a touch of affection under his words and it made Sansa smile. So he was one of Sandor’s friends then.

“Will do. See you soon,” she said and smiled over her shoulder at Tormund.

Tormund face split into that shit eating grin again when she told him Sandor was on his way and offered him inside for a cup of coffee. They sat down at the island and Dantés had decided that he liked Tormund because he placed his head on the large man’s knee, enjoying being petted.

“Du är en duktig pojke, visst är du?” he cooed in that strange language that he had used earlier and he must have seen Sansa’s interest on her face because he smiled at her softly. “I’m Swedish. Moved here about five years ago. Met Sandor and Bronn when I got a job at a construction site.”

“Oh, wow. You’re a long way from home,” she said and he nodded.

“Followed a woman,” he said and the grin that followed his words were as bright as the sun. “She was only in Sweden for a week but it was the best week of my life. So when she left I followed.”

That made the hopeless romantic in Sansa smile and she instantly liked the man even more. She was extremely intrigued and luckily for her, he seemed to be more than happy to share his story.

When he told her how the woman in question had been shocked to see him outside her door and had told him he was insane she grasped his arm. How could she have seen the grand gesture as anything other than amazing?

“What did you do then?” she asked and he chuckled at her wide eyes.

“Well, I had a month to convince her that we were more than a vacation fling, after that my visa would expire. Unfortunately I didn’t manage to do so,” he said with a shrug and Sansa’s heart dropped.

“No!” she exclaimed as she moved over to the pantry to retrieve the cookie jar. She sat it down between them and he eagerly took a chocolate chip cookie. “But you didn’t go back to Sweden?”

“Oh I did. But it only took two days and then she was the one standing on my doorstep,” he said and Sansa’s grin felt like it was as wide as his then.

“Are you still together?” she asked and was really relieved when he nodded.

“Yup. Getting married in April,” he said and his smile turned so wonderfully blissful then. “I want to put a baby in her, we’d make amazing babies. But she says we should be married first so I figured we’d better get that done as soon as possible.”

It was a bit crude yet really romantic and in that moment Sansa had decided that she really liked Tormund. He was a bit strange, intense and a little wild but deep down he was obviously a sweetheart. He was just the kind of person that wouldn’t be bothered by Sandor’s roughness.

“April is still six months away,” she said and he nodded with a sigh.

“Yeah, but apparently it takes time to plan a wedding. Even a small one and I want it to be everything she wants so I’ll wait,” he said as he took another cookie. “These are amazing.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile and his eyes narrowed. His eyes looked her over again, like the first time and that surprised grin returned. That made her chuckle and raise her eyebrows in question. “What?”

“Just trying to figure out how the Dog was able to snag someone like you,” he said shaking his head. “He aint ever been good with women. Terrible even. So when Bronn said the Dog had gotten himself a woman I just thought that he made it up so that he’d have a new excuse not to show up to our poker nights.”

“Well you could say that I was the one that snagged him,” she said with a fond smile. “There was some bumps along the way but I knew he’d be worth it.”

“Se på fan!” he exclaimed with a chuckle. “Good for you. And definitely good for him.”

Just then the roar of Sandor’s motorcycle could be heard coming down the drive. Dantés happily ran out the still open door and Sansa and Tormund followed.

The sight of Sandor straddled across that large black motorcycle still had her heart racing despite it being a usual sight by now and when he pulled of his helmet her heart was almost jumping out of her chest.

He met her eyes instantly and his face split in one of those unguarded smiles where he wasn’t thinking about how it made him look. He had barely killed the engine before she ran down the pathway towards him.

He had bent down to pet Dantés and only had enough time to straighten up before she threw herself into his arms. He caught her with a surprised laugh and held her up with his arms so that their faces were level. As always she was amazed by his strength and could only smile before he pressed his lips against hers in a soft kiss.

“I missed you,” she whispered against his lips and his grip tightened on her.

“Missed you too,” he rasped and she tangled her hands into his hair to pull him into another kiss.

“Well fuck me, have the Dog gone soft?” Tormund exclaimed teasingly. His words made Sandor growl against her lips and he grumbled something that sounded a lot like “bloody cunt” before slowly putting her down on her feet again.

“The fuck you doing here you ginger fuck?” Sandor called out over Sansa’s head. The words were said harshly but Sansa could see the teasing glint in Sandor’s eyes.

“You asked me to you cocksucker!” Tormund called back and Sansa turned to face the man with a scowl. Even though being with Sandor had made her more used to crude language she still drew a line somewhere. Tormund saw her displeasure and held up his hands in surrender.

“You told me you’d show up sometime next week,” Sandor said as he wrapped an arm around Sansa’s shoulders and lead her back towards the house.

“Yeah well I ended up having some spare time tonight. Not like you usually have plans other than work,” Tormund said with a smirk at Sansa. “Guess that has changed.”

“Oh piss off,” Sandor said but there was no heat behind the words. Instead he was smiling as he released Sansa to wrap his arm around the other man.

“I had planned to chew you out for not being around but since meeting your woman I can’t fucking blame you,” Tormund teased and Sandor threw a smile over his shoulder at Sansa. “And a fellow ginger at that.”

“Only have the stomach for one ginger in my life at once and she’s a hell of a lot prettier than you,” Sandor teased and Sansa swatted his back. That only made him laugh and reach out to take her hand.

“I got your bathtub in my trailer,” Tormund said as they walked inside the house. That had Sansa freezing mid step and her eyes felt like they were as big as saucers when she looked at Sandor.

He was glaring daggers at Tormund, who to his credit, took a step back when he saw the anger on Sandor’s face.

“Bathtub?” she said surprised.

“That was supposed to be a fucking surprise you bloody idiot,” Sandor growled and Tormund winced. Sansa couldn’t keep in her happiness then and pressed herself against Sandor’s chest. Just as she had hoped it pulled his eyes away from Tormund and down to her.

“You got a tub?” she asked softly and with a gruff hum he nodded. With a pleased grin she slid her hands up his chest until they were wrapped around his neck. 

She stood on her tip toes and he eagerly leaned down to meet her. She stopped when her lips were so close to his that she could feel the heat of his breath against them.

“A big one?” she purred, making her lips graze his as she spoke. He groaned in response before swallowing thickly.

“It’s freaking huge,” Tormund said and Sandor growled. But the growl only made their lips vibrate against each other and it made Sansa’s legs tremble. She kept Sandor’s eyes and he must have seen how her pupils widened because his grip on her hips tightened and had it not been for Tormund’s presence they would have been stripping each other naked by now.

It was amazing to Sansa how, still after all these months, Sandor’s touch or mere voice could awaken such desire in her so easily. She had never wanted anyone the way she always wanted Sandor, both her heart and body was completely bound to him and she felt as if she would never tire of him. Thankfully he felt the same, there was not a doubt in her mind of that. He showed her every day how much he wanted her in every way.

“Let’s get to work,” Sandor barked out to Tormund before pressing a firm yet swift kiss to Sansa’s lips. It was a promise for later and it had her stomach doing flips.

“We’re gonna need a few more hands if we are gonna get the tub inside,” Tormund said as both men walked over to the downstairs bathroom.

“I’ll ask Bronn to bring someone. Let’s get started with the piping and stuff in the meantime,” Sandor said and Tormund grunted in agreement.

Sansa needed to do something to keep herself busy so as she listened to the men bicker and curse each other in the bathroom she decided to make them all dinner. She had just put the pizza dough to chill in the fridge when Bronn and another man, who introduced himself as Beric, showed up to help. Sansa suspected that they’d met Beric in the army. He carried himself like a military man and he wore an eyepatch to cover the loss of his eye. But he gave her a friendly smile and she instantly liked the man.

Sansa stood at the kitchen island when they struggled to get the tub in through the front door and had to bite her lip to keep in her laughter when the men shouted and called each other names. By the time they had gotten the tub into the bathroom Sansa had learned several new curse words. Even some swedish ones that she was excited to share with Arya, her sister would be thrilled.

“Hey boys. I just put some pizzas in the oven. They’ll be done in about ten minutes,” she said as she stuck her head through the bathroom door. She couldn’t help but chuckle as the four disheveled men’s heads snapped up from where they had been working on the tub to stare at her with amazement and awe.

Just as the timer on the oven beeped all of them came hurrying out of the bathroom and they were practically salivating as she put the pizzas on the kitchen island.

“Herre jävlar vad gott,” Tormund groaned happily as he took a large bite out of his slice of pizza.

“I’ll give you anything you want if you leave that oaf and run off with me,” Bronn teased as he practically downed the cold beer she had put out for him in one go. She put another beer down in front of him with a wink and he clutched his chest. “Marry me.”

“Back the fuck off,” Sandor growled as he wrapped an arm around her waist from behind and pulled her into his lap. “She’s mine.”

He pressed a warm kiss to the side of her head and she happily leaned into his chest. She loved the fact that she had gotten a chance to meet more people from Sandor’s life. Even if it seemed that they hadn’t seen each other in a while they had fallen back into a casual routine of bickering and teasing that drew several laughs out of Sansa and the men. This was how it was with good friends that you had known for years, easy and comfortable.

“So has Brienne come to her senses yet and dropped your sorry ass?” Sandor asked Tormund who grinned like the freaking cheshire cat.

“Nope. I’m gonna marry that woman,” he said confidently and Bronn scoffed.

“You’ve been saying that for years,” he teased and Tormund’s eyes darkened.

“Yeah well don’t make any plans on April 6th. I expect you all to be my groomsmen,” he said and Sansa smiled at him while the others stared wide eyed. “Invitations will show up in the mail in a few weeks.”

“Are you for real?” Beric asked and when Tormund nodded they started shouting their congratulations and taking turns pulling him in for hugs.

“Why didn’t you fucking say anything?!” Bronn said and Tormund chuckled.

“I just asked her this weekend, I was busy celebrating,” he replied with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows that had Sansa giggling. Sandor pressed his lips to her cheek and her smile was probably as wide as Tormunds.

Sandors arms were around her, hands resting on her stomach and one of his thumbs started drawing lazy circles against the skin just above the waistline of her pants. That simple touch sent a shiver through her and that made his touch a little more firm. His large hand moved to splay across her abdomen, making it tremble beneath his touch.

“You alright little bird?” he whispered against her ear, his hot breath against her skin sending another shiver through her. 

She would be better if they were alone and she could get a chance to actually break in that new tub of his. But she couldn’t say that out loud. It would be rude to their guests and she knew that Bronn would tease her endlessly for it.

“Mhm,” she hummed in response, feeling her face flush and Sandor grasped her chin so that he could turn her face to the side, forcing her to look at him.

“You sure?” he asked, concern causing a dip in his brow that she couldn’t help but reach out to stroke away with her thumb.  _ Screw it, Bronn teased her all the time anyway. _

“Yeah, I’m just eager to break in that new bathtub,” she whispered against his lips and the huskiness of her voice instantly made his eyes darken to almost black.

“Okay, party’s over. Everyone who doesn’t live here get the fuck out!” Sandor barked out and lifted his eyes from Sansa to glare at the other guys in the room. “Now.”

“Does that mean that Sansa has to go too? Last time I checked she didn’t live her either,” Bronn teased and Sandor’s eyes hardened as they zoned in on Bronn’s smug face.

“That’s just a fucking technicality and you know it,” Sandor barked at him and his words made Sansa’s heart practicly jump out of her chest. They hadn’t ever spoken about her moving in but that was where she saw this going at some point, didn’t she?

She did spend almost every night here and she had her own drawer in the dresser, but actually living together was more than that. This was Sandor’s space and he had always seemed very protective of it, so she had not wanted to push him to share it more than he already did. But to hear him almost stating that she practically lived there, like it was something indisputable, made her head swim.

She had always been one to imagine her future as being married with the house and the white picket fence. Her children running around, playing with the dog. That had been her dream for so many years, but then Joffrey had happened.

She had thought that he was going to be the one she would have all that with but when he had shown her his true colours she buried that dream deep within her soul. And the years after him she hadn’t wanted to reopen that old wound.

But now as she leaned into Sandor’s warm chest the thought of that dream wasn’t followed with that familiar tinge of pain but a soft flutter of nerves, like butterflies in her stomach. Did she want that with Sandor? Did he want that with her? What if he didn’t?

_ No, stay in this moment. It’s too soon. Don’t overthink things. He loves me. _

And she loved him. More than she had ever loved anyone before. That had to be enough, right? It was more than what she had come to expected for herself after all. So why should she even bother with thinking about what might happen in the future? Or not happen.

She felt suddenly worried that when alone with Sandor he would be able to tell that her mind was conflicted. He always read her too well. And she wasn’t ready to share her thoughts with anyone, let alone him.

“No, they can’t go yet,” she protested and pulled herself out of Sandor’s arms to move over to the fridge. “I made fudge brownies earlier, if you guys don’t have some I’ll just eat it all myself.”

“Fuck me, you are one lucky bastard,” Beric said and Sandor looked at Sansa. His eyes were searching her face and she forced herself to smile and push her conflicting thoughts to the back of her mind. His eyes narrowed and for a second she worried that he would ask her what was wrong, but he seemed to decide against it.

“Yeah, I know,” he answered instead with a soft smile and moved to put on the coffee maker. Once they had their coffee and cake Sansa sat down on her own chair, making Sandor frown for a second, but she needed the distance. Even if she was sitting on the chair next to his and he had an arm around the back of it, it helped with keeping her thoughts in check.

She didn’t have to sit on his lap every minute, even if he seemed to want her too. She had just finished her brownie when Dantés whined, the dog occupying the space between her and Sandor’s chairs. 

“He probably needs to go outside,” Sandor said and motioned to get up but Sansa stopped him with a hand to his forearm.

“I’ll do it. You stay here and catch up,” she said softly. He looked at her, silently asking if she was sure and she answered him by pressing a gentle kiss against his lips. “Come on Dantés.”

The dog happily followed her and she threw on her coat before heading outside. Since there was no neighbours for miles she let Dantés run free and watched with a smile as he rolled around in the leaves on the ground as the sun set behind him.

She really loved this place, the quiet and serenity that surrounded them and the feeling of being alone in the world. Just her, Sandor and Dantés in this little quiet haven. But was there a permanent space for her here? He had never made her think otherwise but they hadn’t really talked of the future in that much detail. They just knew that they both wanted to be together, the details hadn’t mattered.

The idea of a future with Sandor both thrilled her at the same time as it made her stomach flutter nervously. She had found her little piece of freedom in her job at the flower shop and the apartment she shared with her sister. They were hers, not something her parents or a boyfriend had gotten her. And after she had gotten out from Joffrey’s control of every aspect of her life she had needed that. She had needed to make her own choices and have her own space.

So she could understand if that was what Sandor needed too and despite him always being inviting she couldn’t help but wondered if her presence sometimes felt crowding to him? They had been pretty intense and moved quickly from the start after all. But he never said anything about it and she knew him well enough to know that if he didn’t like something he wasn’t scared to say so. He always said just what he was thinking, even if it could be crass or rude.

And then there was this quiet soft side of him that had gotten a teacup for her, who always made sure she was happy, be it with his actions or asking. Who would hold her in his arms through the night and pulled her even closer the first thing in the morning.

She wasn’t even the same person anymore, so how could she know if she wanted the same things as before? Why couldn’t she just let herself be with him and see where things went? What was wrong with not having any plans?

“I’m really overthinking things aren’t I?” she asked Dantés who looked up and bark in response. “Yeah, I’m gonna try not too.”

In that moment Dantés seemed to be done with the outside because he bound back over to the front door and Sansa followed. The sound of the men’s voices and Beric saying her name made Sansa freeze in the doorway and grasp Dantés by the collar, keeping him there. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but she was just too curious to hear what they were saying about her.

“Sansa seems really great,” Beric had said and Sansa heard Sandor hum in agreement.

“Yeah, and you seem really happy. It’s fucking weird,” Tormund joked but then his voice softened. “I am really happy for you man.”

“He is still his grumpy self most of the time, it’s just around her that he acts like this,” Bronn joked and warmth spread inside Sansa’s chest.

“It’s because you fucking annoy me,” Sandor quiped back causing the other men to laugh. “But yeah, I’m happy. More than I can ever remember being in my fucking life.”

There was a moment of silence followed by that admittance and Sansa’s heart clenched. She wanted to hurry over to him where he must be sitting on his chair and wrap her arms around him. But with a heavy sigh he continued talking and Sansa remained where she was by the front door.

“Some days I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop,” his voice was heavy and raspy with emotion. “I mean, with all the fucking shit I’ve been dealt in my life how could this be for me? How could she be for me? I’m a shit person and she is so… good.”

“Come off it!” Bronn said heatedly making Sansa jump. “You are not a bad person, Sandor. You never have been. We all know I wouldn’t be sitting here if it wasn’t for you.”

That made Sansa frown, wasn’t it Bronn that had saved Sandor in the war? Was there more to that story than he had told her?

“She seems just as happy as you are so why the fuck are you questioning it?” Tormund asked and Sansa was curious to know that too.

“I got the impression that you were committed to each other?” Beric added and Sandor sighed. “Or has she said she doesn’t want to be?”

“No. No… We are committed, I’ve met her family and…. She says she loves me,” Sandor’s voice was full of wonder then and Sansa smiled softly. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who had a tendency to overthink and worry. Somehow that made her feel a little better about herself.

“That’s all that matters. Fuck everything else!” Sansa liked Beric even more then, he sounded so genuinely happy for his friend.

_ He’s right. It is all that matters. _

With a determined smile she closed the front door a little more firmly than necessary and released Dantés, making her entry known to the men gathered in the kitchen.

They all looked up when she came in but she only had eyes for the largest of them. Her big dark haired man looked at her like she was the freaking sun and without hesitation she sat down in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Hi,” he responded with a surprised smile. She was unable to form any words, she could only smile in return as she stroked his cheek tenderly. His grey eyes bore into hers, searching for something and she really hoped that he could see the love she felt for him in the blue of hers.

Not caring that they weren’t alone she kissed him, pouring all of her love and affection into the press of her lips against his and it made him groan into her mouth. One of his hands moved to the small of her back, pressing her closer, while the other cupped her jaw. His touch made her open her mouth and instantly his tongue was there, deepening the kiss.

“And… that’s our cue to leave,” Bronn joked good naturedly and the men stood. Sansa pulled back only to have Sandor grunt in protest and chase her mouth with his. She giggled into the kiss and he grinned against her mouth.

“Brienne and I aren’t that bad are we?” Tormund asked as Sansa and Sandor, still with their arms around each other followed them to the door.

“You guys are worse,” Bronn said deadpanned and Tormund actually flushed a bit red at that.

“Thank you for the amazing food. It was really nice to meet you,” Beric said to Sansa and by the look on his face she must have shocked him when she gave him a warm hug.

“Thank you for your help. It was really great meeting you both,” she said as she gave Tormund a hug as well.

“We will be expecting you at the wedding,” Tormund said with a teasing glint in his eyes. “You can bring the oaf if you must.”

“Fuck you too,” Sandor barked out with a laugh that quickly died when Bronn moved towards Sansa with his arms outstrecthed.

“Where’s my love? I helped too,” he said and Sansa threw her head back with a laugh as she walked into his open arms.

“That’s all you’re getting,” Sandor growled but that only made Bronn hold her closer.

“I just fucking love it when he gets all flustered,” Bronn whispered in her ear, drawing another laugh out of her.

When she pulled back Sandor was glaring daggers at Bronn but there was no real threat in his eyes.

“Thank you guys for your help,” Sandor said as they opened the door. “Let’s do this again soon.”

The other men happily agreed before closing the door behind them. With a smile Sansa turned towards Sandor who looked at her with that softness that she loved. He moved to take a step towards her but she stepped back with a teasing smile.

“What are you doing little bird?” Sandor asked confused and her smile turned positively wicked then.

“I’m getting ready to enjoy a long hot bath in that new tub of yours,” she told him and in one swift movement she pulled her t-shirt over her head and threw it at him. He kept it in a firm grip as his eyes took in her white lace bra and pale skin. Just as her fingers unbuttoned her jeans and grasped her fly the front door burst open.

“Hey you guys, I was wondering…” Tormund’s voice was cut off suddenly when he took in her state of undress.

But Sansa didn’t even look at him. She held the intense and heated stare of Sandor’s grey eyes and it sent a shiver of excitement and anticipation through her.

“Tormund, get out,” she said calmly as she smirked at Sandor.

“Yeah right. Fan. Förlåt,” he stammered out before closing the door firmly behind him.

Without hesitation she continued undressing, pulling her pants down and stepping out of them. With a swift kick she flung them towards Sandor who’s smile became almost predatory when she reached behind her and unclasped her bra and threw it at him as well.

“Fuck Sansa,” he groaned when she pulled down her panties, standing completley bare infront of him. The last touch, that she knew would break him was when she reached up and pulled her hair out of the messy bun on top of her head. His pupils were blown so wide then that his eyes looked completely black and it was as if a ripple went through him. From his chest came a deep rumbled growl that made her nipples harden instantly and she had to rub her thighs together to try and ease the sudden ache between them.

He unceremoniously dropped her clothes to the floor and took a step towards her but that made her back away from him and towards the bathroom.

“I’m gonna have that bath now,” she said and with a teasing smile she turned and walked down the hall. She made sure to sway her hips, making her hair swing with the movement and the heat of his eyes on her felt almost as strong as a physical caress against her skin.

The sound of heavy steps following quickly behind her made her smile and she quickened her steps. She heard him chuckle darkly from behind and that deep voice sent another shiver through her. But when she entered the bathroom she froze.

She had known that the bathtub had been big, she had seen them carrying it inside after all, but to see it in place it looked huge. It was twice as wide as her own bath and long enough for Sandor to lay down in it without touching the edges, it took up the whole far wall. When Sansa took a step closer she saw the silver heads in the sides of the tub, it was a freaking jacuzzi!

She was still gaping at the tub when she felt Sandor’s heat against her naked skin as he pressed his still clothed body against her back.

“Do you like it?” he whispered in a rasp that had her gasping just as much as his hot breath against her neck. Her nipples tightened almost painfully as he moved his mouth down her neck and across her shoulder in hot breaths, never letting his lips actually touch her skin.

“It’s amazing, are you sure it’s not too much? You did say that you aren’t much for baths,” she said softly and he chuckled as he dragged his fingertips up her spine. Just that soft slight touch had her aching for him to grip her and have his way with her this second. But instead she bit her lip, feeling his fingers making their way down again.

“The last bath I had changed my opinion,” he answered and both her heart and core clenched as she remembered that morning. It had been one of the best ones in her life. Because of him.

“What made that bath so much better than the other ones?” she asked even though she already knew the answer. She just wanted him to talk, there was nothing that turned her on more than his voice and how it turned even huskier as he became aroused.

“I shared it with this amazing woman, who drives me crazy with how much I want her. All the bloody time,” he rasped and she startled when his teeth grazed the skin where her shoulder and neck met. “But I knew I needed a bigger tub to do what I really wanted to do to her.”

Fuck, how could him just talking and barely touching her have her so wet already?

“And what’s that?” she asks breathlessly and there is that chuckle again, the raspy one that makes her imagine feeling it against her lower lips.

“Let’s fill it up and I’ll show you,” he answered and she didn’t bother hiding her eagerness. Once the bath is running she turns and finds him looking at her. His eyes are dark but filled with so much desire that they seemed to glow. 

They roamed her body slowly, taking all of her naked skin in and she wanted to be able to see him too. He remained standing in the middle of the room and she wondered what it would take to break that resolve she loved to test. He wasn’t hiding how much he wanted her, the large bulge in his jeans wasn’t something that he could hide even if he wanted to.

She moved towards him until her naked chest was pressed against the fabric of his t-shirt and he groaned when she pushed her hands underneath it. She dragged her nails slowly up his chest and his hands grasped her butt, pressing their lower halves together.

“Are you planning on joining me or just stare while I bathe?” she asked as she tugged on his chest hair underneath his t-shirt. His hips thrust involuntarily when she pulled at the hair again and it made her grin up at him.

He sprung to action then, in mere seconds he was as naked as her and her grin widened at his eagerness. She never had to doubt if he wanted her and that thought made her bold.

She took his hand in hers while her other hand caressed her way up his arm as she pulled him to the bathtub that no was filled enough for them to step in. She released him to be able to sit down in the tub but Sandor’s sudden growl in protest made her freeze mid crouch.

“Come here,” he said and she smiled at him. He was sitting with his back against the edge of the tub and she had been about to sit down against the other so that she could face him. But he wasn’t having that. Instead he pulled her against him and helped her turn so that she could lean her back against his chest.

“I thought the whole point about a large bathtub was that we didn’t have to sit like this?” she teased and he nipped her shoulder, making her gasp.

“This is the best part,” he corrected and she had to agree when his arms encircled her and his hands started caressing her skin. His touch was heavy yet gentle as he touched every inch of her torso, expect for her breast. He only grazed the underside of her breasts with his thumb but it made her breath hitch.

She watched his hands as they moved across her stomach and down to her hips to caress down her legs. When he reached her knees he started moving his hands back but stopped when they were resting on the inside of her thighs. Her breath hitched again as his fingers drew lazy circles on the sensitive skin and her hips rose to try and move him where she needed him but that only drew a dark chuckle from him. Gods, he was driving her mad with need by denying her what she wanted and that voice did nothing but spur her on.

“Oh,” she gasped as one of his hands moved up her body again and cupped her breast. He tweaked a nipple between his index finger and thumb and she pressed even harder against him.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered hoarsely against her ear and took her earlobe between his teeth. His hot breath against her ear made her breath quicken and she ground her hips even more, desperate for friction.

“Touch me,” she groaned and her words made his cock twitch against her backside and she couldn’t keep in a moan at the sensation it caused.

“Where Sansa? Tell me where you want my hands. Tell me what you want me to do with them,” he rasped and she threw her head back against his shoulder. He turned his head towards hers and his eyes were blown wide with lust. He tugged on her nipple and she bit her bottom lip hard to fight the urge to cry out in equal pain and pleasure. “Tell me, love.”

She gasped and her hand flew up to grasp the back of his neck, she needed to hold on to him. It grounded her to him and to this moment. He seemed beyond excited by the idea of her telling him explicitly what she wanted and she would have thought the idea would make her flush in embarrassment. But to her surprise it shot a flare of pleasure and excitement to her core.

“I want your fingers against my slit. I want you to rub my clit,” she moaned and his breath hitched. It was as if his words had broken a dam inside of her and she couldn’t stop talking. His fingers moved up to her core as if in a frantic need to do what she told him. “I want you to press a finger inside of me, then two, and then you are going to fuck me with those fingers while you press your palm against my clit.”

“Sansa,” he moaned as first one and then two of his fingers entered her. It felt so incredible to have him stretching her walls that she arched her back. As he pumped his fingers in and out of her she started grinding against him with such a firm rhythm water started splashing onto the floor.

She clutched his fingers firmly inside of her and her hand had a firm grip on his hair, pulling roughly every time he hit that sweet spot inside of her. She moaned as his teeth grazed her shoulder and he hissed when she moved her free hand down to press on top of his between her legs, pushing a third finger inside of her. She felt almost desperate for her release and she could feel how close it was.

“Make me come on your hand Sandor,” she growled out in order and when her hand moved away to dig her nails into his thigh he set a hard rhythm that had her crying out his name. She spread her legs to give him better access and it made him growl against her ear. Her hips moved in rhythm to his fingers and she ground down onto his dick every time she moved downward and it had him panting against her skin.

“Do you like this, Sansa?” he rasped and she tremble again. “You like my fingers inside of you? Or is it the sound of my voice, telling you how fucking amazing you feel on my fingers while I fuck you with them, that has you trembling?”

He must have made a point of making his voice even deeper and raspier as he spoke and it had an amazing affect on her. She couldn’t keep in her cries of pleasure and the intensity and volume surprised even herself.  _ Holy fucking hell. _

“It’s all of it. It’s you, your voice, your hands and… Gods! Your hands!” she cried out in a sob. “I need you inside me Sandor.”

“No,” he rasped out and increased the pressure of his fingers. “You told me to make you come on my hand so that is what I am going to do.”

“Sandor, please,” she keened and he sucked hard on the skin behind her ear.

“You are going to come on my hand Sansa and then I’m going to lift you up out of this tub and fuck you against the door while you’re still coming. And I’m not gonna stop until you’ve come a second time, on my cock,” he ground out as her breaths started to come out in huffs and she tightened around his fingers just moments before she cried out.

In an instant he wrapped his free arm underneath her legs and stood straight up. She almost shrieked from the overwhelming sensation of being almost weightless through her orgasm. She felt Sandor take a deep breath before he stepped out of the tub. It wasn’t until he was by the door that he pulled his fingers out of her. She whined at the loss but it was cut off by a moan of pleasure as he pressed his cock into her with one sharp thrust of his hips.

“Fuck Sansa, you feel amazing around me,” he growled and she was again amazed at how much pleasure and need his voice could light in her.

“Tell me. Tell me how it feels,” she demands, needing him to be the one to talk now.

“You are so fucking tight, so fucking warm,” he rasped as he thrusted his hips in a firm pace. Gods, she was pretty sure she would be able to come again just by the sound of his voice as it vibrated in his chest that was pressed so firmly against her own. “I’m fucking addicted to this. To feeling your cunt around my cock, they way you moan and gasp as I fuck you.”

She pressed her lips against his in a sloppy yet thrilling kiss that had him quicken his pace and it made him hit her so deep that she was seeing stars.

“I’m gonna…. Sandor….” she moaned and he sucked hard on her pulsepoint, making her arch her back.

“Fuck, I need you to come on my cock Sansa. Come on little bird,” he growled out and his voice sent her over the edge again. She was writhing and crying out uncontrollably and Sandor followed her with heated growls and gasps of his own.

He held her pressed firmly against the door while they caught their breaths and when Sandor lifted his head from her shoulder she leaned her forehead against his.

“Fuck, I made a mark. I’m sorry,” he said as he lifted his hand and stroked a finger over a spot on her neck.

“I don’t mind,” she answered truthfully. He had already marked her without knowing so. This just meant that she now had a mark on her skin that matched the one he had left on her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went with a Tormund & Brienne paring in this story. It fits my story better and I want Brienne to be with someone who adores her for her. Even if it's not show canon ;)
> 
> I know that Kristofer Hivju who plays Tormund in the show is Norwegian but I can't speak norwegian so in my story he is Swedish okay? ;)  
Here is a little dictionary if any of you non-swedish speaking people are curious about what he said. It's mostly profanity though ;)
> 
> Jävla lögnare - Fucking liar
> 
> Du är en duktig pojke, visst är du - You are a good boy, aren't you
> 
> Se på fan! - Well fuck me (not literal translation but it's basically what it means) Literal translation is more like "Look at the devil" XD
> 
> Herre jävlar vad gott - Holy fuck that's good
> 
> Fan - Fuck
> 
> Förlåt - Sorry


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa needs pancakes and some people just need to back off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Thank you again for all the support and love! It still blows my mind every time!
> 
> Here is a chapter with little in regards to plot but I still hope you guys enjoy this little piece of fluff and banter :)

The cold air of the October morning helped wake her as she walked through the park with Dantés happily sniffing away. She had reluctantly gotten up early, too early even for her, and gone with Sandor to his gym where he was meeting up with her brother. She had only stayed long enough for them to get started and then she had taken Dantés to a nearby park.

“There better be pancakes at that breakfast buffet he promised me,” Sansa said to Dantés who was happily ignoring her in favor of an interestingly smelly lamppost. “Six AM on a Saturday is just inhumane. I can’t believe Robb agreed to it.”

Due to the early hour there were very few people in the park so Sansa was surprised when a man dressed in a black coat suddenly was making his way towards her. The confidence in his steps and the way he seemed to stare at her made her certain he didn’t plan on just passing her on the path. She called Dantés to her side and as if sensing her unease he obediently placed himself between her and the approaching man.

But when the man came close enough for her to make out his face her nerves went from shaking with worry to hum with annoyance.

“Sansa, sweetling, I didn’t expect to run into you here,” Baelish said and the sleek smile he threw at her made her gut clench in anger. “Really, it’s not a good neighbourhood.”

_ Yet you are here,  _ she wanted to bite back but she held her tongue. It looked like he had a suit on underneath his coat and she couldn’t help but wonder if she had just interrupted his walk of shame. Well, except for the fact that she didn’t think Baelish had the capability to feel ashamed. He was after all standing in front of her acting as if nothing had happened at her parents party.

“Well I have some good company,” she said with a soft smile down at Dantés. Baelish followed her eyes and she saw a disgusted look flash on his face before he schooled himself into that sleek smile again.

“And this… animal… is yours?” he asked and she clenched her hand to try and control the sudden anger that surge through her.

“Actually, he is Sandor’s dog,” she answered and didn’t bother with trying to hide the bite in her tone. How dared he look and speak of Dantés like that? Actually, how dare he even speak to her at all?

“Do you still keep the company of  _ that thi _ … man?” he said and no smile could hide the disgust in his voice. The anger surging through her made Sansa flush and she pulled her scarf off in hopes of cooling down a little unless she’d say or do something she’d regret.

Baelish eyes zoned in on the mark on her neck that she had momentarily forgotten and the sudden flash of anger in his eyes made her grin.

“Really Sansa? You let that brute mark you like that? What would your parents think if they knew you still kept his company despite what he did?” Baelish said and that did it. She practically growled, it was a sound low in her throat, making Baelish take a step back in surprise.

“What HE did?! You mean how he defended ME because of the awful things you and Ramsay Bolton were saying?!” she shouted and his face fell. “Because I assure you my only regret from that night is that Sandor didn’t do the same thing to you that he did to Ramsay!”

“Sansa, surely you can see that he would say such things to make excuses for himself,” Baelish said cooly after collecting himself. “Who are you going to believe? I’ve known you all your life.”

“I believe the word of the man I love and the word of my younger brother!” she yelled and she really wanted to punch that smug smile off his face. “And I put no trust in a man that has been leering at me since I was thirteen.”

“Now you wait Sansa…” he protested as his eyes darkened and took a menacing step closer to her. Instantly Dantés inserted himself in the man’s path, growling threateningly. Baelish took one look down at Dantés bared teeth and stopped his advances.

“If I ever hear you say another word about Sandor I will personally make your life a living hell. I am aware of the income you rely on from the business you’ve had with Royce Inc and it just so happens that my father’s company has merged with them. I am sure that they would all be interested in hearing about your deplorable actions towards me, and other girls, mr Baelish,” she said darkly and his eyes turned black with anger.

“You don’t have anything on me,” he spit out and the grin that pulled from her made him splutter. “It would be my word against yours, a little girl whoring with a freak.”

“You really are a fucking cunt!” she spit out and stiffened when he took another step forward with his hand raised as if to grab her. That made Dantés bark menacingly and Sansa grabbed Dantés collar.

“Control that mutt,” Baelish hissed and how Sansa wanted to punch him. She had never seen the appeal in violence, she had always despised it but in this moment she wished she knew how to throw a punch.

“I assure you that Dantés is very well trained,” she answered with her voice dripping of fake sweetness. “Perhaps you’d like a demonstration of his latest trick? Dantés, bite.”

Baelish paled and when Dantés growled in response she released his collar. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the speed the man turned and half walked half ran away from them. Sensing that the tension had left Sansa’s body Dantés happily pressed his large head into her thigh and she bent down to pet him properly. She hadn’t intended to lose her temper but it had felt good to tell her what she thought of him.

“You are a good boy and a good actor! You deserve a big piece of bacon,” she said and laughed happily when he licked her face. “Let’s go see if your Daddy and Uncle are done punching each other.”

Dantés happily followed her the way that they had came. Sandor had assured her that he knew the owner of the gym and that dogs were allowed, he had brought Stranger with him all the time, so when she entered the boxing gym Dantés followed.

The gym was worn down and the accipment old but the place was impeccably clean Sansa noted. Robb and Sandor was standing in the boxing ring located in the center of the gym. Robb was wearing boxing gloves while Sandor had those pads on that Robb was supposed to hit.

Robb waved when he saw her and Sandor used his distraction to hit him right in the face with his padded hand. Sansa could tell it was far from full strength and it only made Robb frown, no real harm done.

“What was that for?” Robb complained.

“Don’t ever let your opponent catch you unawares. Stay on guard at all times, don’t lose focus,” Sandor explained and Robb hummed and threw a jab. “Good, another.”

Sansa had to say she liked seeing Sandor like this. He wore a pair of black slack shorts and a black t-shirt that hugged every muscle on his torso. He had pulled his long hair back into a bun at the nape of his neck and she really liked that look on him.

As Robb kept his feet moving in the ring Sandor moved with him and soon he was facing her where she stood ringside. His eyes lit up as he took her in and a small smile tugged at his lips. The smile died when Robb punched him right in the face.

“Robb!” Sansa gasped as Sandor took a step back, looking at Robb with eyes wide in surprise. The punch hadn’t been that hard but it had hit Sandor right on the nose so it seemed to take him a second to shake his surprise.

“What? He put his guard down,” Robb said with a teasing smile at Sandor. Sandor gave him a dark glare before he threw his head back with a barking laugh and Robb’s laugh joined his.

“Not bad Stark. We’ve got something to work with after all,” Sandor said once their laughs had subsided and Robb looked pleased as punch. “Hit the showers, we’ll set up another session for next week.”

When her brother closed the locker room door behind him Sandor walked over to where she was standing and leaned against the rope. He smiled down at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey,” he said softly and she took a step closer.

“Did he hurt you?” she asked and craned her neck to search his face for injury or bruising.

“Depends. If I say yes will you fawn and fuss over me all day?” he asked stone faced and she scowled at him. “Because if that’s the case then I’m definitely hurt. Terribly.”

The teasing grin that split his face then made her scoff at him and cross her arms over her chest.

“Won’t you kiss it and make it better?” Sandor teased as he got down from the ring to stand before her. “It hurts right here.”

He pointed a finger against his cheekbone and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the cheesiness of him. But inside her chest her heart was grinning like a fool at this sweet teasing side of him that he rarely showed anyone but her.

“Rub some dirt on it,” she answered sternly and he pressed a hand to his chest.

“That hurt more than your brother’s punch,” he told her and she turned her back to hide the smile that threatened to split her face. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder and spun her back to face him again.

“Everything okay love?” he asked. She shouldn’t have been surprised that her unwillingness to play along made him aware of something bothering her. He knew her too well and he cared too much not to notice her mood.

“Yeah, I just ran into Petyr Baelish at the park,” she said and his whole body stiffened while his eyes darkened.

“Did the fucker try anything?” he growled and she stepped closer to him. A soft hand on his chest pulled him back to her and his eyes softened the second they met hers again.

“Just tried to make a bunch of shit excuses. Dantés and I set him straight,” she told him and a surge of pride went through her when she thought of it. Sandor raised his eyebrow at her and gave her a dark smile.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Now go shower, I want pancakes,” she ordered and he chuckled at her demanding tone. “You smell of sweat.”

“Am I hurting your delicate sensibilities with my odor my lady?” he teased. The smile she gave him then made him frown down at her.

“No what it’s doing is making me want to push you down and have my way with you in the ring. And I think that might be frowned upon,” she answered truthfully. He inhaled shakily as his eyes widened into saucers. When he saw the desire in her eyes he hissed and it made her bite her lower lip.

“Fucking hell Sansa. How am I supposed to go shower and change in the same locker room as your brother now?” he complained and her smiled turned even more wicked.

“Why? Does the idea of me taking you right here, right now, turn you on?” she taunted and reached an arm around him and grasped his butt through his shorts. He gasped when she squeezed it and she stood on her tiptoes to bite at his earlobe.

“All better now?” she asked into his ear and took a step back to grin up at him. He was panting heavily as his blown pupils stared at her, his face flushed and his lips parted.

“You are a fucking tease,” he growled out when he had composed himself enough to be able to speak.

“And you love me for it.”

“Yeah, I fucking do.”

He pulled a surprised laugh from her lips as he lifted her up so that their faces were at the same height and her chest fluttered like crazy when he smiled so happily at her. His grey eyes were twinkling and she had never felt so light in both mind and body as she did in that moment. He had never given her a reason to question or worry about how he felt for her ever since they told each other that they loved each other. He had showed and told her every day since and she wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted her to know it, or if he just wanted to express it. But it was all she had ever wanted in a partner.

_ I am his and he is mine, from this day, until the end of my days. _

Sansa blushed furiously as she realized she had thought wedding vows and he cocked his eyebrow with curiosity. She couldn’t admit where her mind had just gone so she decided the best action was distraction. She pressed her lips against his smile and he instantly returned the kiss with the same tenderness as she had bestowed him.

Her stomach chose that moment to remind them that she hadn’t eaten yet today and he placed her down on the ground with a soft chuckle.

“I better hit the showers so that we can get some food in you,” he teased and she grinned.

“Pancakes, I am expecting pancakes,” she corrected and he shook his head.

“You can have whatever you want,” he answered with another soft peck on her lips before he headed into the locker room.

It turned out that the diner that had the breakfast buffet was just a short walk from the gym so they all put on their coats and Sansa beamed as Sandor took her hand in his while he held Dantés leash in the other. It was these small moments that made her the happiest. Robb smiled at her knowingly and she leaned into Sandor’s arm.

When they entered the diner, that had obvious 50’s vibes with black and white tiles and red leather booths, the waitress, a woman with big dark hair and a happy smile, greeted Sandor by name and her eyes quickly moved to his hand that was still joined with Sansa’s and one drawn on eyebrow rose in surprise.

“Who we got here then?” she asked as she looked Sansa up and down. Sansa tried to keep her smile on her face when the woman looked her over so callously but Sandor didn’t seem faced at all.

“This is my girlfriend Sansa and her brother Robb,” he said and nodded towards the back of the diner. “Is it alright if we bring our dog to the back?”

“Yeah sure thing,” the waitress responded and Sansa practically beamed at Sandor when he had called Dantés theirs. They passed a long counter were several different breakfast foods were laid out and Sansa was pleased to see the large stacks of pancakes. 

“What in the actual fuck are you doing here?” Sandor called out as they reached the back and Sansa looked to Robb in surprise.

“What the fuck do you mean? You fucking invited me!” Arya shouted back from the booth she was occupying.

“The fuck I did!” Sandor called back but Sansa could hear the amusement in his voice.

“Yeah you did. You told me last night you guys were going here,” she persisted and Sansa saw her draw her brow together, a clear sign of her annoyance.

“Doesn’t fucking me I wanted you to come with us,” Sandor said as he sat down opposite Arya. “I have to put up with you at work, don’t need you to fucking bother me on my time off.”

“Who fucking pissed in your cereal this morning?” Arya spat out just as Sansa sat down next to Sandor and Robb next to Arya. Dantés laid down underneath the table with a sigh and Sansa could only agree. Those two where exasperating sometimes.

“I aint had any yet, that’s the fucking reason we are here.” Robb shook his head in amusement as Arya grinned at Sandor. “What? You worried someone else got your job of being most annoying bitch?”

“Get this asshole some coffee. Shit Sansa, you got to do a better job with his manners,” Arya teased and Sansa squeezed Sandor’s hand.

“Nah, I happen to like that he is a little rough around the edges,” she answered and Sandor gave her a kiss on her head for those words.

“Yuck, I swear I’ll shut up if you guys don’t go all kissy faces on us. I don’t want to lose my appetite.” Robb threw his head back with a laugh but Sandor only glared at them.

“I’ll kiss her as much as she lets me,” he said just as the waitress came up to their table. The smile on her face turned into a sour twist of lips as she looked at Sansa. A part of Sansa, the possessive part, couldn’t help but wrap her arms around Sandor’s. The waitress was obviously jealous and Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if they had some history.

“So I assume you guys want the breakfast buffet?” she asked and they all nodded. “And to drink?”

“Do you have lemon and ginger tea?” Sandor asked and Sansa’s cheeks flushed with how pleased she was that he had thought of asking for her. The waitress looked at him as if he had grown a second head before shaking her own.

“Nope. We got Earl Grey and English Breakfast,” the waitress answered and Sandor gave Sansa an apologetic look.

“I’ll have a cup of English Breakfast,” Sansa said with a soft smile at the waitress. The other three all ordered black coffee and in a matter of minutes Sansa was finally digging into a stack of pancakes. Sandor had filled two large plates to the brim with everything the buffet had to offer and Sansa was pretty sure he was eating enough to ruin the diners profits that day.

“Is it alright little bird?” Sandor asked softly and she turned her head to smile at him.

“Yes. But not as good as your pancakes,” she answered and that answered pleased him enough to draw out a smile.

“Ew. Is pancakes a euphemism?” Arya asked and Sansa glared at her.

“Why do you ask questions you obviously don’t want an answer too?” Robb asked Arya who only shrugged her shoulders.

“So I was ordered… asked by Talisa to check what your plans are for Halloween?” Robb asked and Sansa could feel giddy excitement start coursing through her. “You know since it’s Georgie’s first Halloween that he can actually participate in we thought it would be great if you guys would come too.”

“Of course!” Sansa beamed at her brother and Arya nodded in agreement. They all then turned their eyes to Sandor who looked a bit uncomfortable with the sudden attention. The idea of the large Sandor going trick or treating with her tiny little nephew made Sansa’s stomach flutter.

“Eh… I usually work at those kinds of holidays so that the other guys can have the night off,” he said hesitantly. “I’m not into stuff like that anyway.”

Both Arya and Robb’s eyes turned to Sansa then as if they were gauging her reaction and she glared at them. She knew what they were about to say and she really wished they wouldn’t. Yeah, sure she was a bit disappointed by his words but they were looking at her as if they waited for her to explode.

“Dude, take that back and quickly,” Robb said making Sandor frown.

“Yeah, do you even know who you’re sitting next to?” Arya continued and Sansa kicked her sister’s chin under the table.

“It’s not that big of a deal!” she tried to protest but that only made Sandor turn to look at her, his frown deepening.

“What are you guys talking about?” he asked confused.

“Sansa is big, and I mean big, on costume parties and Halloween. Any reason to play dress up really,” Robb explained and Sansa felt her cheeks go hot. Not because she was embarrassed because she wasn’t, she loved dressing up in costumes. No, she was blushing because Sandor looked stricken and horrified. He obviously did not feel the same and she was suddenly worried he would feel put on the spot.

“Really?”

“Every single birthday party of Sansa’s, to this day, has been a costume party. Themed costume parties. Last year it was kids shows, you had to dress up as a character from a show that you watched as a kid. She was dressed up as The Pink Ranger.”

Sandor’s eyes widened as he looked at her and now she was blushing even harder at the heat in his eyes.

“Do you still have that costume?” Sandor asked and Robb’s cheeks suddenly turned as red as hers. Her brother must have understood where Sandor’s mind had gone and she had to bite her lip not to chuckle at the panicked expression on his face. She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever see her as anything other then his little sister.

“Let’s stay on topic, please. Yes I love costume parties and yes I will be trick or treating with my nephew, in costume,” Sansa said to Robb who nodded.

“Great. Talisa will probably get in touch about the theme for the costumes,” he said and downed his last drops of coffee. “I better get going, I promised Georgie we would go to the park today.”

“Give him a big kiss from me,” Sansa said as Robb got up to leave.

“Thank you for taking your time to train with me today Sandor,” Robb said and shook the other man’s hand with a smile. “It was really great and I’ll definitely get in touch about doing it again next week.”

“Sounds good,” Sandor answered with a nod and when their brother was out the door Sandor turned his attention back to Sansa. The gleam in his eyes sent a flush down her chest and heat spread low in her stomach.

“So. Costumes huh?”

Sansa was desperate to change the subject and just then the waitress came up and refilled Sandor’s cup with a smile. She pointedly ignored Sansa and the cup Arya held up remained unfilled as she walked away from the table.

“Okay, what the fuck is up with that?” Arya said as if she had read Sansa’s mind and both sisters were staring at him. Sansa saw the confusion on his face and it made her squint at him. He couldn’t be that oblivious could he?

“Up with what?” he asked and his eyes darted from Arya’s to Sansa’s and back.

“The waitress. Did you pop her and drop her?” Arya asked and Sansa’s eyes widened at her sisters crude question. Sandor’s eyes narrowed and Sansa’s heart clenched painfully in her chest. He was allowed to have a past, of course, she did too. But that didn’t mean that there being another woman before her didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. Because if there was a history there why would he bring Sansa her? Why would he put her through that?

Jealousy was an unfamiliar feeling to Sansa, so unfamiliar that it took her a moment to recognize it as such. She had never felt jealous in regards to Joffrey, not even after he had cheated and it would have been justified.

Sandor had never done or acted in anyway to make her worried that he would ever cheat yet the mere thought of him with that waitress made her clench her fists. The feeling made her stomach feel like led and she pushed away her plate despite there still being some food on it.

“Laura?” Sandor said and she looked down at her lap then. They were at first name basis with each other after all, so maybe there really was history there. “I’ve never touched her.”

Sansa could feel his eyes on her but she didn’t want to look at him. She was worried about what she would see in his eyes. Why did she feel so insecure all of a sudden? She hated it.

“Then why is she acting as if she wants to poison Sansa’s tea?” Arya asked and Sansa lifted her head to glare at her sister, trying with her eyes to will Arya to shut up. Her sister, seeing the anger there, closed her mouth and stood.

“I think I should go,” she started but Sandor growled.

“You sit your ass down. You’re the one who asked all the bloody questions and you will sit there and listen to the answers.” The gravely rasp in his voice showed that he was irritated and to Sansa’s relief Arya knew better than to argue with him. Sansa did not want to cause a scene, especially not in front of  _ that woman. _

“I have been coming here for years after I hit the gym in the morning. I sit at this bloody booth and eat my bloody food and I read a bloody book. Alone. And then I go home, alone,” he growls out and his hand grasps Sansa’s that was resting on her lap. “I don’t bloody know why Laura is being rude but if it bothers you I’ll talk to her.”

She knew he was speaking to her and she shook her head. But that didn’t seem to placate him, her silence seemed to rub him the wrong way and his hand moved to grasp her chin. Gently enough for her to stop him if she wanted he lifted her chin and turned her head to look at him. He has a worried frown on his brow and his eyes were searching hers again and she knew that he could see all of her insecurities.

“I haven’t looked at, and definitely not flirted with another woman since you. Hell, I never wanted too before you,” he said softly and his eyes were pleading with her to believe him. “I don’t want anyone else and I never will. I am yours and yours alone.”

Sansa felt that stupid lump finally disapating as she saw the honesty on his face. He would never lie to her, she knew that then and as his thumb caressed along her jaw she leaned into the touch.

“Fine. She is no one. Can I go now before you guys start sucking face?” Arya said and Sansa couldn’t keep in a giggle. The sound seemed to please Sandor grately because as a smile split his face he waved Arya away without looking at her. She heard her sister curse at him but Sansa didn’t want to look away from Sandor.

“I’m sorry,” she said once Arya had left and he shook his head so gently she wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for the light sway of his hair.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said and his free hand moved down to grasp her hip, turning her whole body towards him. “You know I’d never stray right?”

“Neither would I,” she answered immediately and she knew she needed to be honest with him. “I guess I just didn’t like the way she was looking at you.”

That lump in her stomach had turned into something else then, something hot and scorching and she reached her hand out to grip the hair at the back of his head.

“Because you’re mine,” she practically growled and instantly he pulled her closer until she was sitting on his lap. She couldn’t care less that they were in a public place and a part of her hope that the waitress was watching. So that she would know that Sandor was taken. By her.

“Do you know how much I like it when you are possessive?” he asked low against her lips and her eyes darted up from his mouth to look in his eyes. The grey of them looked suddenly vounderable and she loosed the firm grip she had on his hair until she was stroking it. “It blows my mind to know that you want to be with me just as much I want to be with you.”

She pressed her lips against him in a kiss that started soft but soon turned into a hard press of lips and clutching hands. It took the loud clearing of a throat to break their heated exchange and Sansa pulled her face back from Sandor’s. She knew who was standing at their table but as Sandor pressed his face against her neck and kissed the skin there lightly she didn’t feel anything but happy.

As Sansa turned her head she saw that the waitress was about to say something but Sansa beat her to it.

“We’d like the check, thank you Laura,” she said with the softest smile she could muster before she turned her head back towards Sandor and tilted his head up so that she could press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Marking your territory, little bird?” he chuckled against her lips once Laura had left and she smiled down at him.

“You bet I am.”


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought about holding on to this chapter until it actually was Halloween but I am to weak. I just want to share my work with you guys right away! ;)
> 
> So I hope you enjoy!

“There is no fucking way we are having a Halloween party,” he growled out crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorway. He kept his eyes locked on Bronn because he knew that if he looked at his little bird he would relent and give her everything she asked for. They had been sitting in his office when he got to work, Sansa in his desk chair and Bronn leaning against the edge of the desk. Sandor had barely had a chance to open the door before they had started hounding him about fucking Halloween.

“It’s not a party. We just want to decorate the place in accordance to the holiday. You know as well as I do that people love that shit,” Bronn said and Sandor glared at him. When had he and Sansa sat down at cooked up this plan? And why did he feel happy about the two of them getting along, despite it meaning that they had ganged up against him?

“There are some people who don’t. This place can be open for those who want to get away from that shit,” he barked but he knew it was a weak reason.

“That why it’s one of our slowest days?” Bronn countered and Sandor wished he could punch that smug grin of the other man’s face. “It’s just one night. We have it all planned out, Sansa had some great ideas.”

“We could have like a best costume contest. And the winner and second and third place could get free drinking coupons, that way they’d come back,” Sansa said and he tried. He really tried not to look at her but the fact that she sounded so excited over doing something for his bar, warmed him to the core and his eyes turned to her before he could stop himself.

She was so fucking beautiful, sitting there with her red hair falling down her shoulders and that soft smile on her lips, eyes twinkeling with excitement. And he knew he’d never tell her no if he could help it.

“We don’t have a budget for anything much and I don’t have time to do a bunch of shopping and decorating,” he growled out without any real heat and Sansa was already jumping into his arms before he had finished his sentence. He caught her instinctively and chuckled when she wrapped her arms around his neck and began peppering his face with kisses.

“Bronn and I’ll take care of everything,” she promised and he knew he would end up helping with decorating and he’d probably be fucking happy about it despite trying to convince them otherwise.  


It was fucking Halloween and Sandor was in the bedroom getting ready to leave for the bar when he heard the front door open followed by Sansa’s voice as she spoke lovingly to the dog. Dantés fucking adored her as much as he did and he knew that the dog was as much hers as his and that thought warmed him.

He smiled when he felt her arms wrap around him from behind and her lips pressed a soft kiss against his back.

“Where have you been?” he asked and he felt her shrugg against him.

“Just some last minute things for tonight that needed to be done,” she answered and his eyes narrowed. Sansa was going to go trick or treating with her nephew in a few hours and would come to the bar after. He hadn’t been asked to do anything to help and he couldn’t help but wonder how things were going to play out.

“I better get ready. Will you wait for me so that we can go to the bar together? Arya said she’d pick me up there,” Sansa said and he nodded.

When he heard her turn the shower on he was more than tempted to join her but the nerves in his stomach kept him from acting on it.

“Get yourself together you fucking idiot,” he scolded himself and ran a hand across his face, stopping it to rub at his scarred cheek. “It’s not a big deal.”

But it fucking was and he was fucking terrified. Terrified that she’d tell him no, that it was too soon, that she’d think him crazy. Maybe he was. All he knew was that for the last two weeks Sansa had been so busy with planning and fixing things for tonight that she had barely spent any time here and he had understood why. But he had still fucking hated it. And her absence had made him realize how much he had come to love having her there.

He had fucking missed her and it wasn’t only her presense but the little ways she did things, like how she always folded everything so neatly, both clothes and the blankets on the couch, or how she liked to arrange things in the fridge by category. He had always just thrown everything in where it could fit but despite her not being there he had instinctively kept her order.

He had been so pathetic that he had been sleeping on her side of the bed only because it smelled like her. Because in his mind it was hers and he wanted it to be a fact. He wanted her there every day, he wanted to have her come home and have her home be here with him.

“Just fucking ask. You’ll never fucking know what she wants unless you ask,” he whispered to himself yet the nerves made his knees shake so hard he had to sit down on the bed. He had never thought he’d ever want to share his space with anyone, not when he had worked so hard to have a space of his own. But he’d never expected to find someone to love and he had never thought anyone would love him in return. Sansa had been a fucking surprise and she had turned his whole life upside down and he knew he’d never want it to back to the way that it had been. He wanted her. Only her.

He heard the bathroom door open and he opened his mouth to speak as soon as she entered the bedroom but his voice died in his throat when he took her in. He must have been sitting there waiting longer than he thought because she hadn’t just showered. She had put on her costume and he felt his mind and lungs become completely empty.

“Wha…?” he croaked out and she blushed prettily. Her red hair was styled a bit different than usual, making it look like she had side bangs and he followed the fall of her hair down her torso and his heart jumped in his chest. She was only wearing what looked like a purple bra, that looked like shells and she wore a tight green sequin skirt that had a split in the side. She turned to show him how the skirt turned up into a stiff arc from her calves into the shape of a fish tail.

“Do you like it?” she asked blushing and he gulped when he remembered he had to breathe. “Ros made it, she’s a seamstress.”

“You… you’re The Little Mermaid,” he managed to say and she nodded with a big smile. _ Holy fucking hell. Holy. Fucking. Hell _. “You are gonna be cold.”

Sansa’s smiled died and he cursed himself. He shouldn’t have started with that. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“I mean… you look amazing. But aren’t you going to go trick or treating?” he asked and he felt grateful that he had made at least a small smile return to her lips.

“I’m gonna wear a purple top when I’m out with Georgie and I’ll bring my coat incase I get cold,” she told him and he nodded. He didn’t want her to get a cold and become sick. Fuck, he was acting like a fucking mother hen.

She was suddenly blushing as she picked up a bag from the floor. He had been so in his own head he hadn’t even noticed it before. His eyes narrowed at it when she held it out to him.

“I know you said you’re not into costumes but I got you one in case you changed your mind,” she said and she was blushing so hard that her chest had turned red. “It…. it goes with mine.”

He took the bag and looked down into it. He couldn’t keep a scowl from his face as he took in the white shirt and red sash that was in the bag. He had never celebrated Halloween in his life, had never ever fucking bothered with dressing up or going trick or treating, mostly because he had never had anyone to go with.

To his relief, he had been able to talk his way out of trick or treating with Sansa’s nephew.

Not that Sansa had pushed him, she had asked if he wanted to go and when he had said no she hadn’t brought it up again. He had been scared to meet the kid, he admitted. He didn’t want to have him scream at the sight of his face and ruin the kids night by scaring him. And he hadn’t wanted to go door to door and have strangers stare. Without him having to say it Sansa had understood. But she still had gotten him a costume. One that he wasn’t going to wear, because that wasn’t his thing.

“I look nothing like fucking Prince Eric,” he said harshly and if anything he had expected her to frown or be hurt by his irritation but she was freaking grinning at him. And he had no idea why.

“You know the Prince’s name?” she said with a teasing tilt to her voice as she made her way towards where he was still sitting on the bed. _ Fuck. _

Her grin only widened at his obvious discomfort and he felt his cheeks flush when she reached out to stroke his cheek.

“I… I like the music?” he said hesitantly and she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“You are adorable,” she said softly and his heart thumbed rapidly in his chest. He had expected teasing or ridicule but she was really pleased. “And you don’t have to wear it. I just wanted you to have the option too. I wanted you to feel included.”

_ Ask her. Just fucking ask her! _

“Thanks but it’s not my thing,” he said and she nodded. _ Fucking coward. _

He parked out back but let Sansa pull him around the building to the front entrance, her giddy excitement making him both suspicious and happy. Mostly happy. He stopped when he reached their front door and he couldn’t help but reach out a hand to touch one of the two large jack o'lanterns to check if it was plastic. Of course it wasn’t and through the carved faces came billowy smoke.

“Dry ice,” Sansa explained when he turned his head towards her. “Come on.”

She pushed open the door and his eyes widened.

“What the fuck?” He didn’t recognise his place. It looked like he had stepped into a haunted house. On every table there were small jack o'lanterns with candles flickering in them, even some on the bar, those had that same smoke coming out of them. There were cobwebs and realistic looking bats and on a few barstools sat skeletons. The tables had black cloth on them and there was a light fog that reached up to his ankles. Had she gotten a fog machine?

“I gave the pumpkin filling to Frank. He’s making some special dishes with it for tonight and Gendry’s even made a special cocktail with it. It’s really good,” she said and he could tell she was trying to gauge his reaction. She was wringing her hands as she looked up at him through her eyelashes.

“You carved all those pumpkins yourself?” he asked and she shrugged.

“Arya helped. But I’ll be more than happy not to touch another pumpkin for a long time,” she said with a soft chuckle.

“I love you,” he said as he swept her into his arms and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. “And I freaking love this. All of it. Thank you.”

She was beaming at him with one of those radiant smiles that had his heart soaring and he pulled her in for another kiss. Hell, he’d never ever get enough of her and he hoped she knew how much this meant to him. He had never had anyone believe in him or want to help him like she did, just because she cared about him. She didn’t want anything but his love and affection in return and he was more than happy to give her all of it.

“How did you manage to get all this work done today?” he asked as he turned to take it all in again.

“Gendry helped. I think that he didn’t feel he could say no, with me having seen him naked and all,” she said with a cheeky grin that had him grinning back.

“I would have helped if you’d asked,” he said as he moved to the bar to take in all the details. She had replaced most of the glasses with what looked like chalices and he really liked that touch. There was a heavy looking black cauldron behind the bar and he raised a brow at that.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she said with a blush as he shook his head in wonder.

“You sure did, love,” he said and now. Now he would ask her. _ Come on you blubbering idiot. _

But of course he hesitated and in that moment Arya walked in. A part of him wanted to strangle the other woman but seeing her walking in with a look of awe on her face made the pride he felt for Sansa surge forward and he forgot his homicidal thoughts.

“Wow Sans! This place looks freaking amazing!” she exclaimed and that comment was rewarded by a hard hug from her sister. Arya hesitated a moment but then she wrapped her arms around her.

Sandor couldn’t help but notice that Arya wasn’t a mermaid, she had black pants and a puffy white shirt on and a sword strapped to her waist.

“Zorro?” he asked and she grinned at him.

“Anne Bonny,” she answered as she tied a scarf around her hair and then put a dark hat, that screamed pirate to Sandor, on her head. “Google it.”

“I know who Anne Bonny was,” he scoffed and Arya shrugged.

“We will probably be back around nine,” Sansa said as she moved over to kiss him goodbye.

“See you then.”

Once they left Sandor stood there for a long time just taking in the bar. The only sound was Frank humming to himself in the kitchen and he felt a bit overwhelmed then. Fuck, she had done this for him. He knew that everyone who would come tonight would be impressed and maybe they could make this an annual thing? The only themed nights they usually had was St Patty’s and that just meant that he special ordered a green kind of beer and had a few green drinks. Nothing like this. He couldn’t help but wonder what Sansa would think up for it. Maybe she’d help plan for something on New Years? That was always a big night but they’d never done anything special for it.

“Fuck it.” He hurried out back and pulled out the bag out of the truck. Once he got into his office he stuffed the pant legs of his blue jeans into his boots and changed into the white shirt. Sansa’s friend had to be a really good seamstress, because he could tell it wasn’t store bought and it fit him perfectly. He threaded the red sash trough his belt loops and tied his hair back into a low ponytail. The shirt had a low v-cut and showed a bit more of his chest then he would have liked, his thick chest hair poking out. But this was what Sansa had chosen for him.

She did all of this for him so the least he could do was to put on the costume she’d gotten him. If anyone asked he could just say that he was a fucking pirate. But his heart screamed out the fucking truth. _ She made me her fucking prince. _

He was fucking blown away by the turn out. There was a thick throng of people, all in costume and him and Bronn was working as fast as they could behind the bar. Bronn had giggled like a little girl when he had seen Sandor and then the man had put on a fucking Super Mario costume and Sandor had almost lost his shit. Bronn had only grinned at him and gotten to work.

“Where do you need me, boss?” Gendry said as he stepped behind the bar and Sandor was more than grateful that the man had come even though he had the night off. Sandor only pointed to a waiting customer and Gendry nodded.

“What the fuck are you supposed to be?” Bronn asked and that made Sandor take in Gendry’s costume properly. He was wearing black pants and a black leather vest, no fucking shirt underneath. He was wearing a black leather mask that covered half his face and the top of his head, there was two fucking horns sticking out from it. How the fuck had he missed that?

“I’m a bull,” he answered and Bronn chuckled.

“Well with all that skin out on display you’ll make some nice tips,” Bronn teased and Sandor sighed.

“Just stay away from the kitchen. There’s a health code for a reason,” he ordered and Gendry nodded almost grazing him with one horn. “For fuck sake! Don’t poke anyones eye out!”

A few hours in he took a short break when his phone chimed. He opened the image that Sansa had sent and he couldn’t help but grin at the screen. The picture was of Sansa in her full Little Mermaid glory and in her arms she held a grinning boy that was dressed up as Flounder.

**Sansa: Sorry we are late. Georgie wanted us to stay and help him sort out all of the candy that he got. Apparently he hates everything green now.**

**Sandor: No worries. Can’t blame the kid. Most green stuff is gross.**

Before he put his phone back in his pocket he made sure to save the picture and then he went back inside.

“Hey, who’s the judge of this contest?” a girl dressed as Catwoman asked and when Sandor frowned at her in confusion she held out an black flyer. He scanned it quickly and yet again he was amazed at how much thought and work Sansa had put into this. He didn’t doubt that she probably had put these up all over town.

“Oh eh…” he hesitated. He had no idea what the plan was for the contest. The girl grinned at him as she leaned closer across the bar.

“I was hoping I’d get a chance to show the judge my costume. Up close,” she practically purred and Sandor pulled back as if she had burned him.

“Him. He’s the judge!” he exclaimed as he pointed at Bronn, who was serving a customer a little further down the bar.

He had no interest in having strange woman flirting with him and his mind flashed to how withdrawn Sansa had become when she had thought there had been something between him and Laura at the diner. He didn’t want to accidentally do anything to make her feel like that again. And he honestly didn’t like the attention. He only wanted Sansa’s attention.

A flash of red caught his eye and he turned towards it with a smile, that instantly died as he took in the person it belonged to.

“You big fucker! This place looks fucking great!” Tormund shouted out and Sandor saw Beric and Tormund’s girlfriend, no fiancée, come up behind him. Tormund was wearing a fur tunic and fur pants and it had Sandor wondering how he wasn’t sweating his balls off. Beric had on an outfit similar to Sandor’s with the addition of a hat.

“Of course you’re a fucking pirate,” Sandor chuckled at him and Beric grinned.

“Hey, it’s times like these that the eyepatch is an asset,” he joked back.

“Sandor.” Brienne was a tall woman, taller than Tormund but not quite as tall as Sandor. He had found her a bit stiff and stoic at first but they had bonded over how uncomfortable they both were around people. She was like the calm to Tormund’s raging storm, quiet and composed. But Sandor had always noticed the way her eyes twinkled when she looked at that crazy ginger and the way he had always seemed to be able to make her laugh despite her discomfort.

“You look badass,” Sandor told her honestly and he got a small shy smile in return. She truly did. She was wearing pants and a shirt that both looked to be made of chainmail and she had a very realistic sword strapped to her side.

“What are you supposed to be?” Tormund asked and Sandor felt his cheeks flush.

“You’ll get it when you see Sansa,” Bronn called out to them and Sandor wanted to strangle him. Why the bloody hell did he know about Sansa’s costume and what hers made his? How chummy had they gotten while planing this fucking night?

And just then he saw her, that shade of red that he couldn’t understand how he had gotten confused with Tormunds. They were nothing alike, hers was much deeper and shone just as bright as the smile she gave him when their eyes met.

“Sansa!” Tormund bellowed and she hurried over to hug the men. “This is my woman, Brienne. Brienne, this is Sansa. She’s the one that caught Sandor.”

“You guys came!” Sansa beamed at them and once again Sandor wondered how she had gotten so chummy with his friends so fast. He knew he was damn lucky for it.

“Pleased to meet you,” Brienne said as the women shook hands. Sandor didn’t care that he had customers waiting then. She was so bloody close and yet too far away. He rounded the bar and pulled her into him with a content sigh.

“Hi,” she said softly against his chest and he reached down to press a soft kiss to her lips.

“Missed you,” he said back and kissed her cheek when it flushed.

He hurried back around the bar and pulled Sansa with him. She kept to the side so that she wasn’t in the way and this way she could talk to both Sandor and his friends. Sandor liked having her there, close enough to steal a kiss or make a comment on their conversation once in a while.

“You guys have to try the Pumpkin drink!” Sansa exclaimed and when no one protested Sandor used the ladle to fill their chalices from the cauldron.

“This is really good,” Brienne said and earned a smile from Sansa. “This whole place looks great.”

“It’s all Sansa. She planned the whole thing, made the decorations, put it all up and everything,” Sandor said proudly and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head when she blushed. He could tell by the way she looked at him that she was beyond pleased with his praise.

“Bronn helped,” she tried to cut in but the man in question just scoffed.

“All I did was answer some questions and take care of the bills,” Bronn cut in as he passed them to fill some glasses from the cauldron. “This night is all you, Red.”

“Sansa!” he heard someone shout and as his head shot up he saw a blur of blue and green sweep Sansa into a crushing hug. Once they stopped spinning he had a chance to take in the woman hugging Sansa. Her legs and arms were bare but her torso was completely covered in peacock feathers. She had her red hair up in a bun that had more feathers arranged around her head like a halo. He had met her before, only briefly, and his mind struggled to remember her name.

She turned towards the bar and Sandor and when their eyes met she smiled a wide smile at him and he remembered that honest joy she radiated.

“Good of you too come Ros,” he said and though it had seemed impossible her smile widened even more.

“Like I’d miss a chance to play dress up,” she answered and leaned across the bar. “What’d you recommend to drink?”

“We’ve got a special Pumpkin Cocktail, tonight only,” he said and even though he wasn’t looking at Sansa he could feel her smiling at him. He almost seemed to be able to feel whenever she was looking at him, it was almost like a warmth that enveloped him.

“I’ll have four of those then. Yggie, Miranda and Jeyne are on their way,” she explained as if she had to explain anything to him. “I see you wore the costume.”

He looked down at himself and he felt his face flush. Tormund had turned his head towards them and his eyes darted from him to Sansa before realisation hit him and that stupid motherfucker started grinning like an idiot. _ I’m never gonna hear the end of this. _

“Yeah, thank you for making it,” he answered Ros so low that she was the only one to to hear.

“Anything for our Sansa.” Her response made him smile and just then Sansa’s three other friends came up to them. The other red head, Ygritte, wore black leather bodysuit so tight it was a second skin and she had a whip in her hand. He couldn’t keep in a smirk when he saw how wide Beric’ eyes had become when he took her in.

“She’ll chew you up and spit you out,” Sandor whispered to the other man who only grinned.

“Yeah, but what a way to go,” he answered making Sandor cough trying to keep in a laugh.

The brunettes, Jeyne and Miranda, were both wearing identical blue dresses and he shivered when he realized they were dressed as the twins from The Shining. Sansa gave them all happy hugs and they offered Sandor polite smiles. Even Jeyne, whom he suspected didn’t think that highly of him, smiled and he nodded in return before setting down their drinks in front of them.

“Thanks,” Miranda said and when he saw her reach for her purse he held up his hands.

“Nope. Your money's no good here,” he answered and gave her a stern look when she tried to protest.

“Well if you’re feeling generous I’ll take a couple shots and a few beers,” Tormund piped in and Sandor glared at him.

“Your money I’m gonna need in advance,” he said and even Brienne chuckled at Tormund’s mock shock. He still poured the shots and the beers, taking a swig of a bottle himself before Sansa reached out and took it for herself.

The face she made as she put the bottle down was one of such obvious disgust that he couldn’t help but laugh, earning himself a glare. With a smile he made her a cocktail instead that she took a sip of with a happy gleam in her eyes. He made sure that they were all set before moving on to other waiting customers.

When he a little later threw a glance over at their motley crew of friends he was relieved to see that they all seemed to be getting along. Beric had offered his seat to Miranda and they were smiling at something on her phone while the rest of the girls were admiring Brienne’s engagement ring, with Tormund smiling proudly with an arm around Brienne.

The idea of maybe having them all over for a get together suddenly flashed in his mind and to his great surprise the thought didn’t apal him. He knew Sansa would love it, and if she was happy, so was he. _ Fuck I’ve changed. _

And he knew it was all for the better.

The night had been a success and the crowd had been really excited when Bronn had announced the top three best costumes at the end of the night. Ros had been the clear winner to the others delight. Sandor hadn’t missed the way Bronn had looked at her. Having known Bronn as long as he had he could tell that it was more in that look then just his usual interest. _ That’s gonna be interesting. _

Once things had started to wind down Sandor had his arms wrapped around Sansa and she was resting her head against his chest. He both felt and heard her deep sigh and he leaned down to whisper into her ear.

“You tired, little bird?” he asked and she hummed in response.

“I’ve been up since six to get this all done in time and I guess it’s starting to get to me,” she told him and he lifted his eyes to the clock on the wall. It was almost 2 am so he could understand that she would be tired.

“Wanna go? I’m sure Bronn can handle the rest if I ask him,” he suggested and she nodded against him.

“Yeah, let’s go home.” He wondered if she knew how the casualness of that comment made his stomach do summersaults.

It wasn’t until later, when he laid in bed with his arms around her, her slow deep breaths telling him that she was asleep, that he finally was able to say the words that he had been itching to all day.

“Move in with me.” She shifted next to him and for a moment he held his breath thinking that she was awake after all. But she only snuggled closer and he sighed. _ I’m a fucking coward. _


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of domesticity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter and just a bit of fluff to hopefully make you guys smile :)

Sandor had always liked working out at the gym. He had a good relationship with the owner, who had trained him for a while when he was starting out as a boxer. So being a man that liked his routines he kept going even though he stopped fighting. The only thing that changed lately was the time he went there. He had a key so he could be there as early as he wanted but now that he had Sansa in his life he hadn’t needed the key as much. His routine had changed to him staying in bed until Sansa had to get ready for work and after she left he’d sometimes work out at home or head out to the gym.

This morning had been one of those days that he felt the need for a heavier workout. Now that he had showered and left the gym he found himself hesitating. He was fucking hungry. He couldn’t keep the grin from splitting his face as his mind remembered the reason why him and Sansa hadn’t had time for breakfast that morning. He wouldn’t mind getting to wake up like that for the rest of his life.

Usually after working out at the gym he would head over to the diner to have some breakfast but he hadn’t gone there since he had taken Sansa last. That hadn’t gone the way he had thought it would and he felt a bit apprehensive about going back there.

Would Sansa not want him too? She hadn’t said so but she obviously hadn’t been comfortable with how Laura had been acting. And he hadn’t really liked it either. Laura had never shown any interest in him before, as far as he knew, so he doubted that she was acting out of jealousy. Hells, they had barely spoken at all for the years he had been going there except for her taking his order.

“Fuck it,” he said to himself as he pushed the diner door open. It was just his luck that Laura was standing behind the counter and when she took in Sandor’s appearance her smile was a little to wide. The look in her eyes wasn't flirty but pleased for some reason.

“Well hello there Sandor. Alone again?” she asked and he felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up. Fuck, he wanted to growl at her that it was none of her fucking business and so he did.

“Oh touchy subject. I won’t pry. One breakfast buffet?” she said sounding even more pleased than she looked. And in that moment he remembered that Sansa hadn’t had any breakfast either and that the flower shop wasn’t that far from here.

“No actually. Two of your big breakfast plates to go as well as an order of pancakes. Do you have nutella? That’s Sansa’s favorite topping,” he said and he tried not to show how much he enjoyed seeing her smile fall.

“Oh. So you still with  _ that girl _ ?” she said with her nose scrunched up. What the fuck was this woman’s problem?

“Not that it’s any of your business but yes I am. And I’m only going to tell you once to never disrespect her again,” he growled out and she sighed.

“Fine, it’s none of my business but I’ve seen her kind before. Those little rich girls who want to be bad. It will only last for a little while,” she said and Sandor had to clench his fists to control his anger. Who the fuck was she to judge Sansa?

“Sansa isn’t fucking like that,” he growled and the heated anger in his voice seemed to spurr the woman on for a reason beyond him.

“Oh yeah? You say that now, but do you really think she’ll stay with you? It’s just a matter of time until she gets tired of slumming it with you and runs back home to daddy.” The anger in her voice made him realise that her actions towards Sansa and Arya had nothing to do with him. She had judged them to be spoiled rich kids and had decided that she didn’t like them because of it.

Not that long ago he probably would have thought the same thing, and yeah he probably did judge people like Sansa and her family still. But Sansa was his family and he wouldn’t let anyone treat her poorly.

“You can think what you want. I couldn’t fucking care less,” he answered and it was the truth. He knew that Sansa wasn’t a spoiled little girl. She was an independent woman who paid her own rent and bills with the money she earned from working hard. She came from money yes, but she didn’t value people based on it.

And he knew she loved him for him. Not for what he could or could not give her financially. Had it been a few months ago, before Sansa had told him she loved him he’d probably had let Laura’s comment get to him. He would have been second guessing everything, wondering if he was just a rebellious phase for her, cause that would have made more sense then she actually caring for him.

Maybe it still did, but the facts were that she loved him as much as he loved her. And that was all that mattered. A surprising warmth spread through his chest then and it made him smile to himself.

He didn’t know or understand how he could be so sure about it but he was. Despite him going through most of his life never feeling loved he knew. There was not a shadow of a doubt in his mind that Sansa loved him.

So he sat at a table waiting in silence for his food. He pointedly ignored Laura when he felt her look at him and when his food was ready he left without a single word. She could think whatever she wanted, it didn’t matter.

When he got out of the car and walked over to the flower shop door he saw that it was still closed and wasn’t supposed to open for another half an hour. Sandor remembered that Sansa had said something about going in early to finish a big order that was being picked up today. Hoping that he wouldn’t bother her too much he knocked at the door. He saw her stick her head out from the back and the smile that blossomed on her face when she saw that it was him made his stomach and heart flutter in tandem.

“Sandor! What are you doing here?” she asked but she sounded real pleased as she opened the door. She reached up to press a quick peck on his lips and he wondered if those weren’t his favorite of all her kisses. Like it was such a natural thing for her to kiss him, the casualness of the gesture had his heart thumping hard in his chest. 

“I brought breakfast,” he answered and held up the bags with a shy smile. “I hope that’s alright.”

“Alright? You are a Godsend!” she answered and pulled him inside by the arm. She moved a beautiful arrangement away from the bench in the back and motioned for him to put the bags down there.

When he did she slid up to him and pulled him down by his coat so that she could press a kiss to his lips. This one was longer and firmer and he felt it could actually rival the previous kiss. Fuck, every single kiss she gave him was his favorite because it was the latest she had given him.  _ I am a fucking lovesick sap. _

“Thank you for this. My stomach has been growling all morning.” She turned to start unpacking the food and he couldn’t keep himself from wrapping an arm around her from behind and pressed his face into her hair.

She giggled as he nuzzled her neck and reached back to stroke his hair. He was very tempted to purr like a fucking cat, the simple touch felt so good.

“What’s going on with you?” she asked and he just shrugged.

“Just love you, is all,” he answered and she giggled again. He fucking loved that sound.

“Oh, that's all is it? Well carry on then,” she answered teasingly as she opened one of the containers. She turned her head to look at him then and when her eyes met his she grinned.

“How do you know exactly what I need before I even do?” she asked and a worried crease between her eyebrows appeared, making him frown.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, turning her around in his arms so that he could see her face properly. 

“I just had a talk with Gilly and I had already seen it coming but it still sucks you know?” she said and his frown deepened. No he didn’t fucking know what was going on at all. “The shop is struggling a bit financially so she has to cut some of my hours.”

“Are you going to be alright?” he asked concerned and she sighed.

He hadn’t found the guts to ask her to move in with him yet and he thought about doing it in that moment. But a part of him worried that it would seem that he was offering only to help her out and not because he really wanted her too.

“I don’t know. I mean I’ve been the one whose paid most of the rent. Arya helps as much as she can be she’s not working full time, as you know, so I might have to find a second job,” she said and he made a decision right then and there.

“You could work at the bar. And I’m sure I can get Arya a few more hours if she’s interested,” he offered and the hand that cupped his cheek was so gentle it made him sigh.

“I appreciate that Sandor, I really do. But I’ll figure something out. Working at a bar isn’t really my thing,” she said with a tender smile. He knew what it was really about. He knew all about letting pride stop you from accepting help. No matter what she said he’d still offer Arya the extra hours.

“I was more thinking you could help me with the books. You have that minor in business so I thought maybe you knew something about that stuff,” he said and fought a smile when she tilted her head slightly. “I would only be a couple hours a week but I fucking hate doing that shit so you’d be doing me a favour.”

She narrowed her eyes at him then, studying him and he tried really hard to keep his face impassive. He didn’t want her to see that he knew she was intrigued.

“And if you get sick of seeing me too much, I can always make myself scarce when you’re there,” he offered lastly and she scoffed.

“And here I was seconds from accepting and then you go drop that deal breaker on me,” she said and he recognised the teasing glint in her eyes. “Seeing you would have been the best perck of the job.”

“You’ll do it then?” he asked and she was silent for a long time.

“If, and only if, I get to look up what people get paid for that kind of work,” she said and he instantly wanted to protest. “I do not want charity, Sandor. You should pay me fairly and not a penny more than that.”

How the fuck had she known that he was going to pay her more than he would someone else? Was he that easy to read or did she just know him that well?

“Fine.”

He wondered if he had made a mistake as he saw the wide eyed shock in Sansa’s eyes as he placed the binders down on the desk in front of them.

“You do everything by hand?” she finally spluttered out after staring for what felt like minutes. “You know that there are pretty cheap programs that you can get that makes this a lot easier right?”

“Don’t really like computers,” he answered honestly with a slight tint to his cheeks. He had a laptop, it was sitting on the desk as well, but he only used it for emails and making orders. And that was only because he had to. “But feel free to install one of those if it makes your job easier.”

She instantly started his laptop and he felt his cheeks go flaming hot when the background appeared. It was a closeup of Sansa and she was grinning into the camera. The real life Sansa turned her head and grinned at him as well and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.

After a few minutes she had gotten a program installed and once he had given her all the business’ information she started to explain what she was doing and how the program worked. And he tried, really tried to pay attention but he just got so caught up with having her this close and the soft melody of her voice as she spoke. He wasn’t sure how long she had been talking, he had been stroking the end of her braid between his fingers and it wasn’t until she tugged it out of his hand that he realised she was looking at him.

“Sandor,” she scolded and he frowned.

“What?”

“Have you been listening to anything I’ve said?” she asked and he shrugged, not bothering to try and deny that he hadn’t. “You need to know this stuff too so that you can check if you’re wondering anything or want to check my work.”

“I trust you.” His answer was immediate and so was the flush to her cheeks at his words.

He didn’t know how it happened but in a matter of seconds she was straddling his lap and they were kissing passionately, their tongues battling for dominance as her hands were snaking their way beneath his t-shirt. He growled when she raked her nails down his stomach and in response she bit his bottom lip. His hands grasped her thighs and when she moaned he pushed her flimsy skirt up until he could move his hands to her backside and cup her ass in his hands.

His thumbs snaked their way inside of the cotton of her panties and as they rubbed slow circles against her skin she pressed her centre against the hard bulge in his jeans. The rocking of her hips against his made him groan and his hands slowly slip to the front of her underwear and she moaned loudly as his thumb pressed against her bundle of nerves. 

“Hush, love,” he said softly against the flushed skin on her neck and she bit her lip to quiet another moan as his thumb kept it steady ministration. “Would you be mad at me if I got rid of these?”

“No, why would I…?” her words stopped as his other hand came and he couldn’t keep in a grin at her shocked gasp when he ripped the underwear of her. “Sandor!”

“I did ask,” he teased, loving how flushed her face had become and he rubbed his bearded chin against the sensitive skin of her throat. His hand returned to stroke and tease at her, moving languidly between her clit and all the way down to her entrance. She craned her neck to give him better access to her throat and he moved his lips down it until he reached the top of her breasts.

“Yes love,” he gasped when he felt her hands at his zipper and a shiver went through him as she unzipped his pants and pulled his straining cock from his jeans. He grunted when she wrapped her hand around him and before he had a chance to say anything else she pushed down on him, making him gasp as he felt her heat envelope him.

“Sansa….” her name sounded like the answer to all his prayers and that was what she was to him. He was sure he’d never stop wanting her, needing her like this and he hoped with all his heart that she’d never tire of him. It amazed him how her touch could calm him or as in this instance light him on fire with desire.

She was moving her hips up and down in a languid pace that had him grunt everytime she took all of him inside her and she was biting down on her lip to keep herself from crying out her own pleasure.

With a gasp and her eyes wide holding his she arched her back and ground down onto him so hard he came so suddenly he just had enough time to press his mouth against her shoulder to cover the sound of his roar.

“How am I ever going to get any work done?” she asked breathlessly and their laughter filled his office as they came down from their high.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a Sevenmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm both super excited and a little scared to share this chapter! We have a small time jump again.
> 
> I ended up having both Sansa and Sandor's perspective in this chapter since I found I didn't want to cut it into two smaller chapters. It is still a clean jump from one perspective to the other. No jumping back and forth. Please let me know if it's weird.
> 
> So yeah! Here you go. <3

_ Sansa _

The Stark family had a standing tradition. Every night before Sevenmas they’d get together at her parents house and have dinner and then they would all spend the night in their old bedrooms. The next morning they would take the family picture and then they’d finally get to open their presents after breakfast. Sansa had always loved these traditions, they brought her back to her childhood but this year was different. She had Sandor now and she had asked him to join them.

Once the words were out of her mouth he looked so shocked that she worried that he’d pass out. They were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and the spoon that was halfway to his mouth hit the table with a metallic thunk, spraying cereal and milk.

“What…” he started to say but then he quickly closed his mouth and shook his head. “I think… You should be with your family.”

That made her frown, how could he not get that he was her family too? A part of her wanted to argue with him, demand that he’d come but she knew that would only lead to fighting. That wouldn’t help her case.

“I get it… I didn’t mean to intrude on your traditions,” she said hoping that her disappointment couldn’t be heard. She was pretty sure it was written all over her face though, but he wasn’t looking at her. He had his eyes downcast and she could see the scowl on his face.

“I don’t have any fucking traditions. I don’t celebrate it,” he said and he harsh tone in his voice made her jump. His head instantly snapped up and he looked at her with eyes full of remorse. “I’m sorry, love.”

She shook her head and having lost her appetite she picked up her plate to busy herself. Of course he didn’t celebrate Sevenmas. Her mind picture a lonely scarred little boy that sat in a foster home during Sevenmas and she felt her eyes water. She wanted to curse this world for treating children so cruelly but she knew he didn’t want her compassion. He’d see it as pity and she knew that he hated being pitied.

“I’m gonna go shower,” she said softly but before she had a chance to leave the kitchen he was on his feet and had trapped her against the counter.

“Sansa.” His voice was soft and it made her eyes sting harder. But she wouldn’t cry now, because he’d think it was because he had told her no. And she didn’t not want to guilt him into doing something he didn’t want to.

“It’s alright,” she said but he grasped her chin and lifted her face to look at him. His concern was written in the furrow of his forehead and his grey eyes prodded hers looking for the truth. She offered a smile but she felt it waver but thankfully he didn’t push. Maybe he didn’t dare question her because he also knew he might give in.

“Maybe… We could have our own celebration?” he suggested and her stomach fluttered at that. “The day after or whenever would work for you.”

“What about Sevenmas evening? We’re usually all celebrated out by then and would just lounge around anyway,” she said and the smile she gave him this time was genuinely happy.

“Sounds good,” he said and as a thought hit her she flushed bright red in excitement making his lip twitch. “What?”

“Could we get a tree?” she asked and this time her eyes didn’t glisten with tears but with excitement.

He pulled her into his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“We can get whatever you want, little bird,” he answered and she smiled into his chest.  
  


Yes, she had been disappointed that he didn’t want to celebrate Sevenmas with her family but she had also become super excited over the idea of them making their own traditions together. She was sure she was driving Sandor crazy but he accepted every task she gave him with very little complaint. 

“Be careful!” she called out as he was on the roof hanging the coloured lights she had bought. She heard him grumble under his breath and she was sure he was cursing at her but that only made her smile wider.

When they had gone to get a tree she had been the one to lose her patience. They had been looking around the tree farm for hours, Sandor inspecting every single tree closely and finding faults with everyone.

She was cold and hungry and when he rejected yet another tree she wrapped her arms around herself and couldn’t hold her tongue any longer.

“For crying out loud Sandor! It’s a tree, just pick one!” she exclaimed and his head shot up so fast he might have gotten whiplash.

His eyes were wide with surprise but when he noticed that she was shivering he cringed and pulled her into his arms. She was always surprised at how warm he always was despite them being surrounded by snow and the sun was setting. She snuggled closer and his hold on her tightened.

“I’m sorry, little bird. It’s just… This will be my first Sevenmas Tree ever and I wanted it to be perfect,” he said low and softly and her heart ached for him. She lifted her chin to look up at him and gave him a small smile.

“Then let’s find that perfect one,” she said and stood on her toes to press a kiss to his mouth. 

It took another hour but when they left they had a perfect tree with them and Sansa had a hot cup of hot chocolate in her hand that helped with the cold. She offered some of it to Sandor and he took a sip with a smile.

She might have gone a bit overboard with decorating the tree, it was covered in glitter and ornaments but when Sandor had put the star on top he was looking at it with wonder and Sansa couldn’t have been happier in that moment. He deserved to have everything he ever wanted even though she knew he didn’t think he deserved it.

She still didn’t know that much about his past or what had made him think so little of himself, he never went into detail about his childhood and he might never tell her everything. If he wanted to talk she would listen on his terms and that would just have to be enough for her.

The day before Sevenmas Sandor drove her to her parent’s house. She had told him that she could drive herself but he had insisted and she didn’t mind having a few more minutes to spend with him. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she said softly as he pulled up to her parent’s house. He must have heard the sadness in her voice because he reached out to her and grasped her chin, turning her head to look at him.

“I’ll be here to pick you up after lunch and we will spend all evening together. And it will be the best Sevenmas I’ve ever had because I’ll be spending it with you,” he said and leaned towards her. His kiss was sweet yet firm and it sent warmth through her chest.

She wanted to tell him to come with her but she knew she shouldn’t pressure him into doing something he didn’t want to. She loved him too much to do that to him. So instead she forced a smile and jumped out of the truck. Once she had gotten her overnight bag and her bag of presents she walked over to his side of the truck and he rolled down the window.

“I love you,” she told him and he smiled.

“I love you too. Now go have fun with your family,” he said after another kiss and she nodded as she walked towards the front door. She didn’t dare look back because she knew she’d only end up begging him to come with her and that would only hurt them both. So she took a deep breath and closed the door behind her.

“Sansa!” Georgie called out as he came running and when she scooped him up into her arms she heard Sandor’s truck pulling away. She buried her face into Georgie’s dark hair and reminded herself that this was what he had wanted. At least he had Dantés.

She soon was swept up into Sevenmas traditions with her family and as long as she kept herself busy with baking cookies or helping her mother cook dinner her mind didn’t turn to Sandor too much. They were all about to sit down for dinner when her phone chimed.

**Sandor: I left a gift out front. For your parents.**

Sansa was so surprised by the message that she ended up reading it out loud and all of her family members heads shot up. And within seconds they were all heading outside.

Leaning against the side of the house stood something large, wrapped in cloth and when Robb and their dad carefully pulled it off Sansa couldn’t hold in a gasp.

It was a headboard, the dark wood glistening and as her mother reached out her hand to trace the carvings in the wood Sansa saw her eyes well with tears.

“Did you know about this?” Catelyn asked her and Sansa shook her head, too emotional to speak. Her dad stepped closer and his eyes were wide as he took in the carvings of wolves on the headboard. And not just wolves, direwolves, their family’s old crest.

“You tell that man of yours that he better be here tomorrow bright and early. I won't have any excuses,” Catelyn said firmly as a single tear fell down her cheek. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes mom,” Sansa said as an answer to both statements. He never failed to show a new side of himself to her and she wasn’t sure what she had done to deserve someone that loved her like Sandor did.

_ Sandor _

Sandor’s hand was shaking as he raised it to knock at the Stark’s door. His mind flooded with the last time that he had been inside this house but to his surprise it wasn’t the ugly memories that came to him but the way Sansa had smiled when they had been dancing together.

He had spent last night kicking himself for telling her he didn’t want to spend Sevenmas with her family. He had to be blind not to notice the hurt in her eyes but he had been selfish. He knew he’d feel like an outsider, someone that was intruding on their family moments and he would have hated it. During Sevenmas in foster homes he had felt like an outsider looking in on someone else's family and he never wanted to feel that way again.

Yet when Sansa had called him last night, almost in tears over something as simple as a headboard and told him that her mother demanded that he’d come for breakfast and stay he hadn’t even bothered with trying to protest. She had told him that he didn't have to come, that he could say no but he wouldn't do that. He loved her too much for that.

So here he was, with Dantés by his side, knocking on the front door and forced himself to smile as Robb opened the door.

“Merry Sevenmas Sandor! Hey Dantés!” he called out in greeting before rubbing Dantés head. Sandor’s eyes went to the red knitted sweater he was wearing. It had a knitted print of a large Sevenmas tree on the front, with glitter and ornaments, and Robb rolled his eyes when he saw Sandor staring at it.

“Mom made these for us a few years back. Makes us all wear them for Sevenmas and for the family picture,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve always hated it.”

“It’s just one day Robb,” Talisa said as he lead Sandor into the kitchen where everyone seemed to be making a huge breakfast spread. His eyes instantly searched for Sansa and she was standing by the counter, cutting up fruit, her hips swaying to the happy rhythm of a holiday song playing in the background.

Dantés bounded over to her right away and she laughed happily as she hugged the large dog. Her eyes lifted to meet Sandor’s and the smile she gave him could rival the sun. Before anyone had a chance to say anything she crossed the room and ran right into his arms. He wrapped her into a firm hug against his chest and her hands moved up to wrap around his neck.

“Merry Sevenmas,” he said softly and she pressed a firm kiss against his lips. She didn’t seem in the least bothered that all of her family was watching them and in that moment Sandor only cared about the woman in his arms.

“Merry Sevenmas,” she repeated and pressed herself even closer. “You sure you’re okay with being here?”

He looked down at the honest concern in her blue eyes and he knew that she really wanted to make sure. And he knew that there was nowhere else he wanted to be then with her.

“I want to be with you.” It was all he said but that seemed to be enough and with another kiss she released him and pulled him along to greet everyone. He was more than surprised when Sansa’s mother pulled him in for a strong hug.

“Thank you for your wonderful gift,” she said softly and he felt his cheeks flush at that. He didn’t know what to say so he simply nodded and that thankfully seemed to satisfy her.

Arya only nodded at him before continuing to whisk what he suspected were eggs. Brann and Rickon both greeted him happily and before he knew it Catelyn had put him to work with manning the waffle iron. Rickon hovered next to him, telling him everything about his latest game and strangely enough to Sandor he didn’t feel like an outsider. Dantés had been given a large rawhide bone that he was happily chewing on in a corner, having full visual of the whole kitchen as he did so.

“Look who’s up,” Ned called as this tiny little human came waddling into the kitchen. Sandor froze as the small child walked up to Talisa and rubbed his eyes as she picked him up.

“Merry Sevenmas Georgie!” everyone called out and the smile that split the boy’s face was almost blinding. But then his eyes landed on Sandor and the smile vanished. Sandor’s heart was beating so hard that he could hear it in his ears and steeled himself for crying and screaming. He knew what he looked like and he had had enough kids run screaming at the sight of him to know what was coming. Knowing it was coming didn’t mean that he didn’t dread it.

But then Sansa was there, her warm hand grasping his cold one, and he looked at her from the corner of his eye. She was smiling softly at the little boy and that seemed to put him more at ease.

“Georgie, this is Sandor,” Sansa said softly as Talisa brought him closer. The boy’s eyes searched Sandor’s face and lingered on the scarring until he suddenly gave Sandor a small shy smile. But it was a fucking smile.

“Ello,” he said and Sandor released the breath he didn’t know he had been holding and nodded his head slightly.

“Hello Georgie. It’s nice to meet you. Sansa and your dad has been telling me so much about you,” Sandor said and the boy gave Sansa a happy grin.

“My Sansa?” he said and a part of Sandor actually wanted to argue with this small child that Sansa was  _ his  _ but he couldn’t blame the kid for being possessive over someone so wonderful.

“Would it be alright if she was a little bit mine too?” he asked and the boy seemed to think hard on that. Sandor had never had that much positive interaction with a kid before but he was fighting a smile now as Georgie gave a solemn nod.

“You share a little,” he told him and Sandor coughed out a laugh.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Sandor said and turned his head to look at Sansa, who was beaming at their interaction.

“Or she could just be her own fucking person,” Arya grumbled which earned her a harsh scolding from her mother.

“I’m still my own person. I just don’t mind having two boys that love me,” Sansa responded and Sandor felt his cheeks tint when they all grinned at him knowingly. Well everyone but Arya of course, she just rolled her eyes and turned back to the stove.

Georgies eyes suddenly snapped to where Dantés was lying in the corner and they lit up with excitement. The dog tilted his head as he looked back at the child with what seemed like curiosity.

“Doggy!” he cried out and started wiggling in his mother’s arms. Talisa struggled to keep her in her grip and Sandor told Dantés to come with a wave of his hand. Sandor hunched down and nodded to Talisa that she could but Georgie down.

“This is Dantés. You have to be gentle if you want to pet him. No pulling or pinching, okay?” Sandor said softly and ran his hand over Dantés back in demonstration.

“Okay,” Georgie said and Sandor showed him to hold out his hand, palm up. Georgie did as instructed and giggled when Dantés sniffed his hand and then rested his chin on it.

“He likes it when you scratch his chin,” Sandor explained and Georgie happily complied. There was pride swelling in his chest as he saw his dog interacting with the little boy. Dantés kept calm, enjoying his scratches for a while before going back to his corner and his bone.

Georgie seemed to be satisfied with their interaction as well because he ran over to Bran and climbed into his lap and laughed his head little head off when Bran popped a wheelie on his wheelchair.

“So, usually we don’t exchange gifts until after we have eaten breakfast and taken our family picture but there is one gift that can’t wait,” Catelyn said as they all sat down to eat and she left the room before returning with a wrapped gift.

Sandor jumped in his seat when she handed the gift to him and his hands shook as he slowly unwrapped it. The fact that everyone was staring at him expectantly only made his nerves worse but soon he was holding up the gift for all to see. It was a large red knitted sweater and he soon realised the knitted motif on it matched the others.

“Mrs Stark… I don’t know what to say.” His voice shook with emotion and Sansa’s mother gave him a soft smile.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just put it on,” she told him but when he hesitated her smile turned into a frown. “I made it for you to wear.”

“Just put it on. She won’t relent until you do,” Robb mock whispered across the table and the other brothers nodded heatedly. He felt a little exposed as he pulled of his grey sweater and then pulled the large red sweater over his head. It fit him perfectly and Catelyn gave him a pleased smile.

“There. Now let’s eat.”

Sandor felt ten times lighter then and once they sat down to eat breakfast he was laughing along with them as Ned told them stories of how his children had acted during earlier Sevenmases.

“Come on Georgie, you need to eat some vegetables,” Talisa told the small boy who pulled a disgusted face at the green spinach that his mother put on his plate.

“Is green,” he said as if that was all the explanation needed as to why he didn’t want to eat it and Sandor had to suppress a chuckle.

“It’s really good Georgie,” Sansa tried to convince him as she put some on her own plate and then handed the dish to Sandor. He looked down at it with dread, he fucking hated spinach. But he could feel the little boys eyes on him and he knew he had to take some. 

Why anyone would want to ruin fucking breakfast by putting vegetables on their plates was beyond Sandor but he dutifuly took a forkful of the spinache, thinking that if he ate it first he could eat the rest of his meal without ruining the other food on his plate. But as soon as it hit his mouth he cringed despite his best efforts not too.

Sansa giggled behind her hand and when he lifted his eyes to meet Georgies across the table the boy was looking at him with understanding.

“Green stuff gross,” he said solemnly and Sandor, unwilling to lie to the child, could only nod.

“Yeah, it is kid,” he answered and Sansa swatted his arm before everyone broke out in laughter.

Once they had cleared the table they all moved into what they called the den. It held a large couch and a decorated tree with presents spilling out beneath it. There was also a large fireplace that was lit and instinctively Sandor moved as far away from it as he could. He ended up at the other wall were a camera was already sitting on a stand.

“Okay, you guys know the line up,” Ned called out and Sandor raised his eyebrow when the Stark siblings instantly lined up behind Bran. Talisa held Georgie in her arms as she placed herself infront of Robb. Catelyn stood on Robb’s right side and Sandor moved over to where Ned was standing, lining up the camera.

“I can take the picture if you’d like,” Sandor offered. He felt so out of place right now that he needed to do something. Ned seemed to sense that because he nodded and moved to stand with an arm around his wife.

“Everyone ready?” Sandor asked and when they all smiled he hurriedly took several pictures hoping that at least one would be to their liking.

After a few moments Ned came over to look and he smiled happily at Sandor.

“These are great. Now you go and stand behind Sansa,” he ordered and Sandor flinched. “The camera has a timer function.”

“What?” he asked weakly and whipped his head around to look at Sansa. She was smiling at him but when she saw his expression her smile instantly fell and he felt like shit. Shit because his insecurities ruined this moment of joy for her.

“Just get over here you big furry oaf and get it over with so that we can open our freaking presents already!” Arya called and Sansa nudged her with her elbow. 

“If Sandor doesn’t want his picture taken then you shouldn’t pressure him,” Sansa scolded both Arya and her father with a stern gleam in her eyes.

He wasn’t sure if it was the way she stood up for him or the fact that her family wanted him to be a part of this tradition as well but he found himself moving to stand behind Sansa. He wrapped an arm around her waist and made sure that his good side was to the camera.

“You sure you’re okay with this? You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” she said softly and he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“I know, love.” She didn’t press further and he was grateful that he only had to stand there for a few minutes before Ned decided that was enough pictures. As the others moved over to the couch Sansa pulled him over to the matching recliner and snuggled down next to him. She was pressed to his side and his arm was around her as Rickon took charge of handing out gifts. Dantés had laid down next to Georgie who was sitting on the floor, practically shaking with excitement.

“I didn’t bring your gifts,” Sandor whispered into her ear and felt her shiver against him. “I thought we would do that later.”

“We’ll do that when we go back to the house,” she agreed and jumped out of the seat as Rickon read her name on one of the gifts.

“And here is one for Georgie from Sansa and Sandor,” Rickon read and the little boy ran to accept it. He didn’t even bother with going back to his seat, instead he started pulling at the wrapping as soon as it was in his hands.

When he held up the toy car, exactly the kind he had wished for, he beamed as he ran to hug his aunt.

“Thank you!” he screamed in glee and Sansa hugged him back with a big smile.

“Don’t forget to thank Sandor,” Talisa told him and Sandor hadn’t more than stood up before the little boy wrapped his arms around his legs beaming up at him.

“Thank you Sandy!”

Sandor felt as if all the air in the room vanished in an instance and the sound of the others around him were muffled by the ringing in his ears. Inside his head the sound of the small voice who had last called him by that nickname rang out over and over again. He felt his whole body shaking and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Another voice was suddenly closer and he tried to focus his eyes on the person now standing before him but all he saw was a blur of red and he needed to get out. The voice in his head wouldn’t stop calling out to him and he needed it to stop.

A soft hand on his arm made him pull back sharply, the contact burning him and without a word he ran out the room and he didn’t stop until he felt the cold brisk winter air. The bright sunlight of the day cleared some of the fog in his mind as he doubled over and heaved into the white snow.

_ "Come on Sandy. Please, you have to help me. Sandy please.” _


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of their Sevenmas celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter you guys!
> 
> And as always - I am so grateful for all of your support and love. Thank you thank you thank you!

Sansa found him sitting on the porch swing, staring out the backyard but his eyes seemed vacant. As if he wasn’t truly seeing anything in front of him. She hesitated to walk up to him since he had reacted so strongly to her touching him inside. His face had gone deathly pale as Georgie had hugged him and then he had bolted.

He still looked pale but his breaths were deeper, if a bit shaky. She decided to remain at a distance, not wanting to crowd him.

“Hey,” she called out softly but he must have been lost in thought, because he jumped as if she had been shouting. For a moment it was as if he was staring at her without really seeing her, like he had done inside, but then his grey eyes softened.

“Hey.” His voice was shaky but he kept his eyes on her making her dare to take a few steps closer. “I’m sorry about in there. I guess I got a bit overwhelmed.”

Did he really think that she didn’t understand that it was so much more than that? Or did he really think that he was a convincing liar? Because Sansa didn’t believe him for a second but she decided not to push the issue right now. He didn’t need an inquisition or a lecture, he needed her support.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked and he shook his head and looked away but not before she saw the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t… I can’t… Not now,” he said barely above a whisper and Sansa swallowed all of the questions bubbling inside of her. For his sake.

“It’s alright Sandor,” she said softly but that made him scoff angrily. 

“No it’s not,” he bit out but then gave her a apologetic look. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I…”

He didn’t seem to know what else to say so instead of talking Sansa sat down next to him and instantly he turned towards her with pleading eyes.

“I didn’t mean to ruin everything.” His voice sounded so small and scared that she couldn’t help but pull him against her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair as she felt him relax against her.

“You haven’t ruined anything. The others were too busy opening their presents that they barely noticed you leaving the room,” she said into the top of his head and it was only half a lie. Her parents had noticed of course, and maybe Arya because she always noticed everything, but the others hadn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he said again and she knew that there was nothing she could say to convince him that he wasn’t at fault so she just held him and stroked his hair until the chill of the winter day made them both shiver.

“Come one, let’s go inside and have some hot chocolate before going home,” she said softly into his hair. He lifted his head to look at her with a frown.

“We were supposed to stay until after lunch,” he said sounding confused and she gave him a gentle smile.

“That’s okay, we don’t have too,” she tried to tell him but he shook his head with a firm glint in his grey eyes.

“No, I’ve ruined enough of today. We are staying for lunch.” Maybe it was selfish of her but she was relieved to hear the firmness in Sandor’s voice again. She wasn’t used to hearing him sounding so small and unsure and it made her heart break for him.

“Alright then,” she said and pulled him to his feet by the hand. “I still want hot chocolate.”

“That sounds great,” he answered but before they returned inside he pulled her to him in a firm hug. “Thank you for… For being here.”

“I always will Sandor. And when you’re ready to talk about it I’ll be here to listen,” she said and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he believed her. But there was something else in them that made her wonder if he’d ever feel ready to tell her. Somehow she knew that the odds where that he wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

When they returned to the den everyone were busy with opening presents and admiring them, Georgie was still busy with playing with the toy car and Sansa could tell that Sandor avoided looking at the boy. Was it Georgie that had upset Sandor so badly? How could an almost three year old boy cause him to shake and go deathly pale?

“We put your presents on the recliner,” Rickon called out and Sansa pulled him over to it. There were two piles, hers significantly larger but she felt warmth over the fact that her family had put in the effort to get him gifts that they had planned for her to deliver to him. Now they got to see him open them instead.

“This one is from my parents,” she said softly as he sat down on the floor. He looked as if he wasn’t sure what to do with the wrapped present in his hands and Sansa sat down next to him, pressing her side against his. She started opening her own presents and smiled from ear to ear when she held up the plum colored knitted cashmere sweater from her parents. From the corner of her eye she saw that Sandor had finally opened the gift from her parents.

It was a book, rather old looking and he looked at in wonder.

“Sansa told us that Alexandre Dumas was one of your favorite authors. This novel, The Wolf Leader, apparently was one of the first werewolf books ever written,” Ned told him and Sansa smiled lovingly at her father. He was a good man and the way he cared for his children and the people they loved made her hope that she could be half the parent he was to her own children.

“Thank you, sir,” Sandor said and Ned nodded. There was a present from Robb and Talisa, they had gotten him a nice pair of leather gloves. And Arya had given him a knife. It was rather small and Sansa had never seen a blade with that shape before but Sandor’s eyes got a pleased glint as he took it in.

“What in the world Arya Minisa Stark?” Catelyn said when she saw the gift.

“What? It’s for woodworking,” Arya said and that made Sansa smile. Her sister and Sandor teased and taunted each other every chance they got but she knew they cared for each other. Arya had vouched for Sandor from the start and Sansa knew that without her encouragement she probably never would have dared to see what their connection could become. Not that she would ever admit that to her sister. She would become even more insufferable than she already was.

“Thank you,” Sandor said to Arya who only shrugged, causing Sandor to smile.

Sansa pressed a firm kiss to Sandor’s brow, unable to hide the happiness she felt over that he was there with her in this moment. Even if he had freaked out over something and wouldn’t tell her what was bothering him, he was still there.

She had given him a chance to leave but he hadn’t taken it. He had stayed for her sake and she loved him. Loved how selfless he could be. She just wished that he knew that he could tell her anything.

“Okay, time to get lunch ready,” Catelyn said once all the presents were opened and Georgie was sleeping on the couch, his new toy car clutched in his arms.

Sansa followed her mother and Talisa into the kitchen and they all turned around with surprise when Sandor followed them.

“Did dad and the guys not invite you to join them for a drink?” Sansa said and felt ready to tear her brothers and father a new one for being rude and not including him.

“They did. But I wanted to see if there was something I could do here,” he said and Catelyn beamed at him.

“I knew I liked you for a reason,” she said and Sansa could tell that her mother's praise both pleased him and made him uncomfortable at the same time.

“We’re having roasted chicken with root vegetables. You mind doing the vegetables and the sides with Talisa? Sansa is incharge of the desert,” Catelyn said and he nodded. He passed Sansa to reach for an apron and as he passed he pressed a light kiss to the top of her head.

“Don’t wanna ruin the sweater,” he said as he tied the candy cane striped apron behind around his back. “What’s for dessert?”

“A lemon cheesecake with gingerbread crumb crust,” she said as she smiled at him. “I already made that yesterday, I’m just icing some gingerbread cookies to put on top now.”

He groaned at her description and his reaction pleased her so much that she offered him one of the finished cookies. He grabbed it out of her hand with his teeth and she gasped as his lips grazed her fingers.

“Hey, you’re here to work!” Talisa teased and Sandor hurried over to his part of the counter, tying his long hair back.

He worked efficiently and Sansa kept throwing glances his way. It pleased her more than she could say that he looked at ease in her mother’s kitchen. She knew he found it easier to deal with uncomfortable situations when he had a task to perform so as soon as he had put the vegetables in the oven Sansa asked him to make a salad.

“They still got you working?” Robb said as he came into the kitchen. Sansa glared at her brother and wanted to snap that he was more than happy to help but bit her tongue, knowing it would only lead to an argument.

“I offered to help and why shouldn’t I?” Sandor said with a shrug and Sansa could see how much that answered pleased her mother.

“Suck up,” Robb teased and Sandor grinned at him.

“So what? Can’t hurt can it?” Sandor said back and Talisa glared at her husband.

“We definitely like him a lot better than the rest of you,” Talisa said but that only made Robb move over and snake his arms around her waist.

“We both know that we will be here doing the dishes after we’ve eaten,” he said as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“You better,” Catelyn said to him sternly then turned to Sandor. “Thank you for your help, dear. If you want you can go join the other boys for a drink. You’ve done more than enough.”

Robb released Talisa and made his way towards the door with an encouraging nod to Sandor.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink,” he said as Sandor untied the apron.

“I’m driving your sister home later so I’ll settle for something non-alcoholic,” they heard Sandor say just as they men left the kitchen and Catelyn grinned at Sansa.

“And there’s another reason why I like him.” The statement made Sansa’s heart do a jig in her chest and she was grinning happily as the finished preparing the rest of the food.

The drive back to Sandor’s was made in silence. Sansa wondered what was going on inside Sandor’s head but she had a strong feeling he wouldn’t want to talk about it. Sansa looked out the side window, watching their snowy surroundings flash by. She couldn’t keep in an excited smile as they parked the car and Sandor carried the mountain of leftovers her mother had sent with them inside the house.

She felt a nervous fluttering in her stomach, hoping that he’d like the gifts she had gotten him. While Sandor put the leftovers away and put on some coffee and tea she hurried upstairs to the guest bedroom where she had hidden the presents.

He gave her a surprised smile as she came back down and Dantés instantly rushed to sniff at the wrapped presents.

“Here. These two are for you,” she told Dantés and watched with a smile as he tore the wrapping paper with his teeth. The first gift was a stuffed pink elephant and the other a juicy bone. He happily brought both over to the corner where his dog bed was and Sansa smiled as she watched him chew his bone.

“You spoil him,” Sandor told her as he came over to sit down on the couch, handing her the cup of tea.

“So? He deserves to be spoiled,” she said with a smile that he returned. She couldn’t help but notice that there were two presents beneath the tree. One was a small gift bag and the other a little box. Her hands itched to grasp them and see what he had gotten her but she reminded herself that she was a grownup and grownups didn’t act like that. And she wasn't sure if she would be able to enjoy her presents with the way her nerves were fraying.

“You have to open your gifts first,” she told him and his eyebrow raised at that. With a hesitant step he accepted one of the large flat gifts she was carrying and with the utmost care he opened it. As the painting was revealed she watched with bated breath and tried to gauge his reaction. It was a large, 20 x 30 inches, acrylic painting on canvas and he seemed to need a moment to take it in.

“It’s this house,” he said and snapped his eyes up to Sansa. It was, it was the house as you saw it when you came down the driveway. The dark wood of it surrounded by trees in different shades of green. She had struggled with how she wanted the lighting to fall but was really pleased with the result.

“It is,” she answered with a soft smile. “You don’t have any pictures and paintings. I thought that maybe you’d like to put this one up. Only if you want to of course.”

“Where did you even get it?” he asked awed and she blushed softly.

“I made it. I’m not half as good as Bran but I’m decent,” she said. “Do you like it?”

“I fucking love it.” He beamed at her and moved closer so that he could press a kiss to her lips. “And I love you.”

“Well you still have another present to open,” she said and as he opened this one her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. It was another painting, the same size as the first, but this was a portrait. Sansa had given Bran a copy of her favorite picture and he had captured it beautifully in the same soft acrylic style of her own painting.

They were sitting in the grass, Sansa leaning against Sandor’s chest as Dantés sitting between their stretched legs. They were both smiling and Sandor had an arm around Sansa’s waist. Bran had done nothing to hide Sandor’s scars, she had told him not too, yet they didn’t seem to be in focus. Instead the focus was on their smiles and happiness in their eyes.

“Bran made that one. He has always been so much more talented, especially with portraits,” she said to fill the silence that felt almost deafening. Sandor hadn’t lifted his eyes from the painting and Sansa felt worried. Maybe he hated it?

Without a word he stood up and Sansa felt suddenly worried when he left the room. She thought of following him but he was only gone for a few seconds before he returned with his toolbox.

“What are you doing?” she asked as he stood on the couch and he turned his head to look at her with a soft smile.

“I’m hanging the paintings,” he answered and she was too stunned to do anything but watch and within minutes the two paintings hung side by side over the couch. When he was done he turned to her with a huge grin and jumped down from the couch. Before she had a chance to say anything he pulled her into his arms and kissed her breathless.

“Those are the most amazing gifts I’ve ever been given,” he said against her lips and that reminded her that she hadn’t opened her own yet. He could probably tell by the look of sheer excitement on her face what she was thinking because he chuckled and went to get her presents.

“This one first,” he said as he held out the little gift bag. Inside was a small jewelry box and she gasped when she opened it. Inside was a beautiful silver necklace with a silver pendant in the shape of a bird in flight, the metal made into swirls inside the shape of the bird.

“Oh Sandor. It’s beautiful,” she said as he helped her put it on. She gave him a soft kiss as she put her hand on the delicate pendant. He then held up the small box and his cheeks seemed flushed.

As she opened it, he rubbed his neck and she wondered why he seemed so nervous. Inside of the box was a small bird, carved out of wood in extreme detail.

“Did you make this?” she asked and he nodded without a word. When she lifted it she realised it was a keychain and from it hung a single key. “Where does this go?”

“This house,” he said and Sansa felt her heart jump at those simple words. “Our house if you’d want it to be.”

She wasn’t sure what to say. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she almost felt faint. Sandor seemed a bit concerned with her silence and he grasped her free hand in his.

“I want you to move in here with me. I want to make this into our home. And I was hoping that it is something you want too,” he said softly and those beautiful grey eyes were staring at her full with hope. When the meaning of his words sank in her face split into a huge grin.

“Oh Sandor,” she exhaled and with a happy laugh she threw herself around his neck. She peppered his face with kisses as he started laughing. He walked backwards until his legs hit the couch and she fell on top of him.

“That a yes then?” he asked as she lifted her head to look down on him.

“It’s a hell yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promise we will dive deeper into Sandor's past and backstory in the near future.
> 
> I'm pushing towards the end of this story but there is still a lot of it left to tell :)


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa moves in and they throw a housewarming party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I write chapters that just makes me smile and feel great and sometimes I question everything.
> 
> This chapter was one of the latter cases but I still feel it's necessary for where I'm taking this story. Even if I'm not completely satisfied with it I can't keep editing into oblivion. If I gave in to that urge there never would have been a first chapter posted to begin with ;)
> 
> I still hope you guys enjoy it!

Sandor had wanted her to move in the very next day but since he had the busiest nights of the year coming up he reluctantly agreed to wait until after the New Year.

He’d never admit it to Arya but he had worried about her making rent, telling Sansa that they should cover her old part of the rent until Arya could find a new roommate. Arya had scoffed at that when Sansa had suggested it and said that she already had a friend that could move in the following week. It was some dude with a ridicilous name, Pop Tart or fucking something like that. Sandor couldn’t help but wonder what Gendry was gonna think about another guy living with Arya, but it wasn’t his place to say anything. That was between those two and their non-relationship relationship. Fucking confusing was what it was. All he knew was that he was going to end up with one moody pissed of bartender either way.

Sansa ended up leaving all her furniture for Arya, with the exception of her dresser that had belonged to her grandmother. It weighed a ton and he was grateful that Tormund, Robb and Ned had been there to help him get it up the stairs.

The things that took most space was her clothes and shoes, he was going to have to turn the upstairs storage closet into a walk in closet at this rate. Not that he minded, he liked that everytime he looked around there seemed to be a new little trinket or detail that reminded him that she lived with him now. It was a strange sensation to not have his own space anymore but at the same time he wouldn’t want it any other way. His place had become a home, their home. 

What he could live without though was the nightmares that had become more and more frequent. It was the same dream that had haunted his childhood. It had always been him standing outside the house staring as it burned down, the screams of his family ringing in his ears.

Even as a child he had known the dream wasn’t the truth. His family had never gotten the chance to scream. But now as they returned after laying dormant for years it was still the same yet so different.

Because it wasn’t his old house that was burning but his new one. And it wasn’t the screams of his old family that haunted him but those of his new one. As a child he had only ever stood there, watching it burn to the ground. But when Sansa’s screams filled the air it was the adult version of him that ran towards the house only to have crippling fear stop him from being able to enter the house. He’d stand outside sobbing as she screamed for him to save her and he couldn’t make himself move.

He knew that everytime he woke from one of those nightmares the craze that filled him worried and scared her but she’d still let him hold her close to his chest, rocking back and forth until his mind was convinced that she was there with him and that she was alright.

Once he had settled she would always ask him to talk to her about it but he couldn’t. He couldn’t explain what he was feeling because how did you put that kind of scarring and fear into words?

She would always look so disappointed and hurt when he told her he didn’t want to talk and he knew that there was a chance that one day his usual answer wouldn’t be enough. 

He selfishly hoped that the dreams would stop before that day came.

A month into living with each other Sansa had suggested throwing a housewarming party and wanting to make her happy he had agreed. Thankfully she hadn’t invited that many people, only her closest friends and his guys.

He was actually having a nice time, Beric and Tormund was keeping him company in the kitchen as he checked on the roast. It was fine but he had used it as an excuse to escape the wedding talk that had erupted in the living room between the women. Sansa and her girlfriends were asking Brienne all kinds of questions and he suspected the other two men had felt the same way about the topic.

The only one of them who had remained with the women was Bronn, and with the way he was looking at Ros, Sandor suspected it didn’t have anything to do with a sudden interest for wedding planning.

There was also Jeyne’s date Jake, a long faced man who barely looked old enough to need to shave, but he was obviously very sweet on Jeyne. He stood by Jeyne’s side looking bored out of his mind. Since Sandor knew Jeyne still wasn’t thrilled about him he knew he had to be nice to the kid. Man.

“Hey Jake!” he called out and the guy’s head snapped up and paled so visibly that Tormund snickered. “Need a refill?”

Sandor held up another beer bottle and without even looking down at the one in his hand Jake hurried over to join them in the kitchen. He didn’t bother with the beer though but gave Sandor a grateful smile.

“Thought you might’ve needed an out,” Sandor commented and Jake chuckled nervously.

“Yeah thanks,” he said and turned a serious look towards Tormund. “What in the world has eggshell, cream and vanilla to do with wedding dresses?”

Both Beric and Sandor turned to look expectantly at Tormund who downed his beer before shrugging. He seemed unfazed by the whole thing but he always seemed unfazed about everything. Sandor had almost lost his shit when Tormund had told him that he was going to have to stand up at the altar with him. He had tried to tell the ginger fuck no but the asshole had simply grinned and said that no one would be looking at his ugly mug anyway. That had been that and in a few weeks he was going to have to go through the hell of having a suit fitted.

“Apparently it’s different shades of white.” Tormund’s voice and face both expressed his confusion on the matter . “They all look the fucking same though.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger if that’s going to be tonights major topic,” Beric interjected and Sandor turned towards his well stocked bar cabinet.

“You want anything else Jake?” he asked over his shoulder trying to include the kid. _ Dammit, man. _

“This is your chance to go wild. Our Sandor here owns a bar so he can make every drink imaginable,” Tormund told Jake, earning a dark glare from Sandor. He swore that if he ended up having to mix together one of those ridiculous cocktails people were crazy about he’d make Tormund pay, somehow.

“I’m not much for cocktails. You don’t happen to have any scotch?” Jake asked and that made Sandor’s lip twitch. Maybe he wasn’t that bad of a guy after all.

“Sansa this is the best cake I’ve ever tasted in my life,” Beric said as he cut himself another piece of chocolate and orange cake. The others around the table agreed happily.

“My favorite is the one you made me for my nameday.” Sandor had leaned his face down to whisper in her ear and she turned her head towards him with a dazzling smile.

“Okay, while Beric finishes his third piece of cake the rest of us can put our coats on,” Jeyne said with a smile. “Jake and I brought a surprise. Jake, will you go prepare it?”

Jake disappeared outside and Sansa looked at her friend with an excited smile. Sandor mostly felt surprised but also relieved. If Jeyne had bothered with a gift that had to mean that she was becoming accepting of his relationship with Sansa. And that was more than he could have ever hoped for. He had seen the way she had looked at him, as if she wasn’t quite sure about him. Or as if she was worried he’d explode at any given minute. Maybe things were changing now that she saw he wasn’t going anywhere.

Once they all had put their coats on Jeyne opened the front door with a huge smile. There was a sudden flash of bright light followed by a loud bang and an explosion of colour.

Years of imprinted instincts instantly kicked in and Sandor pulled Sansa down on the floor before covering her with his body. She gasped in shock by the sudden action and that snapped him out of his state of survival. She was staring up at him with eyes wide in fear and as he looked around he found the others staring at him.

Instantly his eyes searched for Bronn and found that the man, like him, had dropped to the floor. When another bang was heard Bronn twitched and paled even more, pushing Sandor into action.

“No fucking fireworks!” Sandor screamed as he jumped to his feet, pulling Sansa up with him. “You alright little bird?”

Sansa nodded silently with eyes wide with shock and as he looked around the only one who wasn’t staring at him as if he had gone mad was Beric, who’s stiff back was the only sign that he had been affected by the fireworks as well. Tormund hurried outside to Jake and while they dealt with that Sandor hurried over to Bronn that was still lying on the floor.

“Hey Bronn, let’s get you out of here,” Sandor said softly and when the other man lifted his eyes to look at him Sandor reached out and pulled him up to his feet. The other man swayed but Sandor kept a firm grip on him as they slowly made their way to the bathroom.

He sat Bronn down on the toilet seat while he wet a towel. He put it around Bronn’s neck and then he hunched down so that their faces were level.

“Alright man, I need you to breath. Remember, deep breaths.” Sandor wasn’t sure how long they sat there, just taking deep breaths, but eventually some colour returned to Bronn’s face and his eyes started focusing again.

“Fuck,” Bronn groaned and burried his face in his hands. “Ros fucking saw that. Fuck.”

“Hey, it ain’t your fault. If she can’t handle this she ain’t worth the trouble,” Sandor said but that only made Bronn glare at him.

“I just don’t want her to look at me like I’m a headcase,” he said low and Sandor shook his head with a scoff. “What do you know about it? Sansa still looks at you the same, like you fucking hung the moon.”

Instantly Sandor averted his eyes and that made Bronn stand up. He was still a bit shook up, Sandor noticed that Bronn gripped the sink to steady himself. He was ready to step forward if Bronn needed him, because that was what they did. They were there for each other without the other having to ask.

“You have told her right?” Sandor couldn’t bare to look at his friend because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to lie. “For fuck sake Sandor, you need to tell her.”

“This isn’t fucking about me and Sansa. So don’t fucking meddle.” Sandor’s voice was a growl accompanied with a dark glare of his eyes and Bronn looked ready to argue when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“It’s Ros. Can I come in?” she asked and Sandor saw worry and nervousness fly over Bronn’s face. Bronn was never fucking nervous.

“Want me to get rid of her?” he asked but Bronn shook his head.

“Give us a few minutes?” Bronn looked himself over in the mirror and threw water at his face. With a nod Sandor opened the door to let Ros in. She passed Sandor with a slight smile before walking up to Bronn.

“Can I hug you? Or is touching something you have an issue with right now?” she asked softly and Bronn looked down at her with a confused frown. “I know it can be different for everyone so I thought it best to ask first.”

“You’ve experienced PTSD before?” Bronn’s voice was filled with confusion and Sandor had never heard him admit what it was he was going through before. Hell, neither had Sandor. It was just something unspoken between them, both not really comfortable with putting their emotions into words.

“I read up a little about PTSD after Sansa… came home,” she said low and it felt like a punch right to Sandor’s chest. “She struggled with touch for a while after…”

Not wanting to hear anymore from anyone other then Sansa herself, Sandor stepped out and closed the door behind him. Everyone was sitting in the living room with worried expressions on their faces.

Jake looked completely stricken and despite Sandor’s first instinct to rip the other man’s head off he knew it wasn’t his fault. He had no idea of knowing that the surprise fireworks he and Jeyne had planned would backfire like this.

Sandor searched for Sansa’s face and found her sitting between Miranda and Brienne on the couch. She looked back at him with a worried frown and got up. When she stood she flinched and he felt as if he was about to throw up. She looked scared and it made him want to gut himself. He had vowed to never hurt her yet he fucking had.

“How is Bronn?” she asked but his throat felt so thick with fighting back tears that he couldn’t manage to utter a word, fearing that the tears would fall if he tried. “Sandor?”

She reached out a hand but he flinched back before she could touch him. With a frantic shake of his head he turned and made his way up the stairs. While helping Bronn he had been able to press down his own panic but now he felt it as if it was clawing at his throat.

“I think we better head out,” he heard Beric say before he closed the bedroom door behind him.

He knew she would follow him once the other had left so he sat down with his back against the large windows, facing the door, trying to get a hold of the emotions raging inside of him. The coldness of the window helped him calm somewhat. After a few minutes the bedroom door opened slowly and Sansa stepped inside the room. When her eyes found him sitting on the floor she sat down on the bed, watching him expectantly.

“Ros took Bronn home,” she said after a long silence and he only nodded. He was relieved that Bronn wasn’t alone tonight, that way he wouldn’t have to worry if he tried to numb his emotions with something stronger than alcohol. He didn’t want his friend to go down that hole again.

Sandor hated that Sansa remained so far from him, all he wanted to do was pull her into his lap and hold her until the ache in his chest subsided but he didn’t deserve to touch her. Even in the dim light he could make out the worried frown on her face and he hated having put it there.

“Can you please talk to me?” she asked and he shook his head. “Sandor…”

“I hurt you. I fucking hurt you,” he rasped out and now she was the one shaking her head. “Don’t do that! Don’t act like it didn’t fucking happen!”

His angry outburst made her flinch but then she stood and she slowly walked over to him. He watched as she sat down facing him, moving as close as she could without touching him. That made him remember Ros words about how Sansa had struggled with touch before. Was she struggling with touching him now because of what he had done?

“Beric explained why the fireworks made you react the way you did. I see it as you were pulled back _ there _, into a warzone, and your first instinct was to protect me. Yeah, I got the wind knocked out of me but you didn’t mean for that to happen,” she said softly and reached out a hand that she placed gently on his scarred cheek. “I don’t blame you.”

He hadn’t known how badly he needed to hear those words but as soon as she said them he pulled her into his lap and held her close. She was safe and she was here with him.

_ Not that I fucking deserve her, but I need her. _

“I thought I was over it. I haven’t had a flashback in almost two years,” he said once his heart rate and breathing had calmed. She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him intently.

“Why do you think you reacted like you did? Is there something that you think might have made them come back?” she asked and he knew the answer. It was staring up at him with concern in those blue eyes that showed him all the love in the world despite him not being worthy of it.

_ You. I’m afraid of losing you. _

But he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t bare if she put the guilt on herself, because it wasn’t her fucking fault. So instead he pressed a kiss against her forehead and sighed.

“I don’t know little bird.” The lie left his lips and he hated himself for it.

“Sandor,” she said with a sad tint in her voice as she pulled out of his embrace. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

He frowned at her then and his silence seemed to be the wrong response because suddenly she was on her feet walking towards the door.

“How are we supposed to be together if you keep shutting me out and act as if I don’t notice how you thrash in your sleep or how terrified you look just as you wake up?” she asked and she sounded so tired it made Sandor’s heart ache.

“You just don’t understand.” His voice was tinted with the same sadness and she whirled around to glare at him.

“Then explain! Or at least give me a chance to try to understand!” she exclaimed angrily as she turned around to look at him. He knew that she wasn’t truly angry but frustrated and hurt and that made it so much worse. “You just keep shutting me out.”

“What the fuck do you expect of me?! I’m not just gonna start talking about my feelings all of a sudden. That is not who I fucking am and you should know that by now!” he shouted angrily. His eyes widened with horror when she turned back towards the door and he was scared that if he let her leave she wouldn’t come back.

_ I can’t blame her if she did. _

“Why do you insist on pushing me away?” her voice sounded tired and wounded and he instantly stood up. He needed to stop her from leaving.

“I… don’t mean to,” he said barely above a whisper but to his relief she heard him. With a sigh, she sat down on the bed again and he moved to join her. When she showed no sign of moving away from him he reached out a hesitant hand and placed it above hers where it rested in her lap. To his relief she turned it over and allowed him to weave their fingers together. The connection grounded him and he closed his eyes.

“It’s always that night. I dream of the house burning down and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,” he started and she squeezed his hand in encouragement. “But now it’s not that house, but this one.”

He took a shuddering breath and he knew that despite him not feeling ready to tell her everything he needed to tell her something. She deserved at least that.

“I think that what happened to me as a kid is what made me a damn good soldier. I could turn off my emotions because I had been doing it for years. It wasn’t until I was out of the army that all that suppressed shit burst out of me,” he said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Boxing helped, it still does. But sometimes it just gets too much.”

“If me moving in is too much for you I can…” she started but he gripped her chin and lifted it to make her look at him.

“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence. You’re not going anywhere.” The heat in his words were matched by the heat in his eyes. “I want you here, I need you here.”

To punctuate his words he pressed his lips against hers in a firm kiss. It lasted only a few seconds before she pulled away to search his face. He hoped that the love he felt for her was visible on his face because he needed her to know. He needed her to believe him.

“I’m shit at talking about my emotions,” he said and a small chuckle escaped his mouth when she nodded in agreement.

“Just please try,” was all she said.

Moments later as they lay in bed he held her close and the thudding of her heart lulled him to sleep. His dreams that night were peaceful.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little girl time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I have to thank you guys for your feedback on the last chapter. I'm so relieved that you guys liked it.
> 
> Now, this little chapter is just a piece of friend fluff for our girl.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“So Bronn asked me out on a date,” Ros said and looked at them expectantly.

All of the girls were seated around Sansa and Sandors dinner table with glasses of wine and cookies between them. Sansa had made different kinds, but half of the chocolate chip ones had been scarfed down by Sandor before she had a chance to stop him. It had burned the roof of his mouth, which was what he got for being greedy.

“I’m sorry but why is this a big deal?” Brienne asked with a confused frown. “Haven’t you two been dating for almost two months now?”

Sansa had been thrilled when Brienne had accepted her invitation to join them for a girls' night at the house. Brienne had admitted to not having that many female friends but she seemed comfortable around the girls, if a little shy. Something that the other women had picked up on instantly, thrilled at having someone new to tease.

“No we have been sleeping together for two months,” Ros stated. “There’s a difference.”

“There really is. A good fuck doesn’t always lead to a relationship, sometimes it’s just a good fuck.” Ygritte agreed and grinned wickedly when Brienne blushed.

“Actually that is exactly why he asked me out. Last night after he made me come three times.” Ros grinned at them and Brienne turned even redder. Sansa knew her friends were being crude just because they enjoyed making Brienne blush, it usually was her they teased after all. Thankfully Brienne seemed to take it in stride. “He suddenly started talking about your wedding and if I wanted to get a room to stay at. And I asked him why he thought that we were going together. He then responded that he thought it obvious since we are dating and I asked when we had even had our first date.”

“What did he say to that?” Miranda asked and Ros chuckled.

“He had been under the impression that we had been dating since the second night I went home with him. Something about him not usually being with someone twice in a row. When I told him that wasn’t how it worked he promptly asked me out and in the next breath he told me I was his girlfriend, just so I wouldn’t think otherwise,” she told them and the smile on Ros face showed Sansa how happy her friend was.

Just then Sandor came into the kitchen and they fell silent. He nodded to the girls before moving over to Sansa, wrapping his arms around her when she stood to face him.

“I’m heading out to the bar,” he said softly and pressed a slow sweet kiss to her lips.

“Hey, loverboy. You probably have some insight,” Ygritte called for his attention and Sandor’s eyebrow rose at her. “What’s Bronn been saying about our sweet Ros here?”

“He has been fucking disgustingly happy. Won’t stop fucking humming,” Sandor answered with a smirk. “Arya says she wants to bash both of our heads in.”

“Why would she want to bash your head in?” Sansa couldn’t help but ask and he leaned down to press his lips against her ear.

“Because I’m disgustingly happy too,” he answered and she grinned happily at him.

These last months of living together had been great, even if they had moments were they argued or fought. Mostly about domestic things like the fact that when he washed their clothes he never separated her delicates, throwing everything in together or that he never ever cleaned the hair out of the showerdrain. Or her habit of leaving hairpins wherever she was when she took her hair down. He had been trying to not shut her out when he struggled and despite being far from perfect at least he was trying. Everyday he made her smile and feel loved, and it was everything she could have hoped for, so she was trying really hard to be patient with him.

“Enough sapp. I want to know if your ginger is as wild in the sack as the rest of us,” Ygritte suddenly said with a suggestive smirk at Brienne who started coughing violently when her wine went down the wrong pipe.

“Tormund does look like he’d be pretty wild in the sack,” Miranda agreed and Sansa chuckled when she heard Sandor groan against the top of her head.

“What does being ginger have to do with that?” Jeyne asked confused.

“It’s a fact. Ginger’s are just crazy between the sheets. Let’s confirm. Sandor, what’s it like having sex with a ginger?” Ygritte asked bluntly and all eyes turned to him. Sansa expected him to stutter or deflect. But to her great surprise he smirked down at Sansa and grabbed her butt firmly in his large hands.

“Best sex of my fucking life,” he answered confidently and Sansa felt herself blush down to her toes while her friends all laughed and hooted. Sansa glared up at him but that only made his smirk wider and he pressed another kiss to her mouth, stealing her glare and turning it into a smile.

After a little while the laughter simmered out and it was then that Brienne found her voice.

“Tormund is very generous in bed,” she stated with a shy smile. “Like very generous, if you know what I mean. I think he likes doing it even more than I like receiving…”

Sansa had to hold in a giggle as she felt Sandor flinch and he pulled back quickly with a look of discomfort on his face. It was truly amusing to her to see this generally crude giant of a man uncomfortable over something as simple as her friends talking about their sexlives.

“And that’s my cue to leave. Have fun ladies,” Sandor interrupted as he leaned over the table to steal some more cookies before he pulled Sansa with him to the door.

“I’ll see you later,” she said as she stood on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. “Fair warning. Bronn just made Ros his official girlfriend today.”

“Aw fuck, he’s gonna be insufferable,” Sandor complained but there was a smile on his face that showed his true feelings in the matter. “I’ll be home late.”

“I’ll be waiting in our bed,” she responded and he grabbed her butt again, pressing a hard kiss to her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responded and with one last kiss he closed the door behind him and Sansa made her way back into the kitchen.

The girls were all leaning over the table towards Brienne, talking over each other and the blonde woman looked overwhelmed and Sansa felt the need to step in. She gave the girl each a strong glare and thankfully they all calmed down.

“So what did I miss?” she asked and was met with a pleading look from Brienne. That made her raise an eyebrow in question.

“Oh, only the fact that Brienne is getting married in about a month and she still hasn’t gotten a dress,” Jeyne said with horror.

“I just haven’t found one that I like… I don’t feel comfortable in dresses,” Brienne admitted and Sansa offered her the tray of cookies, from which she gratefully took one.

“You know, you don’t have to wear a dress if you don’t want too,” Ros said and Brienne looked at her confused. “Have you thought of maybe wearing a suit instead?”

Brienne’s face suddenly lit up and within minutes they had all offered to go with her to one of the wedding shops that Ros knew had more contemporary options.

“So how did Tormund propose?” Jeyne asked after they had sat down to eat dinner, everyone turning eagerly towards Brienne. Sansa had asked her friends to not hound Brinne with their questions but it seemed that the several glasses of wine had made them forget that.

She looked to Brienne but she thankfully looked relaxed and a small smile was on her lips. Perhaps she felt more comfortable with them now, due to knowing them better or maybe due to the wine. It didn’t matter which, Sansa was just happy to have this new friend getting along with her old ones.

“Oh he had it all planned out. He drove us to this spot overlooking the city and he had packed a picnic basket. We were sitting there eating and drinking and he looked like he was about to jump out of his skin.” Brienne spoke with that soft look in her eye that she always got when she talked about Tormund. Sansa recognized it from how she herself felt when she thought or talked about Sandor.

“It sounds perfect.” Miranda, who was a closet romantic sounded almost wistful and Brienne smiled at her.

“It was. Until it suddenly started raining and he was so upset, cursing and stressing. He was so obviously frustrated when we got into the car that I asked him what was going on. At first he didn’t want to say but when he realised that I wasn’t letting it go he pulled the ring out and told me that he had planned it all out and now it was ruined because of the fucking weather.” 

Sansa knew that she and the other girls were equally absorbed by the story Brienne was telling and the hopeless romantic in her was thrilled for her friend to have such a romantic moment. Despite the rain.

“He said he’d make it up to me and do it right some other time but I told him to do it then and there because I couldn’t wait for another time.” Brienne’s cheeks flushed as her eyes sparkled even more and it seemed like just talking about it made her so blissfully happy. The whole time she had been touching the ring on her finger, it was a subtle white gold band with inlaid sapphires. It looked beautiful and modest, perfectly Brienne.

“So he gave me this speech about how must he loved me and the life we had built and he told me how he wanted to continue to build on it. Then he asked me to marry him with us sitting in the car, the rain hammering down on it and I have never been happier then in that moment.”

Sansa would never have thought that the wild crazy Tormund could be such a romantic but she if anyone should have known that there could be a lot more to a person than they appeared. She had her own man who she knew no one would dare think was romantic yet he was the most romantic man she had ever met. Not in the way of pretty words or elaborate gestures but in the everyday life that they had built together he’d do things that showed her how much he loved her. She never doubted that even if he was sometimes difficult or down right stubborn to a fault.

“You think you’ll be next?” Jeyne’s voice rang out and the question made Sansa frown at her friend. “To get proposed to?”

As a girl she had always pictured herself getting married and as she thought about it now she felt that it was something she still wanted. But there was no way that was going to happen anytime soon. This was Sandor’s first relationship and she was in no rush to push him into something as serious as marriage before he was ready.

“With the way Bronn has been staring at Ros I think she has higher odds of being the one proposed to in the near future.” Sansa gave Ros a teasing smile and was met with her friend sticking out her tongue at her.

“Shut up! I just became a girlfriend. I am not ready to be someone’s wife.” Ros stated and thankfully the topic was dropped then as they ate.

The dinner was a rowdy affair. Plates being handed around as stories did the same. Everyone sharing very openly about their pasts. Mostly it was fun things that made them all laugh so hard their stomachs ached. Sansa loved her friends and having them feel so comfortable there in her new home, her and Sandor’s home, made her so happy.

“So. We’ve got chunky monkey or pecan ice cream? Any takers?” Ygritte called out with her head still inside the freezer.

“Dude, we still have like a mountain of cookies left. And you just had like two servings of food. How can you still be hungry?” Miranda called out as she leaned back in her chair with a happy sigh.

“I plan on using the cookies as edible spoons of course. And I’m not hungry. I just want ice cream,” Ygritte argued as the other women shook their head at her.

“Well I happen to know that the chunky monkey one has to be Sandor’s. So I wouldn’t touch that if I were you. That man is weirdly protective of his ice cream,” Brienne said and Ygritte’s head appeared from behind the freezer door.

“I ain’t afraid of that lug. Besides, we will just say that Sansa ate it. He can never get mad at her. I mean, he is so whipped it’s adorable.” Ygritte’s words made Sansa frown but she knew it was a poor imitation of Sandor’s imposing one and soon they were all laughing.

Jeyne suddenly leaned over the table to come closer to Brienne and looked at the other woman intently. She looked suddenly hesitant but with one last big gulp of wine she found her words.

“You’ve known Sandor a long time right?” she asked and Brienne nodded. “Has he always been so… rough around the edges?”

Her question made Sansa frown at her friend. She still didn’t understand why Jeyne was so hesitant to accept Sandor as he was. Yeah, he could be a little imposing or rough around the edges, but he was a good man.

In the beginning of the relationship Jeyne had told her that she couldn’t understand how Sansa, who had left an abusive relationship, could feel safe around someone like Sandor. That had made Sansa really angry and she had scolded her friend for judging someone by their looks. And she had tried to make Jeyne understand that Sandor would never ever harm her. Lately Jeyne had been trying to put in some effort with Sandor and unfortunately her efforts had backfired some with the housewarming incident. 

Sansa had thought that it was behind them now but here she was, asking Brienne for information about him. Sansa didn’t like that. But she didn’t want to ruin the happy atmosphere so she waited to see how this would play out.

_ Why can’t she just believe me when I tell her about him? _

“I met him a about five years ago. He had that brooding look down already back then. He didn’t say much when I was around. But when he did say something it was always to the point and honest. I appreciate that in him,” Brienne said as she turned her head to smile at Sansa. “He’s never introduced me to a woman before. And the way Tormund tells it he’s never met anyone before either.”

“Aw. You changed him Sansa,” Miranda said with a wink that made Sansa stick out her tongue at her.

“Honestly, I think you have. Or at least brought out a part of him that he never showed before. I mean I always thought he was a good guy but I’ve never seen him so apparently happy before.” She couldn’t help but blush happily then and reached out to squeeze Brienne’s hand. The other woman gave her a soft smile before turning her attention back to Jeyne. “He can seem a bit severe but that’s just how he acts when he is uncomfortable.”

Thankfully Jeyne only nodded and left the topic then and there. Sansa only hoped that hearing it from another person other then her would make her friend finally understand that Sandor was a good man.

“You are freaking awesome Brienne and just so you know, we all expect to be invited to your bachelorette party. Let your maid of honour know that.” Brienne smiled shyly at Ros and then shrugged her shoulders.

“My man of honour and I already had a bachelorette party last week when he came into town. We went to the shooting range and then he made me go to a spa,” Brienne told them with a sigh. “So I guess this is our bachelorette party.”

When the frown pulled at Miranda’s face Sansa could see the wheels start turning beneath that brown head of hair. When the frown turned into a wicked smile Sansa had to keep in her laughter. Now they were in trouble.

“If this is your bachelorette party there is no way we are wasting it sitting around sipping wine and gossiping like some old bits. We are going dancing!” Miranda’s sudden exclamation made them all jump and Brienne’s eyes turned horrified.

“I don’t dance. And I don’t have any clothes for clubbing.” The other’s seemed as excited as Miranda so they ignored Brienne’s weak protest. With a smile Sansa reached out to squeeze Brienne’s hand and smiled at her.

“You look fine. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” she said and Brienne looked at her like she had grown a second head. “But if you want you can always borrow something of mine. I’m sure I have a blouse or something that could work with your jeans.”

When four sets of eyes trapped her Sansa could see in Brienne’s eyes that she wasn’t going to protest. And when Brienne smiled they all cheered and ran upstairs to raid Sansa’s closet. They were all wearing jeans and t-shirts but soon those were one the floor and everyone had found a dress they liked. Brienne’s jeans were black so Sansa paired it with an oversized blouse that matched the blue of the woman’s eyes. It looked really nice on Brienne and she gave Sansa a grateful smile.

“Do you guys want to go to the bar?” Brienne suggested as they got into the uber. The words had barely left her mouth before they all started shouting their protests. 

“We are going clubbing. Not drinking beers in a booth while watching those two pine over their men,” Ygritte said with a sharp nod towards Ros and Sansa who only chuckled in response. As the others started debating where they should go Sansa pulled out her phone.

**Sansa: So change of plans. We are going out. Don’t know if I’ll be there when you get home.**

Despite him being at work and the night probably was at its busiest Sandor’s response didn’t take long.

**Sandor: Let me know when you’re ready to head home. I’ll wait here so I can come get you. Have fun!**

Sansa did have fun! She danced to upbeat music with her friends and she was maybe a little tipsy. But in that good, giddy kind of way that made her smile and laugh easily. Thankfully Brienne seemed to be enjoying herself, she was even dancing with them and all it had taken was three shots of Petrón to get her onto the dancefloor. When they started to get tired they had decided to take a break and as they sat down at a booth Sansa picked up her phone. They all gathered around and smiled for the picture and Sansa posted it to Instagram with the hashtag #BriennesBachelorette.

Since she knew Sandor didn’t have instagram she sent it to him directly.

**Sansa: Me and my girlz! #BriennesBachelorette**

When his response came back she noticed that it was already two o'clock in the morning. Maybe it was time to call it a night. Soon. Maybe just one more drink. And a song, definitely one more dance.

**Sandor: You look great.**

**Sansa: Yeah? Don’t you think we look hot? I think we look hot!!!! I’m sweaty though. I’ve been dancing. It’s sooooo much fun!!!!**

**Sandor: Are you drunk little bird? That’s an unusual amount of exclamation points.**

**Sansa: Maybe a little. I’m fine though. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.**

**Sandor: What? Shouldn’t it be the other way? Are you okay?**

**Sansa: Remind me to make you watch the Harry Potter movies with me soon.**

**Sandor: Okay… You sure you’re alright?**

**Sansa: Yes I’m fine, love.**

With a giggle she turned her attention back to her friends just as Ros sat down a drink in front of her. Sansa took a big gulp, the dancing having made her thirsty and she felt a bit tired as they all wound down.

“I’m thinking it’s time for me to call Tormund to come get me. Anyone need a ride?” Brienne asked and the other girls happily accepted, all except for Sansa who shook her head.

“Sandor is waiting at the bar to take me home,” she explained as they all headed towards the exit.

“Then we’ll walk with you and I’ll tell Tormund to meet us there.”

Somehow she had expected that the fresh air would sober her up a bit, but as she said goodbye to her friends and walked up to the bar door she still felt very tipsy. She cursed when the door was locked, they must have just closed up. Good thing that she had brought her keychain. Since she often worked before hours Sandor had gotten her her own keys that came very handy in this moment.

She felt proud of herself for remembering to lock the door behind her but when she turned away from the door she almost tripped and as she grabbed a nearby table to steady herself she started giggling uncontrollably.

“What the hell?” she heard Sandor’s voice long before he came into view. He had been in the back and he stopped in the doorway of the stockroom as he noticed her. A crooked smirk pulled his mouth up at its unburnt corner and he cocked his eyebrow at her.

“Ello,” she managed to push out once the giggles had subsided and made her way towards him. When she stepped into his chest his arms came around to hold her and she took a deep breath. “You smell so nice. Like the forest. It’s sexy.”

She could feel the deep rumbled chuckle in his chest and the vibration of it made her press herself closer while her hands moved to twine into his hair.

“You’re drunk little bird,” he said with an amused tilt in his voice as he pecked her on the nose. That made Sansa frown up at him, that wasn’t sexy. She was sexy, not someone you pecked. 

_ Pecks are for grandmothers and nieces and nephews. Not sexy girlfriends who wants to scream your name. _

“Maybe. What you gonna do about it? Are you gonna take me home and take me to bed?” With a suggestive smile she moved one hand down and pushed it into his back pocket to squeezed one of his toned buttcheeks. 

“Damn right I am. You’re going straight to sleep, no funny business,” he said sternly as he pressed another one of those stupid pecks on her cheek this time. “I am not about to take advantage of you when you’re drunk so you’d better control yourself.”

“What if I want to take advantage of you?” she pouted and pressed her body flushed against him. She could see the flicker of heat in his eyes then but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

“Then you can do that tomorrow, as much as you like,” he promised and the stern tone of his voice, like stone, made her give up her quest of seducing him. Instead she unwrapped herself from around him and took his hand.

“Fine. Let’s go home then,” she said and he smiled down at her.

“Yeah. Let’s go home.” When she turned around she stumbled a little and then she was flying off the floor. She couldn’t keep in a small squeal of excitement as Sandor’s strong arms held her to him bridal style and she nuzzled her face into his neck with a happy sigh. “Silly little bird.”


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding of Tormund and Brienne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So be prepared for tooth rotting fluff and a squeeze of lemon.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S the translation of the few swedish sentences are at the end!

The wedding was beautiful. It was a mild and sunny spring day as Sansa sat on one of the chairs that were put out on the large lawn. They were facing a wooden canopy where Tormund stood looking impatient but very handsome in his grey suit and white shirt. He wasn’t wearing a tie but there was a light blue handkerchief in his chest pocket, that matched his eyes perfectly. 

Several bouquets of wild flowers adorned the chairs along the aisle and they looked beautiful. Sansa had been thrilled when Brienne and Tormund had asked for her help with the flowers and it had been fun to do something simple yet beautiful instead of the intricate pieces most people wanted.

Sansa’s eyes moved to Sandor who was standing between Bronn and Beric by Tormund’s side.The three men wore similar suits as Tormund and they all looked very handsome. Sandor had allowed her to brush his hair back and put it up in a bun at the back of his head. He had grumbled about looking like a fucking hipster but when she had told him it made him look sexy he had kept it. She found it sweet, the effort he had put into looking good for Brienne and Tormund’s big day. The big bushy beard that she was used to had been trimmed down to a sleek shorter one that made him look a little more polished. She liked the new look but a part of her hoped he’d let it grow out again, preferring him a little more wild and rugged. Because that was the Sandor she knew.

Sansa’s eyes moved over to the two people standing on Brienne’s side of the canopy. They were both men, wearing the same grey suits as Tormund’s groomsmen. She had met them both the night before at the rehearsal dinner. Brienne’s man of honour, Renly Baratheon, had recognised her from years before and she had instinctively reached for Sandor’s hand when she had seen Joffrey’s uncle among the guests. Thankfully he hadn’t mentioned Joffrey, only given her a friendly smile and complemented her dress.

Renly had always been civil with her the few times she had met him at a Baratheon family gatherings, if a bit withdrawn and stiff around his family. But here with his long time partner Loras, that she had never met before, by his side he was bubbly and witty.

The second man was dark haired with an infectious smile. His name was Podrick and he was quiet at first but friendly. He had been Brienne’s friend for years, she had been his mentor and partner since he graduated from the Police Academy. It was apparent that he thought very highly of Brienne and he looked very emotional as he stood looking down towards the house just as Brienne appeared.

A soft melody started playing as everyone turned their heads to watch Brienne be led down towards Tormund by her father. The white two piece suit she had chosen was tailored to perfection, the wide legs swaying as she walked. Beneath the suit jacket her white lace trimmed satin camisole could be seen and in her free hand she held a small bouquet of wildflowers. Her short blonde hair was in soft waves and she looked gorgeous.

When her eyes met Tormund’s her face split into a beaming smile and Sansa couldn’t help but turn her head around to look at Tormund. He looked as if he had his breath stolen from him and his smile was almost crazed. What made Sansa’s eyes well up was the silent tears that were falling down his cheeks.

The ceremony was simple but beautiful and Sansa was grateful that she had put a handkerchief in her little blue purse because she sure needed it when the couple spoke their vows.

“Brienne, I have considered myself the luckiest man in the world every since you walked into that ski shop looking for an instructor. You were a horrible student, arguing with me every single step of the way but I had never laughed that much in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life laughing, arguing and fucking, and you are the only person I can ever see myself doing those things with,” Tormund said softly and Brienne gave him a stern look for the profanity but the smile on her face never wavered. “Jag älskar dig. I love you and following you back home was the smartest decision of my life. You became my family then and now we can start this new chapter, creating giant babies and living happily as we turn old and grey. I imagine us still laughing, arguing and fucking in a retirement home, probably traumatizing the staff and our neighbours. It will be bloody wonderful.”

A laugh rang through the crowd and Brienne lifted a hand to gently wipe away a tear from his cheek. The tenderness of the gesture had Sansa wiping away her own tears. When she looked up again she found Sandor looking at her with an intense gleam in his eyes and the heat from it made her blush.

“Tormund. From the moment I met you you have been infuriating, persistent and stubborn as a mule. It took me a while to get used to the way you look at me, as if I am the most wondrous thing you have ever seen. Because I couldn’t believe that anyone would ever feel that way about me. But every day since that first one, you have showed me how much you love me. I didn’t believe in love until I realised I had fallen in love with you. My heart and my soul are irrevocably tied to yours until the end of time,” Brienne said with a shaky voice and Tormund’s cheek and beard was wet with his tears. “Most of all, you make me happy and I vow to try my hardest everyday to make you as happy as you make me. I also vow to make you feel loved everyday for the rest of your life. Because you deserve to be loved the same way that you love. Completely, wholeheartedly and unwavering. Jag älskar dig.”

Ros, who was sitting next to Sansa, grasped her hand and squeezed it firmly as the couple kissed and were proclaimed husband and wife. Sansa’s eyes met Sandor’s and he gave her a soft smile and as she wiped the rest of her tears away she smiled back.

_ Maybe we’ll have a moment like this someday. _

Turns out that Tormund’s family was a wild bunch of red haired men and women who had made sure that there was ale and swedish vodka on every single table. Tormund’s four older sisters had embraced her as if she was a part of their family and had started speaking in a rapid flow of swedish until Tormund had stopped them and explained that she was american and not one of their relatives.

“Oh, we should introduce you to my oldest then. Tage!” the oldest of Tormund’s sisters, who seemed to be about twenty years his senior, said and a tall redheaded man about Sansa’s age came over. “Tage, this is Sansa. She is american, no relation.”

The tall man shook his head at his mother and gave Sansa an apologetic smile. He was handsome, his pale skin freckled and his blue eyes kind but he did nothing to Sansa’s heart. That belonged to another completely.

“Sluta nu mamma,” he said and his mother frowned at him. “It’s nice to meet you Sansa.”

Right then Sansa felt a strong arm wrap around her, pulling her back against a firm chest and she leaned into the contact. Tage’s eyes widened as he had to lift his head to look up at Sandor but Sandor ignored the other man, turning his head to press his lips against Sansa’s temple and the possessiveness of her large man made her cheeks blush.

“Here’s your drink, love,” Sandor rasped in her ear as she accepted the glass of champagne.

“This must be your husband,” Tage said once he had collected himself and he reached out a hand for Sandor’s to shake.

“We’re not married. Sandor is my boyfriend,” she explained hoping that Sandor wasn’t too affected by the misunderstanding. She didn’t want him to think that just because they were at a wedding she was thinking of marriage. Not that she didn’t want to marry him, someday, but she didn’t feel like now was the time for that conversation.

She could feel Sandor staring at her as the other man left them but she ignored the scowl on his face in favour of pulling him towards their table. Thankfully they were sitting with Beric and his date Anna, as well as Bronn and Ros.

The barn they were in had been renovated and turned into an event space a few years earlier but the owner had kept the rural feeling of the place, adding only a proper floor and building a small stage where the band had set up. Fairy lights were strung between the wood beams in the ceiling creating an enchanting atmosphere. The wild flowers from the ceremony had now been placed in mason jars on the round tables and Sansa beamed when Beric’s date complimented them.

“So apparently Tormund have shit taste in friends or else he’d never need to make me the Best Man,” Bronn said as he stood to make his toast. “I mean, I’m definitely the best of what he had to choose from. What a sorry lot we are.”

Everyone chuckled as he gestured to Beric and Sandor, who both glared at him with mock offence. Sandor took Sansa’s hand in his and she squeezed it, knowing he struggled with the attention being on him even if it was only for a second.

“Thankfully he has better taste in women. I remember the first time I met Tormund. He walked right into the construction site and told me he needed a job because he was working on making his woman realise that she loved him. And wooing took money. I thought he was a crazy fucker,” Bronn gave Tormund a sly grin that the other man returned. “And I was fucking right. But he is also determined and hard working. Brienne has already attested to his stubbornness. I think that Brienne and him are alike in that regard but they also complement each other. I think it was Beric that said it best: _ He is batshit crazy and she is calm. Together they’ll be just the right amount of happy.” _

With a gentle smile Tormund pulled Brienne closer to press a kiss against her lips and Bronn held up his glass towards them.

“To Tormund and Brienne!” Everyone repeated his statement and drank to the happy couple.

It was a simple beautiful wedding and Sansa loved every second of it. Once the dinner and toasts were over everyone helped to move back the tables and then the real party started. She danced the night away with her friends and she loved every second of it. Tormund was as wild on the dancefloor as any other aspect of his life and he had her laughing so hard her stomach hurt.

She twirled around the dance floor with Beric and he spun her so much her blue floral printed dress flew out around her. During the next song she danced with Ros and over the other woman’s shoulder she saw Sandor and Bronn sitting at their table. Sandor looked happy, nursing a beer as he laughed at something Bronn said.

As if he felt her eyes on him he lifted his head and she smiled as their eyes met. Gods, how she loved him. He turned to say something to Bronn and then he stood and shrugged of his grey suit jacket. Sansa couldn’t keep in a gasp when she saw that he was wearing the grey suspenders.

_ He didn’t say a word about that, the rascal. _

He kept her gaze as he rolled up his sleeves, exposing his tattooed skin and Sansa suddenly felt lightheaded and flushed. This amazing man was all hers and she wasn’t sure if it was the romantic setting or the heated way he looked at her as she swayed to the music but she felt so happy and wanted that she could burst.

She couldn’t keep a flirty smile off her face as she motioned with her finger for him to join her on the dance floor and in a few long strides he was there, pulling her flush against him. She grasped his suspenders with both hands as he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. The music was uptempo but as his hands came to rest on her hips they swayed to their own slower beat.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said softly and she beamed up at him, she could tell that he was a bit tipsy and it loosened his tongue more than she was used to. His thumb caressed her hips and she sighed happily. “Sometimes I look at you and think that it must be my imagination playing tricks on me. That there is no way that you’re real and here with me.”

The heat in his eyes and in his voice made her shiver as she slid her hands up and down along his suspenders. She couldn’t understand how he always managed to surprise her with how much he loved her but she hoped that he would never stop doing it.

“I recall that I never did get to see you in nothing but these suspenders and pants,” she said with a sly grin and somehow the heat in his eyes intensified with a dark gleam. “Will I get to tonight?”

“You can have me however you want me, love,” he growled out as he moved his face down to nuzzle her neck. Her skin flushed as he lazily moved his lips against her skin, scratching her with his trimmed beard. By the wicked glint in his eyes when he glanced up at her he knew what that did to her.

Without a word she pulled him by his suspenders away from the dancefloor and over to a dark corner. As soon as she smiled at him he pressed her against the wall, trapping her against it with his arms on either side of her. His large size blocked out the rest of the room and she deftly undid a few of the top buttons of his white shirt so that she could have access to his chest. He growled when she dragged her nails through his chest hair and the sound made the ache between her legs almost unbearable.

“Sandor…” as soon as his name left her lips his mouth was on her and she gasped as his mouth and tongue kissed every inch of the exposed skin of her neck and shoulders. When his mouth moved to her jaw she caught his earlobe between her teeth and moaned into his ear.

With a shudder he pressed himself flush against her and she could feel his hardness against her stomach. She pushed her hands further inside his shirt until she could drag her nails across his shoulders and upper back. In her lust filled haze she forgot about all the people around them as she shamelessly grinding against him.

“Sansa,” he growled in warning and grasped her hips to stop her movement. “You’re driving me fucking crazy.”

“The good kind of crazy I hope,” she teased and punctuated her words by pulling his bottom lip between her teeth.

His grey eyes had turned black and he ground himself against her for a few seconds before pulling back with a huge exhale of air.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked and she smirked up at him.

“Do you think Brienne and Tormund would mind?” she asked and he shrugged.

“Not sure that they’d even notice us leaving,” he answered and with a giggle she tried to pull him towards their table to get their things. But he didn’t move and she knew she couldn’t budge him unless he wanted her too.

“You go ahead and get our stuff. I’m gonna need a minute,” he said with a downward glance that she followed. She couldn’t keep from biting her lower lip when she saw the outline of his erection against the grey fabric, knowing that it was because of her.

With one of his large thumbs Sandor pushed her bottom lip out from between her teeth and she bit down on it, hard. He hissed but gave her a smile a few degrees past wicked.

“Go on or else I’m not gonna be able to control myself much longer,” he warned and the dark raspiness of his voice made the threat sound even more delicious to her ears. She did as he asked and when she reached their table Bronn, who had Ros sitting in his lap, only gave her a knowing smirk as she hurried back to where she had left Sandor.

As soon as she reached him he grasped her hand firmly in his and pulled her outside. The location was just an hour outside of town but they had decided to stay at the resort down the road to make a weekend of it. Something she was grateful for in this moment.

Sandor was walking so quickly that she found herself giggling as she struggled to keep up with him.

“Eager much?” she teased and with a grin over his shoulder he slowed down a bit.

“You have no fucking idea.”

When the door to their room closed behind them Sandor tried to pull her into his arms but she dodged him and pushed him down onto the bed. With a smirk she unbuttoned the shirt until she could pull it off of him and then she pulled the suspenders back over his naked shoulders.

“I’ll be right back,” she said softly as she moved into the adjoining bathroom.

She smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she took off her dress and underwear, putting on Sandor’s shirt. She had to fold up the sleeves some more and she only buttoned the last few buttons, leaving the skin of the valley of her breast exposed due to the wideness of the shirt on her slim frame.

Once she opened the door and stepped back into the bedroom Sandor’s eyes widened as he took her in. She had seen his desire for her before but there was something even more intense in his eyes now. As if he wanted to devour her and every inch of her ached for him to do so.

He slowly stood from the bed and the sight of him in only pants and suspenders made her mouth go dry and she unconsciously rubbed her thighs together.

“I want you so bad it hurts,” he rasped out and she shivered. The way his voice sent vibrations across the room never stopped being such a turn on.

“Before you can have me you need to do as I say,” she said in a low but firm voice. She could see him gulp visibly and his hand came down to adjust himself, making her smirk. “Unbutton your pants.”

He was so eager to obey it drew a pleased smile to her lips. When his fly was open she stepped forward and kneeled down before him making him suck in a breath as she reached inside his pants. She pushed down his underwear enough to free his straining erection but she didn’t touch it. Instead her hands moved up his stomach, her nails raking his skin until she took a firm grip on each suspender. When she tugged at them his cock bobbed and she looked up at him with a smile.

Without a single word, and without releasing her hold on his suspenders she took him into her mouth as far as she could, almost making herself gag, and then she sucked firmly before pulling back while swirling her tongue around him.

“Holy…!” Sandor’s voice came out in a strangled guttural cry, enticing her to repeat the action. As she kept pulling back and taking him into her mouth his words became more and more jumbled until they were a just a chant of sounds of pleasure. His moans and grunts turned her on so much that she was frantically rubbing her thighs together, trying to stave some of the ache there as she felt her own arousal soak her skin.

When she hummed around him he growled the loudest she had ever heard him and with two strong hands beneath her armpits he pulled her up, away from him and turned around. He practically threw her on the bed and she landed with a surprised gasp that turned into a loud moan as his large hand cupped her between the legs, his long forefinger caressing along her slit.

“Shit, you’re so fucking wet. Just from sucking my cock?” he asked, a mix of heat and wonder in his face and when she nodded he pulled his hand away. He bunched up the shirt over her hips, looking down at the mess between her legs with a wicked smile. She returned it with one of her own and with a single hard push of his hips he thrust home.

The sound that left her throat was a mix between a shout and moan, the pleasure as he pistoned his hips against her making her see white. Her hands retook their grip on his suspenders and she held on as he took her hard and fast.

“Fuck… Look at you.” The words were gritted out over the wet sound of them coming together and she could feel the vibration of them against her hands as well as inside of her. “So beautiful. Feel so good. Fuck.”

His hands moved down from her hips to her butt, lifting it off the bed and the new angle made him delve even deeper within her, the new sensation creating another layer of pleasure that had her shaking.

“Sandor! Don’t stop! Please…” she cried out as she tossed her head with every thrust of his hips. “More!”

“I’ll never stop. I’ll never stop fucking you. I’m gonna die with my cock buried deep within you.” The morose thought should probably have made her uncomfortable but to her that only meant that he’d want her forever and the meaning of that had her climbing faster towards her peak.

“Forever,” she agreed and he groaned out as she used his suspenders to arch her back up off the bed, suspending herself into the air. His hands on her butt held her up and he didn’t halter his punishing rhythm even then, another testament to his great strength. She convulsed as her pleasure hit her so hard that she screamed, losing her grip on his suspenders, throwing her back down onto the bed. Sandor’s deepset cry mixed with her own as she felt his seed fill her and with a heavy grunt he collapsed on top of her. He nuzzled his face against her neck as his hand came up to grasp the fabric of the shirt she was still wearing. A deep chuckle vibrated through him, making her tilt her head to look down at him.

“What?” she asked and his eyes glanced up at her before he shook his head. She pulled his suspender, making him hiss when it hit his skin with a snap. It also made him twitch where he was still buried deep within her and she gasped at the sensation against her overstimulated walls.

“I was just thinking that if I’d have known how this shirt was gonna end up I wouldn’t have complained half as much to that poor tailor.” His words drew a laugh out of her and she lifted her hands to release his hair from the tight bun. He hummed contently as she dragged her fingers through the long strands and she kissed the top of his head affectionately.

“Maybe you should keep that in mind for the next time you have something tailored,” she suggested earning an answering chuckle from him.

“Am I gonna have a reason to have another suit made?” he asked with a teasing tint in his voice and she wondered if he could hear the way her heart suddenly sped up.

“You never know, maybe someday,” she answered trying to sound calm and casual. He hummed against her skin and the press of his lips against it made her sigh happily.

_ Maybe someday. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jag älskar dig - I love you
> 
> Sluta nu mamma - Stop it mom


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4th of July party at Sansa & Sandor's place.
> 
> Family fluff, silliness and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love you guys!
> 
> We only have a few more chapters to go now. It is so bittersweet but I can't freaking wait for you guys to read what is left of this story of mine.
> 
> Thank you to every single person who have read, kudosed and commented! Without you guys support I would never have gotten this far. Love all around!

There was something so amazing about having the people she cared about around here. And as she stood on the porch watching Sandor and Robb standing by the grill, Dantés at their feet hoping for some meat. The rest of their friends setting out the rest of the food that they had all brought on the table they had carried outside, she was so happy she could burst from it.

Bronn had his arms around Ros waist as she laughed at something Beric was telling them. Jeyne and Jake were placing out blankets on the lawn as Georgie and Tormund were running around playing tag. Brienne and Talisa were standing by the table of food, watching the two with happy smiles.

“This is really nice,” Ygritte said as she came over to stand next to Sansa. With a shake of her head Sansa reached out to pull a small stick and a leaf out of Ygritte’s wild looking hair.

“Seriously, there is a kid here,” Sansa scolded her and Ygritte shrugged with a smirk.

“We were only making out I swear. Not that I wouldn’t have minded a good fuck against a tree,” Ygritte said with a sly grin and Sansa slapped her arm with a sharp breath.

“That’s my cousin you’re talking about,” she hissed. Sansa had been ecstatic when Arya had showed up with Jon to their 4th of July party but she wasn’t sure what to think about Ygritte hooking up with him.

She knew that there had been some flirting and apparently they had been messaging each other but to see Ygritte run up and jump into his arms had shocked everyone. Well except for Jon, he had grinned and spun her around. Sansa wasn’t sure when she had ever seen her cousin smile like that. Sansa’s thoughts had gone directly to Edd but according to Ygritte they had talked everything out and parted as friends. Edd had to be a really good guy to do that, cause Sansa probably wouldn’t have been able to.

“Just don’t break his heart,” Sansa said softly and Ygritte wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Why would I do that? And who says he won’t break mine?” she said and there was an unusual sad tone in her friends voice.

“Oh trust me, I plan to have the same conversation with Jon,” Sansa said and with firm press of lips against her temple Ygritte walked off to get herself a beer. 

“Okay, everyone come and grab some burgers!” Robb called out and Sansa walked over to the grill. As soon as she stepped up to them Sandor wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side.

She gave him a happy smile and held out her plate. With a soft kiss he put a burger and corn on the cob on it. He then put the same on his own and followed her over to the table.

Everyone had gone all out, bringing potato salads and pasta salads and different treats. Sandor filled a whole second plate with food and she shook her head at his sheepish smile.

“You guys want some beers?” Sandor asked Tormund and Brienne as he opened the cooler. Tormund balanced his overly filled plate and happily accepted one while Brienne shook her head.

“We have wine if you’d rather have that,” Sansa offered.

“None for me thank you,” Brienne responded. That in itself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but the way Tormund’s face split into the biggest grin she had ever seen on the man, which was saying something, made Sansa raise her eyebrows. When the big redhead put down his beer and placed a protective hand over Brienne’ stomach Sansa’s eyes bore into the other womans.

The soft happy smile on Brienne’s face was all the confirmation she needed and Sansa squealed so loudly that Sandor jumped, dropping one of his overfilled plates on the ground.

“What the fuck was that for?” he exclaimed but Sansa was busy with throwing her arms around the other couple.

“You guys!” she laughed happily and wiped her cheeks to remove the happy tears that was running down them.

When she stopped squealing she realised that everyone was staring at them and she cringed at Tormund and Brienne.

“Oops, sorry,” she whispered but Tormund only shook his head with a laugh.

“That’s alright. We planned on telling everyone today,” he said and turned towards everyone who was watching expectantly. “Everyone! In about six months there is going to be another Giantsbane among us!”

There was more squealed and happy shouts of congratulations and despite Brienne seaming a little embarrassed by all the attention she looked so happy. And Tormund was beaming with pride. Sansa couldn’t help but smile up at Sandor but he wasn’t looking at her. He was frowning down at his feet as he waited for his chance to step up to the couple.

He offered each of them a firm handshake, making Tormund laugh as he pulled the larger man into a hug. After everyone settled down to eat Sandor remained quiet.

That was nothing unusual in itself, since he was a quiet man, but Sansa could tell that something was different. He listened and spoke when spoken to but other than that he didn’t make any effort to be apart of the conversation. And there was a small frown on his brow, a sure sign that he was thinking hard about something.

He was quick to offer to put away the leftover food and Sansa followed him into the kitchen. He stood by the kitchen window, looking out at the people, their people, but there was a deep frown on his face that made Sansa want to reach out and smooth it out with her finger.

“What’s the matter?” she asked and he whirled around to face her. There was a flash of worry on his face before he put on a mask of indifference that made Sansa’s stomach churn uncomfortably.

“Nothing,” he answered with a shrug and busied himself with putting the leftovers into tupperware.

“Sandor,” she said sternly but he didn’t stop. He didn’t even look at her. “Sandor, come on. I can tell that something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong, little bird.” The words came out under his breath and she closed her eyes with a deep breath.

“Really? Are we back to this?” When she opened her eyes, she found that he was looking at her with a confused frown. 

“To what?”

“Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on in your head,” she demanded and she crossed her arms over her chest. The stern look in her blue eyes didn’t waver for a second as he looked at her.

“Let’s not do this now. We are having a nice day, let’s get back outside to our friends.” As he spoke he stepped closer to her, reaching out a hand towards her but she flinched back and glared at him.

“We were having a nice day. But then you got all sullen and refuse to talk to me about it,” she said angrily. “Do you think so little of me? Or don’t you care about how it makes me feel when you put this wall between us?”

“Sansa come on… Let’s just go outside and enjoy our day,” he pleaded and tried to take her hand in his but she backed away again.

“I’m going to do that. You do whatever the hell you want. You always do.” She could feel angry tears well up in her eyes and she knew that if she stayed there was no way she was going to be able to keep them at bay.

She hurried back outside and with a small smile towards her friends she walked over to where Georige was standing with Talisa, laughing happily as Dantés fetched the stick he was throwing.

“San! Look! Danty is a good boy!” Georgie exclaimed happily as Dantés came running back, dropping the stick at the little boys feet.

“He’s the bestest,” she agreed with a smile but somehow the little boy saw that it was a forced one because he frowned up at her.

“San sad?” he asked and she worried that maybe a tear had escaped without her knowing. Talisa was looking at her with a worried frown as well but Sansa shook her head at her. She couldn’t talk about it right now. She honestly didn’t want too, what she wanted was to talk to Sandor but he refused, yet again.

“I’m okay Georgie,” she assured him as she kneeled down to his level. Without a word Georgie threw his arms around her in as tight of a hug as his three year old arms could muster. “Thank you sweetie.”

The smile she gave the little boy then was genuine and seeming satisfied Georgie threw the stick again. Talisa raised one eyebrow questioningly at her but Sansa turned her head away. Thankfully Talisa didn’t prod, instead they both watched the interaction between the boy and dog in silence, laughing as he did.

“You guys! It’s time for dessert!” Georgie and Dantés heads both snapped around when Arya called out to them. As Sansa turned around she could see that Sandor was standing by the table, putting out pies and bowls of whipped cream. There was already a thermos and cups as well as lemonade on the table.

A part of her didn’t want to go over there, knowing that he might try to talk to her again and she’d probably break down into tears or turn it into a shouting match if he did. But she had put a lot of effort into making those four different kinds of pies the day before and dammit, she deserved a slice of each. Maybe that would help with the way her heart was aching.

“Sansa! Did you make all of these?” Jon said in shock as she came up to the table. She had intentionally put herself between Jon and Beric, keeping a safe distance from Sandor. She could feel him looking at her but she ignored him in favor of smiling at her cousin.

“Well yeah. I wanted to make different kinds so that hopefully everyone could have something they liked,” she answered and Arya perked up at that.

“Pecan pie?” she asked hopefully and Sansa pointed at the pie that still had the tinfoil over it.

“Yes. And one apple, one lemon meringue and one blueberry,” she told them and her chest ached over the stupid blueberry. That one was Sandor’s favorite and she had made it for him. Right now a part of her wanted to take that stupid pie and throw it in the trash.

_ Or in his face. _

“Well, I’ve said it again and I’ll say it again. You are one lucky bastard,” Tormund said happily as he hit Sandor on the back.

“Yeah, I know I am.” Sandor spoke softly and Sansa had to bite her lip to distract herself from how badly she wanted to look at him. But if she did she’d notice the sad look in his eyes that he got everytime that they fought and then she wouldn’t be able to be angry anymore. Despite being completely valid in her anger the need to comfort him always seemed to take president in her heart. And she needed to stop that, she needed to put herself first once in a while.

So instead she poured coffee and handed out the cups while they others cut up the pies. Sandor hovered around the table, she could see him from the corner of her eye and when she had poured everyone else a cup she couldn’t help but pour one for him as well.

“Here,” she said as she held it out to him. He looked surprised but moved towards her quickly as if he was worried that she would change her mind. Once he had taken it she turned back around in order to pour one for herself.

“Sansa…” His voice sounded pleading as he put a large hand on her shoulder. “Will you look at me?”

“No,” she answered flatly. “Because if I do then I’ll cry and I do not want to do that today.”

The hand on her shoulder tensed and for a second she thought he’d actually pull it back and leave her alone. But instead he spun her around and pulled her into his chest. Her nostrils filled with the familiar woodsy, pine scent that was Sandor as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on the top of her head. She could both feel and hear the deep exhale of air before he spoke.

“Why can’t you just leave it?” he asked between gritted teeth and that made her eyes snapp up to glare at him.

“Because I love you and I care about you. And that means wanting to help you when you are hurting. And it also means that I want you to trust me with your heart and your fears. Like I trust you with mine,” she said and he face twisted into a confused scowl. “It’s the only way I know how to be, it’s the only way I want us to be. So no, I can’t just leave it. Even if you might.”

His grip on her tightened and he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

“I promise you that I’m not hurting. And I promise I’ll talk to you. I just don’t want to do it right now with everyone here. Okay?” The warm air from his breath tickled the sensitive skin of her neck making her shiver despite the warm day. She knew that it was a peace offering, a compromise and it made her anger simmer out until she wrapped her arms around him in turn. She could feel his whole body relax against her and his lips pressed gently at her pulse point. She knew that she might have overreacted, being too worried about him shutting her out and in doing so taking his discomfort as something bigger than it was.

“Alright.” The word was spoken softly against his hair and she couldn’t keep the smile of her face as they held each other. She had a clear view of everyone around them and the happy warm feeling that had been there earlier slowly made its way back into her chest.

“Let’s have some pie.” A happy grumble against her skin followed her suggestion and he kept one arm around her as they turned towards the pies. She could feel the growl as it built in his chest before it made its way up his throat and out his mouth.

“You greedy fu… fudgers.” The correction came as his eyes got caught on the wide curious eyes of Georgie and Sansa had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. “Couldn’t you at least have saved one slice for me?!”

Sandor looked furious as he glared down at the table and Sansa tightened her grip on him to calm him.

“There’s plenty of apple and lemon pie left,” she told him but that only made him scowl deeper.

“I wanted blueberry. I’ve been fu...freaking waiting all day for a slice of that pie.” He sounded almost like a petulant child and Sansa saw how Tormund’s face turned down to the plate in his hand. Sandor caught the movement too and when his eyes zoned in on the large helping of blueberry pie on the other man’s plate they darkened considerably. With a flare of his nostrils he let go of Sansa and marched up to Tormund who watched him move closer with cold calm.

“Give it here!” Sandor demanded and snatched out his hand to grab the plate but the red haired man moved away swiftly. “You ginger fudger, you have enough pie for three slices. Just let me have some!”

“No! It’s mine!” Tormund called back and Sansa had to clasp a hand over her mouth to hide her laughter. “Is fudger even a word?!”

They were acting like children, Sandor chasing Tormund, who deftly dodge every attempt Sandor made to grab his plate with a cheeky grin.

“Get him Sandor!” Brienne shouted, making Tormund whip his head towards here with a surprised face.

“Your my wife!” he protested but Brienne only grinned teasingly at him. “Turning my woman against me, huh?” 

With a cheeky grin Tormund ran towards Sansa, putting her in front of him. It was both thrilling and a little unnerving watching Sandor walking towards her with a predatory glint in his eyes. Suddenly he pounced and Sansa shrieked as his arms came around her, grabbing hold of the plate behind her back.

“Let go!” Sandor snarled and Sansa was in a fit of giggles between the two struggling men when Georgie suddenly stepped up to them.

“Have to ask nice.” The small voice rang out and suddenly all laughter and shouts of encouragement were silenced as they all watched the little boy walk up to the two large men. “Ask nice and he share.”

Sansa felt her heart swell with the affection she held for her sweet little nephew and she gave both Sandor and Tormund pointed looks. It said a lot when a three years old had to tell two grown men how to act.

“You’re right little man,” Tormund said with a soft smile at the little boy. “If Sandor asks nicely I’ll share my pie.”

Every single pair of eyes turned expectantly to Sandor and his caught Sansa’s first before they moved over to Georgie’s. He gritted his teeth and the look in his eyes as he turned them towards Tormund would never be called nice but he kept his voice mild.

“Will you please share your pie with me?” Georgie nodded at them both and Sansa moved out of Sandor’s arms to kneel down to give the little boy a hug. He was definitely his mother’s son.

Even after he had gotten a slice and sat down at the one of the blankets Sandor was glaring at Tormund and somehow managed to make shoving his face with pie look aggressive.

“Can I have some?” Sansa asked as she leaned against his side, hiding her smile against his shoulder. She was only trying to tease him, thinking that he would protest but to her surprise he held out the last piece of his pie to her with a soft smile.

Despite being cross with him before there was something so caring and selfless about that gesture that Sansa felt herself blush. Without a word she grabbed the spoon and fed the pie to him, Sandor eat it with his brow knitted in confusion. She then sat up on her knees and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling his face towards hers.

He grunted in surprise when she pressed her lips against his in a firm kiss. She didn’t give him time to return the kiss before she pressed her tongue inside his mouth, having her taste every inch of it. She swallowed his moan before pulling back enough to look into his dazed eyes.

“Best blueberry pie I’ve ever tasted.” Her voice came out as a husky whisper and his hands reached out to grasp her hips, his wide fingers spanning her lower back and the top of her behind.

“There’s a kid here,” Robb said in a sing-song voice and Sansa flushed bright red while Sandor pulled her sideways onto his lap, making it look completely innocent. She could feel the smile that pulled at his lips against the skin of her neck and leaned into his chest with a happy sigh.

The rest of the day followed in an easy and happy atmosphere and it stayed with them until they had waved goodbye to the last of their friends and headed inside.

She could feel the change in the air as it happened, she could see it in the tensing of Sandor’s shoulders and it made her anxious.

“Wanna go to bed?” His voice was low and not in that sexy way that would make her knees weak. No, it sounded small and unsure and she wanted to tell him that there was no way that she was going to sleep until he talked to her. But he had said that he would and she just had to trust that he would do that.

_ Be patient. Be patient. _

She repeated those words like a mantra inside her head as they both got ready for bed. He didn’t say a word as they undress, keeping his back turned to her. That in itself was a sign that something was troubling him. Those nights where he wasn’t working and they got to go to bed together they’d usually talk about their day as they undressed or there were only a few heated words exchanged as they undressed each other.

This distance made her concerned, but perhaps he was just trying to figure out how to talk to her. At least she hoped so. When he was down to his boxers and she was only in her panties he turned around with a heavy sigh.

“You got really excited over Tormund and Brienne having a baby.” His eyes were looking down, avoiding her face and that made her frown. Sandor was always bold and upfront, she wasn’t used to him avoiding looking at her this plainly.

“Yeah well I am excited for them. A baby is something to be excited about don’t you think?” Her voice sounded as unsure as she felt. She didn’t understand why they were talking about this right now. Was he trying to distract her or was this what had been bothering him?

“I guess… I don’t know. It just got me thinking.” There was a tint of worry in his voice and she wished he would look at her so that she could try and see what he was thinking or feeling. His eyes usually could say so much more than he could manage with his words.

“What did it made you think about?” she asked and his eyes snapped up to look at her. He was studying her, weighing something in his mind before he took a deep breath to steady himself.

“That you’d probably want kids one day.” He said it so fast, all in one breath that she had to take a moment to separate the words in her head. When she did a soft smile spread across her lips and there was a fluttering in her stomach.

The idea of having her own children some day had always been a dream of hers. As a girl she had mothered her younger siblings, to Arya’s annoyance. With Joffrey that dream had been put away into a deep part of her heart, because she could never imagine putting a child through what he was doing to her.

But things were different now, she had Sandor and the dream had slowly resurfaced. She wasn’t about to admit to Sandor that she might have imagined a little boy or girl with her hair and his eyes, she really hoped they’d have his eyes. It was too soon for that. Yet he was the one who brought it up so maybe she could at least acknowledge it.

“Yeah, someday.” She had hoped that simple admittance, that put no pressure on him would suffice but he looked stricken. As if he had hoped that she’d say no and now he was regretting bringing it up. “Don’t you?”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she could take them back. Because the answer was there, written plainly on his face long before he shook his head and it hurt. She hadn’t expected it to feel like a punch in the gut but it did.

She suddenly felt exposed standing practically naked before him while her heart was clutching painfully in her chest. She had never felt like that before with him but she quickly got into bed, pulling the covers over her naked chest hoping that the fabric would shelter her. He watched her, she could feel his eyes on her as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed but she couldn’t look at him. If he did, he'd see how hard she was thinking, her thoughts a swirling mess in her head.

“Not even someday?” The words left her mouth without her permission and he sighed so heavily that the mattress moved beneath him.

“It’s just not something I’ve pictured myself having. Being a father is just…” he stopped himself and she held her breath for a minute, hoping that he would continue but he didn’t.

“What about marriage and being a family? Is that not something you want?” She knew she was being cowardly, keeping her eyes firmly on her lap but she didn’t know what else to do.

“You and Dantés are my family.” He sounded so sure and usually that type of declaration would make her heart soar but now it only cause a heavy weight in her stomach. “Can’t that be enough?”

A part of her wanted to say yes. Because she couldn’t, didn’t want to, imagine a future without Sandor. But that future would never move beyond this, what they were now. It felt like her dreams and hopes for the future, their future, was stolen from her in that instance and it hurt. But worse of all it scared her. Could she be happy giving up the one thing she had always wanted, for him? Could it be enough?

“I… I guess.” The words felt wrong, like ash in her mouth but she couldn’t manage to say anything else. She wanted him and if having him meant not having children, how could she be able to give up the one for the other? Sandor was here now, he was certain. A possible future child was not.

“Sansa…” She could feel him shifting on the bed and she quickly laid down, rolling onto her side with her back towards him. That made him stop his movement and she knew the position gave away her discomfort.

They were always a tangle of limbs when they slept, Sansa could never get close enough as she would burrow into his side. But not now, not tonight. She couldn’t bare to pretend that everything was fine.

With a sigh he laid down too and hesitantly his large arm came to rest over her hip and she didn’t fight it as he pulled her back into his chest. The warmth of him still managed to be somewhat of a comfort for her even when he was the one to had inflicted the hurt.

“Good night, love” he said softly against the back of her head and she swallowed deeply before telling him the same.

As she heard his breath even out her fingers traced the tattoo that spanned all of the inside of his forearm. She had traced every inch of tattooed skin on his body and the intricate barren tree had always struck her as one of the more beautiful ones. There was so much detail even in the simple lines of branches and thick trunk. When he had added to it a few weeks earlier she had noticed instantly and the meaning of it had made her cry then.

She cried once again, silent tears falling as her fingers caressed the small red bird that now sat perched on one of the branches, barren like the rest expect from the point where the bird was sitting where there had sprouted green leaves.

_ Why can’t this be enough? _


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They want different things, how will this affect their relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter because I can't seem to stay away.
> 
> This one has point of view shifts - I've marked them when they happen and I hope it's clear. If not, let me know.

** _Sandor_ **

He had to be an idiot to not notice that something had changed since that night. He had told her about never imagining having children and she had pulled away. He had seen her with her nephew and the way she was beaming at Brienne and Tormund and it had made him fucking panic.

He couldn’t be a father, he knew he’d be a fucking terrible one but more than anything he was a piece of shit for not being able to give her what she wanted. The mere thought of putting his fucking offspring into the world made his blood run cold. He had nothing good to give to a child, the fucking scarred mess that he was inside and out.

Like the coward he was he had pretended to not notice the way she’d look at kids or pregnant women they passed, because that would mean acknowledging something that could mean the end of everything he did want.

Her. He wanted her. As he watched her glaring at the computer in his office he leaned against the doorframe with a sigh. He could tell by the way her eyes were glazed over that she wasn’t really seeing the numbers on the screen. Her head was somewhere else and if he had believed in the Gods he would probably have prayed that with time she’d find him enough to make her happy.

“Everything alright little bird?” Despite keeping his voice light and soft she still jumped and her cheeks flushed as if she’d got caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

“Oh. Yeah. Just… math,” she answered with a shrug and despite him being able to tell that it was a lie he didn’t call her out on it.

_ Coward. _

“Right. Need a break? We could go to the coffee shop across the street. I saw that they have those lemon squares that you like.” He was desperate, he knew. Desperate to distract her from where her thoughts seemed prone to wander and he wanted his Sansa back. The one that he would catch smiling at the little things. But this Sansa, the dampened one shook her head.

“Thanks but I’d better continue with this,” she said with a dismissive nod before her eyes returned back to the screen.

Fuck, he couldn’t stand this. He understood that she probably needed time to process what he had told her and come to terms with it. He had to hope that she would. Because he didn’t know how he was supposed to go back to a life without her. But how long was it going to take?

She was the same way when they were home. She barely said a word to him during dinner and after she sat down on the couch with a book, completely shutting him out.

Usually one of his favorite things were when they just sat together on the couch, both reading books, just enjoying the closeness. But when he sat down she didn’t lean back and let him rest his head on her lap, like he loved to do. Instead she pulled her knees into her chest and the sight of her putting so much distance between them made him snap.

“You ever plan on talking to me again?” his voice came out as a hard bristle and she flinched. Her head snapped up to look at him and it was as if she just realised that he was sitting there next to her.

“What?” she asked and he clenched his teeth at her wide eyed look.

“Don’t fucking “what” me!” He hadn’t meant to shout. The irritation and worry that had been plaguing him for the last few days had weaseled its way into his heart and he hated it. “You barely look at me! And you don’t say anything!”

“I… I do too…” He cut off her protest with a derisive scoff causing her to wrap her arms around her bent legs.

“Only when I ask you something. Other than that you walk around like a fucking ghost!” His took a deep breath through his nose when he saw the tears gathering in her eyes. 

_ Nice going you fucking idiot. Making her cry is even worse than her being quiet. _

He tried to calm himself as he reached out to put a hand on her knee, hoping that she wouldn’t push his hand away. To his relief she looked up at him and didn’t pull away. But there was a sadness in her eyes that made his heart skip a beat from fear.

When she finally started talking he wished he would have left well enough alone. 

* * *

** _Sansa_ **

“You are a hundred percent sure that you will never want children? There isn’t even a slight chance that maybe someday you’d want that?” She knew she shouldn’t let herself be hopeful that he would give her the answer she wanted. Because that wasn’t who he was, he’d always tell her the truth even if it hurt her.

“I can’t give you false hope little bird. I can’t be a father, I just can’t. I won’t pretend that I might change my mind someday.” His voice was soft and his eyes pleading with her to understand. And she did. She knew it had to do with his childhood.

She also understood that there had to be something about his past that had made him shut people out and had him thinking that he didn’t want a family. She wanted to understand why, she needed to know why. Maybe it was selfish of her but how was she ever going to be able to accept it if she didn’t know why he felt that way?

To give herself a chance to calm the racing of her heart she moved into the kitchen but instead of giving her space he followed behind her. She knew there was no point in trying to walk away from this conversation. They needed to have it, because she needed answers.

“Why? What is it that makes you think that? Because I think you’d be a great father. You’re kind and loving...” she started but a low growl from him made her stop.

“Stop that! You don’t know shit about what kind of father I’d be. Just because I’m kind to you that doesn’t mean shit.” His voice was a rasp of anger and resentment. “I’ve gone through more shit than you can ever imagine and I am not fit to fucking care for another human being.”

“What? What happened to you Sandor? Please, tell me. Help me understand.” She knew she was begging but she couldn’t care how pathetic she looked or sounded in that moment. She needed to know.

“You can’t fucking understand. You just have to accept that it is who I am. And if that’s not enough then I don’t know what the fuck I can do to make it so.” There was a finality to his words that she couldn’t accept, she wouldn’t.

“Talk to me.” He shook his head vehemently and glared at her behind his long hair.

“Don’t you dare glare at me. We are adults in an adult relationship. Act your age,” she hissed as she stared at him.

“My age? Why don’t you stop fucking acting as if you get to tell me what to do,” he growled low and deep, his anger making his voice even raspier. “Just because I don’t do everything exactly how you want me to you throw a fucking fit like a spoiled little girl.”

She knew she was gaping at him like a fish out of water but she had never expected him to say something so mean. And she could tell by the way he was staring at her that he meant every word.

_ This is what he thinks of me. _

“I do not tell you what to do,” she tried to protest but he threw a scoff full of spite at her.

“Yes you do. You tell me that I have to talk to you, even when I’ve made it fucking clear I don’t wanna talk. You can’t fucking wait until I’m ready, it has to be on your fucking terms,” he growled. She instinctively took a step back and then another until her back hit the counter. But he kept following her, crowding her with his body. “It’s not enough that I’ve turned my whole bloody life fucking upside down because of you, I never give enough according to you.”

Those last words hurt worse than any of the other things he had ever said to her and she knew it was because it was close to the truth. She had wanted him to act the way she had wanted instead of trying to see what he had needed or wanted. If he wasn’t ready to talk about his painful past, why couldn’t she give him time and be patient?

She felt her eyes well with tears but he seemed too angry to notice, or maybe he didn’t care.

“I… I…” she stuttered trying to figure out how to put her feelings into words but he cut her off with a snarl that made her flinch.

“I’ve tried being the man you want me to be but fuck, I’m getting really tired off disapointing you all the fucking time,” he said and she felt as if her heart was breaking and threatend to shatter inside her chest. “You deserve better.”

“Are you…?” she hated how small her voice sounded and she had to look away from the anger on his face when the first tear fell. She couldn’t manage to say what she was thinking because her heart would definitely break then.

“Am I what? What Sansa?!” he exclaimed and her shoulders were shaking with the effort of keeping her tears at bay.

“I can’t do this anymore.” There was a sudden whoosh of air as he exhaled and suddenly his towering presence was gone and she felt both relieved and scared when he moved away. She lifted her eyes slowly, worried what she was going to see in his face but when she looked up he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. Before she had a chance to calm her racing heart she heard the back door closing and she sank down to the floor with a sob.

* * *

** _Sandor_ **

He had overreacted. He had lashed out and fucked up. Just like he was prone to do and as soon as he closed the door behind him he wished he could take everything back. Why the fuck did the fact that she wanted him to share his worries and hurts make him lash out?

Because he was fucked up.

_ Showing weakness will get you killed. _

He wasn’t in an abusive home anymore. He wasn’t fighting for his life in the army. He was safe and he was fucking loved. He just didn’t know how to let himself be loved fully.

He knew how to fight, how to protect himself and that meant keeping what had happened to him deep inside, locking it away to never be seen or thought of again. But shit kept getting thrown at him that threatened to break the fragile lock on those old memories, bringing his old fears out with them.

But then there was Sansa. Sansa was everything that was good in this fucked up world, she was everything. And he kept her at a distance because a part of him couldn’t believe that she’d truly want him. If she knew what fucked up history he came from she wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

He knew that he wasn’t the man she thought he was, the man she saw was wasn’t the real him. The real him wasn’t father material. He was too fucked up to be able to be a good father. What if he turned into his own father? He’d rather die than let that happen.

He should just keep walking, get far enough away so that she could move on with her life. A life without him. That was probably for the better. He stood there for what felt like only a moment and an eternity at the same time before he whirled back around and ran to the house. He was fucking selfish and he wanted her. He didn’t care if she’d scream and shout at him. He’d take it to be with her.

His feet carried him into the kitchen but she wasn’t there. Without thinking he ran up the stairs to their bedroom and as he flung the door open dread set in his chest. Everything looked just how it had this morning except that everything felt different. The room felt empty and his eyes caught on the spaces that used to hold Sansa’s things that now were gone. The book she had been reading was missing from the nightstand, her dressing gown no longer hung from the hook on the door.

Pure instinct made him pull open her drawers and his stomach dropped as he saw that there were clothes missing. Some were still there but enough was missing for him to feel concerned.

Dantés was whining against the front door when Sandor hurried down the stairs so he threw it open. From the porch he could see that her car was gone and he sank down on the steps as Dantés came to rest his head on his lap.

“I fucked this up, boy.”

He wanted to chase after her, tell her to come back home but if he did that he knew that there was only one way she was going to agree to that. And that was if he told her everything and even then, faced with having her staying angry with him, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do that. Because that meant losing her for good.

What he needed to do was give her time to calm down and then she’d be back. She lived here now, this was her home. She had to come back at some point. He moved inside and sank down on the couch. He gave Dantés a grateful smile when the dog jumped up to lay next to him and rested his head in Sandor’s lap. While one hand stroked Dantés head the other typed on his phone.

**Sandor: I’m sorry little bird. Just please let me know where you are and that you’re safe.**

He had gotten himself some scotch and forced himself to leave the bottle in the bar cabinet or else he knew he’d down the whole thing. But every time the glass became empty he refilled it. He was on his third glass when she finally responded.

**Sansa: I’m going to be staying with Miranda for a while. I need space to think and figure some things out.**

He didn’t like the sound of that and he almost sent a message questioning what the fuck there was to think about. But he knew, and he knew better than to let his anger take over now. He had learned something in his time with Sansa and it was that his anger always made things worse. Maybe having a day or two to calm down wouldn’t hurt them. Even if it hurt him to not have her there with him, to not have her home.

**Sandor: Okay, if that’s what you need. Just come home soon. I love you.**

**Sansa: I’ll talk to you later.**

The sharp pang in his chest from the missing “I love you too” was so painful that he downed the whole glass in one go and buried his face into Dantés fur. The dog huffed at him but let Sandor cling to him without further protest.

“Good boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah... Let me know what you guys think...


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I just couldn't keep myself from posting another one. Only three more to go after this one!
> 
> This one was a tough one, both to write and to emotionally get through. I both hate it and love it at the same time due to that.
> 
> I hope you all will lean more towards love ;)
> 
> **Also - wanted to give a heads-up. There is a brief reference to a past suicide attempt in this chapter. Not in detail but wanted to let you guys know incase that is sensitive to some of you. Lots of love!

Later ended up being four days later. She answered his text when he sent them, telling him she was fine and that she still needed time. She’d even ask about how Dantés was doing and he thought that it was a good sign that she missed the dog. Even if she kept her answers short at least she wasn’t ignoring him.

He had spent a whole day away from work, since sundays had become his new day off since living with Sansa. He had wallowed in the emptiness of the house and hated it. So Dantés and him had spent most of the time outside or in his workshop in the garage. He had tried to make the time she said she needed move faster but it was moving at a snail's pace no matter what he did.

The following monday he had been back at work, pretending that everything was fine. That it wasn’t at all strange that by wednesday Sansa hadn’t been to the bar once. She usually worked there on wednesdays and thursdays, doing the numbers while everyone prepped. The naive part of him hoped that maybe he’d find her there, sitting in the office on wednesday, acting as if nothing had happened.

But she hadn’t. He had locked the office door and sat by the desk for a whole hour before he was able to steady the racing of his heart. The pounding sound of his own heartbeat in his ears had made him deaf to everything else. His eyes had been locked on the framed picture of them that Sansa had placed on the desk along with the green plant that she claimed would make the place nicer and the air better. How she managed to become such an inaugural part of every piece of his life was beyond him but he knew that there was nothing he’d change that for in the world.

So he went to work on thursday, expecting it to be the same as the day before. But when he opened the door to his office, his heart leapt out of his chest. There she was, standing behind the desk. The first thing that struck him was how beautiful she was, he’d probably never be able to anticipate how much his heart swelled when he saw her. The second thing was that she looked tired. She had dark circles under her eyes and he couldn’t help but wonder if she struggled with sleeping without him, like he did without her.

He wanted to run up and pull her into his arms and never let her go again. But there was a desk between them and he suspected she had chosen to place herself behind it for a reason.

“Sansa…” Her eyes welled with tears instantly, making his words catch in his throat. Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

“Can I please just say what I need to say first?” Her voice sounded small and scared and he hated it. She shouldn’t feel scared to talk to him and he never wanted her to feel like she needed to ask his permission to do so. But he didn’t say that, instead he simply nodded and she took a deep fortifying breath that had his heart drop down into his stomach.

“I have been trying to wrap my head around everything and I understand that I have been unfair. I’ve expected you to talk to me and tell me everything just because that’s what I want. I realised that I can’t just expect you to share years of hurt with me if you don’t want to.” Despite her saying everything that he had thought and felt in the last few days it didn’t sit right with him. Something was off in the way her eyes were glued to his chest, not once looking up and into his eyes. She hadn’t struggled with looking at him before, not like this. “But I also thought about what I need and want, now and in the future. I’ve spent my life trying to please others, giving up on my life and my wishes in favour of what others wanted from or for me. I can’t live like that again, I won’t.”

There was a heavy sense of dread in the air, or maybe it was within him but somehow he knew that this was not going to go the way he wanted it too. It all happened as he imagined a car accident would, he could only hold on and watch it happen without being able to stop it.

“You don’t want a family someday but I do. I really do. It’s one of the only things I’m sure of right now. I wish we felt the same but we don’t and neither of us should have to bend to the others will.” Those words made him frown. _ What the fuck was she on about? _

He wanted a family, he had a family. She was it. She was his family. But as she looked at him with tears in her eyes he figured she hadn’t realised that that was the case.

“You’re not making any fucking sense,” he gritted out and the blue in her eyes looked so bright due to the tears that made them glisten. She was so fucking beautiful and it fucking hurt. “You told me that family doesn’t have to be blood. That it can be more than that, that you can choose your family. Well I fucking chose you didn’t I? Your the one who’s saying I’m not enough.”

Her tears were falling freely now and he felt miserable. Miserable because she was sad and miserable because she moved out from behind the desk but kept a safe distance between them. He understood what that meant, that she was avoiding his touch and that hurt. Because that was what he needed most right now, to touch her. To have her close and the fact that she denied him that was worse than her words.

“I’m sorry Sandor.” He didn’t want her to be sorry. He wanted her to stop, to look at him and let him hold her. But he couldn’t make the words come out of his throat. Instead he simply stood there as she passed him and walked out the door.

* * *

This was definitely the worst fight they had ever had and the longest time they had spent apart since moving in together. He hated it. He didn’t get any sleep but he lived on caffeine and the hope that she’d come home soon. He had fought the urge to get piss drunk, the thought of Sansa finding him in that state making him put the bottle back into the cabinet, untouched.

He was sitting at the kitchen island with his fifth cup of coffee of the day in front of him when he heard the car coming down the drive. He didn’t care that he looked a mess, still in his fucking pyjamas pants and a dirty t-shirt, he ran out the door and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Sansa’s car parked outside. But all the elation died when the door opened and Arya stepped out.

She gave him a sad smile as if his disapointment was obvious on his face and he wondered what the fuck she wanted. When she pulled out moving boxes from the trunk his face turned into an angry scowl.

“Get your ass back in the fucking car Arya.” His voice was a heated growl and it made her stop. That sad smile was back on her face and he wanted to fucking put his hand through a wall.

_ This isn't fucking happening. It was just a fight. _

“I’m sorry big man, but Sansa asked me to get some things for her.” Arya’s voice was softer then he had ever heard it and the pity in her eyes made him weak in the knees. He leaned heavily into the doorframe as she stepped closer, hoping to hide how unsteady he felt.

“There is no fucking way your going in there. If Sansa needs something she can fucking come and get it herself.” Fuck, it felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

“I know you’re hurting but I need to do this for my sister.” There was a firm determination in her voice and it made Sandor drag a hand over his face.

“GET BACK INTO THE FUCKING CAR!” he bellowed but Arya only glared at him defiantly as she moved towards him.

“No.” Her voice was like stone, unyielding and it made Sandor feel like she might just as well had clogged him over the head, his knees going weak and his chest aching painfully.

“Why won’t she come home?” he knew he sounded pleading and needy but he didn’t care. He just needed to know. He needed to know what he could do to fix this. Without giving him a response Arya pushed past him and he felt too drained to fight her.

Instead he followed her up the stairs and watched from the doorway as Arya threw Sansa’s clothes into one box haphazardly. He knew that Sansa would hate it, her needing to fold and iron everything to avoid creases was a big contrast to the messier Arya.

“Sansa has always put other people first. She left her home and college of choice for Joffrey and that went to shit. She chose her degree based on what our parents wanted for her. Did you know she always wanted to be a veterinarian? Robb was supposed to take over the company after dad but when he decided to become a doctor that role fell on Sansa.” Arya was talking as she packed and walked out into the hall down to the bathroom forcing him to follow if he wanted to hear the rest. “After what happened with Joffrey our parents agreed to let her have some time to do what she wanted, career wise. But they still expect her to come work with dad one day. And she will. Because that’s who she is. She puts everyone else first.”

He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that, but gratefully Arya didn’t seem to expect him to say anything because she continued talking without looking at him and he obediently followed her back into the bedroom. He hadn’t known those details and a part of him was bothered by the fact that Sansa hadn’t shared that with him. But he had known that Sansa was the kind of person who put other people’s need first. She wanted to take care of people, make other people happy. She had wanted to make him happy. Sh_ e had _made him happy.

“She won’t tell me what happened between you two other than that you guys don’t want the same things for your future. Which I think is bullshit. Because I see the way you look at her, she is your future.” She dropped the armload of hygiene products and make up into one box and whirled around to face him. Her grey eyes were prodding and despite being so different from Sansa’s there was the same determination there. “So you’re going to tell me what happened. Right now.”

“Fuck off.” He knew it was childish but he couldn’t care less. He was angry and he was hurt. Sansa had told him that just because you had a fight you didn’t break up but that was what was happening now wasn’t it? She was leaving him and she had sent her fucking sister to get her things instead of facing him herself.

He wanted to scream and rage at someone, anyone, and he had hoped that Arya would take the bait. She was usually so hot headed but now when he needed her to be, she instead remained calm. And that was what made him realise that he had lost. He had lost everything.

“She wants kids.” The words came out as a tired sigh and Arya nodded her head in understanding.

“Yeah. I never got why but she has loved kids since forever. She babysat any chance she got, because she loved it. I take it you don’t?” she asked and he shook his head. “Then I get it. She is fucking hurting and I came here hoping to have a reason to kick your ass but you look just as shitty as she does. But it’s for the best.”

With widened eyes he raised himself to his full height and glared down at the short woman. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? How was this for the best? He was losing everything he had. He was losing the one thing he once thought he’d never have and he knew now he couldn’t live without.

“Hey. Isn’t it better to hurt now and then you can move on then have her staying, hoping that one day you’d change your mind? Only to have her be disappointed and have lost her chance at having kids? That would ruin her.” 

He hated her in that moment because what she was saying made sense. He couldn’t find any words to argue the plain truth so he didn’t say anything. He only knew that he couldn’t stay there anymore and watch as she packed up the things that made this place a home. He called Dantés and the dog followed him out to the truck. Once he was inside the car he drove off.

_ Arya can fucking see herself out._

* * *

There was a click of a door sliding open and then a blinding light. It caused him to groan and lift his arm to shield his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sandor lifted the arm away at the sound of Bronn’s voice and glared up at the man standing in front of him. “Fuck, are you drunk?”

Sandor swept his arm towards the empty bottles of scotch and beer around him, almost tipping himself over in the process and Bronn scoffed. The cement floor of the storage room wasn’t comfortable in the slightest but Sandor hadn’t minded it last night because he had been drunk. Now after sleeping on it for a while his back and ass was sore. To lighten the throbbing he took a deep swig right out of a half empty bottle of scotch, only to have Bronn snatch it out of his hands.

“If you’re gonna get piss drunk you could at least do it in your office where the staff can’t walk in on you,” Bronn growled as he picked up the empty bottles.

“No. Can’t go in there. She is everywhere there,” he slurred and Bronn frowned down in confusion. “Staff doesn’t come in until tomorrow. S’fine.”

“It is fucking tomorrow you fucked up idiot.” With a heavy sigh he sat down on the floor next to Sandor, but kept the bottle out of reach. “Why didn’t you go home last night? Does Sansa know that you’re here?”

“She left me.” The words left his mouth in a gust of air and the finality of what had happened sunk in then. It was the truth. She was gone and he was alone, only it hurt worse know because now he knew what it was like to not be alone, what it was like to have her.

“Shit.” Bronn took a long swig out of the bottle before handing it back to Sandor who did the same. “What did you do?”

Sandor glared at him but his friend only gave him a calm look back, making Sandor take another swig before answering.

“She wants kids.”

“Yeah? I mean, sure it’s soon but if you tell her you need some time I’m sure she’d get it.” Bronn’s voice and face was so calm but his eyes betrayed his unease. Sandor must look a worse mess than he thought if Bronn was looking at him like that. He sure as hell felt like a big one.

“No. She wants kids _ someday _ and I can’t…” Sandor shook his head and Bronn’s eyebrows shot up.

“Oh… well today they have different ways to have kids if you can’t…”

“I’m not sterile for fuck sake!” Sandor interrupted and Bronn frowned at him. “At least I don’t think so.”

“Then what the fuck is the problem? The most amazing woman in the world says she wants to have your fucking babies _ someday _ and you run scared? That what happened?” Bronn suddenly sounded angry and when Sandor turned his head to look at him the other man did indeed looked pissed. “Are you shitting me? When are you gonna fucking realise that you have to stop punishing yourself?”

“I’m not scared. I know I’d be a shit father. I’d be just like him.” Sandor had to clench his fist not to fucking punch his friend in the face when Bronn scoffed derisivly.

“You ain't nothing like your old man and you know it. You’d never hurt a hair on Sansa or your future kids heads. You just have to stop fucking punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fucking fault,” Bronn said and stood. He glared down at Sandor who defiantly took another swig of the bottle. 

“I come from a long line of monsters, of course I am gonna be one too.” Sandor dared Bronn to disagree with that but his friend only sighed as he leaned against the wall. Bronn knew enough of Sandor’s past to know what he was talking about.

Bronn had his own shares of demons but he hadn’t gone through what Sandor had. Sure, Bronn’s father had been shit too but in the sense that he hadn’t been around. The rest of Bronn’s story was of a hardworking mother and a boy that got into the army to make his own way. His demons had come to him then, when he was an adult. Sandor’s had haunted him all his life. There was nothing to be done with that and the sooner Bronn accepted that, he could leave Sandor alone to drink in peace.

“You remember what you told me that night in the hospital?” The bottle froze halfway to Sandor’s mouth then and he lowered it with a sigh, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach and it wasn’t the alcohol’s doing.

“Yeah. And it was a shit thing to say,” Sandor said but Bronn held up a hand to silence him.

“You told me that I had a choice to make. Either I’d make my life the best that I could and be fucking grateful for what I had, despite how little. Or the next time I tried to kill myself I’d better succeed because you were done with having to drive me to the hospital.” Sandor hated himself even more then in that moment.

_ I’m a shit friend, a shit boyfriend and I am a shit person. _

“You were right. I needed to hear the blunt ugly truth then and you need to hear it now. Sansa is the best fucking thing that ever happened to you. With her you were finally living, living happily, instead of working as a way to fill the loneliness that you had exiled yourself into.” Bronn’s hand was heavy as it came down to rest on Sandor’s shoulders. “You are a good man and you deserve to be happy. Being scared of what kind of father you’d be is a sign that you’d try to be the best one you can be. And shit, that kid, your kid would be half you and half Sansa. And there is nothing but love and kindness in that woman. There is no way in hell that kid wouldn’t be anything but fucking awesome.”

With swift movements, despite his obvious inebriation, Sandor stood and wrapped his arms around Bronn who stood there, surprised by his drunk friends sudden display of affection.

“I think it’s too late to change things,” Sandor said low and sighed against Bronn. “I don’t think she’ll want me to.”

“You have to try though don’t you? In case there is a small chance that you can?”

_ I don’t fucking think if I can be who she wants me to be. She deserves so much better. She deserves to be happy._


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa is hurting. But when a call comes she can't say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I was planning on holding out on this chapter a little longer but you guys are so freaking awesome so I just can't help myself!
> 
> I hope you guys have had an amazing weekend and that you have a great monday!

As Sansa was driving up to the house she wasn’t sure what she was to expect. Bronn had called her yesterday and asked her to please go and see Sandor because he was worried for him. She had wanted to tell him no, that she couldn’t but they both knew she would.

Because despite her trying to move on for her own sake and his, she loved him. She loved him so much that when Arya had returned with some of her things and said that he had looked like shit she had wanted to go to him. But if she did she’d give in and stay because she wanted him. She wanted the life they had built and she wanted to continue to build on it. Just not in the same way he did.

That was the worst part. That they both wanted each other, wanted to be together. But that would mean that she had to give up on having children and maybe she was selfish. But no matter how much she loved him she couldn’t see herself doing that. The thought of that hurt just as much as the thought of losing him. And losing him was the worst things she had ever gone through in her life.

She had cried so much Miranda had worried that she was becoming dehydrated and she hadn’t been able to sleep. Not without his strong arms holding her close and safe. Miranda had been so kind to her, letting her stay with her and had listened to her go on and on for hours about what she was going to do. Most of the time she just sobbed into her friend’s arms.

They had all taken turns to be with her, even Brienne had come on her day off and Sansa was so grateful for her new friend. She had been Sandor’s friend first but she had not taken any sides, she had simply listened to Sansa and held her as she cried some more.

She knew the old saying went  _ Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.  _ She only hoped that in time that wouldn’t feel like complete bullshit. This pain was so much worse than it had ever been with Joffrey, at times so crippling that all she could do was to try and control her breathing and forget about everything else. At those times she wondered if she had made a mistake.

How could she ever see herself loving anyone but Sandor? Even with time she doubted that her love for him could fade enough to have room for another in her heart. And if she couldn’t do that, what was the point of leaving him? Because that only meant that she had left him to pursue something that would never happen for her either way.

When she had voiced those thoughts to Arya she had scoffed and then she had declared that Sansa was insane. That it was just her trying to come up with an excuse to take it all back, to go back. Maybe it was. And Sansa knew that if she did the pain wouldn’t go away, it would just be a different kind. So she had to be strong, because going back to him now would change nothing. At least this way there was a chance to be happy again.

When Bronn’s call came she had told herself that she could see Sandor without changing her mind. She couldn’t bear the thought of him being in such a bad condition that Bronn felt he needed to call her. Bronn knew what had happened and that it wouldn’t be easy for Sansa and she knew he wouldn’t ask if he didn’t have any other choice. It was a relief that Sandor had a friend like Bronn, someone who truly cared about him.

Sitting behind the wheel she could hear Arya’s voice in her head.

_ This is stupid. He’s a grown ass man, he needs to just get a grip and deal with himself. You have to stop trying to fix everything and everyone. How much are you gonna give of yourself before you realise that it won’t help? All it will do is leave you stripped and broken. _

No, Arya was wrong. She knew she couldn’t fix him, and despite wanting desperately for him to see that he needed to talk to  _ someone, _ she knew he was stubborn.

She had already given him her whole heart, how could she give more of something that wasn’t even hers anymore? No, she was going to talk to him and hopefully he’d feel better or at least it would be enough to make him try and move forward. And at the same time she’d pack some more of her things. She’d remain rational and calm.

_ It will be fine. _

She had made sure to text him about her coming and she had asked if it was alright that she did. He had told her it was fine, that he wanted to see her. That had only made her chest ache more for him. He hadn’t called her _ little bird _ or  _ love _ and the lack of the terms of endearment had made it so real. That they were over. 

As the house came into view, she hit the break so hard she almost hit her head on the steering wheel. There was such an acute sense of coming home that it made her chest constrict painfully. It wasn’t her home anymore, she’d just have to come to terms with that. And seeing it look this different from when she had been there last made the fact sink in even harder.

It took her a moment for her to collect herself before she parked the car in the driveway and got out. She slowly made her way down the path, that was now framed by freshly dug soil, in her mind she imagined it in spring or summer full of flowers. The sound of steps on the porch made her head snap up, but before they reached Sandor they stopped on the two hydrangea bushes that were freshly planted on the side of the porch.

“I bought the blueish purple kind. I don’t know if that was what you pictured when you talked about it but I liked that color the most.” Sandor deep gravelly voice felt like a balm to her soul and she hadn’t realised just how much she missed it until just now. “And apparently you’re supposed to plant tulip onions in the fall. I didn’t know what kind or color so I figured I’d wait.”

“You should mix different colors and kinds. My favorite is the ones that are called “Parrot Tulips.” She looked up at him as she spoke and when their eyes met he smiled. It wasn’t the kind of smile she was used to, this one was sad and that sadness was mirrored in his eyes.

She wasn’t sure what it meant that he had started to turn his empty lawn into the garden she had imagined and talking with him about but it felt bittersweet. Because he was doing it without her now and despite everything she knew she had wanted to do this with him.

_ It’s not to be. _

“I started on the green house you said you wanted but that was a bit of a bigger project than I’d expected so it’s not done yet,” Sandor said as he slowly made his way over to where she was standing on the path. “It’s out back, I might have gone a bit overboard in size but you always talked about all the different vegetables you’d want to grow so…”

“Why are you doing this?” her voice wavered as she spoke, choking on the tears she was desperately trying to keep at bay.

“Because I want to show you that I’m trying to be the man that you want me to be. The man you deserve,” he stated and reached out his hand. As soon as his large hand enveloped her smaller one she felt the tears fall. She had thought there was no way she still had tears left to shed but to have him here so close, touching her and showing her what he thought she wanted she proved herself wrong.

“I don’t understand why you’d think that this would do anything but hurt,” she said in a small voice and he gripped her chin to lift her eyes to his. The gentleness and familiarity in that gesture made all the hurt she had tried to bottle up swell until her chest ached. “It was never about me wanting to turn you into something you weren’t. I love you for you Sandor. I just wanted you to open up, to let me in. To help me understand.”

He nodded solemnly and took a steadying breath as if he was trying to find the right words. It gave her a moment to take him in and he looked tired, the dark circles beneath his eyes mirrored her own, but other than that he seemed composed. As if he had taken the rawness, the pain and his worry and put it into physical labour, as he was prone to do.

“I don’t know what you are thinking Sandor but you creating this garden for me is not what I wanted or needed from you. It never was. I know what I want and I need to give myself a chance to have that.” She tried to keep her voice steady but it cracked with emotion as she saw his face fall. His grey eyes searched her face and he looked suddenly scared. The calmness he had radiated was suddenly gone and replaced with worry.

“It’s my grand gesture. I’m trying to prove that I’m willing to give you everything you want.” He sounded so sure despite his eyes screaming at her to not leave, to stay with him and if she stayed she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to stand her ground.

“But you don’t really want that Sandor,” she said as she tried to pull her hand out from his but his grip tightened when she pulled. “You don’t want what I want.”

She finally managed to pull her hand away and she hurried towards the car but only made it a few steps before his hand was gripping hers again, the grip almost too hard in his desperation to keep her there.

“Then marry me. Marry me Sansa,” his voice was frantic. The desperation thick in his voice making her turn around to look at him. He had gone down to one knee and before all this the sight of that would have made her cry tears of joy. But now the tears that fell were tears of sorrow. “Marry me and we can have as many kids as you want, just don’t leave me.”

She held his eyes, the deep grey that she loved because she could read him so well through them. All she saw was desperation and fear, not the things you’d want in the eyes of the man you loved when he asked you to marry him.

“No Sandor.” There was no hesitation in her voice. She knew what she needed to do and this unplanned desperate proposal was all wrong. “That’s the thing Sandor. That’s not what you want. You’re offering it to me now because you don’t want to lose me. But if I said yes I’d spend the rest of my life worried that you’d end up resenting me. Or worse, we’d have a baby and I’d live my life waiting for the moment you realised that you made a mistake. I can’t put myself or a child through that. I don’t want to be something you’ll regret.”

He looked so stricken, his face paling as he looked down at their joined hands. He released her with a hitched inhale and she instantly stepped back. The words had left Sansa drained and all she wanted to do was to pull him into her arms and hold him. She wanted to comfort him for speaking of her own fears, but she knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. The right thing, despite how painful, was to walk away while she still could.

She turned around but before she was able to take another step his voice rang out behind her.

“My brother did this to me.” The words made her turn back and there was no need to ask what he meant. She understood by the way he was looking up at her, pleading with her to stay and hear him.

_ I can’t leave him like this. I need to hear him out. _

She took a step closer and now she was the one reaching for his hand. He took it with a sigh and pulled her over to the porch. With a heavy release of breath he sat down and she sat down beside him. She could feel the way he stiffened, how he steeled himself for the words that were to come.

“I killed my sister.” His words made her gasp in shock but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to stop him from continuing his story at his own pace. “She’s the only person I loved back then. The only good person in my family and she died because of me.”

_ Oh my Gods. What does he mean? _

He turned his head to look at her then and silent tears were falling from his eyes. He looked as if it was the first time he had ever spoken the words out loud and the weight they had on him was so apparent in his eyes. The hurt there made her reach a hand out and cup his burned cheek.

And then, with a heavy sigh, he told her everything.


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandor's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really hope you guys like my take on Sandor's story. It's been a long run here, I hope it's been worth the wait for this reveal.
> 
> Also - You guys are amazing and I wish everyone an amazing Wednesday!

He couldn’t remember a time that he hadn’t been afraid of his father, couldn’t remember a time where there weren’t daily beatings. That fear had been engraved in him since birth. Somehow he had learned to live with it, learned to see the signs so he knew the beating was coming. He couldn’t stop them, but at least he could be prepared. He had been only four when he had started making himself the target for them, hoping to keep their father from hurting his little sister.

He could never remember their mother ever trying to stop their father or Gregor when they beat him. But he couldn’t blame her. He watched her get beaten as often as he was and he did nothing to stop that either. She was just trying to survive, same as them. He did blame her for not trying to protect Elinor though, because even if she didn’t love him how could she not love that little girl? 

Elinor was everything that was good in this world. At two years old she was smarter than most people Sandor knew. And she was kind, too kind. She was so small and it made her an easy target for their father’s anger.

How could she just watch when her husband hurt her daughter, the times Sandor didn’t react fast enough to have the blow turned on him instead. It was the only time Sandor fought his father, he’d kick, punch and pull. Anything to turn the large man’s anger away from the little girl that Sandor loved so desperately. Their mother would get the same dead eyes as Gregor’s then, just staring into the air as if she could pretend it wasn’t happening.

Elinor learned with time what brought their father’s anger on her but until then she had Sandor and he made sure that he took the brunt of it. No one was to lay a hand on her and those times he had made himself their father’s target the beatings weren’t as spirit crushing. Because he was protecting his sister, he had a purpose.

What came as a shock to Sandor was when his older brother had suddenly started hurting him too. He had looked to his older brother for protection early on, the same kind he gave their sister but had quickly learned that Gregor didn’t care about him. Gregor was six years older and at ten he had been almost bigger than their father. Until then Gregor hadn’t been spared their father’s abuse but one night Gregor had hit back. He had split their father’s lip and after that their father didn’t touch him. When Sandor became older he realised that their father had been a coward, who only targeted those weaker than himself.

Gregor turned out to be the same. The first time Gregor had hit him Sandor had been three. He had been so excited about his little sister’s first birthday, singing to her because it made her smile. Gregor had punched him right in the face when he wouldn’t shut up, breaking Sandor’s nose for the first time, and after that the abuse had escalated.

Gregor’s abuse was far worse then their father’s. Because when he set out to hurt Sandor he wouldn’t stop until he fell unconscious and hours later Sandor would wake in the same spot that his brother had left him. His father would scream and shout but after a few blows with his belt or fists he’d calm and leave them alone. With Gregor there was never a way to know what would trigger it. The only way to avoid it was to avoid him.

The most important part to Sandor was that Elinor wasn’t harmed. He’d taught her to hide in a small cubby hole where Gregor couldn’t fit. He had taught her to sit there, without making a sound, until Sandor came and got her. Sometimes she’d have to sit there for hours, but she was so clever his little sister, not once complaining about waiting. She’d always smile at him when he came to get her, smile happily and he never wanted her to lose that innocens, so he always tried to make her smile.

Even at six years old Sandor had known that at some point something would snap, that someone would end up hurt beyond repair. He was going to do everything he could to make sure it wasn’t Elinor. He didn’t care if it was him, just as long as she was safe. Despite thinking his brother a monster he hadn’t expected him to end it all how he had.

He wasn’t sure what had happened that had made Gregor do what he did. He suspected that it was the fact that Sandor had found a toy knight that used to belong to Gregor. His brother had thrown it out, being twelve he didn’t play with toys anymore, and Sandor had found it in the trash, taking it for himself. Maybe his brother had seen him?

Because that following night Sandor had woken to a stinging smell in his nose and when he had tried to turn around he found that he couldn’t move. Still half asleep as he was he had slowly opened his eyes to see that his brother was standing over him. He had tried to move, wanting to protect his face from the blows he was expecting but it was then that he realised that he was tied to the bed. He was lying on his side and the mattress beneath his cheek turned wet with his tears as he pleaded for his life.

Sandor had stared in horror at his brother, begging him to let him go. Gregor had said nothing. His dark eyes had been completely empty when he had pulled out the lighter and thrown it onto the bed. Sandor would never forget the sound the mattress made as it caught fire. Neither would he forget the smell of his skin burning.

He wasn’t sure how it had happened but he had come to later on the floor. Either the fire had burnt the ropes or his thrashing had severed them. All he could feel at first was the pain and it had hurt so badly that he had wanted to die. Then he felt the shaking. Someone was shaking him awake and the movement made the pain so much worse. He wanted to tell them to leave him alone, to let him die but then there was a small voice pleading with him.

“Please Sandy. You have to wake up. We need to go.” Elinor’s scared voice had gotten him to open his eyes and instantly they had watered. The air was thick with black smoke and his little sister’s face was out of focus due to the stinging but he could see the fear in the grey eyes they shared. Seeing his little sister sitting there, face strimmed with black soot made him able to lift his head and arms enough to lean on them.

Harsh coughs were raking her little body but she still kept her arm around his, steadying him as he tried to stand. He couldn’t, the pain was too great. Elinor had gritted her teeth and as she dragged him with all the might her four year old body could muster, he tried to crawl using only one arm.

It had felt as if the crackling of the fire had followed them as they made their way down the hall towards the stairs. By then the air was so thick with smoke that they couldn’t see, moving only by memory. He remembered them reaching the stairs and he remembered falling down it. He was hurting all over and his lungs felt as if they were burning from the inside. He was sure he was going to die then and there and by his ear he had heard his little sister’s voice for the last time.

“Come on Sandy. Please, you have to help me. Sandy please.”

The firemen had found them, both lying unconscious only a few feet from the front door. He had woken up in the hospital days later where a social worker had looked at him and told him that his family was gone. That he was all alone. And the only one he could think of was Elinor. She was the only one he asked about. The social worker had looked as if she was sick to her stomach when she finally looked at the bandaged ruin of his face and told him that she was gone. That she had died from smoke inhalation shortly after she had been pulled out of the burning house.

* * *

“I should have told her to run. To get out. If she hadn’t stayed, if she hadn’t tried to save me she would have lived. She should have lived.” He was shaking so hard that the porch beneath him groaned but Sansa still wrapped her arms around him. He took a shaky breath as he tried to wipe away the tears that kept falling endlessly. “Instead she died alone. She had always been so brave and strong. She should have lived. Instead her cowardly brother let her stay with him and she died because of it. I was supposed to protect her but I failed. I failed her.”

He waited for it. For her to pull away and look at him with disgust or tell him how much of a monster he was. But those words never came. Instead he felt her shift towards him and her hand cupped his face. He couldn’t make himself look at her because he was so afraid of her reaction. Instead he held his breath and waited.

“Sandor… It wasn’t your fault. You were a child and you were hurt.” Sansa’s words took him by surprise as did the wavering sound of her voice. He could hear that she was crying and the need to comfort her made him turn towards her fully. When his arm wrapped around her back her blue eyes looked at him with such compassion and pain. He didn’t know what to do with that.

“It was my fault. The fire was started in my bedroom. Gregor hadn’t targeted her so she should have ran. She should have been safe. She should have lived.” He sobbed when Sansa pulled him tightly against her chest and all the tears that he had kept bottled up inside seemed to stream out of him then. As he shook and sobbed she was his rock. Holding him close, stroking his back soothingly while she spoke softly into the top of his head.

“She loved you. She did what she thought was right. Yo taught her that you help and protect those you love. She was selfless because that is the way you love her. Selflessly.” He wanted to argue that he was nothing but selfish but he felt so drained that he couldn’t make himself argue with her. Instead he lifted his head and trapped her with his eyes. “What happened to… to him?”

He was grateful that she hadn’t used his name, he didn’t want someone as good and kind as Sansa to ever have to speak it. It was ugly and evil and vile. Everything that the boy he knew had become.

“He ran. I didn’t see him again until 20 years later, and that was the last time.” He took a deep breath and she gently caressed his cheek with her thumb. “I don’t know why they thought I would be able to identify the body, but I went there and the man laying on the coroners table looked nothing like the kid I feared. But when I lifted his eyelids those black, dead eyes looked just as they always did when he beat me.”

“How did he die?” she asked, her voice shaky but her touch firm and calming.

“Way to easily. He overdosed. His body wasn’t found until after he had been dead for a while, when the neighbours complained about the smell.” His voice was completely void of emotion as he spoke. He felt nothing for his brother, not anymore. He was nothing, Sandor had burned his body and then he had thrown his ashes in the trash outside the funeral home. He didn’t tell her about how he had learned that Gregor had been wanted on several accounts of rape as well as arson. She didn’t need to know those horrid things. There was a fierceness in Sansa’s eyes then. As if she hated him, for Sandor’s sake, and that made him pull her closer.

“That’s why I can’t have kids. That’s what I come from. That’s who I am.” His voice was barely above a whisper but she heard him. Because she was pulling out of his arms and holding him at an arm's length, but still holding him. “I have bad blood, Sansa. I would ruin a kid.”

There was a sudden wave of rage on Sansa’s face then and he doubted he had seen anything as frightening in years.  _ More of a wolf than a bird in this moment. _

“You might think that about yourself. You might think that but  _ I know _ .  _ I know _ you Sandor Clegane and you are a good man! Your past does not get to dictate who you are or who you become. That’s a choice that you make, and every single day you choose to be good. Because that is what you are, a good man.” When she looked at him with such fierceness, he believed her, at least in the moment. Because now she knew everything, all of the darkness he had carried with him all his life was now known to her. And despite all that she saw him as good. He just hoped desperately that he could keep her thinking that way about him.

“Stay. Please stay.” He was begging, pleading with both his voice and eyes. He needed her, if she left now he’d never recover from it.

“I’ll stay,” she assured him and he let her lead him inside and up to the bedroom. As they laid down and he pulled her so close he possibly could, trying to meld her to him, he didn’t dare think about if she meant only for today or forever. He just needed her to stay. The rest would have to wait.

When he woke again he wasn’t sure how long he had slept but the room had gone dark and the moon was up, so it had to have been hours. He rolled over and reached out a hand to pull Sansa towards him. When his hand felt only the cold empty sheets he sat up with a jolt. The room was empty and there wasn’t a sound in the whole house. His chest constricted so hard he couldn’t breath.

_ And he knew. _

All the hurt he had kept inside him for years pushed out of his throat in a roar of anguish.

_ She was gone for good this time.  _

* * *

_ Sansa _

She wasn’t sure what to think. She had let him wrap his arms around her and had laid there, holding him for hours as he slept. Sleep hadn’t come to her though. Her mind had been whirling with everything he had told her and after a while she had struggled to breath. It was too much, so horrifying what he had been through and how could she ever make him see that he wasn’t to blame?

She needed air so she had untangled herself from him and gone downstairs. Dantés had followed her, his claws against the floor the only sound in the night as she made her way into the kitchen. Everything was exactly as she remembered it. She knew it was silly of her to expect him to change things back after she left, she hadn’t been gone that long after all. But she wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. Yet her yellow towel hung by the oven, her condiments stood by the stove and when she opened the cabinet a single tear fell as her hand closed around her tea mug.

There was a comfort in making herself a cup of tea that she moved outside with. As she stepped through the door onto the porch she took Sandor’s large leather jacket that hung by the door and wrapped herself in it. Finding comfort in its heavy weight and how it smelled like him. When she sat down in the large rocking chair Dantés laid down beside it and only aided by the light of the moon and the small porch light she took in the changes he had made. The hydrangeas would grow large and she could picture them in full bloom in her head and when she did she could almost smell them.

“What do I do now Dantés?” she asked the dog who only sniffed and shuffled a little in response. She had known that Sandor had lived a tough life. She had now that he had lost his family in a terrible fire that had scarred him and that he had grown up jumping from foster home to foster home. She had thought those experiences were what had shaped him and that it was because of those events that he was struggling now with the idea of settling down into a familylife with her. She could never have imagined the horrors he had faced in his home, by the hands of his family.

She was so naive, had always thought of home and family as the safest place to be. It was the place where she was always loved, always cared for and always safe. There were no questions about that. But Sandor had never had that. The people who were supposed to love and protect him were the once that had shown him pain and taught him fear.

She had been abused by someone she thought loved her but it was nothing like what he had been through. Because once they had found out her family had rallied to protect and help her. She had almost let Joffrey break her but thanks to the support of her family she had put the pieces of herself together again, slowly but surely.

Who had he had? Who had been there for that broken, hurt little boy? He hadn’t had anyone, he had been alone when what he needed most was love and support. He had never had that, even with his own family.

Could she blame him for not wanting a family of his own when that was what family meant to him? Could she blame him for not wanting children when he had seen such darkness and horror from his own flesh and blood?

She had been so naive that she wanted to kick herself. She had thought that if he opened up, if he talked about it then she’d know how to fix it. She’d know how to help him move on from his past hurts and they’d be able to create a future for themselves free from the pains of the past.

_ So fucking stupid. _

There was no moving on from the death of a loved sibling or the pain inflicted by a feared one. He had never processed the fact that his brother had tried to kill him and succeeded in killing the rest of his family. It was a scar that no matter how old, never healed.

She had a newfound respect for him and it melded with the love she held for him already, making it swell into something even stronger. He was an amazing man and he had been through things she knew she never would have survived. He was strong, stronger than he knew and the fact that he had told her everything meant that he felt himself able to rely on her. 

Understanding now that maybe his issue with him being scared of the kind of father he would be came from his experiences with his own father, made her want to tell him how wonderful he was. How loved he was and how loving he was. That he was nothing like that horrid man who prayed on those weaker than him.

She didn’t want to fix his problems, they weren’t hers to fix. But maybe he was ready to try and deal with his past hurts, instead of locking them inside. She had to be there for him as he dealt with them, she had to tell him she’d support him through it. Because she loved him even more now, knowing what she did.

_ He won’t believe me now. He is a man of action, not of words. I’ll have to show him. _

Her thoughts were interrupted by a scream of pure anguish that made her jump to her feet. A sound like that would have people running the other way but Sansa recognized it for what it was. Sandor was hurting and she needed to be there. As she ran up the stairs she berated herself for leaving him, she must have been so lost in her thoughts that she had been gone longer than she had intended.

She hated that he had woken up alone and when she came into the bedroom the sight of him sitting with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with tears filled her with regret.

“Sandor…” She made her way towards him with slow movements as not to startle him. As soon as he heard her voice his head snapped up and the tears streaming down his cheeks made her eyes well with tears of their own.

“I… I thought you left…” he said in a shaky breath and she shook her head violently.

“I didn’t. I’m here.” He gave her a shaky smile despite the tears that was still falling and she threw herself at him. When he caught her she pressed him to her as tightly as she could, wanting him to feel her presence. “I’m here. I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahhh... I don't know why I do this to myself. I told myself to wait until tonight but I don't listen to myself.  
I know that most of you live in a different timezone so I'll have to wait hours to hear your thoughts. Or you guys are at work and that also means I have to wait...
> 
> Zero patience? Me? Noooo.....


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every single one who has read this story!  
It's amazing to me that so many of you have liked this little mind-worm of mine.
> 
> I wish I could personally thank each and everyone of you - but I'll settle for this. You guys made this story happen with your love and support! Thank you so so much!

It took time. But at some point he stopped looking at her like he was trying to memorize her face, in case she didn’t come back this time. He never said anything, but he knew that a part of him was waiting for her to change her mind. For her to realise that the mistake hadn’t been leaving him but coming back.

But she didn’t. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and she stayed like she said she would. At some point he fell into the safety of knowing that she wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t sure how or when it happened, but one morning as she kissed him goodbye before leaving for work, he caught himself with turning his attention back to his book instead of wondering if she would be back.

They had so many good days, days where he felt that he could do anything. Where he could be anything he wanted and that she would always be there supporting him. But there were bad days too, days where the demons and emotions he had finally released were too much and made him question everything.

He’d be angry, hurtful and mean but she didn’t leave him even then. She called him out on it, like she had always done. Sometimes she’d just walk up and wrap her arms around him in a firm hug.

It was one of those occasions, a few weeks into living together again, where he was standing with her arms around him he felt the anger fizzled out, that he realised something. When his hand relaxed from the closed fists he had shoved into his pants pockets his lifted them and put them gently on her shoulders. He moved his hands up her neck to cup her face and when she looked up at him he saw the hurt there. The hurt he had placed with angry words, but he also saw steel determination and he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers.

“I need help.” When the words left his mouth she pulled back to look at him. “I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to you.”

“What kind of help do you mean?” she asked. There was no judgement or pity in her eyes. Just love. His large thumb moved softly over her cheekbone and he stared in wonder at this woman. His woman.

He had seen a therapist as a child, social services had forced him due to the trauma he had been through. As if the idiot that they had made him see could help him with anything. He remembered how the man hadn’t been able to look at his face, his scars a raw still healing mess on then. He had asked Sandor some questions but Sandor hadn’t even bothered opening his mouth. He had just stared at a spot on the wall for the whole hour and that continued for the rest of their appointments. The therapist hadn’t seemed to mind, he was cashing in his fee no matter if the kid in front of him spoke or not.

_ Maybe it can be different this time. Because I want to fix things, for her. And for me. _

“I’m thinking maybe a therapist?” he said unsure and she smiled softly at him. As if he was something precious that she cherished, just like he did her.

“I know someone. He really helped me,” she said and he nodded.

“Will you come with me?” he asked, worried that he might not be able to go through with it without her.

“Of course.”

* * *

The man sitting in the chair opposite the couch Sandor was occupying with Sansa looked nothing like how he pictured a therapist should look. He was older, old enough to be retired really. His dark hair had turned mostly grey matching his beard.

He had a glint in his eyes that Sandor wanted to describe as “playful” as he smiled at them. He sure as hell seemed to smile a lot. Sandor wasn’t sure what to think of that but he sure as hell didn’t feel like smiling back.

“So Sansa. It’s lovely to see you again my dear. But I doubt your visit is simply a social call,” the man said in a calm soothing voice.

_ Yeah, no fucking shit. Since we fucking booked the appointment and paid for the full hour, you bloody cunt. _

Sandor knew he had been the one to suggest they’d go and see a therapist but now that he sat there, under the thick scrutiny of the other man, he felt like crawling out of his skin. Anything to just get the fuck out of there.

As if sensing his discomfort, Sansa entwined their fingers and squeezed. It was just what he needed. A reminder as to why he was there, why he was putting himself through this. It was for their future.

“Sandor and I. We’ve had some struggles and even though we have pushed through there is still some things that we think we could need outside help with.” Sansa said and Sandor shook his head at her for trying to make it seem as if he wasn’t the one to blame.

“Look mr El…”

“Just Ray is fine,” the older man cut in with a gentle smile towards Sandor.

“Ray. I’m fucked up. I’ve been through a lot of shit and it still affects me a lot,” Sandor said bluntly and the man gave him an encouraging nod.

“And what do you hope to accomplish by seeing me?” There was no condesent in his voice, just a simple curiosity and what, to Sandor, sounded like compassion. Sandor turned his head towards Sansa who was already looking at him with a soft encouraging smile.

“I want to be better. I want to do better. I don’t want to be so angry all the time. I want to be a good man. A good partner. A good…” he caught himself before saying father, the word making his throat choke up.

“You already are those things,” Sansa said softly and Sandor pressed a kiss on her temple.

“You’re biased.” The teasing tone in his voice seemed to surprise her but also please her, if the smile she gave him was any inclination.

“Well, how would you feel about sharing with me what you have been through and we will start from there?” Ray suggested and Sanodr’s grip on Sansa’s hand tightened as he told his story for the second time in such a short timespan.

It came easier this time, with Sansa already knowing everything and being there holding on to him. It also helped that it seemed as if the other man was really listening.

He even told him about how he had lost his company. The people who depended on him and his command. How Bronn had managed to save him, but not the rest of them. It surprised Sandor that there was something about the older man that made him feel as if he could tell the man everything. There was no judgement and he didn’t interrupt even once. He simply listened and his only reaction was a widening of his eyes or the raising of an eyebrow. It was both soothing and alarming. Because either he had heard a lot of shit and this didn’t even faze him, or it was so awful that he had to school himself from completely losing it. 

“Well, it sounds to me as if you carry a lot of guilt. And in blaming yourself you also punish yourself. Do you think you deserve to be happy?” Ray’s question took him by surprise and before he could stop himself his answer came pouring out.

“I didn’t use to. But then I met Sansa and she makes me happy. Happier than I deserve to be. And I want to be with her, I want to be selfish and have that happiness.” He felt Sansa’s grip on his hand tighten as her other came to rest on his back, rubbing soothing circles. He hadn’t even realised how tense he was until she did that and a deep sigh released out of his chest.

“Why is it selfish to want to be happy?” Ray asked and Sandor had to look away then.

“Because they… my company can’t be… Because she… can’t be. My sister never got a chance to know happiness like this. To feel love like this.” The words came out choked but he saw Ray give an encouraging nod in the corner of his eye. “I just don’t get how someone as shit as me get to be loved when someone good, someone deserving of love gets killed.”

“Do you think Sansa is stupid?” 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Sandor voice shot out like a whip and if it hadn’t been for Sansa’s hand in his, holding on to him, he would have jumped to his feet.

“I asked if you think Sansa is stupid. Since you are so sure that you aren’t a good man? Because it seems to me that she does. She even said as much. Is she stupid for thinking that?” Sandor glared at him, not bothering with trying to hide his anger.

“She’s the smartest person I know,” Sandor growled out and Ray smiled happily.

“Well, good. I understand that you love her. And that you want to be a good man, for her. Which is admirable. But you have to want to do this for yourself too. Because if your only here to please her, then nothing will change.” Sandor wanted to find a reason to argue, to say that he wasn’t sure that he could be better. He also wanted to say that Sansa was the only reason he was here. But it was a lie. Because he wanted to be better. He wanted to be the man Sansa saw when she looked at him, the man he was on his good days. That man was him too, he just needed help with how to deal with the bad days.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew there was no miracle fix that made all those bad days disapear forever. But if he knew how to deal with it better maybe they could be fewer or at least easier to go through. He was so tired of hurting and being angry. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to let himself be happy.

“I want to. For her sake and for mine,” Sandor said honestly and gave Ray a firm nod.

“Well then. I’d suggest that we get together once a week one on one. And once a week together for couples therapy. And I also have a support group that I think would really help you.” Sandor had no issues with coming to see Ray twice a week. But fucking hell if he was going to let a bunch of strangers judge him.

“You could try it once,” Sansa softly suggested and he knew that he would. Because if she could stick by him at his absolute worst there was nothing he wouldn’t be able to do for her. For them.

* * *

Sansa hadn’t brought up children again but he knew she still wanted them. The thought of it still filled him with concern but it wasn’t as unbearable as before. It was manageable and maybe with time he could be open to the idea.

Because he knew with the help of Ray, who he learnt wasn’t a complete hack, and the support group he now met with weekly, that it wasn’t the idea of having children that caused the worry. It was the fear that he was going to repeat his families mistake that held him back from creating a family of his own.

He had admitted as much at one of their couple therapy sessions and it had been a relief to see that she didn’t pull away from him again. She had shown understanding and patience.

“How do you feel about Sandor not feeling ready to be a father?” Ray had asked her and Sandor had held his breath. She had looked at him with hesitation, as if she was worried about what he was going to think. He was the one who should be worried, in his opinion.

“I just want to know that it’s not an impossibility. It’s alright to not feel ready. I just want the possibility of someday,” she had admitted and he understood.

“I’m just worried...” his voice came out barely above a whisper but both of them had heard him. “That I’ll end up like _ him. _I don’t want to hurt my family.”

“Do you think there’s a risk of you hurting them? Physically?” Ray asked frankly and it was as if Sandor’s whole being was trying to push the mere thought of it away. It went against his whole being even trying to picture it, as if he was being flayed from the inside out.

“Never,” he vowed vehemently as he held Sansa’s hand firmly in his. “I didn’t mean physically. But I know nothing about being a father, what if I fuck it all up? And hurt them that way?”

“That’s a rational fear to have Sandor. But a manageable one. None of us are perfect. You will make mistakes. Everyone does,” Ray said softly with his eyes on Sansa. As if he was encouraging her to push and demand what she wanted. That was one of the reasons Sandor liked Ray, he always made sure that Sansa was heard. He knew how important that was to both of them. “You have to decide for yourself if you want to power through it. Because being scared of what kind of parent you’ll be is one thing and not wanting children is completely different.”

“Which is it Sandor?” she asked and he held his breath, trying to force his heart to slow down. He knew that he needed to think his answer through. Think real hard about what it was he was feeling, in a way that he had just recently learned how to do.

“I’m scared,” he admitted as he squeezed Sansa’s hand. It was the truth and he felt that it eased some of the tension out of both of them. He just had to be sure that he didn’t let his fear take over and keep him from being a loving father. He had to be sure that wouldn’t happen _ if _ he was ever to have children.

* * *

He could pinpoint the moment things shifted from him thinking _ if _ into him thinking _ when. _

It had been in a few weeks after his second Sevenmas with the Starks.

Sandor had been standing in a fucking nursery for the first time in his life as Tormund had held the smallest human Sandor had ever seen. He had handed the baby to him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world that Sandor should hold him. The baby had been silent and with big blue eyes he had stared up at him.

Sandor had tensed up, expecting the little thing to cry bloody murder at the sight of him, but the little boy had just looked up at him with utter calm and there had been a tug in Sandor’s heart then and there.

“Holy shit.” He knew it wasn’t the most eloquent thing to say about holding a baby for the first time but Tormund only smiled softly at him.

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” the red haired man agreed as he gently caressed the bright red tuft of hair on his son’s head.

“How are you not terrified?” Sandor asked in a low voice, hoping that the two women standing in the doorway watching them wouldn’t hear.

“Oh I’m scared shitless. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing,” Tormund said but still he still smiled that stupidly happy grin of his. “But I am so fucking happy. And I fucking love him more than life itself so I recon that’s a good start.”

_ Huh. I hadn’t thought of it that way. _

“We wanted to ask if you guys would be his godparents?” Brienne’s voice made him tear his eyes away from the little baby in his arms, turning his head to look at Sansa. 

Her blue eyes were shining with tears, but he could tell by the happy smile on her face that she wasn’t upset. She looked at him as if she expected him to answer for them. He knew that if he said he didn’t want to then she wouldn’t push. She had the patience of a saint when it came to him now that she knew what he had been through.

Could he be a godfather? Could he promise that he’d protect, cherish and care for the little boy? Did they really trust him to have such a huge part in their child’s life?

As he held little Magnus Selwyn Giantsbane he was struck by how simple yet right all of that sounded. Because despite only knowing the little boy a mere matter of minutes he wanted to do those things. And maybe that was a start.

“We’d be fucking honoured.” His response made Tormund clap his back happily while Brienne rolled her eyes.

“Fuck yeah!” Tormund said with a grin at Sansa.

“Oh gods, our child’s first word will be a profanity, won’t it?” she said and Tormund guffawed at that. As Tormund moved to pull his wife into his arms Sansa walked over to where Sandor was still standing, holding the baby without moving due to the fear that he’d drop him.

“He’s beautiful.” He had to be deaf to miss the wistful tone in her voice but instead of it making him feel guilty for not sharing her desire, he felt a warmth spread through his chest.

“Yeah. I’m surprised someone who’s as ugly as Tormund can have a kid this cute,” he said loud enough to be sure that Tormund heard him.

“Hey! At least that’s a good sign for you you asshole!” Sandor had to bite his lip to stop from laughing, he was scared that the loud sound would startle the little baby that had started to doze off in his arms.

“Yeah. Well hopefully my kids take after their mother on all accounts. Especially looks.” Sansa’s head snapped up to him then and he pressed the softest of kisses against her lips as an answer to the question in her eyes.

_ Someday, little bird. _

“I hope they all are gingers, that’s what you deserve for all the shit you have given me over the years.” Tormund’s words made Sansa chuckle and Sandor leaned his burnt cheek on top of her head as they both watched the little boy in his arms without saying another word.

It didn’t feel that far fetched that in the future they’d might stand like this, looking down at their own child. The thought still sent a shiver of nervousness through him but there was also a sense of anticipation that lingered longer than the fear. He hoped they’d all look like their mother, red hair and blue eyes. But it wouldn’t be the worst thing if they’d end up with dark hair and grey eyes, like him. Like Elinor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have very limited experience with therapy and in my mind Ray is definitely not the traditional therapist. He just does his own thing. I hope that makes sense.
> 
> Okay. So I know I said this was going to be the last chapter but I've ended up writing an epilogue. Wasn't the plan but fuck it, I liked it too much to scrap it. 
> 
> I'm struggling with letting this story and this take on the characters go...


	37. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days that make a life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is you guys! The final chapter!
> 
> It's short and sweet. Prepare for an overload of fluff!

He knew he was pacing, he knew it wouldn’t make time move any faster but he was so anxious he felt like he was about to crawl out of his own skin.

“Has it been three minutes yet?” he asked Sansa who looked up at him from where she was sitting on the bed.

“It’s only been thirty seconds.” His wife’s voice was teasing but he could tell that it was an attempt to cover up her own nerves and anxiety. He knew her so well by now that he could read it all in her eyes and that made him sit down next to her and pull her into his arms.

They didn’t say anything, they just held each other as they waited for the timer on Sansa’s phone to signal that the three minutes were up. When it finally did they both flew to their feet but neither moved more than that. Instead they looked at each other and Sandor felt weak in the knees. It was Sansa who finally moved over to the dresser and picked up the little stick. He didn’t realise he had been holding his breath until she turned back to him and shook her head.

“It’s negative.” The sadness in her voice matched the one in his chest and he moved over to pull her into his arms again. She clutched to him, her arms wrapped around his back and her face pressed into his chest.

“It’s alright. We’ll get there,” he assured her with a soft kiss to her head. “I love you.”

He wondered if she felt the same heavy disappointment that was weighing him down. Had anyone asked him a little over three years ago how he’d feel about trying to have a baby with his wife, he would have thought them mad. Because there was no way that he could ever have that life. But here he was, with his arms around his wife and he wanted nothing more than for that dumbass stick to have a fucking plus sign. He was still scared sometimes, scared of the unknown but it wasn’t crippeling. It was the kind of fear that eased when he talked to her about it. And she’d talk about her own fears in return, making him feel a lot better knowing he wasn’t alone in feeling overwhelmed sometimes.

_ She makes me feel like we could do anything, handle anything, together. _

“I love you too.”

* * *

Sandor’s scream was so loud that it made Dantés jump up in the air and run out of the bedroom. It hadn’t been three minutes yet but when Sansa had gone downstairs to make some tea to steady her nerves he hadn’t been able to keep himself from staring down at the stick, counting the seconds in his head.

He knew that every time those fucking sticks came back negative it put a heavy weight in his wive’s heart, he knew because he felt the same weight in his. So as he sat there, staring, he had willed it to turn positive. As he watched it do just that he had first thought it a trick of his mind but when he rubbed his eyes it had become stronger, staring back at him.

“Sandor? Are you okay?” the sound of Sansa’s voice calling up the stairs made him jump to his feet. He practically ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. And there she stood. Her red hair flowing down her back, her eyes wide and blue and as his eyes moved down they stopped as they reached her stomach.

_ There’s a baby is in there. Our child. _

He didn’t know what emotion possessed him, only that it was strong enough that it compelled him to drop to his knees in front of her and lean his forehead gently against her abdomen. He felt the tears falling down his cheeks but he didn’t care.

“I’ll keep you safe. I swear it. No one will hurt you,” he vowed to the tiny being inside of her that was part him, part her, but all its own at the same time. “I’ll keep you safe.”

One of Sansa’s soft hands gently stroked his head while the other reached down to take the stick that was still clutched in his hand. He didn’t look up, unable to tear his eyes away from her stomach, but he heard her gasp and the sob that followed.

“Oh.” He pressed the gentlest of kisses against the softness of her stomach and he could feel the way she trembled beneath his lips. “Oh.”

When she sank down to the floor he instantly pulled her into his lap and she clung to his shoulders while she cried. He had never seen her cry with such a huge smile on her face before and it made him grin in return.

“A baby. Our baby.” Those words were followed by a bubble of laughter and within seconds they were both laughing so hard that they struggled to catch their breath as they clung to each other.

It was the happiest Sandor could ever remembered being and he doubted he could ever be happier. 

_ Fuck was I wrong. _

Nothing could ever compare to this. To watch his child being born after a grueling sixteen hours of labour and his strong wife holding the tiny human to her chest. The baby was so small but as blue eyes blinked up at him he had never felt anything greater.

“I am so fucking proud of you,” he whispered to Sansa who gave him a tired smile before pressing a soft kiss to the dark fuzz on the baby’s tiny head.

“You want to meet your daddy?” she said in the softest of voices, making Sandor’s heart jump in his chest.

_ Daddy. Holy fucking shit. _

He had thought he would have been terrified at this moment, there had been times during the pregnancy when he had been. Moments where he had no idea what he was doing or how he was ever going to be good enough for Sansa and their child. Then there would be a moment where he’d just watch Sansa, she could just be sitting on the couch and one of her hands would caress the swell of her stomach with such a clear sense of love that made his heart swell with knowing that she’d be the most amazing mother. No matter what, and she’d make him a better father just as she made him a better man. And so would their child, this little human that rested against their mother’s skin.

What he felt now wasn’t fear though, it was an excitement that vibrated out from his soul. He felt like his whole body was shaking as he carefully lifted the small bundle from Sansa’s chest to his own. But as soon as the little human was in his arms an overwhelming sense of belonging came over him. He had come to see Sansa as his over time, but this was instant. This sudden love and connection he felt as he held his child was beyond words. They were part of each other, irrevocably and he knew that he’d never feel anything as powerful as this.

“Will you let everyone know?” Sansa asked once he was ready to reluctantly give the baby back to her. With a nod he stepped outside to not disturb the now sleeping baby and sat down heavily on one of the tiny plastic chairs in the hallway.

“Sandor?” the anxious voice of Ned Stark made something snap inside of Sandor and without really understanding why he was suddenly bawling like a small child into the phone. “Sandor! What happened?”

“It’s a girl, Ned. A beautiful little girl,” Sandor sobbed out and he heard Ned repeat the news to those around him. “Sansa was… is amazing and the baby is go… grea… ama... she’s everything...”

“Congratulations Sandor,” Ned said and he could hear the tears in the older man’s voice. “Tell Sansa that we love her and we’ll come visit soon. Kiss my granddaughter for me.”

It took a while to let everyone know because without him really noticing he has ended up with a lot of fucking people in his life who cared about him and that he cared about in return. Bronn had surprised the shit out of him by bursting out in tears. 

“What the fuck is wrong, man?” Sandor asked as he listened to the other man’s stuttering breaths on the other end of the line.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just so fucking happy for you.” The shakiness of Bronn’s voice made Sandor’s own throat choke up and he wiped furiously at his wet cheeks.

“Yeah. Shit. I wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for you.” He didn’t care if Bronn could hear the tears in his voice. It was the truth and he didn’t have to say anything for Bronn to know that he wasn’t just referring to the war. Bronn knew, he always knew.

“Shut up. I’m gonna have to go do something really manly now so I’ll stop fucking crying,” Bronn joked, making Sandor smile into the phone. “Maybe build something or put a baby in Ros. Fuck if I know.”

“Yeah, well I’m gonna go kiss my wife and hold my newborn baby girl.” Sandor’s words pulled another strangled sob from the other man.

“Fucking hell man.”

When he came back into the room Sansa was trying to nurse the little girl and he sat down on the edge of the bed, needing to be close to them. He watched in silence, smiling softly at the two people who meant the most in this world.

_ My girls. _

“I know we decided on Briony but I was thinking, if it is alright with you, we could name her Briony Elinore Clegane?” He had lost track of how many times he had cried in these last hours but her words made him do it again.

“Truly?” his voice came out shaky and as he placed his large hand on his little girl’s back Sansa smiled at him. “Briony Elinore. I like that.”

“Good. Because I love it. And since I’m the one who just went through childbirth I think I should get final say.” He could tell by the smile on her face and tilt in her voice that she was teasing, but the look he gave her was serious.

“You always will.”

A few weeks after they had come home with their daughter a black little bird was added to the tree on his arm. And even though he felt completely clueless sometimes the only thing he needed to feel better again was his daughter smiling or reaching for him. Because as long as she felt loved and safe he knew he was doing the best he could.

* * *

“Okay, sweetie. Let’s try again. Ma-ma.” Sandor smiled as he entered the kitchen where the girls of his life were sitting at the table. Briony in her high chair, smiling a two-teethed smile at her mother. “Ma-ma.”

The soft rumble of his laugh made Briony’s blue eyes snapp over to him and his heart sang as she made grabby hands towards him. She seemed to always have a smile for him, and it blew him away that she could find joy and comfort in his simple presence.

“Dada!” she cried out and he beamed at his little girl, earning a glare from Sansa.

“That doesn’t count. She has to say daddy for it to count as her first word,” Sansa protested but Sandor could only grin at her. 

“Counts in my book,” he teased as he leaned down to kiss Briony on her black head of hair. “Right baby girl?”

“Daddy!” Sansa gasped and he had to grab onto the back of her chair, feeling almost floored by how clear Briony’s voice had sounded. When his heart has made up it’s mind to remain in his chest he picked the little girl up in his arms. With a happy giggle she grabbed at his hair and he pressed his forehead against hers.

“Your daddy’s girl aren’t you, little blossom?” he cooed low and he felt Sansa’s hand on his back, the touch centering him like it always did.

“Daddy,” Briony agreed seriously and with a stupidly happy grin he looked over his shoulder at Sansa.

“I want another one,” he declared, his determination making Sansa smile softly at him. He meant it. If one little girl could make him feel this special unconditional love he wanted to add to it. He wanted another someone who was a combination of them, someone who'd complete their family even more.

“Slow down there tiger,” she teased but the kiss she pressed on his lip was firm with a heat that told him that she wasn’t opposed to the idea.

She made him wait almost two years before he was able to add a third little bird, a red one this time, that represented their little boy Fredrick Bronn Clegane, putting the tree into full bloom. 

Sandor Clegane knew his life was a good one, because despite hardship and pain there was love. The kind of unconditional love he had once only felt for a little girl, that first seed making enough room in his heart for the family he had made for himself. At the center of it his Little Bird, all because of how she loved him and how he loved her. And he knew he would never regret letting Sansa Stark into his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented or left kudos!  
I can't begin to describe what that has meant to me, both on a personal level and as a writer. I feel like I've developed and learned so much during this process, thanks to you guys!
> 
> I'm definitely hooked on writing SanSan fiction, so I'll probably keep posting stories. Might even track back to this one or do a few one shots or something. My mind is a mess of ideas, we will have to see what comes of it.
> 
> But for now, thank you for sticking with me through this journey! SO MUCH LOVE!


End file.
